Hey, I'm back. Sorry for the delay. Figuring out the direction of the story and then writing it out took more time than I would've liked it to. Anyway, this is a comparitively short chapter for a few reasons. One, it's early in the morning and I'm tired. Two, I felt the need to update. And three, this leaves you with a slight cliff-hanger. Not a huge one, but a cliff-hanger nonetheless. Okay, enough babbling. Read on.
Chapter Four: Stale Cake
I waved goodbye to Tawni, Nico, Randy, and Sarah from the sidewalk. They would be dropped off by the limo back to their houses next.
I walked up the outdoor staircase up to our floor and tested the door knob on our front door. Finding it was unlocked, I pushed through the door calling out, "I'm home," while I kicked off the silver ballet flats my mom had bought me for the party.
"Hi, honey! Did you have fun?" I heard my mom's cheerful voice coming from around the corner in our kitchen.
I walked into the kitchen to join her. "Yeah, it was pretty- Mom!"
Once again my mother had been caught by me drinking juice straight out of the carton, like she knew I hated.
She quickly closed up the carton of strawberry kiwi juice and returned it to the top shelf in the fridge and swallowed guiltily. "What?" asked the total picture of innocence, AKA, my mom, Connie.
"Would it kill you to use a glass, mom? I mean, isn't it usually the parents scolding their teenagers not to do this?"
My mom smiled weakly. "Old habits die hard?" she tried.
"Uh-huh."
"If we're all done picking at my bad habits… tell me about the party. Was it fun? Did you talk to Randy? Give me all the gory details," my mom said, taking a seat at the small square wooden table that resided against the back wall of our kitchen.
"There's not really much to tell…" I hedged. "Chad and I decided to be friends," I added trying to downplay it.
"You did? Well that's…"
I looked at my mom's torn expression. Out of everyone, my mom was the one person who had witnessed the full side effects of the breakup. They weren't pretty, to say the least. You could have made Eeyore look like an optimist if you had put him next to me during my week-long depression period.
"Mom, its fine. We're just going to be civilized friends. I miss that." I pulled out the chair next to my mom and sat down on it sideways.
"But can you handle being only friends?"
"Sure… It'll be fine. And besides… Randy and his family live in town, so… Who knows? Maybe it'll turn into something more."
Tuesday night…
I hadn't been completely sure if Randy liked me as more than a friend or not… until now. I'm still not sure how it happened. One minute, we were talking about Friday's party and how much fun it was, and the next, he was offering to take me out to a movie and I was accepting.
We had a lot of fun. The movie we saw, 17 Again, was hilarious and before and after the movie we talked a bunch too. It was all seeming to work out too perfectly. I kept thinking to myself, what's the catch? There had to be one. Because, really, what were the odds that the boy I pick out to be my new crush/potential boyfriend likes me back, asks me out on a date, and then outright asks if that made us a couple or not?
I paced the bathroom floor in my purple pajamas, thinking, reviewing the night in my head. Everything had gone perfectly. Nothing was wrong. So why oh why was I feeling like there was one small element that I was missing?
A gentle knock on the door startled me and broke me out of my puzzled thoughts.
"Sonny? Are you okay in there?" Of course it was my mother asking this.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I said through the door. I turned the lock and opened the door. "I was just thinking. I'm practically dead on my feet though, so I'm going to go to bed," I told my mom while walking slowly past her to my room. I didn't have to act tired though since the length of my day was catching up to me.
She yawned in agreement. "Alright. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
It wasn't until Randy and I had been dating, officially, for about three weeks that I figured out what I had been missing. The "catch" to my seemingly perfect new relationship and ability to "move on."
I hadn't really been thinking about Chad all that much. Okay, okay, yes I had… but not in an I-miss-him, can't-get-over-him way. I had been thinking- and overanalyzing -the fact that although we had agreed to be friends, we still had yet to speak since the night of the party. Granted, we hadn't been throwing each other glares or even the occasional sticking out of tongues at each other, and in general we were being… polite.
We'd accidentally run into each other- yes, it was my fault. No need to rub it in –and yeah, we'd both quickly apologized before parting ways again, but I didn't count that as really talking. Especially not for people on a friend status.
But aside from that, I hadn't been thinking about him a ton. Once, maybe twice, romantically during lunch, but I didn't think that that counted for anything. I was a tad off.
After Randy and I came back from our short lunch date, we went back to the studio. (And in case you were wondering why Randy and Sarah don't have school, it's because they were on summer break.) My realization hit me after Randy had left to do something else and I was on my way to rehearsal.
I stopped in my tracks for about five seconds before breaking into a run in the opposite direction to the bathrooms. My reaction to coming to this conclusion was not allowed to be witnessed by anyone.
I shut myself up in the bathroom and locked the door. I was finally alone. I lowered the seat on the toilet and sat down with my knees brought up to my chest.
Who had I really been kidding? I was far from over Chad. I hated it as soon as I thought of it, but forcing myself to be around Randy and love him as much as I used to love Chad was like eating a piece of stale cake. It was still sweet, it had its benefits, but it didn't satisfy. After eating it- or being around Randy –you're left wanting more, only what you really want is the real thing, the original. But at that point, you've lost your chance, and the real deal- fresh cake in this case -is long gone. You can't turn the clocks back to when it was still fresh… still yours…
I couldn't even see what was written in black Sharpie on the stall door clearly anymore. Everything was blurry and watery from my tears.
I felt so bad. I had just been on a date with Randy, and I was locked in a bathroom crying my eyes out because I still missed Chad. And I was relating Randy to stale cake. Gosh, I was such an awful person!
I finally got what I wanted. Someone to help me get over Chad, and take my mind off him… A new boyfriend… But it wasn't working the way I'd hoped it would've. To say it was would be lying to myself.
Ugh! This was so frustrating!
I couldn't help but cry though. I wasn't even crying because I felt sorry for myself though. It was because… well there were several reasons.
One reason was that I had been lying to myself without even knowing it. Telling myself, basically, that it had worked, and I was over Chad. I was very clearly not, in fact.
Another reason was for Randy. I just felt bad because after realizing that even though I liked Randy a lot, I would never be able to give him as much love as I was capable of. I just couldn't because that kind of love was still locked up in a safe in my heart with "Chad" written on it. And I no longer had the key to that safe. I'd given it to Chad.
My third reason tied in with the second one. At this point, I almost felt like I had just been using him. But I really do like him, I reasoned with myself. Okay, so maybe "using" was too strong a word, and in reality, I wasn't. I guess it just felt like it…
That was it! That was going to be the last of my wallowing from then on.
I decided then and there that after that, I would no longer cry over this. I was going to suck it up, and accept the fact that the person I truly loved was gone forever, and I was going to realize that I might not find that again and the closest to I would ever come to that again was Randy. I know that sounds awful for Randy, like he's the second choice, the backup plan, but I really did love him. Just not like I loved Chad. And I felt so guilty about that…
The Next Day…
I walked into my dressing room, ready to finally relax for a little while after a trying rehearsal. We had some disagreements about how the sketch should be playing out, and one certain person refused for the longest time, to see it any other way than her own. Needless to say, I needed a break.
But the person sitting comfortably on my couch caught me off guard, and I dropped the one prop I had needed for rehearsal: a giant foam iphone.
Chad looked up at my arrival and smiled.
He always did have the worst timing. After all these days and weeks filled with opportunities to talk to me, he chose then. Right when I really needed a break and the day after I had realized I wasn't over him yet. Yes… timing was not his strong point… to say the least.
Well... what'd you think? Positive things, I hope. So, I will either update later today or tomorrow. Hopefully... I'm pretty sure I have enough ideas to crank out a decent sized chapter this weekend. And just to add, I really did just see 17 Again on Friday and it was so funny. I loved it! Alright... I think I'm done talking. Thanks for reading, please review, and goodbye!
