Please look at me, please tell me I'm pretty... Tell me you love me~
(copyright Jillian cough)


Huff. Gardevoir knows that everyone loves me best. Which you guys do, am I right? Well, duh, I'm ALWAYS RIGHT!~

Chapter Three: Partner Pokémon Challenges

Being a partner Pokémon's freakin' HARD, guys. Course, I got mad skills, but most people can't even measure up to my epicness, so I guess I'll explain the hard stuff that comes to normal pokemon like you. You know, that's all I want in life, to be a normal Gallade, because awesomeness comes with its burdens, what with the paparazzi hiding around in stuff like bushes everywhere, I get no privacy. And I know what you're gonna' say Gardevoir, that you never seen them, but that's cuz they're really good at hiding. They don't want me mind-blasting them with my epicness.

1. As always, the first thing you gotta know is know what you know, am I right? Right. What do you know? You know you want to be a partner Pokémon . That we know. Now onto the stuff that you don't know. Which is why you're hear reading this, am I right? Learn stuff you don't know from people who do. Duhhh.

2. Wild Pokémon - Absolute idiots. Course, everyone is wild at a time, but the guys that are determined to stay wild are real idiots. Out in ranger country, you're either a wild idiot or an aspiring partner Pokémon. And since you guys reading this are aspiring partner Pokémon, that means all the wild guys you meat are real idiots. They're always on your back when you're assisting your ranger, saying stuff like, "You've forgotten the wild!" "Traveling so much brings disease!" "YOU SMELL!" "Hey, cut the mindblasts out, I get it! You're giving me a headache!" I know, right? Remind me of a certain Gardevoir.
Anyways, the other problem is the fact that they attack your ranger. Either because A. They want to beat the partner Pokémon fup for forgetting the wild, B. They don't want to be caught because then they'll lose their stupid "wildness," or C. They're just really stupid. Then again, everyone looks stupid next ta' me, am I right? But after you brilliantly assist your ranger in capturing them, they've forgotten all the stupid rumors on how the capture line stings like really bitter and spicy Petaya berries or how rangers will eat your brains because it turns out the Ranger styler actually makes you feel really good. Like, chocolate. Except for Poocheyenas, they hate chocolate, stupid things. Like, chocolate is awesome, am I right?
So, in conclave-clusion, wild Pokémon are stupid idiots that you have to be strong enough so that your pokeassist can help your ranger capture them. And then they're actually useful.

3. Mudkip. They may look safe, but as soon as they get you alone, they will eat you.
And don't even start with whether or not you liek dem.

4. Villains. Ew.- Now, see, I got total mad awesome experience with a real live villain. And yeah, they were bad, they were scary, they were mad powerful, but I was better, and I was only a little Ralts back then. See, I was on the School Road bridge when I sensed him with my heightened senses. Me and Aiden were being sent on an important mission at the Ranger School. Now, protecting those little kiddies is way important, so Aiden finally decided to bring me out with him, cuz he was saving me for something worthy of my skills. Lemme tell you what happened.

So here's us on the bridge and here come these scary guys in totally un-chic all black clothing, and Aiden knees are just buckling he's that scared. He actually threw up. I mean, I'm pretty sure it was him throwing up. Someone threw up. Anyways, they pull out this laptop that's like, from 2000. It's worse than like, Dell. And everyone uses Apple now. And, while Aiden is totally wetting his pants and I'm bravely protecting him, them humans blab in their usual idiot babble that us Pokémon know means nothing really, and then out comes this totally drunk Croagunk. Aiden is trying to run away now, but he forces me, er, I force him to help me try and get this crazed out frog sober.
These guys, they say their Din Sum or something, but that's just a disgrace to a good food, they just keep poking their out-of-date laptop from the last century. But, with my help, Aiden totally gets this freak-out Croagunk to cut it out, and he even let me take a really long break in the middle there. Their laptop must've overheated, stupid thing, and it sploded. CAPACHOOM. Then these out of style guys run away, probably intimidated by my awesomeness, and Aiden looks really angry. I'm pretty sure he was angry at those guys for giving that Croagunk drugs or something, so he tells me to go back home, only cuz I did real good work. This stupid Croagunk gets to go to Ranger School with him. It was a dumb mission anyways. I did more exciting things.
And I didn't even get lost on my way back. At least, not more than once. And that's good, am I right?

5. Other Rangers. So Aiden kept getting distracted by this girl named Hinadori. And Hinadori just happened to have this Ralts as her partner Pokémon that I just happened to know. And they just happened to go to the same Ranger School, and they ended up being partners in way too many missions for my health, and I ended up seeing a very very stupid Ralts all too many times, and...
Okay, so your ranger is probably going to have a rival that you probably won't like, am I right? OF COURSE I AM.

6. Blissey Eggs.
DON'T EAT THEM.
Especially if you happen upon a certain Blissey who belongs to a trainer we call Koizumi...

Yeah, okay. I think that's it. There are probably a lot more stuff that will keep you from being awesome, but I wouldn't know because nothing can keep ME from being awesome. It's like, keeping the sky from being blue or grass from being green.

What the...? Meowth, get the heck out of here! I'm busy! Where's... WHERE'S GARDEVOIR?

I have to go. Peace.