Justin was lying in bed watching Brian sleep. It was morning, just after sunrise. Brian and Justin had spent the night fucking. They'd had some of the most intense sex ever and had eventually passed out holding each other, exhausted and sweaty, but happy.
Unfortunately, that entire night, Justin was assailed by guilt, shame, and fear; in fact, he'd nearly been overwhelmed by these feelings. He was being eaten alive from the inside out, so every kiss, every caress, was bittersweet, and he was constantly fighting back tears. As usual, Justin held Brian a little tighter than Brian held him, but, the night before, Justin, even in his sleep, had held onto Brian as though for dear life.
Justin was struck by how beautiful Brian looked in the early morning light. He caressed the man's face gently and whispered, his voice filled with anguish, "How could I have been so stupid?"
Tears filled his eyes. All he wanted was for Brian to fix everything, to make him feel clean again and to get Ethan to stay away. But Justin knew that Brian was as likely to make him feel worse, tormenting him endlessly, mercilessly, as he was to claim him as his own and alleviate some of his guilt and shame and as likely to push him into Ethan's arms as he was to remove Ethan from his world.
Justin was dying to tell Brian what had happened and to try to make him understand that it had all been a terrible mistake. The words reverberated through his mind and even his body, as though they would come out of their own accord even if Justin could not utter them. But what good would it do?
Revealing the truth might break his and Brian's connection, might sully everything good between them, while also causing Brian incredible pain (though he probably wouldn't show it), decimating his ego, at least temporarily. Wounding Brian's pride would undoubtedly have disastrous consequences. So, even though keeping the words inside was actually physically painful, Justin resolved to do just that.
He wiped away his tears and whispered, "I got myself into this situation, so I have to get myself out."
Then he kissed Brian's cheek and noiselessly crawled out of bed. He dressed and was out the door in record time.
Unbeknownst to Justin, Brian watched him leave. Once Justin had, Brian asked the empty air, his curiosity barely masking deep concern, "What have you gotten yourself into, Sunshine?"
