Still don't own the Newsies. Sorry it's been like half a year. I got really stuck and then completely forgot. But it's summer and my head is clear!
Chapter 4- Stupid Confusion
Reality hits real hard. Proves a resemblance of what is real. Emotions come at some rapid rate you're not even sure what reality is anymore. Confusion. What the heck? I would really like to know how that came about.
"Paige?" Someone said my name? Not really sure. Pain. Oh, it hurts real bad. My head or heart? I can't really say at this moment. What if he did come back? Impossible. Unable to exist or happen? Surely not…
"PAIGE!" Oh, I should answer. Can I even think straight? Right back to confusion. I feel stuck. Have you ever felt like you're awake but you're stuck in your head and nothing is real? Yeah, welcome to my world at the moment. Sick. Not in as in an illness or disease. More like mentally deranged at the moment. Maybe I'm impaired? Huh, what a thought.
"Paige are ya there?" "Hello?" "I think she's out of it." So many voices. Ok, now I'm scared. Alarming. Am I terrified? I really can't tell, I keep thinking. Back to being sick. Ok, I can calm down. Breathe. Get air in and out… Keep going Paige you can do it. Funny feeling. Tired.
What a head rush. Wood? Why am I staring at some ceiling? This is stupid and beyond normal.
"Paige? Ya ok?" Spot. Oh, lodging house. I must have passed out. "Why are ya starin at me like that?"
"Sorry, just a little confused at the moment." Yeah, quite appropriate. I was back at the lodging house and Spot is there with Crook, his second in command. Both are just standing there staring. Go Away.
"Well ya passed out on us. What's goin on in dat head of yers?" Wouldn't you like to know. I really need to take a walk or something.
"Stuff." Good answer. I tried leaving the bed but Spot just pushed my right back down and glared. Woah, his eyes are like gray when he's mad.
"I don' like liars." Or not. I need to stop thinking about this, I want to leave. Like now.
"Spot honestly nothing. The town just creeped me out a little. Ok? I'm gonna go for a walk." He wished he knew. Once again i tried getting up but this time Crook stood infront of me.
"Harlem? What's up wit Harlem Paige?" I can't tell, I may be sick. I sat back down on the bed, maybe it's time to tell. I need Crook gone though. I just can't tell everyone everything. He can't be back though, right? I mean maybe they are only asking about me because I'm close to Spot? I need air. I need to leave. Help!
I stood up again. I need to talk to Mel. She knows some of my story, well only that I ran from my father. But she always listens and the walk to Manhattan is just what I need. Getting up I tried walking around Crook.
"And just where do ya think you're goin?" Oh for the love of a god. Spot moved Crook out of the way and stood two inches away from me, glaring with all his might.
"'Hatten. Is there a problem?" Jeez. Real pain in the ass. I stared right back, making sure I didn't show I was actually about to have a panic attack. Be strong Paige, don't be afraid. Hands on my hips I dared him to deny me rights to walk there.
"Yeah there is. I told ya yer in danger and ya wanna walk 'cross two cities? Is dis ya death wish?" Death wish? Oh Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. If he only knew. In reality though he taught me to fight, and I know for a fact he has birdies following me everywhere I go.
"'Cuse me? Whose Mary and Joseph?" Ha, did I really say that out loud? Laughing is a great feeling. It gets everything out like mirth and pleasure. Even nervousness. Nerves. Hopefully he won't catch on. We'll keep to the laughing. I probably look psychotic standing here awkwardly laughing while Crook and Spot stare at me.
"And what's so freakin' funny?" He asks a lot of questions. Ha. He does't look happy though, his eyes are back to that gray color. "I don't tink walkin 'cross two cities and cursin' me is very funny."
"Of course you wouldn't, your ego got the best of you and now you're stone cold." Ok, maybe the wrong thing to say. But he can't keep me here I need out of this place. I need the safe, clean feeling Manhattan has. I need a girl to talk to because god forbid my "best friend" has to listen to me. Trying to walk around him again he shoots a hand out and grabs my shoulder. I get spun around to face him one again.
Giving me this hard look and gripping my shoulder hard he states, "Yeah Paige dat's it. If I'm stone cold, den why am I worryin' bout chyou walkin' at alone? But since ya think that then be me guest an walk out darlin'." Well that's not good. He dropped his hand and backed away giving an arm gesture to let me walk by him.
I couldn't leave though, I stared back at him. I know he really does care but I was confused. To tell him or to keep all this to myself? He used to listen to me when I had nightmares and when I use to cry. Things change though I guess. We got older. He became leader. I became independent. He stays in Brooklyn. I travel between Brooklyn and Manhattan. That feeling of loss was coming over me. Lost.
"Sorry." I really had nothing else to say. I needed my best friend back, but he changed. Giving Crook a stare that said leave, he walked up to me while Crook left the bunkroom.
One hand on my arm and the other holding his cane he said, "Ya should be. Paige yer me best friend. Ya scared me once today an then ya wanna go walkin' out by yaself? Just wait 'til tomorrow an I'll take ya. On our way chyou can tell me 'bout ya issue wit Harlem." Wow I feel bad. He does have feelings, well sometimes, sometimes meaning his boys aren't around. And sadly I can never get mad at him. Ever. He makes me forget about everything sometimes. Oh, like now. Stupid Spot. Stupid Feelings. Stupid Harlem.
