4

Denial

The shades were pulled when Rika awoke. Satoko wasn't there to get up first and open them, Rika realized. She sat up, deciding not to go anywhere that day, and went to wash her face. "Good morning, Rika!"

"Hm?" Rika said sleepily. She had recognized Hanyuu's presence immediately upon waking, but not taken too much of a note of it. Rika ignored her friend, then went and opened the shades before laying back down on the futon lazily.

"Rika, good morning," Hanyuu repeated.

"I heard you the first time," Rika said. "Where have you been, Hanyuu?"

"Well, here and there," Hanyuu said. "Rika," she continued in a whine, shaking Rika's shoulder. "Where were you yesterday? I was worried something might have happened since I didn't sense you, but when I got home you were asleep."

"Oh, that," Rika said. "I was on a date."

"With Satoko-chan?" Hanyuu asked hesitantly.

"No. Don't think you have to hide anything from me anymore," Rika said, looking up and glaring at Hanyuu. "I know all about Satoko and Ren."

"Ah-" Hanyuu began. "I, well, I wasn't hiding anything! I tried to keep out of that business, but I did suspect things when I saw them together. So, the two of them are-"

"To get happily married," Rika said bitterly, feeling like she was vomiting the idea out as she spoke it.

"Well, that will be-" Hanyuu began cheerfully, then stopped. "I'm sorry, Rika."

"Not any more than me," Rika said with a sigh. "I never thought Satoko could betray me like this."

"Well, um, she hasn't, has she?" Hanyuu inquired.

Rika frowned, sitting up as she did. "What are you talking about, Hanyuu? She fell for that bastard when she was supposed to be with me. She's going to marry him and abandon everything we have in an instant! Of course it's a betrayal!"

"Rika, it won't do you any good to think like that," Hanyuu said, frowning. "Just calm down, please, I can tell how upset you are, but-"

"It won't do me any good to acknowledge the obvious, glaring truth?" Rika said. "What would you have me do then?"

"W-Well, just think about it," Hanyuu said, trying to speak in a reassuring tone though Rika's agitated mental state made it difficult, since Hanyuu felt the physical effects of Rika's emotions as well. They both sat a moment in silence, Hanyuu waiting for Rika to calm before continuing. "Think about it, Rika. What you have with Satoko, it's unique, it can't be matched. Even Ren isn't going to replace you in Satoko-chan's heart."

"That's right," Rika said. She closed her eyes, feeling warm as she thought of how Satoko hadn't seemed to be rejecting her at all, just caught up in some whirlwind romance because of how things like 'marriage' were put on a pedestal. Soon, Satoko could realize how dull the marriage ideal was and how inferior her sentiments for Ren were. Then she'd come back, begging Rika's forgiveness, which Rika would happily give.

"And, well, it's the same as with Satoko and Ren," Hanyuu said.

Rika opened her eyes wide now, hoping Hanyuu wasn't implying what she suspected.

"Their relationship is special in a different way than Satoko's relationship with you was," Hanyuu continued.

"How?" Rika asked.

"Well, Ren's a different person from you, of course. Satoko-chan relates to him differently. Also, Ren's a man and that means they can marry."

Rika clenched her jaw. If only she could erase the very idea of 'marriage'.

Hanyuu recognized Rika's discontent, and tried to change the subject. "Um, but, I'm glad you found someone else to date. Is it also a man? You're getting older, so you should start thinking of things like that too. I'll be happy to meet your daughter when the day comes."

"Shut up," Rika said quietly.

"Rika?" Hanyuu said.

"Just shut up! I won't date a man, and Satoko never should have done so seriously either. We should just have been able to live happily together, always, without having to consider any of that nonsense."

"Calm down, Rika," Hanyuu begged. "I understand, I really do."

"What do you understand?" Rika said. Satoko was about to easily marry some man with no issues, even being happy about it, and Hanyuu had done the same long ago. How could she understand what Rika was going through?

"There's the way we'd like things to be, but then there's the way things are. We have to-"

"Get out," Rika interrupted her friend. She didn't want to listen to this all too familiar, revolting speech. Hanyuu said things like this on multiple occasions when they'd been trying to break that seemingly endless fate. Rika shouldn't have to hear that kind of infuriating speech now they were finally in their happy ending.

"Rika-" Hanyuu said hesitantly.

"Just get out. I don't want to talk to you right now," Rika clarified.

Without another word, Hanyuu did leave. Rika again lay on her futon, but was unable to relax at all, so just stood up again. Not wanting to look around a moment longer, Rika decided to leave the building herself.

Not knowing where to go exactly, Rika decided to at least go shopping for some decent food to make that night. Going into town, Rika realized that was a mistake as all of the familiar faces had to acknowledge her and be acknowledged in return. "Good afternoon, Rika-chan!" they greeted, one after the other, each stopping her for some story or another.

Rika played along as she was supposed to, forcing a smile on her face as she talked to them all. It pained her more and more each time, and she wished she'd stayed home, until one particular conversation. "We haven't seen you around recently. Is everything alright?"

Of course. Her small town neighbors couldn't keep their noses out of other people's businesses. "I've just been feeling a little under the weather," Rika said.

"Ah, really? I hope you feel better. Maybe you should go to the clinic?"

"Oh, no, it's not that serious," Rika insisted.

"You really should take care of your health though, Rika-chan. Can't you go see the director?"

"Ah, maybe I should," Rika said, just to try and end the conversation, and hopefully not have several nosy townsfolk checking up on her.

The older woman she'd been talking to nodded her head several times. "Good. I'll worry about you otherwise. I suppose Satoko-chan's been busy, with her recent engagement and all. Have you been feeling lonely without her?"

Again. Why did Rika have to hear about this topic again, in this inane conversation?

"Rika-chan?" the old woman said, her raising her eyebrows in sudden concern. "Are you alright? Do you need to have a seat a moment, dear?"

"She's just fine," a voice spoke from behind Rika. Rika jumped up, startled as the familiar person put her arm around her, rubbing her head. "Rika-chan's just been having fun playing hooky from school these past few days, huh?"

"Mion," Rika muttered, allowing her longtime friend to continue roughing her arm, then sighed. "That's not what happened," Rika eventually said in a somewhat audible voice.

"What?" Mion put her ear down to Rika's height.

"That's not what happened at all," Rika said louder.

"Right, right, I'm sure. Well you look just fine to me," Mion said.

"I'm sure she got a lot of rest," the old woman added.

"Of course. What are you up to tonight, Rika-chan?" Mion asked.

"Nothing at all," Rika said.

"But you're having a meal, right? That's what all this is for? I know Satoko-chan won't be there, so you'll just be alone?" Mion asked.

Rika glared up at Mion, frowning. Her friend made the situation sound sad. Responding with an affirmation, Rika would feel even more depressed.

"I knew it," Mion said. "Well, this old man was going to have a meal alone too. I'd sure like a cute girl to make it for me."

"I don't really feel like cooking. I'd rather have you prepare it for me instead," Rika said.

"Well, how about I play you for the privilege then?" Mion offered.

Rika smirked. She was possibly getting too old for that kind of thing, but Mion had been the one to suggest it, so Rika didn't feel bad going along with it. "I accept your challenge," Rika said.

"Right on!" Mion said.

"You girls have fun," the shopkeeper said with some amusement as Rika and Mion went off.

"Should we go to your place, or maybe-"

"I'd rather go to yours," Rika said. The Sonozaki compound wasn't her favorite place, but Rika would rather be there than her own 'home' at this point.

"Fine with me. A few people will be around, but I guess they'd want to follow me if I went to your place anyway," Mion said.

Rika nodded. "Is it difficult being such an important person?" she asked.

"Ah, well, maybe a little," Mion said casually. "I'll just tell everyone to leave us alone. I'm glad I came across you today, Rika-chan. I've been wanting a little change in pace."

Rika nodded, feeling similar. Mion was always one to lighten the mood. Rika felt her spirits lifted despite herself as she and Mion played the card game together. Rika grinned happily as she won easily. "It looks like you're the chef tonight, Mii-chan," she said deviously.

"Well, come on! Wait! That was too quick, you know? Let's go for two out of three!"

"Is the former club president going to be such a sore loser?" Rika teased.

"Well, I was going to suggest that in the first place... Two out of three, since this game can be kind of quick. Come on, please! Rematch!" Mion begged.

"Fine," Rika agreed. The game had been won too quickly for Rika's liking, anyway. The next went similarly quickly, this time with Mion as the victor. Rika didn't feel too bad, until the third game ending with her loss as well. Rika scowled as Mion laughed.

"Hey, Rika-chan, get to work. I'll sit in here and wait. Maybe you should put on a cute outfit too," Mion said.

"I never agreed to such a thing," Rika said seriously.

"Hey, it was just a joke," Mion said, holding up her hand. "I know we haven't done that kind of thing in a while. I'll just be happy to have some of Rika-chan's cooking. It'll taste all the better knowing I won the meal."

Rika smirked, getting a sudden idea. "Well, it would taste all the better if I could wear the outfit you're thinking of, wouldn't it?"

"Ah, I wasn't thinking of a particular outfit," Mion admitted. "But what did you have in mind?"

"Let's raise the requirements to win, and then raise the stakes," Rika suggested, slamming her hand back on the cards on the table. "Three out of five. The winner not only gets a meal made for them, but also to chose the outfit the loser wears while preparing it."

"Interesting," Mion said. "Alright, I'll agree to that. But I only need to win once more, you realize."

Rika nodded, picking up several key cards as Mion went to pick up the ones that had fallen on the floor. With those, Rika easily won the next two games. She giggled as the second game came to an end.

"No way," Mion said. "Rika, you didn't happen to use some sleight of hand, did you?"

"Do you think so?" Rika said, unable to hide her amusement even as Mion accused her.

"Yeah, I do," Mion said.

"I wonder why," Rika said with a shrug.

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway," Mion said, scratching her head sheepishly. "I should have kept a better eye out for that kind of thing. My own skills have gotten rusty since we last played together. I'll just have to accept this loss. Also, I'm getting hungry. So, what kind of costume should I wear?"

"A costume?" Rika repeated.

"Right, that was the condition we added, remember?" Mion said.

"I know. But I wasn't thinking of a costume for you to wear. I was thinking along the lines of nothing," Rika said.

"Wh-" Mion began, her face turning red, unable to get the words out.

"Well, nothing accept maybe an apron. That sounds pretty sexy, doesn't it?" Rika said.

"W-wait a minute here, Rika-chan!" Mion began, looking all the more embarrassed. "I was up for something silly, but with other people around, that would be, um..."

Rika sighed. "I was joking," she said.

"Ah- Oh, you were?" Mion said, calming down now.

"Right," Rika said. Though she'd always found her friend to be quite attractive, Rika wasn't about to goad Mion into a humiliating situation like that. "Just wear the outfit you have on now. It's cute enough."

"Sure," Mion said hesitantly, then smiled. "You fought hard for this meal, but I don't know how happy you'll be with the results."

"It'll be just fine," Rika said.

Mion nodded happily. "I'll back as soon as I can then."

As Mion left, Rika sat back and relaxed. It had been nostalgic, goofing off with Mion like this. She'd even forgotten her grief for a moment, getting caught up in that silly game. Moments like this were something she'd been able to enjoy more after breaking her sad fate, and also part of what she'd eventually given up as they'd all grown. New experiences were supposed to have come with that, but Rika wasn't sure how much she liked them. At this time she wasn't sure she liked the present at all. Not being in constant fear of being killed was good, but that wasn't at all the entirety of what Rika had wanted with her happy ending.

Mion came back into the room soon enough, carefully carrying the two servings of the fried dish she'd made. "Here you go," Mion offered.

"Thanks for the meal," Rika said quietly, staring at the food Mion had made, her mouth watering. Rika hadn't realized how hungry she'd been until just then. She actually hadn't eaten all day. Rika greedily went to pick up the first bite with her chopsticks, then happily began eating.

"Hey, Rika-chan?" Mion began hesitantly.

"Yes?" Rika said as she went for the second bite.

"Um, don't take this the wrong way," Mion began, looking to the side awkwardly. "But I have been a little worried about you... I mean, you haven't been out much, no one's seen you around, anyway, and you really did seem sad today, when I first saw you. Is everything okay? I mean, you don't have to tell me, but if you need help with something..."

"Don't worry," Rika assured in monotone. "There would be no point to it. It's nothing you can help with." Mion frowned and raised hey eyes as Rika spoke. Rika could have sighed, if not for the fact that Mion's expression was so cute. It really was nice, to have people concerned for her at times like this. "I'll tell you what it is, though you might already know. Satoko got engaged to that inept man she'd been seeing."

"Oh... Oh," Mion said with a nod. "So that's it. I guess you must be lonely and sad, thinking about her leaving. It's understandable."

"You don't understand a thing," Rika said firmly.

"I really do. When Shion left-"

"Satoko and I didn't share a 'sisterly' bond," Rika said. Mion looked at her inquisitively, so she continued. "We were lovers."

Mion's reaction was silent, but Rika could tell by the way the other woman's face turned to pink that Mion was embarrassed. Rika nodded with satisfaction. She'd never thought it was necessary to be open about the nature of her and Satoko's relationship, but right in that moment she wanted to for some reason. Close friends like Mion could know these things, Rika affirmed to herself.

"Ah, well... I guess that's different," Mion said after a while to break the silence.

"Yes," Rika said. "Now Satoko is abandoning and betraying me for this man. It's tough."

"Yeah," Mion said sympathetically. "I'm glad it's just that though."

Rika glared over at Mion. "Just that?" she repeated.

"Well, I thought it was something more serious."

"If it was something new, how much more serious could it be? My parents are dead already, and you know Satoko is still alive," Rika said.

"I know," Mion insisted. "It's just-"

"I'm losing the love of my life, and it's all the worse because Satoko is making a personal decision to abandon me. It's 'just' anything, it's an unbelievable new pain. To think there were new forms of pain I'd not yet discovered," Rika said.

"Hey, I know it's upsetting," Mion began. "But don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?"

"Not at all!" Rika shouted, slamming her fist on the table. Mion still didn't understand a thing, even after it had been stated so clearly, Rika thought, further increasing her frustration.

"Come on, Rika-chan," Mion said with a sigh. "I remember how it feels to be young and in love, but you'll find the way you feel now is just kind of overblown... Down the road, I mean."

"I won't," Rika insisted. "If you wanted to attempt to disvalue and dismantle your feelings in retrospect, that's your decision. I would never make a decision like that."

"Ah," Mion said, frowning, but still continued speaking. "I'm really being serious. Not everything is like movies, comics, where we fall easily into some everlasting love. Even if it seems like that-"

"Just stop," Rika insisted. "There was nothing easy about anything in my life, including falling in love with Satoko. We've been together for years, much longer than she's known this moron, and now she just throws it all away. It was nothing shallow."

"I'm not saying that," Mion insisted. "Look, Rika-chan, I do think it's a bit weird since you're both girls, but I do understand you love Satoko-chan. Isn't that right?"

"Of course," Rika said.

"Then why don't you think of her now? I've talked to her about it, and I know Satoko-chan is happy about marrying that guy. If you love Satoko-chan, shouldn't you be happy now as well? Since Satoko-chan's finally found happiness herself, I mean."

"Happy?" Rika repeated. Should she be happy that Satoko had torn away Rika's own happiness in the process of her finding some guy? "Satoko was very happy with me. There was nothing she needed to out and 'find' with anyone else! How can I be happy that she decided to do that anyway?"

"But it's not like you two could have gotten married or something like that," Mion said.

And there was that annoying 'point' again, Rika thought hatefully. "Fine then," she said to Mion.

"Are you feeling better?" Mion asked, though a dubious expression remained on her face.

"Not really," Rika said. "But I'll do the same as you, Mion-san."

"What do you mean?" Mion asked, honestly curious.

"Well, now that I think about it, you really could have related to me if you wanted to," Rika began, carefully studying Mion's face for a reaction. "After all, you had to give up the one you loved after he chose someone else, the same as me. Well, it wasn't in such a ridiculous situation, since your rival had known him for just as long. But it still had to be hard, having him chose her over you, and watching the two of them build a happy life together without any input from you."

Rika paused. Mion looked downward, looking a bit upset just thinking about it. So, she understood the point, Rika realized. It might be best to leave it at that. Instead, Rika smiled, stifling a giggle as she continued. "Were you really happy when you learned that those two were engaged? When he realized that Rena was a more appropriate wife that a masculine, overbearing woman like you could ever be? Did you feel overjoyed, when they finally got married? I know they did. It was a beautiful ceremony, too. Do you still feel happy every time you see them now, with their little daughter, in their happy life, even knowing you're so insignificant to him now? Aren't you finally happy, since the one you loved has found happiness? Doesn't that make up for the fact he left you in the process? It must be an overwhelming amount of joy!"

"That's enough," Mion said, with a quiet tone that sounded odd from her. She forced a pleasant expression as she looked upward at Rika, but Rika could tell her friend was holding back from any display of emotion. "I understand... It's all difficult for you."

Rika could tell she really had pushed too far. Mion wouldn't say anything else to her after this. "Thanks for the meal," Rika said as she stood up. Without any kind of salutation to anyone, she left the Sonozaki compound.

Rika walked in the twilight now, unable to feel the calm that her surroundings normally provided. She hadn't meant to push them away... First Hanyuu, now Mion. They were both her friends, who still cared for her. She should appreciate her friends more, even if they said stupid things. They were all an important part of the ending that she had fought for. Rika was destroying the bonds she treasured, just as part of her own upset.

But was it really that difficult to understand that what Rika was going through wasn't just a minor adolescent tiff, but something that honestly broke her heart? If they didn't act like this was some trivial slight, Rika wouldn't be nearly as angry with them. But they were, assuming right away that Rika wasn't, or at least shouldn't be upset at all. It was as if Rika were being rejected from her very world, with so many she cared deeply about denying everything she was at the moment.

As Rika was almost 'home', she saw the outline of a short-haired girl in the dark. Thinking it might be Satoko, Rika ran forward hopefully. "Satoko!" Rika called. Despite being angry at her, Rika wanted to talk to Satoko. Maybe if she could hold back her anger and bitterness, Satoko would want to come back to her.

"Still holding onto some hope regarding her?" Lambdadelta asked as she stepped out of the shadows. "She's not inside either, I hope you know."

Rika swallowed, but then let her frown turn into a scowl, as she decided to let anger rule over sadness. "Not really," she lied.

"I see," Lambdadelta said.

Rika pursed her lips, then glared forward at Lambdadelta. "Hey, you, you witch," she said.

"I do have a name," Lambdadelta said. "It's not the greeting I hoped to get from you anyway." Lambdadelta now began to pout.

"Never mind that. It's just, you are really a witch, aren't you?" Rika asked.

"Of course! I'm a high ranking voyager witch, the famous Witch of Certainty!"

"Hmph. You might think I'm just some stupid hick girl, but I do understand what it means to be a 'witch'," Rika said.

"I'd hope so, since you're one too," Lambdadelta said. "I'd never say such things about you, Bernkastel. You are the one who defeated me, after all."

"I'm not," Rika said. "Maybe this 'Bernkastel' you keep mistaking me for is some kind of entity that broke off my conscious. I've been through enough for something like that to happen, but I'm still not her. I would appreciate help from a witch like you though. There's something I'd like to see."

"Well, I am intrigued to hear you say that," Lambdadelta said. "I can't agree to 'help' you just from that though. Why don't we discuss it more?"

Rika nodded, waving a hand to invite Lambdadelta inside as she walked back to her 'home'.