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Chapter 4: Say


Shouhei was the one who found her, the girl with the white hair who had killed Miss Totsuka, San-chan caught up with the others later but by that stage Yata, Shouhei and Izumo had all made attempts on the white-haired demon's life and she'd not only survived all of them, the first two unassisted, but acquired herself a powerful protector in the form of Kuroh Yatogami, the 'Black Dog.'

If it hadn't been obvious before that this female was no ordinary girl it would have been obvious by then, she didn't seem to posses any special powers of her own or if she did; she hid them well, but she had escaped three attempts on her life, all of which had caught her unawares, two of which were from two of HOMRA's strongest members.

Shouhei had worried only a little about feeling guilt; he had known as well as any of them what he was getting himself into, that, if they had their way, this was going to end in straight-up murder. Or, as they liked to think of it, retribution. He hadn't thought the murder would weigh too heavily on his conscience, it was obvious from that video that whoever this kid was, she was quite clearly not human but a monster in human form, anyone who could laugh so insanely and then turn around and shoot an innocent woman and stand above her while she bled out and gloat was not someone Shouhei had thought he would feel any remorse about putting down like the animal she was.

No, that wasn't quite right, she wasn't an animal, animals killed for food or in defence, there was no other creature than humans that killed simply for the pleasure of watching something die. Still, even after having that thought, Shouhei maintained that there was something about the Colourless King that wasn't quite human. She was a stain on the earth and she needed to be removed.

But that girl... Shouhei half wanted to believe the girl he had seen walking down on the street below while he was eating lunch and the girl in the video tape were two different people. It was ridiculous, he knew, how many girls in a green uniform with big brown eyes and short white hair could there be? But he just couldn't reconcile one with the other.

The girl he'd chased after, tried to kill, had been petrified, she'd run from them like a startled rabbit, not like a King, and as he swung the metal pipe at her a terrified scream had torn itself from her lips. Shouhei had tried to convince himself that she was acting, that she'd been trying to make him doubt himself (exactly as he was doing now) or make him or the others around him feel sorry for her, turn her into a victim and them into the bad guys. It wouldn't have been very hard, they'd been a group of grown men (and one woman) chasing after a teenage girl, one who was small, slender, pretty and obviously very frightened, even if people wouldn't want to oppose HOMRA they'd instinctively want to protect her.

It was a good plan, but there was a nagging thought in the back of his mind that asked him; what if that wasn't what she was trying to do at all? What if she really was terrified?

Because as she'd jumped off the back of that Ute Shouhei had caught a glimpse of the emotions in the Colourless King's eyes. Pure, unbridled fear. And not only that, confusion, she hadn't understood why they were chasing her. One minute she'd been going about an ordinary day when he'd first seen her, from what Shouhei could tell, and then the next she'd been running for her life. He gritted his teeth as he peeked in the bar, it was well past midnight and the bar was shut but, unable to sleep, his feet had carried him here.

The light was still on inside though and he saw Mr. Kusanagi polishing a glass while Yata sat at the bar, her head propped up on one hand, her legs drawn up. Shouhei kept walking, they had the look of people with no wish to be disturbed and though Shouhei would love some company right now, he respected that.

But seeing the two of them there, as sleepless as he was, re-kindled the burning fury he'd felt upon finding out what had happened to Tatara.

Who cared if the Colourless King was scared?! She obviously hadn't cared about how Totsuka had felt as she'd lain dying from a bullet wound.

And if she was confused as to why they were after her she had no right to be! Shouhei didn't believe for a second that Tatara had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. The Colourless King had known exactly who she was to the Red Clan, maybe even to the Red King himself. She had known that HOMRA would come after her with everything they had, regardless of who, where or what she was. And if she hadn't known that, she should have.

They'd find her and they'd kill her. That was all there was to it. She didn't deserve any mercy. She certainly hadn't shown Tatara any.

His phone, which out of habit he'd grabbed when he'd left, buzzed in his pocket.

Can't sleep? San-chan had texted him.

He blinked wearily, puzzled, no, he couldn't sleep. But how had she known that?

She sent him a new message, Look up.

He did so and San-chan, leaning out of her window, waved at him and motioned for him to come up.

He did, shaking his head at himself. Of course. He'd been wandering aimlessly and his feet had taken him to HOMRA, then, when he'd passed that, they'd taken him to the next instinctive place to go, San-chan's place. He guessed he wasn't really surprised.

Her door was open when he got there, he let himself in and shut it behind him. As quiet as he was the noise echoed in the silent apartment. Like a gunshot.

"What are you doing up? Couldn't sleep either?" He asked her.

Like him San-chan had dressed for bed, she was wearing a knee-length black nightgown and her hair was loose but also like him she had obviously found the endeavour fruitless and gotten back up since there was no trace of drowsiness on her face, just a bone-deep tiredness was affecting all of them.

"Apparently not," said Bandou with a slight roll of her eyes, "I was just looking out my window when some crazy man wandering around in the middle of the night caught my eye from below. What are you doing here?"

Shouhei shrugged, "dunno, just couldn't sleep, started walking, ended up here, muscle memory I suppose."

San-chan looked down at his feet and sighed, "I thought it was just my imagination but it turns out I was seeing the truth. Why are you out wandering the streets, at night, in January while barefoot?"

Shouhei looked down, his toes were turning blue, "oh. I didn't even notice."

San-chan sighed and shook her head, she sat down on the couch, motioning for him to sit with her. Shouhei hesitated for a second, then took the seat right next to her, drawing his feet up to his body so his body heat warmed them. With a sigh that sounded more habitual than resigned or irritated, San-chan leaned against his side. They stayed like that for a short while, then slowly Saburota let her Red aura warm the air around them, helping thaw out Shouhei's chilled body.

Shouhei relaxed, he hadn't realized how cold he was until he started getting warmer. He was a member of HOMRA also but staying out in the cold like that any longer would not have been good for him, as under-dressed as he was.

As he thawed the tension drained out of him until he could barely keep his eyes open, Shouhei let his head droop onto San-chan's shoulder.

"What are we going to do about the Colourless King?" He asked sleepily.

"We're going to find her and we're going to kill her, that's the only way to be sure Tatara's avenged and that no one else ends up the same way."

Shouhei burrowed his face into her soft hair, "yeah, you're right."

They had to do this.


If Shouhei had been uneasy at the idea of killing a seventeen year old murderer he thought he would be most displeased at the idea of breaking into a school filled with hundreds of perfectly innocent teenagers who weren't murderers. It should have most upset him. It didn't particularly.

This had gone on long enough. HOMRA was ready to settle this, one way or the other, they weren't here to hurt these kids and once they found what they'd come here for they'd leave. Shouhei felt bad for frightening them but it was an emotion easily pushed aside.

The real trouble with his conscience came when they began checking classrooms. It wouldn't have been so bad if they were here looking for a teenage boy, but a teenage girl was a different matter entirely.

Shouhei wasn't trying to say boys had any less right to fear for their lives than girls because they had every right. But boys and girls feared different things instinctually. And now that they were actively checking each girl's face they were being lined up, dragged, sometimes almost literally, into the hall and stared at he couldn't imagine there being one girl who wasn't terrified.

Except the Colourless King. Psycho.

But because of this Mr. Kusanagi had decided earlier that it would be the female members of HOMRA who did the room to room checks, they were less likely to scare the students.

The only problem with this was that HOMRA had precious few female members and one of them, Yata, was on lookout duty. So it was slow going.

Just then Mr. Kusanagi's voice sounded overhead, coming from the speakers, telling the members of HOMRA that the Blues had arrived.


Bandou had never kept a diary for a day in her life.

If she had however, she would have loved to begin an entry with 'after the battle at Ashinaka High School.'

But there never seemed to be an 'after.' The despair went on and on, after Mr. Mikoto died, HOMRA split, some stayed close, some didn't.

Yata, to no one's surprise, stayed close. She and Rikio tried to help Mr. Kusanagi out a little, watching over the bar and/or keeping Anna company when he couldn't.

San-chan didn't know what degree of success the pair of them had at things like tending bars and watching pre-teens, but their efforts meant far more than any actual accomplishment.

Chitose and Masaomi both vanished, San-chan wanted to say she didn't blame them but she knew she was petty; she did kind of blame them.

But Masaomi and Chitose were together now, they were starting a new chapter in their lives. It made sense for them to walk away now that the old one had ended.

Only problem?

It damn well hadn't. Not completely, not for any of them.

Erica had nowhere else to go and Kouske was like San-chan, they'd both been at this too long to just walk away.

But Shouhei? San-chan wasn't too sure. He'd seemed very upset at any and all suggestion of HOMRA splitting up. But now? She just wasn't sure.

She saw him occasionally, sometimes they even worked at HOMRA together, but overall she saw even less of him than she did the others. They were slipping apart and he was slipping away.


Then Anna was kidnapped.

It couldn't have possibly happened at a worse time (which was probably why it had happened now), Mr. Kusanagi was in Germany, Yata wasn't speaking to any of them and HOMRA was all but well and truly disbanded.

So very almost-disbanded that San-chan and Shouhei hadn't even known Anna had been kidnapped until it was over.

The tattoos on Shouhei's left bicep and above San-chan's navel burned as they returned; they looked at each other, then wordlessly raced out the door. On instinct they looked up at the sky and in the distance they saw two huge, shining Swords of Damocles hanging over the building San-chan knew belonged to the Gold King.

One sword was blue and glittering and didn't seem as bright as the other one.

Which was a deep and shining red.


Saburota was not good with words, she just never seemed to know how to say what she wanted to.

Expressing herself had always been a problem of hers, she would try to show she was thankful, she would wind up looking sulky and ungrateful, she would try to show she was happy, she would come off looking insane, or at the very least ill.

San-chan rubbed the edge of her thumbnail against her finger where it created a pinkish line, which kind of hurt but was far better than looking up at Shouhei.

"I'm surprised I caught you," San-chan admitted. "You're usually working."

"I'm sorry, I wish I'd been there more, I just... I dunno," he looked miserable, San-chan's heart lurched. See! This was exactly what she had been talking about! She wasn't trying to make him feel guilty, she was simply stating that he'd been working a lot. Geez!

Maybe it wasn't her? Maybe it was everyone else.

Probably not. Anyway, "you drifted away Shouhei, we all did. But we're back now. Most of us."

Bandou had been more or less right before. Kouske, Erica, Yata, Kamamoto and Izumo had all stuck by Anna.

Masaomi and Chitose had made it clear they'd be there for Anna every step of the way, but their intent to return to HOMRA was far less clear.

Shouhei was much the same, he had enthusiastically supported Anna as the Red King but didn't seem like he had any intentions of actually returning as a member.

San-chan's heart thudded in her chest. They would still be friends, he would always be their friend, hers especially, but it still left a bad feeling in her mouth. Was he really thinking of leaving them? Of leaving her?

She wanted to ask him but he obviously felt guilty already, she wouldn't play with his emotions to make him stay if he had really decided to leave.

But she was damn well going to try and say what was on her mind before he did, even if it did make her sound like a bumbling idiot.

"Thank you," San-chan said, blushing, she didn't mind thanking people but Shouhei always seemed to be different, thanking him or expressing affection in any verbal way always made her feel embarrassed. She supposed over ten years of trying to act as childishly mean to him as she possibly could had hardwired her to react that way.

Shouhei stared at her, amazed, as though San-chan had just confessed to a lifetime wish to be an astronaut so she could tap-dance on Mars. He looked dumbfounded.

Damn! Was she really that ungrateful? His jaw was practically on the floor.

"For what San-chan?" He shut his mouth and gave her one of his warm smiles.

"For being my friend," she said honestly, "even when I said I didn't want you to. I was lying. Even to myself. I've always wanted you to. I just didn't want to admit it."

Shouhei gave her an impish grin, "I don't mean to boast but; I know that San-chan."

Bandou hit him on the arm, her face felt like it was on fire.

Shouhei grabbed her hand and held it in one of his, he rubbed his thumb over her knuckles idly but his touch burned. "You aren't a very good liar San-chan. It's like your every thought is written across your face."

"Oh yeah? What am I thinking right now?" San-chan challenged.

"I'm really embarrassed about being nice to Shouhei and I really hope he doesn't actually guess what I'm thinking," said Shouhei promptly.

There were a few seconds of silence between them. "I hate you," San-chan said, making Shouhei smile.

"But you don't need to thank me for being your friend San-chan, I've always known you were a wonderful person, even if you didn't." Shouhei said, taking her other hand. San-chan's heart began to beat rapidly and she knew this had nothing to do with embarrassment.

"But I'm not a wonderful person," she admitted softly, "but... thank you... for thinking I am."

Shouhei cupped her cheek in one hand the way he had during their almost-kiss when they went camping what seemed like a millennia ago.

"I think you're pretty perfect too," San-chan admitted honestly, hey! It turned out if she didn't think before she spoke she would only feel embarrassed afterwards! Not before too! Interesting. But probably not a path she wanted to go down. If she stopped thinking before she spoke she would start sounding like Yata.

That was definitely something to avoid!

Shouhei's hair had lightened since their childhood, it used to be a dirty blond, almost brown, but now, possibly due to all his time in the sun, it had lightened to the colour of the straw, it glinted in the light as he pulled his hat off and tossed it on his worn-out couch and ran his fingers through the messy strands as he often did whenever he was agitated or thinking hard about something. Or both.

"Thanks San-chan," he smiled at her again, "I have no idea where you got this idea that I'm so wonderful but thanks anyway."

He leaned down slightly, giving Saburota time to pull away if she wanted to, but she didn't.

Shouhei's mouth touched hers, and a tingling sensation spread from Bandou's lips to the tips of her toes. She leaned forwards, Shouhei did too, at first, but after a second he pulled back, looking regretful.

"Sorry San-chan," he said, "but I don't think I'm coming back to HOMRA."


Hope you enjoyed guys. Bye!