I realise this update is a long time coming. Life gets crazy at time, but it's finally done. This chapter's a bit longer than the others. I hope you like. xxx

Chapter 4. Anticipation

Alec wandered through the institute thankful for the peace and quiet. He loved the feeling of this place at night when everyone else was asleep or out on patrol. There was a peace that came upon the halls which were usually buzzing with energy and life. It was a relief to be alone sometimes at the end of the day after all the dealings of running the institute were done. Usually he would go straight to Magnus, but tonight he felt the need to be alone... or maybe he just felt the need to be closer to Jace right now...

Alec headed up to the rooftop as he often did when the day was done. He'd always loved being up here at night, just him and night air, the view over the streets and park bellow. It was beautiful and peaceful. It kept him centred and calm.

So much had happened so quickly. Their entire world had been turned upside down with the loss of Clary. In all honesty Alec had never realised how much a part of their lives she'd become until she was gone. And though he'd rarely gotten along with her and was often annoyed with her, she'd become a part of his family somehow... and he missed her. She could be reckless and impulsive, but she was also kind and compassionate and fierce. Nobody expected the storm that would come for them if they crossed her or tried to hurt the people she loved.

Alec took a deep breath and let it out slowly. They had a long way to go before things would feel normal again. At least Jace was finally starting to get a bit more sleep even though Alec knew he was still plagued with nightmares. His parabati had suffered so much, more than anyone ever should, but the last few weeks had been a twist of fate far beyond cruelty. He deserved to rest.

After a while when Alec felt more centred he descended into the opps centre to check on Izzy. "Hey" Izzy greeted him as he approached. "What's got you up so late?"

"Just had some reports to finish." Alec took a look at the monitors. "Anything interesting?"

Izzy shook her head. "Not really." She turned to Alec. He always looked a little pained these days. "How's Jace?"

Alec looked Izzy in the eyes before looking down and letting a long sigh. "He lost the only girl he's ever loved and he was forced to kill the last of his biological family. He's devastated..."

Izzy placed her hand on her brother's arm comfortingly. "I know... but he's got all of us to help him through this. He's gonna be okay Alec."

Alec shook his head. "I don't know. I've never seen him like this Izzy. I just wish there was more I could do."

Izzy smiled grimly. "I know."

Alec nodded. "And how about you? Are you okay?"

"As well as can be expected... better than Simon..."

Alec grinned a little wickedly. "You've been spending a lot of time with Simon lately?"

Izzy laughed lightly and raised her eyebrow for emphasis. "We're just friends."

Alec gave her a suggestive look. He may have been caught up lately, but he wasn't blind. There'd always been an ongoing flirtation between her and Simon, but lately something more seemed to be developing. The only people who seemed oblivious to it were her and Simon.

Izzy punched his arm playfully. "What?"

Alec gave her a knowing look. "When you're ready to talk about what you need to talk about I'll be here." He stated feeding her own words back to her from when he'd been totally oblivious to what was happening between him and Magnus.

Izzy looked almost shocked. Alec was so rarely snarky these days. Just as she was about to respond, Jace came racing through the opps centre without a word almost too fast to recognise it was him and headed straight for the door. Alec and Izzy looked at each other. "Did you just?..." Izzy asked.

"Yeah..." Alec responded. "I'll go check."

Jace ran. He didn't think, didn't speak, he just ran as fast as his legs would carry him. His only thought, his only concern was to get to that hooded figure in the shadows. His heart raced from more than just physical exertion. He was both terrified and hopeful all at once. He didn't stop when he passed Alec and Izzy in the opps centre, he raced out the door to the place where he'd seen her.

Near panic set in when he reached the spot to find that nobody was there. And then he saw it, a piece of paper placed under a rock where the figure had been. Jace picked it up forcing himself to slow his breathing as he unfolded it. Before he read a word he was completely certain of one thing, it was undoubtedly Clary's handwriting.

Jace,

I'm okay, but I can't come back, not yet. Meet me at my old apartment in Brooklyn tomorrow at midnight. Nobody else can know. I'll explain everything I promise.

Clary

Jace let go of the breath he wasn't aware he holding until now. She was alive. Clary was alive. Jace snapped back to reality when he heard Alec's voice calling his name. He quickly stuffed the paper into his jacket pocket and turned to Alec as he approached.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked as he came near.

Jace did his best to look lost and stunned, which wasn't all that hard right now. "I'm... I'm okay. I just..." Jace shook his head. "I thought I saw someone..."

"Saw who?" Alec gently prodded.

Jace let out a shaky breath. "Clary..." he shook his head. "I thought I saw Clary. I must really be loosing my mind..."

Alec shook his head. Jace looked so helpless, so tired and worn down. He'd become skinnier, he had dark circles under his eyes and skin paler than was normal for him. He hadn't shaved in what looked like weeks. Alec reached out and gripped his arm comfortingly. "You've suffered an unimaginable loss Jace. I think it's probably natural to wanna see her everywhere you go."

Jace nodded and worked on controlling his breathing. "Yeah... yeah I guess you're right..." he grasped Alec's arm gratefully. "I should... try and get some sleep."

Alec walked him back to the opps centre then let Jace make his way back to his room alone.

"Is he okay?" Izzy asked when they were alone again.

Alec grimaced looking after Jace and then back at Izzy. No. He thought. Jace was far from okay. But what he said was "As okay as he can be."

Jace closed his door behind him and pulled the piece of paper out from his pocket looking at it again, breathing hard. Was he crazy? Was this just a really good forgery? Was he just seeing what he wanted to see? He'd seen that rooftop blown clear away. It made zero logical sense for her to be alive and yet she was, she had to be. Everything else might be explained away except that she'd drawn the connection rune under her name like a signature. Only Jace and her knew that rune. It was one of hers. They never shared it with anyone else. It was theirs. She was making sure that he knew this was real.

Jace started laughing suddenly, a little hysterical. He felt relieved and anxious, lightheaded with the sudden revelation and something else he couldn't quite describe. This must've been how Clary felt watching him come back to life. He remembered how surreal it was, waking up and seeing her face smiling at him eyes rimmed with tears of relief and love pouring from every part of her. The way she looked at him like he was the only thing in the world to her. They way she kissed him like her ability to keep breathing depended on him. He'd never realised all that time how much he meant to her until then.

Jace checked his clock. 4am. 20 hours until he could see her again. Jace laid down to rest. She may be alive but something was definitely wrong if she couldn't come home. He needed to rest so he could be at his best for whatever he was walking into.

Hours later Jace awoke feeling groggy but better rested than before. He sat up swinging his legs over the side of the bed and rubbed his eyes. He looked at his clock. 1pm. 11 hours to go. He needed to get ready. He pulled his duffel bag out from under his bed. Considering he didn't know how long he'd be gone he needed to be prepared. He packed his bare essentials as if he was going into extended battle and stashed his bag back under his bed for later.

When he was done with his own supplies he wandered down the hall into Clary's room. It still impacted him that even after all these weeks it still smelled of her, that faint scent of her body lotion mixed with charcoal and pencil shavings. And something else, something he couldn't quite describe that was unique to her, that scent he couldn't get enough of and couldn't wait to breath again.

Jace breathed deep, shook himself out of his moment and looked around. He didn't know what she needed, but one thing he knew was she hated to be in dirty clothes for too long. Also she felt naked without that piece of charcoal in her pocket. Jace grabbed a few things he knew she would appreciate along with her favourite clothes and stashed them in one of her art supply bags and then stashed them along with her shoulder bag under her bed to collect later. People wouldn't look twice at him wandering into Clary's room, he did it often enough. They would however find it suspicious if he walked through the halls carrying her things.

There was two more things he needed before he left. First he needed an inside man, someone who knew where he was going. It couldn't be anyone at the institute. It had to be an outsider, someone reliable and trustworthy who could keep their mouth shut. Luke was in the middle of a hearing after what happened with his partner along with all his other prior enquiries. Mia hadn't been seen in weeks. That left Simon. Jace rolled his eyes. Figures it'd be him. At least he knew without a doubt that Simon would do anything for Clary. The next thing he needed was the faerie rings which had been confiscated from Valentine when he was arrested. If what he suspected was true he needed to be able to communicate without using his phone. Jace knew where they'd been stored, luckily Izzy was on night duty this week which left the armoury clear within an hour of him meeting Clary.

Jace checked his watch. 2pm. 10 hours to go. He picked up his phone and dialled Simon's number. Simon sounded genuinely surprised when he answered. "Jace?"

Jace got straight to the point. "Simon. I'm about to text you an address. I need you to be there in an hour and you need to delete the text. No questions asked."

Simon started babbling as he always did, Jace listened for all of 5 seconds before interrupting. "Simon I can't explain over the phone. You're just gonna have to trust me."

Simon stuttered for a moment resigned. "Okay. Okay, yeah wherever. I'll be there."

Jace hung up and texted the address as he headed out. He needed coffee to deal with Simon.

Simon frowned after after getting off the phone. He was confused but also intrigued. Jace generally didn't call unless it was important and although he'd never say it aloud he was pretty sure Jace blamed him for Clary's death, so him calling... something must be up. Simon still blamed himself everyday. Clary's face haunted his dreams every time he slept. He blamed himself. He could blame the mark, but the fact was it was his fault. He should have been more careful. He should have told Clary to stay back or leave. But he didn't. And now he would never see his best friend again.

The thought made him want to run away and never come back, because it wasn't just him who had lost her, it was Jace, Luke, Izzy, hell even Alec. They'd all loved her and they all felt her loss. Simon thought about running almost everyday, but he couldn't. He had to face this and he couldn't leave his sister. Izzy had been a rock for him the past few weeks. She checked in on him every second day or so, a message here, a call there. She somehow found a way of being a constant presence in his life without being annoying.

She kept him company when she could. They'd taken to walking through the streets and parks of Brooklyn at night. Izzy called it her escape. Things at the institute had been "tense" as she'd described it. The entire institute had been under investigation following Jace's possession, Clary's deception followed by her death. Everyone was being examined thoroughly to assess their effectiveness and competency. Izzy rolled her eyes and tried to make light of it, but Simon could tell she was stressed.

In all honesty Izzy was the main reason Simon resisted the urge to run everyday. He knew she was just trying to be there for him but he was starting to feel like she was also leaning on him as much as he was on her. With Mia still absent with no indication of when she was coming back, it was nice to have Izzy around. There was something about her Simon couldn't quite describe. He'd been terrified of her in the beginning, but as he'd gotten to know her she'd become of the few people he felt completely comfortable with. He knew that most people never saw beyond her tough and stunningly beautiful exterior. They didn't know what they were missing.

When Jace's text came through Simon raised an eye brow. Clary's old apartment? Jace knew Simon knew where that was so why was he texting the address? Unless... unless he thought they were being watched. Something was definitely up.

Jace waited by the fire escape for Simon. His thoughts rolled over the possibility of what he thought was happening. Lilith's only goal in escaping from Edom had been to resurrect Jonathan. She'd been so close before he... the owl that is had left to confront Alec. If Clary was alone she wouldn't have felt the need to keep their meeting so secret. Jace was almost certain of what he suspected, he only needed confirmation.

Simon's arrival broke through his thoughts. "Hey." Simon greeted him cautiously. It was hard to look at Jace after having seen him possessed by the owl. He knew he was himself again, but some part of him would always see that face when he thought of the person who'd thrown Clary from

that rooftop. He shook the thought away. Jace didn't deserve that stigma. "So what's going on?"

Jace fought the urge to roll his eyes. He needed to remain focused. "I need to tell you something Simon, but before I do I need to swear you to secrecy."

Simon wanted to wise cracked about secret rendezvous and how he just didn't swing that way but he knew Jace may actually punch him if he did. Instead he remained serious. "Secrecy is my middle name." Simon quipped. Okay maybe not that serious.

Jace wasn't amused, his expression serious. "I don't have time for jokes Simon. This is important. Life and death"

Simon took the hint. "Sorry. I'm listening."

Jace nodded. "Okay what I'm about to tell you cannot go beyond you and I. I cannot be more serious, for everyone involved, what I'm about to tell you has to stay between you and me. Understand?"

Simon nodded a little taken aback by how serious Jace was. "Yeah. Yeah I understand."

Jace took a deep breath and composed himself. He handed Simon Clary's note. He watched Simon's eyes go wide in realisation as he read. He look up at Jace in complete shock, speechless for probably the first time in his life. "Before you ask, yes this is real and yes I am sure."

Simon's expression was half hopeful half cautious. "Clary's alive? Are you sure?"

Jace nodded. "You see that rune?" Simon nodded. "She only ever shared it with me. I wasn't sure until I saw that. It's her, she's alive."

Simon's eyes filled with tears and he visibly composed himself. "Where is she?"

"I don't know. I'm meeting her here tonight and I need to be alone." Jace emphasised the word alone.

Simon started to protest. "What? No way, I'm staying, you can't just..."

"Simon!" Jace said firmly shutting him up. "You can't be here to meet her because I don't think she's alone and if what I suspect is true, I can't put anyone else at risk."

Realisation dawned on Simon after a moment and he seemed to begrudgingly understand. "Her brother..."

Jace nodded. "I think Lilith succeeded in bringing him back. It explains why Clary's only asking for me to meet her. She's trying to keep everyone she thinks he might kill on sight away."

Simon's brow furrowed. "Wouldn't that kind of make you number one on his list? You know dating his sister?"

Jace half shrugged. "Yeah it would."

Simon raised one eyebrow "And you're still going in?"

Jace looked Simon dead in the eye. "If Clary needs me I'm there. No questions asked."

Simon nodded. He didn't always give Jace a lot of credit, but watching the way he cared for Clary he had to give it to him. He really loved her. She came before him no questions asked. His best friend was in good hands. Simon took a deep breath let it out forcefully trying to let some of his tension out. "Okay... alright. What do you need from me?"

Jace reached into his pocket and pulled out the faerie rings. He handed one to Simon who examined it looking a little confused and then humerous. This time Simon couldn't resist. "Are you asking me to go steady?" He joked.

Jace's composure never wained. He ignored Simon's lame attempt at a joke and explained. "It's an enchanted faerie ring. They come in pairs like these." He held up the other one. "They're used for discreet manners of communication over any distance. Valentine used them to infiltrate the institute through Hodge. It's like a psychic connection between the two."

Simon nodded in understanding. "You need an inside man."

Jace nodded in return. "Obviously you weren't my first choice..." Jace started prodding a little, but then turned serious. "...but you're all I've got." They both looked at each other in understanding. "I'm going to meet Clary here tonight. And nobody can know where I am. Not even Alec or Izzy. I'm going to leave them a message telling them I need an extended leave of absence to grieve. They have to believe nothing has changed, otherwise they'll come after me and they can't do that."

Simon swallowed hard. He felt the seriousness of it all and even though he hated it, he agreed to stay away and let Jace go. He couldn't help the tears of relief that fell as he made his way home, the faerie ring burning a hole in his pocket. Clary was alive.

Jace waited as long as he could before collecting his and Clary's bags. Hers fit neatly into his. He left his note to Alec on his desk after checking Alec wasn't around. Just as he was heading for the back entrance however Alec appeared coming through the door. Jace froze for a moment and then tried to act casual. "Hey."

Alec looked at Jace's bag and Jace could hear the he was trying to hide in his voice. "You're leaving?"

Jace sighed feeling pained. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Alec. "I just... I need some time away from here to grieve... alone... I uhh... I left you a note."

Alec was angry. No, not angry. Hurt. "A note? You were just gonna leave a note and leave me behind?"

Jace swallowed. "I didn't wanna bother you... I'm sorry..."

Alec took a deep breath, let it out a little shakey. "Bother me? I'm trying to understand Jace, I really am. I mean I get it. You lost someone who meant the world to you... I know, I'm your parabati, I feel what you feel every day. I just... I don't know how to help you and I... you were just going to leave?" Alec was at his wit's end.

Jace felt his eyes pricking with tears as he saw Alec's eyes glisten. Alec was hurting that much was clear. Jace stepped to him and wrapped him in an embrace. Alec pulled him in and they both breathed deep. Jace felt a twinges of guilt. He sometimes forgot how sensitive Alec was and how much things hurt him. Alec was feeling his grief second hand he knew, it was part of being parabati. "I'm so sorry Alec." He stated.

Alec held him for a long time before pulling back enough to look Jace in the eyes. "I'm not saying don't go. If this is what you need I'll give it to you. I'm just saying that I don't want you to feel like you have to slip out like this. You can talk to me."

Jace nodded feeling pained. He needed to make this right when he came back. If you come back. The thought sobered him. If this was the last time he saw Alec... he couldn't entertain the thought. "I know... I just need some time... I don't feel like I'm useful to anyone right now. I can't sleep, I can hardy eat, I feel weak and useless... I just... I need to get away for a while..."

Alec nodded understanding. "I get it... just... take care of yourself and come home to us when you're ready."

Jace grasped Alec's shoulder with his free hand and nodded. And then he left hoping against all hope that this was not goodbye.