In a Grain of Sand
To see the world in a grain of sand, and heaven in a wildflower.


4.

It had been a week since the Fortunate Incident.

She had not thought about him since then. Now, she was thinking about his silver hair and European accent, and that was perhaps because it was the first time she'd gotten drunk after that night.

Outside the window, the snow was falling steadily and slowly. She lifted the vodka to her lips and drank, letting the liquid fire burn her throat. She swallowed and it made her feel warm for a second.

'So I see you followed that boy home last week,' Ness was saying and Romana shrugged, the embarrassment having faded since talking to Jaime about it. 'How was it?'

'It hurt. But it was fine,' she replied nonchalantly.

Ness gasped, as though scandalized. 'What? It wasn't good? I can't believe it! He was hot!'

Hot? Is that the only word you could come up with? Romana hated her friend's inability to employ sophisticated words. Actually, she just wished Ness could be less crude in speech anyway. The words she chose often made her cringe in disgust.

'He's beautiful, yes,' she agreed, suddenly thinking of Jaime's earlier accusation of her sexual experience, 'But attractiveness doesn't equate sexual gratification.'

Ness shrugged, as if losing interest in the topic. 'Well, I'm going to try to talk to him,' she said as-a-matter-of-factly, pointing at the silver-haired boy that was standing by the wall, couring the crowrds for something.

A sudden spike of sourness hit Romana right across the face. She wondered, disbelievingly, if she was jealous. 'Be my guest,' she said, injecting a lightness into her voice to convince both of them that she was indifferent to him. So Ness let out a long breath, stood up and brushed her hair back neatly before she approached him.

Romana watched them interact, and felt her jealousy dissipate into that comfortable nonchalance again. She had always thought to expect nothing of others, so nothing could possibly disappoint her. And up to date, it had always been a successful strategy.

The silver-haired boy caught her looking over, and she gave him a wry smile while he shot over at her with his eyebrows raised.

She laughed and raised her glass at him before taking a sip.

After that she turned away from him and pulled out her phone to try and make use of her drunkenness to write. Within a few sentences, she realized that she was not Hemingway, and ceased trying to destroy her previous work.

Wishing to take her mind off things, she turned to a nearby person and smiled. He smiled, and they launched into a conversation about insignificant things like the weather and stupid, funny movies.

'Can I steal her for a while?'

They both turned and looked up to see the smile she knew so well. She frowned, but stood up to join him, waving goodbye to the temporary conversation partner.

'I thought you were going to sleep with my best friend.'

'I respect the girl-code—whatever the fuck that is,' he grinned at her mischievously.

Romana shrugged. 'Ness seemed pretty keen on sleeping with you. She thinks you're, for her apparent lack of better words, hot. I don't disagree, but that doesn't really do anything for me.'

'Really? It doesn't?' he asked, his breath flirting with the back of her ear sensually. 'Are you absolutely sure that I don't affect you? Not even a little bit?'

'Your physical beauty doesn't affect me. I didn't say your skill ddoesn't. It's different, you know,' she whispered, a ghostly smile etched her face. 'Why the second time sex? I thought you didn't do that.'

He shrugged, brushing a piece of her hair behind her ear. Then she thought he would answer her question, but he didn't. He merely suggested, 'Let's dance.'

Romana shrugged in retrospect, and they head out to the floor. 'I should tell you, I don't know how to dance,' she shouted over the music.

The boy shrugged again. It was, perhaps, the only way they communicated throughout the ten minutes of dancing. She swayed to the music and he held her waist as she did—it was more a routine work than enjoyment. Perhaps he hadn't wanted to insinuate going home with her just yet in fear of impoliteness. Either way, she did not get the feeling that he was enjoying this.

'If you want to take me home, we can really skip the foreplay,' she leaned close to his ear.

He laughed. 'I like dancing with you.'

Romana scoffed incredulously. 'That's preposterous,' she said, and then shook her head, chuckling. 'I'm sorry. I speak my mind when I'm drunk.'

'I do understand if my actions make it seem like the only thing I seek is sex—'

'But that's it,' she laughed light-heartedly, released from the burden of consciousness. 'I'm not particularly attached to people. I won't piss on you because you don't decide to be my boyfriend.'

He dismissed that. 'I just think you're an interesting person,' he finally said. 'I like having sex with you, that's what it is.'

'Come on,' she chuckled, 'Let's not waste time here. This is a shitty place. I hate Ness.'

The silver-haired boy laughed again. 'She's pretty. I would fuck her, but now when I've got you where I want you,' he said. Upon seeing her inquisition, he explained, 'You're a wildcard. I don't know what I can ever expect.'

The laughter that broke out of her lips next was passionate. 'Really? That's what you think? That's a first time!'

'There are always first times for everything,' he said in that European accent of his, which managed to make everything ten times sexier than they actually were.

When they arrived at his flat, Romana was surprised to find a girl lounging at his cough. The redhead rolled her eyes. 'Hi, Pietro,' she said with a sarcastic tone, 'Who's this?'

'Don't mind her,' Pietro said, pulling her towards his bedroom insistently.

'Just try to keep it down, okay?' she shouted as the door slammed shut. The redhead sighed, and grabbed her headphones to block out the sound of her brother having sex with yet another girl he had picked up.

Pietro fumbled to unlace her shirt. 'If you were wondering,' he began pulling away from her lips just to say this, then going in for another kiss before pulling away to talk again, 'That was my sister.'

Romana shrugged. 'I don't think I really care.'

He chuckled, and kissed her again.

When they had finished, he had slung his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. 'You're cold. I don't see why that's possible after sex.'

'I'm always cold,' she said quietly, the three words speaking volumes about what she was. 'I don't think there's ever been a time I've been remotely warm.'

Pietro pulled her close to him. 'I haven't been cold for a long time.'

'I can see why,' she whispered, smiling up at him. She hadn't thought, after the first time, that he would be the sort of person to cuddle after sex. Yet, it was a pleasant experience. It was as if she was not lonely, for once in her life, and it felt… odd.

He stared at the ceiling, sight unusually blank for someone like him. 'Why did you… decide to lose your… the first time with someone you don't even know?'

Romana shrugged. 'I don't know.

She did. It was not something she wanted to tell him. As much as she wished she could trust him, she wished she would never know him enough to take this relationship further than it was now. The thought of getting attached to someone romantically frightened her.

'I think I'm just going to sleep,' he said, words starting to slur together.

She smiled, and stared at the ceiling until she was sure he was asleep. Then she turned towards him, and studied his hair. They were like stars against the darkness of the room. For some reason, the rise and fall of his lungs drawing in air soothed her, and she found herself watching him breath until her eyelids threatened to drop.

Then realising her fatigue, she rose from the bed, put on her clothes, and quietly closed the door behind her.

'You've been here twice.'

She looked up almost immediately, and the redhead was staring at her unsettling with those large eyes of hers. 'Yes, I have.'

'You're no different, you know. He won't fall in love with you- it doesn't mean anything,' the girl said, her words aiming to slice a wound in her heart. It hadn't really worked in her favour.

Romana simply shrugged and said, 'I know.'

'Then why do you do this?' she asked, the tone much softer than it had been before.

There was a pregnant pause, and then Romana didn't know why but she felt like trusting this girl. At least, maybe she felt like throwing something horrible about her past back to her so she would cease judging her. She grinned wryly, but also bitterly. 'You wanna sit down and talk about it?'

The redhead shook her head, and in the same European accent, said, 'I'm good.'

Romana laughed. 'Believe me, you're going to need a chair.'