The Stargazer pauses.
Wait a minute. I was sure that Doctor T'Soni forwarded me some tiny and obscure vid recordings and entries about Eden Prime.
He puts down the datapad that is a collection of information gathered concerning the Normandy's team and their first prolonged experience with the Council and the Citadel as well as information, debriefings and personal considerations about the mission to Noveria.
He swings his chair back slowly and grumbles to himself about joints that are certainly aching more and more each night, especially after carrying little (maybe he wasn't that little after all) children back up to their rooms after a stark walk in the cold. The pacing to and fro from the study to the kitchen doesn't really help either, but at least he's grateful that he can continue his research and preparations here in his study.
He turns towards one of the many dominating shelves that runs along the two diagonal right sides of his cosy, little sanctuary and runs his eyes almost loving along the books, items and memorabilia that are crowded along in neat and crammed little rows, like a civilian passenger queue at an extremely busy docking port. His eyes drift slowly down towards the bottom shelf and sees a tray of vid-chips that he'd stored there long ago, small tabs that contained only a few minutes of vids each and weren't of any major historical significance since their focus tended to be on much smaller, even mundane, matters and people that history tended to ignore. To him, they were priceless. Each was a valuable and carefully treasured memory of incidents and experiences that would never be found again, perhaps because of their insignificance, and should the occasion warrant it and a fire spread through his home, he'd wrap the boy and this box of trinkets in a blanket and rush them out of the dwelling before anything else.
The problem was, in his opinion, sometimes they lacked enough substance to allow for a full story on their own. They would provide the fat on the meat, but he'd still need the meat to make a decent meal. He carefully bends down and starts to run his slender fingers along each vid-chip, slowly muttering to himself as his thoughts wander and turn in his head. Every now and then, he pauses, considers a chip and removes it from it's holding cell, placing it onto his other hand carefully. After just a few moments of freeing several more inmates from their confines, he has a collection of five to seven chips in his hand. He breathes a satisfied sound and turns carefully and makes his way back to his seat.
He places each vid in front of him, neat and in a row, considering how best to arrange them in a sequence that anyone would find appealing. With his frustration building he twists his chair around several times and scratches the back of his neck in apparent thought. His eyes rove the shelves around him, searching for inspiration, searching for something, anything, that would give him the shock of creativity that he so desperately needs. Nothing stirs.
Perhaps if I just watched them together, something might hit me.
He arranges each vid in chronological order and starts with the first. It is a short eight second clip from a security cam-bot that was stationed over the Prothean Beacon bay on Eden Prime. He watches as Kaidan Alenko accidentally activates the beacon and is suddenly lifted into the air. He goes rigid with shock and suddenly a charging Shepard pushes him out of the way and takes the full force of the beacon attempting to relay alien information into his mind. He collapses as the beacon shatters and Kaidan pulls himself up and rushes to Shepard's side. Then it stops. Subsequently, a short written statement follows up and describes a personal report that Kaidan had written down about his experience on Eden Prime and Shepard.
Kaidan couldn't believe he'd done something so stupid. How could he have been so careless and almost gotten himself killed on Eden Prime.
Gotten myself or Shepard killed. Despite himself, he blanched white at the thought of being in any way related to any incident that would have harmed Shepard and stopped for a moment, wondering where that obscure, little feeling came from. Sure the man had mystifyingly, blue eyes but he wasn't so starved for companionship that he'd tumble just about anyone, especially not his senior officer.
He paused again. Why on Earth was he thinking about Shepard that way and picturing himself hooking up with the Lieutenant? Must be some post-fight feelings that he hadn't worked out of his system yet.
Shepard interrupted his thought before it could continue. Shepard groaned ever so slightly as he stirred and sat up slowly, trying desperately not to let the visions that were unleashed by the beacon overwhelm his mind. Doctor Chakwas walked up to him from behind Kaidan and immediately began to debrief him about the events that occurred post-mission. Shepard was still groggy, his eyes unfocused and hazy, as he tried to keep up with Chakwas and their conversation.
Kaidan was taking the opportunity to study Shepard from his vantage behind him, watching the way his arm rippled as he reach up over to his forehead and an overwhelming feeling of wanting to reach out to Shepard almost made him step forward. He just barely managed to swallow the words that he wanted to say and took a deep breath before saying instead, "It was my fault. I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it." He could feel the slight burn of embarrassment as it slowly stained his cheeks and hoped that Shepard didn't notice the way he was slowly shifting back and forth on his feet. "You had to push me out of the way." he muttered lamely as he tried to maintain eye contact with his senior officer. He stood there, waiting to be called down for his thoughtless actions, for Shepard to tell him that his words weren't enough, to hear that-
"You had no way to know what would happen" Shepard retorted, his features still slightly squinted from the way that the dull throb was trying to bore its way out of his skull.
Kaidan's eyes widened slightly. He stood there speechless. Of all the scenarios that he had been flailing himself with in his head, this certainly didn't count as one of them. He saw the way Shepard tried to look up at him despite the pain that must have been almost too much to bear and a the blush that he had managed to trap away returned in greater force. He looked to the side and smiled slightly before remembering his place, and that Dr. Chakwas was giving them both a rather considering stare, and schooled his face back to a more proper military blankness.
Kaidan had just managed to snag himself a snack in the mess, biotics needed much more calories than the average marine, and had just begun to tick off some technical data on his omni-tool. With one arm half-raised to his face and while the other mechanically brought the protein, carbohydrate and fat rich (but mostly tasteless) bar up to his mouth he wandered around the crew deck and was trying to make sense of all the ship specifics and technical developments. Turian technology, while not so different in processing compared to human technology and their binary systems, did have enough discrepancies that Kaidan felt slight lagged and awkward in trying to identify everything that his omni-tool was throwing out at him. A small and minor beep signalled that the template that he was attempting to utilize didn't have enough processing power to directly interface with both his omni-tool and the schematics that he was trying to access directly from the ships mainframe server. Looking up, he saw what appeared to be a small row of consoles and, with grim determination, made his way over to see if he could use the console to create a direct access link between the ship and the smaller tech piece that hovered over his arm.
The work was calming and soothing. The monotony and ordered processes felt right and comfortable, like he was slipping into an old habit. The work crowded this thoughts, chasing away the errant way he kept wondering how Shepard was doing. Whether he'd be okay, and whether that look he gave him meant anything. The empty bar wrapper went into his pocket as he continued tinkering. A beep interrupted the pattern that he was hoping to weave himself into.
Dammit. The firewalls are keeping me out. Maybe I can try a remote bypass to access non-specific areas of-
He bent over to look under the console with the intent to start tinkering around and quite suddenly felt the soft vibrations of footfalls moving closer towards him. He froze and hoped that it didn't look like he was doing something that went against the regs, or at the very least hoped that he didn't look suspicious at all. A bead of sweat began to slide down his forehead as his nervousness betrayed him. Better to make it look like nothing out of the ordinary was happening. Come on soldier, act casual. He slowly stood up and turned, trying to make it look like he just happened to be bent over working hard at whatever technical systems the console provided and wiped away that single drop with a casual motion.
Ah, Hell. He thought that things couldn't get worse as Shepard made his careful way across from the mess and made a beeline straight for him. In a moment of absolute and giddy panic, Kaidan's mind fumbled with the words and in near desperation lets fly the first thing that comes to mind.
"Commander, I'm glad to see that you're okay."
What? Why did that have to be the first thing that fell from his lips? He didn't realize that he's still subconsciously talking and winced at mentioning Jenkins and their run in with the geth back on Eden Prime. As Shepard picked up the conversation and Kaidan responded as best he could without overstepping his bounds, Kaidan drinks in the sight of the man before him. The slight tightening of the corners of his eyes, indicating that the pain had faded but wasn't completely gone. The full lips that moved imperceptively and that deep and tranquil voice as it ran warm, caressing fingers along his ears and into his brain. He tried to stop himself from staring at those endlessly captivating eyes, aware that once he started he'd have been rendered speechless and would continue to stare unblinkingly even if the Normandy were shot down from orbit.
Suddenly, he became aware of his body's reaction to Shepard's close proximity and, coupled with his juvenile day-dreams, had begun to feel a tightening in his pants. He swallowed hard and had to focus most of his willpower in order to keep up with what Shepard was saying. He tried imagining himself in many different, uncomfortable scenarios but Shepard's voice was beginning to drown out all other thoughts. He felt a warmth collect in his chest and frightenedly tracked its progress as it languidly made it's way down his stomach, growing deeper and warmer by the second. His cock was beginning to stiffen and press against the fabric of his military pants and, with a quick apology, desperately began to imagine Doctor Chakwas giving Commander Vyrnnus a lap dance wearing nothing but a frilly, pink apron. His ardour quickly recoiled at the vivid mental image and he breathed a sigh of relief as he comes once more to the present and focuses on the conversation with Shepard. Hopefully, and he felt guilty at himself for thinking of it, the lingering pain would have distracted Shepard enough that he didn't realize about the fierce internal struggle that Kaidan was having with himself and his libido. Wary of letting the other man's voice rally back those thoughts, Kaidan tried to move away from Shepard without appearing too rude or insubordinate.
"What ever happens, we'll be ready Commander", Kaidan said, hoping that he managed to inject some measure of confidence and finality into that statement. Shepard's slight quirk of the mouth was almost enough to have Kaidan involuntarily reach out to rub his thumb along the other man's cheek. As Shepard turned to walk away, Kaidan let out a deep and, hopefully inaudible, breath and decided that this was a highly inappropriate state in which to meet the Citadel council. He turned his omni-tool to standby as he carefully made his way to the crew quarters and hoped that he could at least have a few minutes of privacy, since most of the crew were making preparations on the Citadel approach, to take himself in hand and thrash out all these confusing and distracting feelings that were beginning to take root between himself and Commander Shepard.
