I wish I never fell so deep in love with you and now there ain't no way we can be friends
Kara landed softly on her balcony, she really needed a shower. Sneaking into empty hotel rooms to shower was easy and all but she missed her place. She missed the comfort it provided. So she finally broke and after 8 months of not setting foot in there, she came back. Kara sighed and took off her supergirl suit. Shedding it like a second skin. She looked in fridge expecting everything to expired, but it looked like someone regularly stocked it, and used it. Half a gallon of milk, a dozen eggs with a few missing, half a six pack of beer. Someone was definitely staying here, semi regularly at least. She was also surprised there was no eviction notice. Yeah, someone was definitely keeping up this place.
Kara quickly hopped in the shower. Cleaning off the dirt and grim, washing her hair. She put on a pair of comfortable sweats and hoodie. She grabbed her supergirl suit and stuffed it in a bag. In case she needed leave in hurry she could just grab it and split, rather than change into the thing. She was fast but still, a waste of time if you're trying to leave in a hurry.
As she was leaving her room, her eyes landed on her studio door. She jiggled the door knob thanking god it still locked. She grabbed the key and slowly unlocked the door. Being back in this room brought out painful memories. She looked around at all the different paintings of Alex. Her eyes stopped on the one of her Alex on their wedding day. Wearing ceremonial Kryptonian dresses. Looking deep into each others eyes.
Kara always dreamed that one day, this painting would be a reality. She lost all hope for that though. She picked up the painting wanting to break it, ruin it completely. She wanted to forget she ever painted it, want to burn the memory, the image from her mind completely but she set it back down. Kara grabbed an empty canvas and her supplies. She hasn't painted in months but she couldn't stop.
An hour later she took a step back and gave her newest piece a once over. It showed Alex sitting on the beach, a bright smile on her face, sun shinning off her beautifully. High above her was Kara in her full supergirl suit, watching Alex, her face stoic and emotionless. Kara felt that Alex would be okay without her, she would get over losing the blonde and move on. She didn't love Kara the way Kara loved her. She'd find happiness in her friends, and in her relationship, she didn't need Kara.
Alex's head shot up quickly, the loud knocking on her lab door startling her. She could also hear a loud beeping going off from her computer. She looked at clock, 1:30 AM. No wonder she didn't hear the beeping, she knocked out completely. Then she realized what the beeping meant. She pulled up the cameras to Kara apartment, but didn't see the blonde. Alex set up camera and an alert so she could keep track of the apartment in case Kara ever came back. No one but Alex ever step foot in there now.
Alex frowned, could the alert be wrong? She rewound the footage and gasp. She watched as blonde made her way in from the balcony. She looked at the time stamp, that was an hour ago. She could still be there Alex thought. Alex rushed out the door with her jacket and keys in her hand. She didn't bother to figure out why the agent was knocking on her door. She didn't care, all she cared about was Kara.
Alex zoomed through the late night streets as fast as she could. Breaking the speed limit as her motorcycle roared through the quite night. She prayed that Kara would still be there, and hoped the blonde wouldn't bolt the second she heard her. Alex entered the apartment building and pushed the elevator button. She had no idea what she was going to say, no idea if she could convince the girl to stay for good. She tapped her foot nervously as the elevator ascended.
She had never felt more alone, she didn't really speak with her friends. She didn't speak to her mom. Eliza knew what was wrong Kara but refused to tell Alex. Instead saying that Kara needed to handle this in her own way. This made the brunette so angry, how could she know what's wrong with Kara and not tell her, not try to help the alien. Alex refused to give up Kara. She needed to help her, but she also needed to know what's wrong to be able to fix it.
Alex opened the door slowly. It looked like Kara had never even been there. Alex sighed, she saw the girl clear as day in the video. She took off her coat and threw it on the couch. She needed to sleep. For the past couple months, Alex would sleep in Kara's bed. It's the closest she could get to the her. She also tried to get into Kara's locked room, she could have easily picked the lock but something stopped her every time. Kara had never let her in that room even when they were sister. When she turned the corner she noticed that, that door was actually open. Alex gently made her way inside and her mouth fell open. Kara was sleep floating in the middle of the room, but that's not what caught her attention. All around the room was painting of herself. Beautiful painting depicting Alex in all sorts of ways. Some just her, some with the both them. Is this how Kara has viewed her? Is this what Kara wanted. It made sense why she never wanted anyone to come in here.
Her eyes glued to one of her and Kara. Kara held her tightly as they floated high up in the sky. Their lips connected in a sweet embrace. Alex's felt her face heat up just thinking about kissing Kara. Alex walked to the painting as slowly as possible, to inspect in it. She looked to one next to it. Again it had both Kara and Alex, dressed in what Alex assumed was Kryptonian clothes, they held hands as the smiled wildly. Alex noticed they were both wearing a rings. They both looked so happy and she desperately wished they could be that happy. She looked down to the bottom right hand corner, "Alexandra Danvers Zor-El". She must have read it about ten times. Kara wanted to marry her.
A loud thud made Alex turn around. Kara had fallen from the air but was standing up in millisecond. The two stared into each other eyes. Alex tried to find words but it all seemed to escape her. She could see the tears building up in Kara's eyes as the long silence went on.
This was one of Kara's worst nightmares, for Alex to see this room. Alex looked at her in complete shock. Her face unreadable. Kara hoped she would say something but terrified of what the brunette would say. She knew she shouldn't have fell asleep, but she was so tired at the time.
"Kara what is this?" Alex asked after what felt like forever. Kara shook her head. Was it not obvious, could Alex still not see how much she meant to her.
"Are you that dense Alex?" Kara said harshly. Alex tried to respond but came up with nothing "Jesus Chirst... I'm in love with you! I have been since the day we met.." Kara looked away ashamed "All the paintings are the way I see you, what I wish we could have together"
If Alex wasn't shocked before, she sure as hell was now. Kara is in love with? The thought made strange feelings erupt inside her. She knew Kara loved her, but she always thought it was sisterly, kind of. Yeah they didn't act like sister, definitely more like a couple but she didn't think Kara was in love with her. Her face obviously showed her confusion because Kara started to cry heavily. Alex wanted to say something but she didn't know to say, she didn't even know how to feel.
"I can't be around you, I can't be your sister, I can't be your friend" Kara basically whispered out "It hurts too much.."
In a flash Kara was gone again. Alex just stood there still dumbfounded. What was she suppose to do? She was too confused by everything to even move, let alone think or talk. So Alex just stood there, staring at spot Kara has disappeared from.
The next day Alex drove to her childhood home in Midvale. Her mom knew this, it's why she didn't want Alex to get involved. She was angry at Eliza, how long had she known. How long would she had let Kara suffocate in her own feelings. That's not what a mother would do Alex thought. Eliza was the one that always pushed the whole sister act, she ALWAYS referred to Kara as her sister, even though Kara never called her mom. Even Alex didn't like calling the blonde her sister, would have much rather called her a family friend that they adopted or something. She hated the weird looks and stares growing up because the "sisters" were too close.
Alex never saw Kara as her sister, she always saw her as something more. As she drove quietly to her childhood home, realizing more and more that Kara wasn't her sister, or best friend. Kara meant more to Alex than words could describe. She thought it was because of how they came together, and how much they had lost that made them so close but now it seemed like something more, much much more.
Alex knocked on the door and waited for her mom answer. When Eliza answered she immediately took note of her daughter expression. Her face red and flushed with anger. Eliza let her in, wondering what could make her daughter so anger that she came all the way out here instead of calling.
"You knew didn't you" Alex said angrily and Eliza gave her confused look "About Kara feelings for me"
"She told you?" Alex huffed, why could her mom never be straight forward.
"Answer the damn question Mom, did you know?" Eliza sighed but nodded
"She told me only a couple weeks after she arrived and I told her she'd get over it. She was 13, I didn't think she knew what she was talking about. I thought she did get over it" Alex grunted in anger. Her and her mom had never had the best relationship and this was no doubt only going to make things worse. "She's your sister Alex, she shouldn't have those feelings for you"
"She is not my sister!" Alex yelled "And you thought wrong obviously. Do you have any idea how much she's been hurting all these years. Having to bury those strong feelings deep deep down. God if I was her I would have went crazy long ago. We would spend basically all our time together. I've hurt her so much and I didn't even know it. Did even try talking her about ever again?"
"No, she had come to me less than a handful of time after that but I just shut it down" Eliza said simply, like she was unfazed by her daughter anger "It's not like you feel the same. Do you?"
"I don't know, but I do know what I feel for her is not sisterly, and far beyond friendship. God, since the day she got here you have shoved the whole sister thing down our throats and now I know why. What would be so wrong with us being together?"
"Because to the world she is your sister Alex, and sisters do not fall in love, they do not date. Do you have any idea what people would say to me, say to you! It's safer for you guys to just be sisters and nothing more. I stand by that"
"Well neither of us are kids anymore, and you can't control us. We don't live under your roof. If you're so worried about people will say, then you can just forget about us completely. Dad would be ashamed of you, at the very least he would have tried to help Kara deal with her feelings. He would have been there for you. You though, you didn't care at all how Kara felt, only how it would affect you. All care about is how people will look at you, not us." Alex turned and slammed the door on her way out. She needed to find Kara some how. Kara needed to know that even though Alex was still confused about her feelings, she did indeed feel something for Kara, something strong.
