Disclaimer: Twilight Characters All Belong To The Lucky Stephanie Meyer.
I don't know how many days had passed. I don't know how many hours I have been laying down but I couldn't find it in me to get up. It could have been days, weeks, months, years and I still wouldn't have noticed. All my mind seemed to process was that he left again. He said he wouldn't but he lied.
I hadn't cried since he left and I knew I wouldn't. I didn't have any tears left in me to offer and even if I did something was always holding me back.
A foolish part of me hoped he had been telling the truth but I knew that when it came to Edward it was better to never get your hopes because it would devastate you in the end.
How could I have been so stupid? In those few spaced out minutes that my body seemed to want Edward I had let myself gain false hope that maybe it was true. That maybe he was serious. But that hope was so easily crushed when he just up and left. He didn't even fight. I think that's what hurts the most.
He could leave me broken and torn so easily and yet I still wanted him. I don't know whom to blame. Him or me? And frankly I don't care. This is why I can't allow myself to ever believe him. If by some miracle he is saying the truth I still don't think that I would ever be able to have a relationship with someone like him.
He could easily cut me off while I had a hard time being without his presence as soon as he left. I wished he never would have came looking for me. I wish he would just leave me alone. I wish I could live without him.
I wonder how I can love a man that continuously hurts me whether on purpose or unknowingly only he knows. Even though I doubt it's the ladder.
Loving Edward was easy but forgetting about him is the hardest thing that I have ever experienced in my life. I heard a knock on my door but I didn't bother answering. I could smell that it was Alice but her smell was off. She smelled like Jasper.
My door opened slowly and Alice walked in her faced streaked with tears. Her eyes met mine. What use to be silver gray eyes was now a dark stormy gray met my now muddy brown eyes. I met her eyes with a blank stare. I moved over and offered her the side of my bed.
No words were spoken.
I just let her crawl in and soon her sobs began. I just held her tightly as her body heaved up and done with her violent shudders and cries. I was never a women of many words and I refused to change that, I just let her cry because that's what friend do.
They don't ask for explanations. They don't ask questions. And they don't turn their back on you no matter how they feel. Alice needed me and I refused to be selfish and not offer her all the support that I could.
By her guilt ridden expression I knew that she had given in. I also knew by her earth shattering sobs that he had turned her away after he got what he came looking for. I couldn't blame her though because I knew that I would give in to Edward also and putting off the inevitable is just wasting time. I felt her sobs quiet down as she fell into a an uneasy sleep.
I silently crawled out of bed and grabbed my journal where I wrote all my personal lyrics. I grabbed the pen and just let my emotion and heart pour out on paper.
We touch, I feel a rush, we clutch, it isn't much
But it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us
It's lust, it's torturous, you must be a sorceress, cuz you just
Did the impossible; gained my trust, don't play games it'll be dangerous
If you fuck me over, cuz if I get burnt
Ima show you what it's like to hurt
Cuz I been treated like dirt before ya
And love is evol, spell it backwards I'll show ya (evil)
Nobody knows me, I'm cold, walk down this road all alone
It's no one's fault but my own. it's the path I've chosen to go
Frozen as snow, I show no emotion whatsoever so
Don't ask me why I have no love for these mo'fuckin' hoes
Blood suckin' succubuses, what the fuck is up with this
I've tried in this department but I ain't have no luck with this
It sucks, but it's exactly what I thought it would be like tryna start over
I got a hole in my heart, some kind of emotional roller coaster
Something I won't go till you toy with my emotions so it's over
It's like an explosion, everytime I hold ya I wasn't joking when I told ya
You take my breath away, you're a supernova, and Imma…
I'm a space bound rocketship and your hearts the moon
And I'm aiming right at you, right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aiming right at you, right at you, right at you
I felt my chest flutter as my hand worked faster to gather all my thoughts and write it on paper.
I'll do whatever it takes, when I'm with you I get the shakes
My body aches, when I ain't with you I have zero strength
There's no limit on how far I would go, no boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks
Gonna be that one, then once we get them it's never the same
You want them when they don't want you, Soon as they do feelings change
It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate
I wasn't looking when I stumbled on to you, musta been fate
But so much is at stake, what the fuck does it take?
Let's cut to the chase, before the door shuts in your face
Promise me if I cave in and break
And leave myself open that I won't be makin' a mistake
Cuz Imma…
I'm a space bound rocketship and your hearts the moon
And I'm aiming right at you, right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aiming right at you, right at you, right at you
I felt the weight I had on my shoulders get heavier as my writing became more furious with each word that was written.
So after a 100 year and six months, it's no longer me that you want But I love you so much it hurts, never mistreated you once I poured my heart out to you, let down my guard, swear to God I blow my brains in your lap, lay here and die in your arms Drop to my knees and I'm bleedin, I'm tryna stop you from leavin' You won't even listen so fuck it, I'm tryna stop you from breathin' I put both hands on your throat, I sit on top of you squeazin' Til I snap your neck like a popsicle stick, ain't no possible reason I can think of to let you walk up out this house and let you live Tears stream down both of my cheeks now I let you go and just give And before I put that gun to my temple I told you this… (Gunshot)
And I woulda did anything for you To show you how much I adored you But it's over now, it's too late to save our love Just promise me you'll think of me everytime you look up in the sky and see a star cuz Imma…
I'm a space bound rocketship and your hearts the moon
And I'm aiming right at you, right at you
250 thousand miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aiming right at you, right at you, right at you
I felt out of breath once I finished writing and it felt like all the energy I had in me seemed to disappear. I knew I had missed my meeting with Angela and thinking about it now I knew I wasn't prepared to face the fame that came with being a musician. Maybe one day but that day was certainly no where near as of now.
I looked up only to find Alice looking at me with a perplexed expression. I just waved it off. I didn't owe anyone any type of explanation.
I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower scalding hot. The warm spray of the water relaxed my tense muscles and for a slight moment I was able to forget everything and pretend that with this shower I was washing everything away.
I didn't allow thought of Edward or Alice to pop in my head I only thought of the good times with my mother.
My mom wasn't very maternal. She was the exact opposite. She's flighty and eccentric. She was unpredictable and you never knew what she would do next. My nana always said I was exactly like her in looks and in mind even though I was more responsible and stable than her but I held that same enigma that drew people to her and me. She couldn't picture me being a mother but then again she could never picture Renee as a mother either.
My mom could have been all those things but I have never once doubted that she loved me. Even though she wasn't the most stable person she always put me first. I was always at the forefront of her mind and her world revolved around me. I guess that's why I never missed a father figure in my life because I had my mom and that was enough.
I was broken away from my thoughts when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prick up. I slowly got out of the shower and wrapped my fluffy blood red towel around me tightly.
Alice and I had to be cautious it was the start to the mating season. My footsteps were light and couldn't be heard by the most acute vampire. I opened my bedroom door and closed it quietly. I took notice that Alice was no longer here but I wasn't worried. If anyone knew how to protect them self it was Alice.
I turned around and froze in shock as I saw the last person that I least expected to see standing in my room once again. His eyes roamed my body up and down and I could feel his hunger as he tried to control himself.
The energy around us cackled and intensified as he eyes meet mine. I don't know what came over me but I felt my legs walk determinedly towards him. He looked at me with his forest green eyes and something seemed to snap in me.
I locked my hands inside his hair and slammed his head down to mine. He arms wrapped around my waist tightly. Our kisses were furious and passionate. This wasn't love this was lust. Raw and overpowering lust. He was staking his claim and I was powerless to it. I wanted him to do it. He growled and ripped the towel off my body as I wrapped both of my legs around his torso and he walked us to the bed. He throw us on the bed and we continued kissing. We couldn't get enough. Our teeth were clinking while our tongues fought for dominance.
I grinded my heated core dying for friction. He smirked when he felt my wetness and wasted no time in ripping his clothes off. Before I could even blink he was back on top on me kissing and biting me everywhere living purple and black bruises in his wake. I tasted the sour taste of metallic in my mouth and realized he had bitten my lip as well. I yanked his head back to mine and felt his huge nine inch cock at the entrance of my hole.
He looked at me for permission but I was done. I begged him with my eyes. Please. I gasped in shock as he plunged his whole length in me and I felt my walls tighten around his shaft. He didn't even stop to let me get adjusted to him. He kept plunging into me like an animal. All I could do was repeat his name like a mantra. I was his and he knew it.
My orgasm racked through me in powerful waves and I shuddered and trembled around him but he kept on plunging into me. He dick was swollen with need making him bigger. It was almost painful. I kept cumming and his cock just swelled more and more to the point where I thought he couldn't fit. I had orgasmed more the seven times and my body was tired yet I couldn't help the cries of pleasure and pain that escaped my lips.
All of a sudden he plunged into me and spilled his seed inside of me causing me to go spiraling in another orgasm. I sobbed as the most powerful orgasm I have ever had ripped through me. He slowed down as our bodies came down from the high.
I looked at him as my eyes slipped close. I remember mumbling to him to please not leave.
Before my body became consumed with a deep sleep I heard Edward whisper 'I love you, Isabella' and I couldn't help the smile that over took my face because just for tonight I would let myself believe that it was true. I let myself be happy because for once I just wanted to feel and not question it. I would leave that for morning but just for today I would let myself believe this bittersweet lie.
Tsk Tsk Bella you gave in you naughty girl. lols so tell me my dear readers what do you think about Bella giving in. Btw Thanks to everyone who reviewed you guys kept me motivated to write more. The song from the last chapter was A Woman's Worth by Alicia Keyes and the song for this chapter is SpaceBound by Eminem. Enjoy =]
