Author's Note: I am sorry about the day late post but I had a prior engagement last night that went longer than expected. In this story, Kaoru and Kenshin attempt to discuss what happened with Jin'eh, and Kenshin reverting to Battousai.
Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.
Story 4, After Jin'eh
It had been two days since his fight with Jin'eh and Kenshin had done his best to keep his distance from Kaoru. He was still pleasant with her, did his chores, and spent some time in the dojo watching her and Yahiko practice, but for the most part there was tension. Kenshin believed Kaoru could sense this. She was an intelligent and intuitive person.
'What must she think of me? Especially after what happened.'
Kenshin shook his head and put a hand to his forehead. He still could not believe that he had reverted to Battousai. Over his ten years of wandering, Kenshin had done his best to repress that side of him. There were times that Battousai would come out, at least the serious side. However, this time was different.
'He fully came out. All because I failed to protect Miss Kaoru.'
Kenshin put his hands to his sides and clenched his fists. He felt anger boil up inside him and his teeth clench. 'How could I let that happen? How could I forget myself?'
Kenshin sighed and sat down on the log that overlooked the river. He had returned to where it happened. He recalled just sitting on that log and staring at Kaoru as he held her favorite ribbon. It was such a carefree moment when they smiled at each other.
Kaoru had come to see him, refusing to leave even with the threat of Jin'eh. Kenshin would have none of it though and asked her to leave because he needed to focus on Jin'eh and no one else. When Kaoru gave him her ribbon, he was perplexed. Then when she asked for it to be returned and for him to not wander off, Kenshin finally registered what was going on. He remembered smiling and feeling a warmth in his heart.
'She was afraid I would leave. I did not realize how much I meant to her? But I wonder now if all these connections will put her and the others in danger.'
Kenshin remembered that moment very clearly before Jin'eh grabbed Kaoru. His blood ran cold, his heart pounded, and the fear he felt at seeing Jin'eh going down the raging river with Kaoru. His shock and worry quickly turned to anger and rage. As he read the note, he could only think of Kaoru and her bright cheerful smile and kind nature.
Kenshin sighed and lowered his eyes to the raging river, 'I let my guard down. Then I reverted to the side that I thought was repressed. Clearly it is not. I tried to stop Jin-ne without Battousai but then…'
His mind flashed to Kaoru and her facial expression in that small shack. Jin'eh had used a different and powerful form of Shin No Ippou to suffocate Kaoru as if she were drowning. Her face was in complete state of fear, she could barely breathe, and her hands were near her throat, gasping for air.
Kenshin shuddered, not wanting to relive that memory. 'You nearly died. It was either kill Jin'eh to end it or for you to break it. Break it you did before I could kill and break my vow. You are indeed a strong person.'
Kenshin then sensed a presence behind him and turned around to find Kaoru standing in her workout clothes. A serious look on her face, "Kenshin, why are you here?"
Kenshin turned back to the river and Kaoru stared at him. She knew he had been avoiding her since Jin'eh and could understand why. Although she knew about his past, to see that side of him on full display was frightening. In those moments, he was no longer Kenshin. He was Battousai. Kaoru looked down to the ground and then back at Kenshin.
"We should go home Kenshin. It will get dark soon."
Kenshin sighed and got up from the log as the two traveled back to the dojo. Except for the sound of their sandals on the dirt path, silence remained between them, similar to two days ago. Kaoru looked at Kenshin and although he seemed fine to the outside, Kaoru knew better.
'This whole thing has changed Kenshin somehow. Seeing him as Battousai was scary for me. I've been so use to him as the wanderer that I forget his past. What must he be thinking now? Should I say something? What can I say to him?'
"Listen Kenshin I…"
"Hey!"
Both Kenshin and Kaoru looked up to find Sanosuke waiting by the front door of the Kamiya dojo.
"I've been waiting for the two of you to get back. I was hoping to join you for dinner. I got some fish with me," Sanosuke said as he held up two large fish.
Kaoru narrowed her eyes, "Where did you get the fish?"
"From the river. I decided to treat the three of you and myself."
Kenshin and Kaoru stared at Sanosuke, noticing his right arm was still in its sling. Kenshin looked skeptical, "But Sano your arm is still injured. The doctor told you not to strain it until it's healed."
Sanosuke rubbed the back of his head and smiled, "Well, I did have some help."
"Darn right," Yahiko then appeared from behind the doors, "Took me two hours to get two fish. Meanwhile he lounges back against a tree."
"I'm injured!"
"So!"
The two began arguing again as Kenshin and Kaoru looked on, shaking their heads and smiling.
9999999999999999
As the four sat around to eat fish and rice, Kenshin looked at his three friends. He recalled how after the battle with Jin'eh, the four of them ran around after each other in a haze of confusion, misunderstandings, and fun. Kaoru chasing after him because her ribbon was soaked in the blood from his shoulder wound; Sanosuke questioning his supposed "night" with Kaoru; Yahiko unsure of what was going on with any of them. It was the same here now. Relaxed, fun, and carefree.
'But will it always be like this? These three are in constant danger with me around. Especially Miss Kaoru. I couldn't protect her and now she has seen Battousai. Yet she hasn't said anything.' Kenshin looked up from his meal to look in Kaoru's direction, 'That's like her though. She never cared for my past, but will she now. Will she want answers now that she has seen?"
"Hey Kenshin!"
Kenshin blinked and turned to Yahiko, "You've been staring into space for five minutes. Your food will get cold."
Kenshin's eyes widened, "Oro? This one was only thinking that he was. Besides I've finished half of it."
"Kenshin's never had too much of a big appetite. Besides I could use another piece of fish."
"Sano!"
Kenshin walked Sanosuke to the front door of the dojo and the two men looked up to the sky. The sun was beginning to set and showing off hues of orange in the sky.
"Thanks for the meal. I better head home and get some rest. You should too Kenshin."
"What do you mean?"
"You've been having trouble sleeping. I can tell by your face."
'Oro? Have I? I did not notice.'
Sanosuke then gave a serious look, "Listen I don't know all the details of what happened at that battle with Jin'eh, but you have us all worried. Especially Missy."
Sanosuke noticed Kenshin's back stiffen when he brought up Kaoru. Although Sanosuke teased the two about spending the night together, he knew better. Something happened during that battle with Jin'eh and Kenshin and Kaoru were not telling anyone.
'The guy was defeated but something else went wrong. Something that has made Kenshin different.'
Kenshin smiled wearily, "It's nothing to worry about."
"It is and you know it. If you don't want to tell me fine, but at least talk to Missy about it. She's been worried about you the most."
"Well she was there when the battle happened. This one was more difficult than the others."
"No. Something else happened and you're not saying. It won't do you any good to keep it bottled up. I'm an expert in that. Anyway goodnight and see you tomorrow."
As soon as Sanosuke left, Kenshin stared at his back and sighed. 'Sano has no idea how difficult this is to discuss. Despite losing his way, he never went to the dark path that I did and still struggle with. I could never fully talk about it with anyone now. Not even Miss Kaoru, someone who has never stained her hands with blood, unlike this one.'
Kenshin then looked at his hands. To the naked eye, his hands were bare and clean with callouses, but to him these hands were once used to kill. 'This battle with Jin'eh has really messed with my mind.'
Kenshin put a hand to his forehead, 'What should I do?'
"Kenshin."
Kenshin turned around to see Kaoru at the door, "Yahiko finished the dishes. Why not come inside for some tea."
As Kenshin, Kaoru, and Yahiko sat down for some tea, a silence came over them. Although the meal had been good and fun, Kaoru could still sense that bit of tension in Kenshin. 'Should I speak with him about this? I feel I need to.'
"Kenshin."
Kenshin looked over to Kaoru, "Yes Miss Kaoru?"
"Let's go outside for a moment. I would like to speak with you."
Kenshin nodded and continued to sip his tea. Kaoru took hers outside with her and Kenshin decided to follow without his cup. 'I may not need this cup anymore.'
When Kenshin walked outside he found Kaoru just outside the training hall and walked over to her.
"Where's your tea Kenshin?"
"I left it in the kitchen. It is nearly empty though."
Kaoru sipped her tea, "It is a nice night. Chilly but still lovely. Wouldn't you say?"
Kenshin looked around at the dark sky, it was clear and lovely to look at even in the chilly evening. "Yes. It is spring now and will soon be summer."
"Yes," Kaoru continued to sip her tea. "Kenshin, about what happened the other night. Do you want to talk about it?"
Kenshin's back stiffened. 'I should have known this would happen that I should. No doubt this whole episode has startled her.'
"Do you wish to talk about it?"
Kaoru looked down at her tea cup, "Not if you do not, but perhaps we should. I mean…"
"Were you frightened?"
Kaoru's eyes widened, "What?"
"Were you frightened? Of me?"
Kaoru looked at Kenshin and could see in his eyes that he was serious about this, but also worried. She knew her words in the next few minutes would matter.
"Of course not. Why would you think that?"
Kenshin looked down to the ground. "This was the first time that you have seen Battousai. A side of me, that has not been seen in ten years. It must of been frightening."
"Yes, but not in the way you think."
Kenshin then looked up and saw that Kaoru's eyes had softened a little. "You see Kenshin. I never asked about your past. I am curious about it, but to ask about this is not my place. I told you when we first met that I didn't care that you were once a hitokiri. It's who you are now that matters to me. When I saw you fight Jin'eh, I was scared for you."
Kenshin was startled by her statement, "Scared for me?"
"Yes. When I saw you fight it was not the person I had gotten to know. When I realized it was Battousai, I was more frightened for this personality change than anything else. Seeing you fight like that and speak in such a way was startling. I know how important it is for you to keep your vow and help people. I kept thinking about what you said when we first met. How the sword is a weapon to kill but that you liked my idea of a sword that protects life. I kept thinking of that and when you started to talk like the person I knew, I felt relief that you were back."
Kenshin stared at Kaoru, surprised by her statement. 'I really do mean that much to her.'
Kenshin then stared down at the ground. "Still I reverted to Battousai and let my guard down. Do you still feel safe with me around? So you even still want me around?"
Kaoru's eyes widened and she grabbed Kenshin's right shoulder. "Of course I do! I still feel safe with you around and I want you to stay. Don't ever think otherwise!"
Kenshin looked up into Kaoru's eyes. He could see her serious expression and the warmth that radiated from her eyes. He smiled and grabbed hold of her hand on his shoulder. He felt relief wash over him.
"I am glad that I am. I was worried you may have been frightened but I underestimate how strong you can be. After all, you stopped me from breaking my vow when you broke the Shin No Ippou. You saved me too."
Kaoru smiled and found herself staring at Kenshin. His warm violet eyes and kind smile always caused a thump in her heart.
"We should go inside though Miss Kaoru. We don't want to catch cold."
As Kenshin walked away, Kaoru watched from behind and continued to sip the last of her tea.
"Oh Miss Kaoru."
Kaoru looked up from her tea and stared at Kenshin.
"I am very happy you want me around that I am. I should not have doubted that after you gave me your ribbon by the river. So do not worry about me leaving just yet."
Kaoru's eyes widened as Kenshin turned around to the kitchen. She sighed, 'I hope so Kenshin. I don't want to be alone anymore, especially without you.'
After her final sip, Kaoru went inside to the kitchen and put her cup away. She and Kenshin did not speak of Jin'eh after that night, but they had managed to realize what they meant to each other and that it meant more than anything they could imagine.
They then went to bed that night with Kenshin staring at his hands. He did not see blood this time and clenched each one into a fist.
'Whatever happens, I shall keep me vow and protect those I care about. Miss Kaoru sees this and so do others. I will continue to be the wanderer who does not kill and protect all including Miss Kaoru. She means a lot to me too.'
End
Thanks for reading and please review!
