-after-

She entered the Glade at a jog and stopped at the sight of Alby and Newt waiting at the doors. It forced them to come to her, and she watched their faces closely for any sign of hostility so that she could run back into the maze before they'd catch her. It didn't matter what Newt meant to her, it didn't matter that Alby had always been her strongest advocate. She'd been sent here and she'd made the best of it, she didn't choose these boys.

"What happened?" Alby asked standing in front of her. His eyes were searching, his brows furrowed, his mouth frowning – concerned.

A breath passed silently through parted lips and all the strength she'd gathered in order to leave them wilted and withered away. She didn't choose them, but she would. Her eyes fell wondering what they'd do with the truth.

"Don't know," came Minho's steady voice behind her. "We only heard it." He stepped around her meeting her eye with a heavy unbending stare. Or maybe it was a glare, maybe he was seething; sick to his stomach by what she'd do to stay alive. A smaller thought – maybe it made him sick to think what he'd do to keep her alive. She'd made him into a liar. "Where is he?"

Alby sighed staring over Lea's head into the maze as though stalling might make it all go away. "He attacked the Greenie," he answered looking first to Lea's stony face and then to Minho - both refusing to look at the other, feeling the kind of tension from holding two magnets apart that would rather be together. "We called a Gathering, you were the last Keeper."

She watched them go, looking up long enough to see Newt's weighted stare – he knew she wasn't with Minho today. And he too turned and left her still standing by the door. It'd been a while since she felt like she didn't belong, she forgot how lonely that was.
Turning she looked over her shoulder at the maze, at how easy it'd be to just leave. How long could she run before it caught her – a Griever, the her she couldn't remember. She could've run forever.

-before-

The day dawned like the all the ones before. She was up and showered, standing with wet hair dripping down her back waiting at the doors with Minho. Alby told them eventually more would go with them, two being himself and Newt, it'd make searching go faster. Until then she and Minho were content, happy even. He was the hopeful one searching high and low for a sign – for anything to let them know they were on the right track. And Lea, well Lea was just fine with the running. And memorizing every hall and turn so that they could carve the day's pattern on a sheet of metal they used for paper.

The two were normally in agreement, moving in synch without words or thought. Like they were extensions of each other. But that day they'd reached the end of the hall and where he turned right she turned left.

"Think something's down there?" he asked while jogging in place, not giving his legs a chance to be tired.

She shook her head. "I don't remember there being an opening here." Right went further into the maze where it widened and the walls changed. She could picture the rusted metal carving they'd studied that morning and there hadn't been a left.

Minho shrugged unconcerned, it was only the third time they'd been in this section. "Must've missed it before. We can go if you want."

He was probably right and they'd looked over it. But she turned to him seeing he wasn't bothered either way and she raised a shoulder in question. "You go on ahead, I'll see if this goes anywhere and meet up with you?"

He'd thought about them splitting up to cover more ground a few times, but every morning he'd turn and notice the way the lightening sky made her eyes more green. That was the time he'd give a short, "morning," having forgotten what he was gonna say. But he couldn't see the color of her eyes then. "Don't get lost," he told her half joking.

"Don't miss me," she told him half serious, taking a step backward making him smile. It was a good smile, all teeth and squinted eyes.
He carried on a ways down the long passageway knowing the halls to the right only led to dead ends. His eyes strained searching his peripheral for her, so used to her running on his left. He didn't need her, he never had, she was just there to make Alby happy. And yet his pace slowed until he was standing at the place the maze widened unable to take another step. In front of him was more inviting, the wideness allowing the sunlight in casting everything in a golden hue, the walls seemed shorter, the maze was different and they hadn't been to this one yet.

He didn't need her, he never had. But he wanted her. Heaving a sigh he turned on his heel and began jogging back, wondering if he snuck up on her whether or not she'd scream. That thought made him grin.

A deafening grinding of stone sounded shaking the ground beneath his feet. He wasn't smiling anymore. A sudden thought struck him in the shape of the maze they'd drawn for this section – there hadn't been a left. He raced around the corner and skid to a halt slamming his palms into the wall that'd shut behind her. "Lea!"

She stared open mouthed at the wall knowing without comprehending that she was trapped. She didn't need to touch it, to hit and punch it like Minho did. She just knew. He called her name again, an urgency in his faraway voice. "I'm here," she called back. He didn't say anything funny, there was nothing funny to say. When she finally remembered to breathe it was in quick shallow pants. Hurry up, she told herself already feeling the ground under her quivering. They're trapping you. She didn't wait long enough to think about who they were.

"Right," she yelled lunging around the corner of the hall that went in the same direction he'd been going before. There was a groan behind her, she didn't look to see if she'd been closed in again. Ahead of her at the end of the hall the only way to go was left. She'd never find him. Oh shut up, she told herself. She knew where they were, they'd reached the place the maze widened which meant the wall to the left was the perimeter. "Left," she called darting around the corner.

Minho followed her direction seeing up ahead was a doorway. He smiled running faster. They'd meet there and he'd laugh at how scared she'd been, how she was such a girl, and she'd joke back saying he'd been the one scared and that he liked her too much. Or maybe she wouldn't say anything, she'd give him a look and shove him fondly. He reached the entry and saw her thin form and her wide eyes.

A wall of stone separated them as the doorway shut with a crack. His smile was gone. Something was happening, and it was happening to her. "Run," he yelled, his voice straining from the way it tore from his throat.
So much could've gone wrong: there wasn't another passage, on her side of the long wall the maze hooked around forcing her in another direction. He wasn't gonna get her back, she was gonna be gone and he'd have to run through this maze without her. When had "I" turned into "us," when had "his days" turned into "their days?" He had to get her back.

Up ahead he saw another doorway, the ground beneath his feet already rumbling. He'd never run so fast. Lea flew out of the hall colliding with Minho, who caught her with strong arms anchoring her against him as her momentum spun them half around.

She gasped, though it was more the sound of crying, clinging to him with arms wrapped tight around his shoulders. He sank to his knees dragging her with him and they sat for a good long while catching their breath and calming their fears. The sun moved across the sky so that it sat directly over the two as he sat on his knees with her legs spread around him more or less laying over his chest.

Her breathing finally evened as she sniffed away the last of her tears, and with it he stood pulling her up as well. "Come on," he said unwinding his arms from around her back. "We can be done for the day."

"We've still got a few hours," was her reply as she looked to the sky wiping beneath her eyes.

He looked her over from her red-rimmed eyes to her pale face and the same shaky palms as his own. "You wanna hold my hand?" he asked, a sneer loosely laced in his voice.

She cocked a brow. "That's not funny," she said stepping around him, feeling his confused stare following her. Looking at him over her shoulder she continued: "I've wanted to hold your hand since I got here."

Rolling his eyes he moved with her knocking her shoulder with his. "I am pretty great," he said as they walked, turning to meet her wry stare. "You couldn't help falling in love with me." He watched her smile unfold, spread wide rounding her cheeks, crinkling her eyes – she had a sweet laugh. She hadn't laughed since she'd come up, a smile here or there, but nothing like this. And it swelled in his chest making him stand up straighter.

"Guess not," she mumbled walking at his side, feeling his arm brushing against her to assure himself she was still there.

-after-

She turned from the maze and walked further into the Glade, resigning herself to these boys and this place. She knew nothing else. But that wasn't true, she knew quite a few things none of which she'd shared.

With the Keepers gathered in the council hall, and the rest of the shaken gladers huddled close by, Lea headed for the Slammer.

"Who's there?"

His voice was small and it shook as he huddled in the farthest corner from the door. She knelt beside the bars, out of sight, giving a quiet, "it's me."

"Lea," he said, tears thick in his hoarse voice as he threw himself at the bars. "You gotta get me out of here, they're gonna do me like Justin. You gotta let me out. Please. pleasepleaseplease," he begged.
It was pitiful, and she was cruel to think so. Her soft fingers on the hand he'd curled around the wood quieted him, and he stood trying to see her almost panting – the sound coming deep from his throat almost a growl. "It's what I get for leaving you, huh," he said sounding more like himself. "Lea?" She wasn't answering him, why wasn't she answering him. "Are you mad? Do you hate me?" he was crying again, his hands tightening on the wood as though to crush it.

She didn't have time for this. She moved in front of the cage meeting his poison-darkened stare, seeing the kind of recognition that took the breath out of a person.

He hissed throwing himself against the back of the slammer away from her. "You're with them," he spit, foam bubbling around the corners of his mouth.

"Knock it off," she told him firmly. His mouth snapped shut. Obedient. She watched him closely noticing the way his eyes had darkened further and his muscles had coiled wanting to attack – so why didn't he? "I'm gonna ask you a question, you're only response is gonna be yes or no. Nothing else. Got it?"

"Yes," he answered without hesitation. Obedient, like Barks.

She took a breath leaning forward seeing him recoil. In a softer, almost fearful, voice she asked: "was I the bad guy?"

-before-

The next Greenie was a boy, like all the ones before Lea. It was normal, expected. Alby and Newt shared a long relieved look before dealing with the Greenbean Gally pulled out of the Box. He was older, wide shouldered, thick armed. Before they'd even gotten his name Gally claimed him as a builder. His name had been Justin.

Lea didn't mind him, she hadn't really paid attention. She stuck mostly to herself. Minho usually lounged somewhere around her, Newt sought her out, Alby checked in with her every so often seeing she was happy seeing none of the boys had tried anything but really to see she hadn't gained any memories explaining why she was there, and Gally mostly just stared a deep searching gaze neither kind nor unkind. Most days she was just there, nothing special.

But she should've paid attention, they all should have. It was early on the third day after he'd come up, it was the time the runners – now Minho, Lea, Newt, and Ben – woke preparing for the long day. The boys were bathed and were now getting their packs ready, Lea's pack was ready and she was now bathing. Any minute she'd come around from behind the Homestead with her wet hair pulled back and her clothes clinging to her still damp body.

Instead they looked up at the sound of a commotion to see her narrow shoulders and smaller build dwarfed by Justin's height and muscle. "Hey," Minho yelled dropping the sandwich and running, Newt close at his back. And then Justin stumbled falling to the side, catching himself with a hand on the grass while the other was still raised to Lea as though to say he meant no harm. His nose bent beneath her fist and he fell back. The toe of her boot struck his jaw and his head twisted to the side, his mouth open as though to cry out but her foot landed a blow to his stomach stealing his breath.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around her middle anchoring her arms lifting her from the ground, and still she struggled kicking her feet back digging her heels into the soft skin of his thighs. The wind was knocked out of her as her body hit the ground and before she could catch her breath she was being smothered.

"Get him out of here," Gally cried from on top of her, catching her wrists in one hand and holding her head against the grass with the other.

Minho and Alby drug a half conscious Justin toward the slammer, which was really only four hastily built walls and a door they tied in place. "What the shuck did he do?" Minho demanded looking to Alby, who knelt by the barred door and only shook his head. His hands had been up, she'd been the one attacking.

Newt wondered more or less the same thing as he stared down at where Gally was sprawled over her, seeing the moment she stopped fighting. Hesitantly Gally shifted the hand he had on her head, and when she didn't move he released her completely and restrained her only with the weight of him laid over her back. "You good?" he asked. She nodded. Grabbing the back of her neck he stood hauling her up and marched her around to the back of the Homestead. Her head bounced off the wall from how hard he threw her against it setting a ringing in her ears. He stood less than a step away almost pinning her to the side of the building. "What's the second rule?"

She didn't answer.

"Say it," he ordered between clenched teeth.

She took a breath. "Never hurt another glader."

"Never hurt another shucking glader," he repeated, his voice harsher than hers though just as soft. "What'd he do, he hurt you?" he asked. She said nothing. "Was he gonna hurt you?" Nothing. "He say he'd hurt you?" She blinked, he stepped back seeing the answer in her cold stare. "I oughta throw you to the Grievers myself."

"That's enough Gally."

Gally turned to where Newt stood a few steps behind him, her shirt in his hands. Looking back to her Gally realized he hadn't even noticed what she wore only covered her chest. He was struck by the same familiarity he'd felt since that first day when he was sure she'd fight him in the Box – he knew her. He took another step back, seeing all the fight had gone out of her. She was lucky he still had some fight left in him.

Newt moved aside as Gally stalked past. He wasn't sure what to do or where to look, so he simply stepped closer and held out her shirt feeling her snatch it from him. For a couple of long minutes he stood staring at the wall hearing her moving behind him. Until he chanced a look in her direction seeing she'd sat with her back to the Homestead hugging her legs to her chest. He sat beside her wondering how the day had turned to such klunk. They heard the muffled sounds of the others having been woken and now wondering what'd happened, or what was going to happen, and who's fault was it.

He felt, shyly, her head light and unsure on his shoulder. Looking at her he saw her knuckles bloody and bruised, her hands wrapped tight around her legs as though they might protect her. She looked, for the first time, weak. He rested his cheek on the crown of her head. "It's alright," he whispered without knowing if it was. But he wanted it to be. And feeling her pressed against him, he'd find a way to make it okay. Which is exactly what she'd wanted.

Hours later, after Newt left her, it was decided and Justin was forced into the maze as the doors closed.

-after-

With the closing of the doors Ben's pleas were silenced, as if he'd never been there. They'd killed him. Thomas turned away from the doors not knowing if what he felt was sorrow or shame at having been the cause. He found himself staring at a surprisingly bright pair of green eyes set against sun-kissed skin.

"I'll ask you again," she spoke quietly, "is there something on my face?"

"No," he answered, this time not stuttering. He realized hers wasn't the face of someone who just watched a person she'd lived with for three years be sentenced to death. She was cold, unforgiving. "It must be nice." Her head cocked to the side curiously and Thomas realized he'd said it out loud. "I, um, I didn't mean. Not what happened to Ben. That's not, um." He sounded like an idiot. It'd help if she'd stop looking at him. "I meant you just, uh, you're always so-"

"Unfeeling?" She watched the breath go out of him as he nodded and she looked to Minho, who stood with his head bowed eyes closed, and all the other boys around him just as somber. "Ask any of them they'll tell you I'm a machine, I don't feel anything." She looked back to Thomas to see that's what he meant, it must be nice to not feel. "But I feel every shucking thing."

He blinked, his face one of surprise. She reached a hand to pat his arm, unsure how to go about comforting someone, before she turned and made for the Homestead. He stared after her with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. They'd had that conversation before. Her face struck no memory in him, but he knew those words. She'd told him that before.

Lea rushed to the Homestead unable to catch her breath. Skating around the side of the building she shut herself inside of the council room, where she went when she needed someplace quiet to think where no one would find her.

At least no one else – because not every glader thought she was a machine, and he was the only one who knew she came here. Newt opened the door to the dim room and found her pacing. She paced in a slow circle when she thought – in that moment she was stalking back and forth over and over. He met her in the middle, and the moment his soft accented voice curled around her name she turned throwing her arms around his shoulders.

He stumbled slightly at the sudden weight of her against him, and he stood for a moment with his hands raised wondering what happened in the maze. She'd been running with Ben today, which meant she knew what happened. And then he felt the warmth of her tears against his cheek and his arms wrapped firmly around her. "It's okay," he told her even though it wasn't. "We're all bloody okay."

He thought it was guilt, knowing she couldn't outrun Ben. But she was more selfish than he gave credit. What had she done, who was she – these were the thoughts that troubled her, these were her fears.

Her breathing was short, not deep enough to calm the heart that beat loudly in her ears. Her mind was too loud. She leaned back looking at Newt's sweet worried face, always so caring – he'd always liked her. Too much.

Moving a hand around the back of his head she pulled him to her kissing him open mouthed. It didn't take him long to get over the initial shock, and he'd thought about this long enough he easily matched her starved heat.

She wanted to see what he saw when he looked at her, she wanted to feel what he felt. She was a terrible person. And she wondered, as she pushed past his lips with her tongue, if he could taste it. She had his knees buckling and he fell onto a bench pulling her with him so that she sat with a knee on either side of him, her fingers fisting his hair holding his mouth to hers so he couldn't breathe. He'd drown before she let him go.

She was a terrible person. But she already knew that.