A/N: This story is disclaimed and all that stuff. I actually wrote this a really really long time ago, so sorry if Lily as a character seems a little moody and inconsistent. It gets better, I promise.
Chapter Four
We weren't walking for more than twenty minutes before I realized something.
It was very very dark.
So dark, in fact, that I could barely see the fuming Lily Evans, right in front of me (I could hear her though, oh boy could I hear her. Her stomping feet sounded like a herd of hippogriffs on Bath Day).
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a Marauder, I've been in these woods many times, I'm not really afraid of anything that may be in them. Well, except for Imps, but, well, that is a story for a different time. Anyway, the main thing was that I was not afraid of anything, (except Imps) but, I, for one, had no idea where we were.
None whatsoever.
See, when I'm a Prongs, I only have to use my animal instincts to find my way out (that, or I follow the Moony), but I don't have animal instincts as a James (at least, not useful tracking kind), so we're in big trouble.
But there was no way that I was telling Lily that.
See? I'm getting smarter!
"Lily, erm, where are we?"
Okay, maybe not.
She turned around with a glare so furious that the magical creature that was stalking up behind us (I think it was a Blood-sucking Bugbear) dropped dead suddenly. I felt sorry for the poor guy, I knew how it felt.
"Do you mean to say that you, mischief maker of mischief makers, marauder of marauder, the one that hold the title for most detentions of all time, do not know where we are?!"
"Well, actually, it's Sirius that holds the title for m-" At that moment I decided it would be wise to stop babbling on and simply say, "Um, yes?"
"Yes you know where we are, or yes you don't?"
"Er, yes?"
"Just give me a straight answer, Potter. Do you know where we are?"
"No."
She sounded hysterical now. "No you won't give me a straight answer or no you don't know where we are?"
"Both. I mean, neither?"
"POTTER!"
I decided then that the smartest thing to do, and the most likely to leave me not in a state similar to the dead Blood-sucking Bugbear over there was to do one thing.
Run.
And, of course, scream like a girl. Though, that's probably the logical side of me talking.
"AGH!!"
"POTTER!!!"
"AGHHHH!!!"
"GET BACK HERE!"
"AGHHHHHHHHHH!!"
This continued on for many many more minutes, me screaming like a girl, and Lily throwing insults, curses, and profanities at me.
And after 10 minutes or so, we came to one flaw in this repetition.
I lost my voice.
So, when Lily yelled, "POTTER GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE, OR, SO HELP ME MERLIN, I WILL BLOODY CUT OFF ALL YOUR LIMBS AND ROAST THEM, WITH KETCHUP, OVER THE GRYFFINDOR FIRE!"
I didn't say anything, but not for lack of trying. In fact, I tried eight times before I realized that I had lost my voice.
I was in such a state of shock that I immediately stopped running, and Lily, who was right behind me, crashed into me.
BOOM!!! Ha ha, sorry, I've always wanted to do that.
"Potter."
Only Lily Evans could make one word, (one very muffled word, due to the fact that her head was buried against my back) sound menacing.
I gulped in fear.
She slowly began untangling herself from me, and said again, "Potter."
I would've been trying to communicate the fact that I was now mute, but my head was buried in the ground, so that made things complicated.
"Speak, Potter."
I have never wanted so much to be able to say something.
"Potter, I am giving you to the count of ten. One. Two. Three."
I began to, (with much frustration) try and pull my head out of the ground.
"Four. Five."
I rearranged my robe, freeing my arms, allowing me easier access to my head.
"Six."
I pushed down on the muddy ground, hard.
"Seven. Eight."
Aha! I did it! My head now free, I began to gesture wildly the fact that I was mute.
"Nine. Te- wait. What are you doing?"
Saving my hide, that's what I'm doing.
"Potter, we don't have time to play this game right now. I don't know about you, but I would like to get out of here before it turns dark." I shot her a look that indicated clearly, 'It is already dark, Lily.'
"Right, well, the point is that we don't have time for this! . . . Potter, seriously. Cut it out. . . . POTTER! Why won't you just listen to me for once?! . . . . . . Fine. I'll play along. But only for a little while, then we need to get back!"
I nodded vigorously before going back to my pantomiming.
"Okay, never . . . not . . . Never mind? Okay. Listen? Elbow? . . .Sounds like! Right! Okay, sounds like . . . Pants? Mants, bants, rants, lance, vance . . . Is it Em Vance? No, oh. Er . . . chance . . . Close?! Clance, chants, crants, can't's . . . Can't's! Can't's throat? Can't's neck? No of course we can't neck, Potter! Honestly, I thought you were maturi- Oh, right. Sorry. Can't's choke, can't's . . . POTTER DO YOU THINK THAT'S FUNNY?! Never mind? Good. Er . . . I, me, we, you . . . You?! You! You . . . pirate? You hook hand? CAPTAIN HOOK! No? Okay . . . You . . . are? You are! You are what? You are galloping? POTTER WHY ARE YOU IMITATING A HORSE? You are horse? That doesn't make sense! If anything I'd say you were more donkey-like . . . Right. Sorry. You are horse . . . You are horse voice? Throat? Throat! You are horse throat. . . . Well, Potter, that was fun, but I really think we should get on now . . . Not done yet?! Fine . . . You are horse throat. Wait . . . you are horse throat! Throat - horse . . . hoarse! You can't talk! Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place?"
Very tired from the jumping around all that miming took, I collapsed on the ground, not giving her an answer.
"I only have to get my wand and-"
There was a giant pause and I felt her progressing towards me. Opening my eyes, I was greeted with a very terrifying sight.
A mad Lily Evans.
Honestly, she shouldn't do that! Now I'm going to have nightmares . . .
What does she want, anyway? I'm tired! Normally I don't mind catering to her every whim, but my exhaustion had taken over, so I didn't feel like getting up.
Maybe she wants me to answer? What was she talking about before . . . something about her getting something . . . Her wand?"
Oh.
I immediately shot up and began pantomiming once more.
"Oh, that's right," she said in the falsely cheerful voice that terrified first years. "You left them back at Hogwarts."
I put on my biggest grin and attempted to give her a hug.
It didn't work too well. She's too good at not being distracted.
"Oh no, Potter. Not this time. I can't do anything to you now-."
Thank Merlin!
"-But once I get my wand back you will surely regret me not having it in the first place!"
. . . What?
I cocked my head, hoping she'd get the 'confused puppy' look I was trying to convey.
"Er- never mind! Let's just get going."
She set off and right when I was about to happily trot beside her, she stopped. "Wait. I don't know where I'm going."
Does she think I do?! What am I, a bloodhound? If only I was . . . Wait!"
I started jumping up and down happily.
"What now?"
I tried to convey, by miming, the fact that I was an animangus, but then second-guessed the whole thing and transformed before her eyes.
Now, normally, I wouldn't be as stupid as to show a girl who was very mad at me and would potentially send me to jail, my secret, but something, (I suspect a bit of leftover Felix) told me that it would be okay.
I think that was the first time I had ever seen Lily Evans speechless.
"Merlin."
Or, well, close to speechless.
