A/N: FaNFaRe!


"Hey, Justin, it's Chuckie. You know, from basketball and stuff. I was just thinking about stuff, and I know it's late, but…I just broke up with my boyfriend and I'm a little bit drunk, so I'm just calling to have someone to talk to. So call me when you get this, you know my number. Bye." Chuckie hung up his cell phone, hoping Justin would get the message before he got busted by his parents for drinking. He sighed, crumpled his beer cans, and threw them in the trash. Then he stared at his phone again, wondering if he should chance calling JJ. He decided against this, luckily for him. The next morning, he woke up to a slight hangover and a text message.

Sry, phone got turned off. Call me when u get up so we can talk. –J

Chuckie sighed, the "J" reminding him of his own J, his Jayze, not Justin. He dialed Justin's cell anyway, and he picked up on the third ring.

"Hey Chuckie. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I guess. Just need someone to talk to. My parents are still away, Troy's…unavailable to say the least, and Sarah has her own problems."

"Yeah, I understand. You wanna talk about it now? Or…maybe over Chinese food, later?"

"…Are you…asking me out?"

"Sort of. You can say no, if it's too weird."

"No, it's fine, but…well, never mind. Meet you…where?"

"The Chinese place in Central on State Street. Noonish?"

"Sounds good. See you then."

"Kay. Bye, Chuckie."

"Bye Justin." Chuckie looked at his watch. 9:30. What was Justin doing up at 9:30 in the morning? He absentmindedly walked out of his room, grabbed a towel from the closet, and went into the bathroom to take a shower. It was hot, the way he liked it, but he was interrupted by his cell phone ringing halfway through. He turned off the water and answered it. "Aloha."

"Chuckie, it's me." Chuckie and all the parts of his body froze. "Are you okay?" Chuckie couldn't make words come out. "Chuckie?"

"…Uh…shellshocked and confused. Why are you calling me? Here? Now?"

"Just checking up on you. Sarah said you were pretty sad. It's been a week. Are you gonna be okay?"

"I'm fine," Chuckie said defiantly. "What do you care?"

"Just asking. You're still my friend and I worry about you."

"Lies. Why are you really calling?"

"…Am I allowed to see other people?"

"I'm not your boyfriend. Don't have to ask me. Do whatever the fuck you want."

"Don't take that tone with me. I'm being nice to you. What do you have up your butt?"

"Nothing. Leave me alone." Chuckie hung up the phone and went to get back in the shower, but it rang again. "Jesus Christ, what?"

"I'm sitting in your living room."

"Congratulations? Get out of my house, JJ."

"I will not. Not until I see you're okay."

"JJ, get out of my house."

"I'm coming up the stairs." Chuckie reached out with his left hand and locked the bathroom door, something he should have done anyway.

"Stay the fuck away from me."

"Chuckie, don't pretend this wasn't mutual breakup."

"I know it was. But we broke up and I'm in the shower. Stay out of here."

"Chuckie, just…let's be friends, okay?"

"Fine. If you do one thing for me."

"What? Anything."

"Admit to Sarah you're bi."

"Cept that."

"If you don't, I will."

"Chuckie, no."

"Why not? It's true, isn't it?"

"Uh…"

"Jayze, give me some credit. You kissed and groped and gave slash received head from a guy for two months. If that's not bi, I don't know what is. It's not like you're telling her you're gayyy. You're only bi."

"Yeah, but she's Sarah, Chucks. I love her more than anything. And telling her would just ruin any chances I might have had with her. Cuz she wouldn't want a guy who can't fulfill all his needs with a woman."

"Yeah, but she's Sarah. She's my sister. She might not even be bothered by it."

"But she would be."

"Not telling her is basically lying to her."

"I know. But I can't stand to tell her. Just like I'll never admit it to my father."

"Then I guess we're not gonna be friends."

"Chuckie."

"JJ."

"Fine. I'm leaving."

"Good. Cuz I'm going out with Justin today."

"You're what?"

"You heard." Chuckie reached for his towel, deciding that he was about as clean as he was going to get, and walked down the hall to his bedroom, where JJ was lying on his bed, face up at the ceiling. Chuckie closed his phone and set it down. "JJ?" No reply. "Jayze?" Nothing. "Yoohoo…" Still nothing. Chuckie waved his hand in front of JJ's face. Nada. For good measure, he poked his ex-boyfriend. Zilch. He sighed, then traced a line down JJ's chest with one hand, lazily, to the waistband of his jeans. "Fine, stay there, I don't care."

"Chuckie," JJ said quietly without moving. Chuckie tuned his ears to what JJ was going to say, but did not turn to look at him. "Chuckie, I…I don't…I can't…"

"Jayze…"

"Never mind." Chuckie pulled his jeans on and began toweling his hair. "I'll never forget you. Everything we did, all the times we had–"

"I'm not dying. I'm not moving away. Nothing is happening. If you don't wanna break up, say so. I'll cancel on Justin right now."

"I can't. Not now. I mean, Sarah…" sigh. "But you…and now Tia…"

"I understand. Do you, though?" JJ sat up and crossed his legs underneath him. Chuckie pulled his double layered top on over his head.

"Yeah. I get it."

"Why are you here?

"I can't even say it."

"Say what?"

"Nothing. I shouldn't have brought it up. I shouldn't have come." Chuckie clambered onto his bed and sat across from his ex.

"Jay, I know what you're going through, I've done this, I went through it. You'll get through it."

"I know. I can. For now, Tia." Sigh. "Chucks, what if I can't get through it?"

"That's usually the beauty of a mutual breakup. I'll still be here when you come around. Don't worry."

"You could never give me a real relationship."

"I could."

"No, you couldn't."

"Why couldn't I?"

"You are incapable of commitment."

"What? I am not! I was with Troy for years!"

"Let me amend that. You are incapable of committing to me or anyone besides Troy."

"But I–"

"Because you love him."

"No, I–"

"You already told me you did. Or maybe Sarah did. But I know you do."

"That's so not the–"

"It is the point. But it's fine. Because neither of us really wanted a real relationship out of this. Well, I wasn't expecting it."

"I. Hate. Men." JJ didn't have a response for that. Chuckie threw a pillow at him, grabbed the keys to Sarah's car, and left in the direction of the restaurant where he was meeting Justin not too far in the future. To his general surprise, Justin was already there when he got there, even though he was a good 15 minutes early.

"I can't stand being late for anything," Justin said by explanation. "Shall we?"

"Uhm, sure," Chuckie said, allowing himself to be seated by the waitress. "So where were you last night?"

"Poker night."

"You win?"

"Enough to pay for lunch," Justin replied, grinning. "So, are you okay?"

"Well, I kind of deserted my ex in my bedroom. He came over this morning and he was being an ass."

"How?"

"Talking shit."

"Like what?" Chuckie glared at him. "Don't tell me if you don't want to."

"Like I am completely incapable of committing to anyone who's not Troy." Justin nodded as if he understood. There was a long pause while Chuckie observed his menu and Justin observed Chuckie. After a time, Chuckie looked up to see Justin staring at him. "What?"

"Well, are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Completely incapable of committing to anyone who isn't Troy."

"Oh." Chuckie paused to think. Then he shrugged and returned to his menu. "I've never really been with anyone except Troy. For, you know, as long as I can remember, or forever, whichever's longer. And then JJ…but that was different. It wasn't like a real relationship. Doesn't count."

"You think you could be committed to someone besides Troy?"

"Course I think I could. But I also thought I could fly that one time and broke my arm."

"Okay, let's come back to that, because I wanna hear that story, but…what reason do you have to doubt your committing abilities?"

"I'm not scared of commitment, if that's what you're thinking. That's really not the problem."

"Then what is it?" Chuckie didn't reply. "That's okay if you don't want to tell me."

"It's cuz I don't know."

"Oh. Okay." There was silence. "So…why did you think you could fly?"

"It was really stupid. We were like 8 years old, and Sarah and Troy tried, and succeeded, to convince me that if I sat on the doghouse roof wearing a red scarf, I could fly around on it. Then I tried to climb up on top of the damn thing, fell off the ladder, and broke my arm. Troy and Sarah were reprimanded and sent on their merry ways."

"No, Chuckie, impersonating Snoopy will not make you fly around on a doghouse."

"It was a red doghouse, in my defense. And we used to have a beagle named Snoopy, who, for the record, never liked to chase rabbits."

"I'm not sure whether that makes you cool or a Dork."

"I think Dork."

"Mkay. You're a dork." Chuckie laughed.

"Thanks." The waitress came back to take their orders and they gave them and she left.

"So, anything you really want to talk about? More venting about your ex, stories from your childhood…" Justin asked.

"Erm…I dunno. I'm just so fed up with men."

"Aha. Should I go then before you slaughter me with a fork or beat me with a chair?"

"Not you. Not us. Mostly straight guys. And gay guys who think they're straight guys."

"Yeah, those are the worst," Justin said, exhaling.

"You have experience in that area?" Chuckie asked, interestedly.

"Tons."

"Well, what do you do?"

"There's not much you can do. Hope and wait around. However…occasionally, we have to take matters into our own hands."

"Course."

"Now, my most recent boyfriend was a complete ass in high school."

"Who at your school wasn't?"

"Very funny. But we're in college now. And in college you're a blank slate. Nothing from high school carries over, and most importantly, no incoming freshman boy is straight. Unless he's engaged or married, and sometimes even then. Everyone experiments in college. You'll understand when you get here. I wouldn't be surprised if you woke up with a girl more than once."

"I would," Chuckie mumbled.

"Anyway, my most recent boyfriend…well, no one thought I could ever manage to convert him even for one night. But I did. And while he never actually came out – yet – he does still have feelings for girls. Most people would chalk him up as a bisexual and move on with their lives, but I don't buy bisexuality. Either you like girls or you like guys."

"Yeah really."

"Bisexuality was something invented in the 90s to sell hair products."

"I thought that's why they invented metrosexuality."

"Probably."

"What's the moral of this story?"

"Uhm….leave straight guys be."

"But if we always did that, wouldn't the pool of guys we could go with just get smaller?"

"Haven't you ever found someone you didn't convert to date?"

"Nope."

"Ouch." Their food came and there was a lapse in conversation while they ate. "Why did you call me?"

"Can't talk to Troy, he's with Gabriella and I'm pretending I don't care that he thinks he's in love with her. Sarah has her own problems that are honestly much worse than mine. My parents are in…I don't even know where and I hate my psychiatrist. Not to mention I thought you'd understand, which you do."

"Ah."

"What?"

"Nothing. That's what I thought. Didn't know you had a psychiatrist though."

"I try to avoid seeing her as much as possible. Just when I need like…refills on my anti-depressants. Or when I need something to talk at. But then she always has weird suggestions. I swear mom and dad hired her to talk me out of my 'gay phase'." He used air quotes to demonstrate the ridiculousness of this statement.

"My parents never did that to me. Course I barely have parents. My mom died, and my Dad's still in the Navy, which leaves us with our step-mom, and all she does is watch Jerry Springer."

"Is that show still on?"

"I don't know. I moved out as soon as I could."

"Yeah, I can't wait to get out of my house." They caught each other's eye and sighed simultaneously.

"Maybe someday you won't have to see a psychiatrist you hate," Justin said after a time.

"Yeah, right."

"No really, I'm majoring in Psychology."

"Oh. Interesting." There was another pause. "Can we get to the reason we're really here?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why did you suggest we come here? We look like we're on a date."

"Do you consider this a date?"

"Well, never having been on one before, I can't tell. Is this a date?"

"Yeah. Why not? We're on a date. I was gonna pay anyway."

"Oh. Don't you have to ask someone, like, out, before you can ask them on a date?"

"Nah. That's, like, high school talking."

"You forget. I am in high school. In fact, I'm 16."

"I don't forget. I selectively ignore things I don't want to remember." Chuckie laughed. "It's true."

"So we're just two guys on a date."

"Nope. We're one guy and a closet case at a Chinese restaurant on a Sunday afternoon."

"Which one of us is the closet case?"

"That'd be you, darling."

"Sure," Chuckie said, rolling his eyes. "That's how it goes."

"I don't see how you do it. Or why."

"You know why."

"You're scared?"

"Not really. Just waiting for Troy. Until he's ready."

"Screw Troy."

"I have," Chuckie mumbled. Justin ignored this remark.

"What if he's never ready?"

"He will. He's going after Ryan this summer."

"Says who?"

"If he doesn't, I will."

"You wouldn't."

"I would."

"Not if you were my boyfriend."

"Well, no. Obviously not. But summer starts in a month, so…" Justin rolled his eyes.

"Chucks, you wanna go back to my place after this?"

"Uhm…okay. That seems like a broad invitation." Justin laughed.

"Well, they're gonna kick us out of here eventually. And I can tell we're not done talking. And I doubt your house is a good place from what you say about it. And you could bug my roommate for me. I'm sure you'd do a better job than I do."

"Who's your roommate?"

"…Remember Josh Smith, my childhood crush, and the captain of my team?"

"Yeah, your, um, best friend guy?"

"Yeah, he's my roommate."

"Oh, he's cool. I don't believe he did that stuff you said he did though."

"That was back when he was young and foolish. Joshy knows better now."

"Aha," Chuckie said skeptically.

"All the other colleges are out by now. I don't see why I have to go to the only one that lasts into June."

"Meh. That makes it fair to us high school kids. Plus you get two weeks off in March. It evens out."

"Well, yeah, but still."


Chuckie followed Justin to the University of Albuquerque campus, and up to his dorm rooms. When they arrived, Josh was sitting at his computer, staring at the blank screen.

"Hard drive still kaput?" Justin asked him.

"Yeah. Sucks," Josh replied. "Hey Chuckie, whatcha doing here?"

"Hanging with Justin," Chuckie said. "What's up?"

"Hard drive went kaput," Josh explained. "Computer's useless."

"Ew," Chuckie said. "That sucks."

"Anyway, I'll be in the computer lab if you need me," Josh said, getting up, throwing on his coat and leaving the room.

"Well, that was easy," Justin remarked. "I thought I'd have to ask him to leave."

"The real question being would he even want to be here if we're here together?" Chuckie asked.

"Nah, he's fine with, you know, what I do in my spare time."

"Oh. That's good then. So. Are we still not on a date?"

"Seems a lot like a date to me. Lunch. I paid. And now we're at my place."

"So it is a date."

"Sure. If that's okay."

"It's okay with me. Not sure JJ would agree, but…would you believe he had the nerve to come to my house and ask me if he could see someone else?"

"Who?"

"My sister's best friend – other best friend – Tia."

"A girl?"

"Course. What else? It's not like there's a really big population of gay guys around here. You, me…"

"Troy," Justin added.

"Not at the moment he's not."

"He'll come back around. I'll talk to him. You all coming to basketball camp this summer?"

"Wouldn't miss it. You, me, Troy, Chad, Zeke, and Jason. No Sarah, no Jared, no JJ, no Tia, and most of all Sharpay and Ryan."

"It'll be fun. I can't wait either. Mostly for school to be over. I'm getting my own apartment this summer, or I might share with Josh. In any event, can't wait for school to be out."

"Yeah, but that means I gotta get a job. And I don't wanna."

"Sure you do."

"Nah, I don't. I wanna sit on the couch and be a lazy ass."

"What about me?"

"You can be a lazy ass too, I don't care."

"No, I mean, you don't wanna hang out this summer?"

"Dare I say you're…asking me out again?"

"Yeah, kind of."

"And lamely at that."'

"I know. I'm bad at it and it gets worse cuz we've been friends for like 2 years. And right now we're in my dorm room. And my roommate is gone…"

"Are you implying you want something to happen?"

"Only if you do."

"I do."

"I do too."

"Well good. Maybe something will."

"It will."

"Cool. When?"

"Soon."

"Really?"

"Sure." There was a pause.


45 minutes later, Chuckie came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, and returned to Justin's room. "Are you…okay?" Chuckie shrugged. "Still hurt?" Chuckie nodded, avoiding looking at Justin. "I'm really really sorry."

"I know," Chuckie mumbled. "It's okay."

"No, it's not. I should have been more careful."

"It's fine. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" Justin asked, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah," Chuckie said, cracking a small, strained smile. "Don't think I'll be doing that again for a while."

"I'm sorry," Justin repeated.

"I'm fine. Can I…can I stay here tonight, though?" It was pretty late.

"Don't you have school in morning?"

"I'm skipping."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'll go on Tuesday. Good as new."

"Won't your parents wonder where you are?"

"They're not home. And Sarah's got JJ and Jared, I think."

"Not that I condone you skipping school, but I do agree you probably shouldn't go. You can stay here. Just promise you'll go to school on Tuesday."

"I will. You sure it'll be okay with Josh?"

"If he comes back from the computer lab, he probably wouldn't notice."

"And if he did notice?" Chuckie tentatively.

"He wouldn't care," Justin reassured him. "Don't worry. I'll poke him if he says anything."

"Poke him?" Chuckie said, confused.

"Just a saying we have," Justin said. Chuckie nodded and pulled his double layered top on over his head, the towel still wrapped around his waist.

"I just don't understand," Chuckie said, changing the subject. "I've never had a problem before."

"I told you, it's my fault. I should know to be careful by now, I've been doing this for years. It just already felt so familiar."

"I feel like a goddam virgin again," Chuckie said frowning.

"You think your virginity's growing back?" Justin asked, laughing.

"How long d'you think it takes? I'm 16 years old, it's been 5 months and Troy…" Chuckie sighed, "always afraid he was gonna break me."

"For good reason," Justin said, gesturing at Chuckie's current condition.

"I don't break that easily."

"I'm sorry," Justin said for what seemed like the thousandth time.

"It's okay," Chuckie said yet again. "I'm fine. I'm not, like, dying."

"I could have killed you," Justin realized suddenly. "You could have bled out and died. You think that's involuntary manslaughter or legit murder?"

"Justin," Chuckie scolded. "I'm fine. I don't die that easily either. You know how often I have near death experiences? I'm 16, and I've already gotten my license revoked 3 times. Mom won't get me my own car. If Sarah wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't even have a vehicle. I drive like I'm Edward Cullen. I'm used to death scares. Rolled the minivan once. Landed back on the tires without a scratch on me. Course the van was scratched and dented all to hell, but I lived."

"You should be more careful," Justin said seriously. "You only get one life to live. And no offense, but I don't want you to get dead on me, m'kay?"

"Okay, I'll be more careful," Chuckie said, sighing. "Is it wrong that I don't feel like putting my jeans on?"

"Nah. Pretty par for the course around here." Chuckie looked at him, confused. "It's college. People very seldom wear all their clothes around here. I swear there's this girl who goes streaking across campus every couple of nights at exactly 10:37 pm."

"Weird," Chuckie agreed.

"You wanna sit down? Lie down? You don't have to stand around." Chuckie shrugged. "Are you sure you're okay? Did it stop bleeding?"

"Yeah, in the shower. I'll be fine. Stop worrying."

"Okay, but I worry about you. Cuz you're little. You don't have, like, the life experience that I have. And you're reckless on occasion."

"Sometimes being reckless actually saves me from getting hurt," Chuckie said, cryptically.

"How long have we been friends?" Justin asked, changing the subject.

"Like…a year and three-quarters, maybe?" Chuckie replied. "Why?"

"I don't know exactly, but you're wearing long sleeves every time I see you."

"And? Maybe I like long sleeves."

"Chuckie…"

"And you've seen me shirtless too. Bunches of times. Anyway, what's it to you?"

"Well, short of you being self-conscious about your elbows or something…" Chuckie sighed at the look on Justin's face. He rolled up his left sleeve to point to the scar that, 3 years previously, had almost killed him.

"That what you wanted to see?" Chuckie asked.

"When did–"

"Middle school. Never anything serious, until one time. That time. If Sarah hadn't been home I probably would have died. Chad called his brother and they got me to the hospital for stitches. Completely blacked out, can't even remember it." Chuckie pulled his sleeve back down. "Happy?"

"No," Justin mumbled. "That's awful."

"I can just imagine the fit Troy would have thrown if he knew," Chuckie said, laughing, and carefully sitting on Justin's desk chair.

"I thought you and Troy told each other everything."

"Most things," Chuckie corrected. "But it's been a while since we really talked about stuff. Most of the scars faded with time, but not that one."

"You talking about actual scars or Troy, here?"

"Hmm. Both, I guess."

"That could be misconstrued to mean you're not over Troy."

"That's not misconstruing at all." There was silence for a time.

"Does that mean that you aren't over Troy?" Justin asked, tentatively. Chuckie shrugged.

"It could."

"Chuckie."

"Okay, it does. Is that so bad?"

"But he's with Gabriella."

"I know that. Hate her."

"And you're encouraging him to go after Ryan."

"I know. Better him than her."

"True, true." There was a silence. "If you could have one thing in the entire world, what would it be?"

"Only one thing?"

"Just one," Justin repeated.

"Hmm," Chuckie said, thinking. "Aviator sunglasses," he finally said, very seriously. Justin burst out laughing. "I'm serious."

"Chuckie…" Justin said, still giggling. He threw his friend a pair of sunglasses. Chuckie laughed. "Now what do you want the most?" Chuckie thought hard.

"Doesn't matter," he finally said. "I'll never have it."

"But what if you could have it?"

"That'd be nice. Impossible, but nice." Justin fell silent, thinking. "Jus?"

"Yeah?" Justin replied.

"What about you?"

"What do I want most in the world?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm. That's a hard one."

"Take your time."

"Right now, I'd say I want you to be okay."

"I am okay. What else do you want?"

"I guess, then, I want World Peace."

"Too broad. Try again."

"Well, I want you to have what you want. So I guess I can't have that either."

"Guess not," Chuckie said with a sigh that turned into a yawn.

"High school kids get tired easily these days," Justin joked.

"It's been a long day," Chuckie said. "I woke up, hung over, took a shower, got accosted by JJ, went to lunch, came back to your place, got absurdly violated, took another shower, and I think it's bed time."

"Okay," Justin said. "Want some pajama pants or something?"

"Yeah, okay," Chuckie agreed. Justin threw him a pair of his pajama pants. Chuckie pulled them on carefully, his back turned to Justin.

"Ouch, man. That looks terrible. You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," Chuckie mumbled, pulling the pants up. "I just wanna sleep."

"Sure, sure," Justin said, gesturing at his bed. Chuckie crawled timidly into his friend's bed. Justin's dorm bed was the same size as JJ's bed at his house. Chuckie and Troy both had full size beds, JJ had a twin. Justin climbed in next to him. Chuckie rolled over to face him. Their lips brushed and Chuckie went for it. It wasn't their first kiss, that had been earlier, before disaster had struck. This one was long and sweet until Chuckie finally pulled away, rolled over to face the wall, and fell asleep. Justin wrapped his arms around him and pulled him protectively close.


In the morning, Chuckie woke up and Justin was already gone to class according to the note. Josh was, however, there.

"Morning, Chucks," Josh said. He was sitting at Justin's computer, playing some kind of game.

"Erm. Morning, Josh. Chadoin?" Chuckie replied.

"Justin has class from 8 to 4:50 on Mondays, so I'm using his computer."

"Oh."

"Well, he has a break at noon, but he usually uses it for lunch. Anyway, he don't care. When his comp died, I let him use mine, so it's even."

"Aha."

"Are you okay? You don't look so good."

"Tired," Chuckie mumbled.

"Ah. Well, I was wondering what you were still doing here, but I guess there is a time when it gets too late to return to the suburbs."

"I guess."

"Not very talkative this morning."

"Not really talkative any morning."

"Oh. I've been up for a couple hours. Accidentally crashed in the comp lab."

"How do you do that on accident?"

"Easier than you'd think." Chuckie clambered out of bed, snatched his jeans from the floor and headed to the bathrooms to change. When he returned from this, Josh was still sitting at Justin's computer, and Justin was still gone. "You hungry or something?" Chuckie shrugged, unnoticed by Josh. "Cuz I can take you to the caf and get you some food if you want."

"Um, okay," Chuckie said. Josh got up, threw on his coat, and they proceeded across campus together to the cafeteria. Justin showed up about halfway through their extremely silent lunch.

"Hey Jus," Josh said as Justin slid in the booth next to Chuckie. "How was class?"

"Speaking of class, you have to go to your class today, cuz I know you didn't last week. Or this morning."

"Yeah, yeah, okay, I will," Josh mumbled.

"And you are going back to school tomorrow," Justin said to Chuckie, who nodded to his macaroni and cheese. "How are you? Are you okay?" Chuckie nodded again. "You sure?"

"I'm fine," Chuckie said. "I don't break easily, remember?"

"Whoa, what happened?" Josh asked.

"I'll tell you later," Justin mouthed at him, not wanting to discuss it there.

"Nothing," Chuckie mumbled. "Not that hungry."

"Not that good food," Justin said.


That afternoon, Justin walked Chuckie to his car, gave him directions how to get back to S. Park Ave. and then hummed as he walked back to his room.

"What is it with you and that kid anyway?" Josh asked as he walked in.

"Nothing," Justin said. "He's just a friend. Lemme play." Josh relinquished Justin's computer to him. "Didja go to class?"

"Yes, mom," Josh said, rolling his eyes and sitting in his own desk chair.

"I'm not your mother."

"Then stop acting like her. God, I moved out to get away from her."

"And here I was thinking you did it so you could be with Emily 24/7."

"I haven't even seen her since like March. How is she?"

"Heartbroken, still, I think. Still won't talk to me of course."

"Course. All your fault, you know."

"I doubt it."

"She blames you for our breakup. Can you blame her?"

"Not really."

"So what was that kid doing here?"

"I took him out to lunch with my poker money, cuz he needed someone to talk to. The talking continued back here. We were up late, way too late, so I said he could stay here."

"Uh-huh."

"What? You don't believe me?"

"No, not really."

"Smart man."

"What really happened?"

"Well, we were talking but then…" There was a pause, and both boys knew what they were talking about. "But…it didn't go through."

"It didn't?"

"No. He…he sustained the kind of injury that would cause any normal person an embarrassing trip to the emergency room. But he's tough, he stuck it out. Asked if he could stay the night, and I couldn't say no to him."

"Can't say no to anyone, apparently. Emily, me, him. Who's next?"

"Nothing, no one. No one else. Ever. Swear. What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Who's next for you? Don't think I don't see you looking at Jenna Fields."

"That is absolutely ridiculous. I don't look at Jenna any special way."

"Admit it. She's next on your to-do list. And after that doesn't work out, you'll come crying back to me and this whole cycle will start again."

"Did you tell the kid you had a boyfriend?"

"Have you ever told anyone you have one?"

"I don't feel I need to."

"I like Chuckie, okay? We have tons in common. We're both athletes."

"As am I."

"We're not afraid of being out of the closet." Josh shut his mouth. "And we're both completely sick of closet cases."

"Maybe I'm sick of you too."

"Fine then."

"Fine."

"And you can't use my computer."

"Maybe I'll talk to Emily again. See if she wants to get together."

"Go ahead."

"I will."

"Fine."

"Fine." There was a long pause. "Did we just…break up?"

"Yes, Josh."

"Just checking."

"Why?"

"Thinking about stuff."

"What kind of stuff? Like where you're gonna get your jollies next week?"

"This has been way more than a week. Don't think I didn't see you back in high school."

"I wasn't being subtle. I wanted you to notice. I just…why did you say that stuff about Timmy and Oliver?"

"It's true," Josh said, shrugging. "Why shouldn't I?"

"You did it to hurt me. All of us. You know you were the first guy I told?"

"So?"

"Means I trusted you. Completely."

"As you should. We're best friends. And we have been. Forever."

"After you said that stuff…man, I don't know. I was glad you got suspended."

"Guess you're not my mom. She was pissed. She knows. She's always known."

"What? That you're all secretly harboring fruitiness?"

"Yeah. Secretly harboring fruity feelings for fruity people. She never approved of my fruitiness, but everyone else could be fruity until hell froze over for all she cared. Tried again and again to get me away from you, my bad influence, and towards Emily 'that poor girl who got her heart broken by your so-called best friend of yours'," he imitated his mother. "Had to get out of there. But now, out here, college, someplace where Mom isn't, I just feel like Emily is the right way to go." Justin sighed.

"What will you tell her?" he asked.

"You coerced me, but I've now seen the error of my ways."

"Basically a long and thought out 'dicks are for chicks'?"

"Pretty much."

"And if she gets mad at me, and never speaks to me again, and insists you do the same?"

"I'll miss you, man."

"Yeah, I figured as much." Josh chuckled. "What?"

"Just remembering stuff. Remember all those years you were with Emily and I dated Lyssa Pelletier?"

"Yeah, what about it?"

"And sometimes Tasha Champlain?"

"What about them?"

"Lez."

"Both of em?"

"Uh-huh. Together. University of Arizona at Flagstaff."

"Did you know?"

"Duh. That's why we were together. I knew that if I had a steady girlfriend for too long, people would get curious."

"Wow, you really are–"

"Don't use the word. You know I don't like it."

"But you are…"

"And you know I don't like labels."

"But you…were I guess is the right term. Cuz you certainly aren't now…"

"I am. For you. But I'm not. For Emily."

"You never cease to baffle me."

"I know. I do that on purpose. You know, sometimes, thinking back on it, I really wanted to be, mostly because my mother didn't want me to be. But…you know, I don't think I really, truly am, or ever was."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Not gonna try and convince me I am just…one…more…time?"

"Er…" Justin began, looking up from his computer screen at his roommate. Josh was looking toward him as well. "Why would I do that?" Justin turned his gaze back to his essay.

"I know you. And I know you want to. But I also know that you know it won't work. But you want to try."

"You think you know a lot of things. Ever think you should mind your own beeswax?"

"Nah." Finally Justin couldn't take it anymore, and spun around in his desk chair, crashing his and Josh's lips together. Things became hotter and harder and it was the best either had ever had. But Josh still rejected the part of him that had feelings for Justin, and asked out Emily the next afternoon.


"Well, well, well. Joshua Smith. What are you doing at my door?" Emily asked.

"Justin coerced me, but that over. I…never want to do that again."

"Josh…" Emily said, sighing. "That is probably one of the biggest pieces of bullshit I've ever heard. And I grew up with Justin."

"What part do you think is BS?"

"All of it. Especially the coercing part."

"You don't believe Justin coerced me?" Emily laughed.

"Justin is like the nicest guy I know. He would never coerce anyone. Least of all you."

"I thought you blamed him for our breakup."

"Yeah, six months ago. But it wasn't really his fault, was it?"

"No," Josh mumbled. "It was mine. I could've blown him off, but I didn't."

"You're not here in hopes of getting back together, are you?"

"Well, I was…"

"Prepared to do whatever it takes, even blame your best friend."

"Yeah. To prove to you. Like you said at graduation before you ran off with Addison Foster."

"You can't just come over here and throw Addison in my face!"

"Then don't throw Justin in mine. Come on, we used to be the Three Musketeers. What happened?"

"That was before rainbows descended upon the school," Emily said, dryly.

"Even just last September," Josh continued.

"It is hard," Emily said, her voice cracking, "to look at you without picturing him. I was in love with him and he knew, he knew, and he just kept pulling me along. You can't expect me to fall for it twice."

"Em, that part of my life is over. Trust me."

"I can't! And it's not you, its just…all of everything that's happened."

"Em–"

"You have no idea how much I've been wishing and hoping that he would come to me and say all the things you just said. Ever since the day of the announcement, the day I found out, the day he broke my heart, I've wanted him to come back to me. I loved him, Josh, I still do. I can't – I just can't deal with this anymore." She collapsed into tears on her bed. Josh sat beside her, giving her an awkward sideways hug.

"It's okay Em. Get it all out," Josh said, comfortingly. She sat crying for several minutes until she could speak again.

"Josh, I–"

"Em, I know how you feel about Justin. But you have to know it's not worth throwing your life away on him."

"Easy for you to say. He's a reachable goal for you, yet you refuse him. He wants you, you want him too, I can tell. Yet you're here with me."

"I care about you. Look. You and Justin had the perfect love story. He loved you, you loved him, you planned on being together forever. Every guy in our school was jealous of Justin, every girl in the school envied you. And you gotta admit, you were a pretty couple. Justin, obviously, and just look at you. You're beautiful. Who wouldn't want you? It wasn't a surprise to anyone when you finally said you were dating. Everyone, everyone thought he'd be proposing at Prom or Graduation. No one…well, none of us that knew, thought he would do what he did. I mean, you're right. He's the nicest guy in the world. I, for one, thought he would marry you just to do the right thing. He told me he was going to. Even he could tell you'd be devastated when he broke it off. He denied his sexuality for years for you, to spare your feelings, which probably ended up making it worse in the end. He was going to propose that night. He – He had a ring for it. But then – I said that stuff about Timmy and Oliver – and he jumped to their defense. And after that, suspicion rose. People wondered about him. Whispers followed him everywhere. He had two options. Keep denying it and get married to prove it, or come out. He was all set to do the former…but then he couldn't take it anymore, snapped under the pressure. Ray was one of our best friends... Really, I regret starting it, I do. I don't know what else to say."

"All the guys were jealous of me and Justin? Even you?"

"To an extent. Actually, who am I kidding. I was so jealous, I scored with Ella Burns and Marie Parks. Man, I was a whore back then. I almost, almost, bedded Justin's sister Karen once, but it didn't go through."

"Why not?"

"Uhm…I sort of realized I was only doing it out of spite, which really wasn't a good enough reason for me to do it, or for Justin to be mad at me, and God knows he doesn't need another reason to be mad at me. But God knows I was tempted. Her and Justin could be friggen twins."

"I know. She's so pretty."

"She's beautiful. But that's not the point. I wasn't finished yet."

"Josh?"

"Yeah, Em."

"He was really gonna marry me?"

"He was."

"He had a ring?"

"He did."

"What happened to it?"

"I have it. He gave it to me right before he went up to make the announcement."

"Why?"

"To give to you of course."

"But…why?"

"Only person he approved of with you, I guess. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering. He thinks of everything."

"He does. At least where you're concerned."

"What do you mean?" Josh sighed.

"He had this kid over Sunday night. That one he likes from East, you know."

"Chuckie."

"Yeah, him." Josh frowned at the wall.

"What? What happened?"

"He spent the night. What do you think happened?"

"He cheated on you?"

"No. But he was going to. I don't know. I don't wanna believe he was going to. Anyway, you want this or not?" He flipped a small black velvet box in his hand before holding it out for Emily to scrutinize. Her mouth fell open.

"You came over to propose?"

"Erm…no, not exactly."

"Then…why do you have that?"

"I've been carrying it around with me since Justin gave it to me. Thought you'd like to have it."

"So…you're not proposing?"

"Not unless you want me to."

"Maybe I want you to."

"Then maybe I am." Emily took the box, opened it and gasped.

"Wow. It's beautiful."

"It was Mrs. Case's. Karen had it after she died. Dunno how Justin ended up with it."'

"Wouldn't Mrs. Case want it to stay in the family?"

"Mrs. Case considered you family. Both of us. And let's face it. Toni's about as likely to marry as Justin, and Karen wants you to have it."

"Toni's–"

"Think so." Emily frowned at this and put on her ring.

"But she's so young."

"She's in 8th grade. Justin was in 9th when he found out."

"He was?"

"Yeah, I guess. Right before Mrs. Case died."

"Oh."

"Did you hear what happened to Toni?"

"Why, what happened?"

"Apparently she's pretty messed up with some bad people."

"Drugs?"

"Partly. Other stuff too. Anorexia. Cutting."

"Oh my Gosh."

"I thought – well, I was thinking that maybe you would talk to her. She'd listen to you, Em, she thinks of you like an older sister."

"Yeah, but, I was never into that stuff. Wouldn't it be better to have someone who knew what they were talking about? Do we even know anyone like that?"

"I don't. But I think Justin does," Josh said quietly.

"Who?"

"Chuckie."

"Really? He seems like such a nice kid."

"He is. Now. But he used to have some problems. Drinking, cutting, and he could help her with the lez thing too."

"I suppose. How do we get them to talk to each other?"

"We'll have to ask Justin. Man, I miss Mrs. Case. She never would have let this happen to Toni. Just seems like Patti doesn't even care. The kids just have to fend for themselves. And Toni. She's so young."

"She's 13."

"That's young. She's in 8th grade."


"What are you still doing in bed?" Josh asked his roommate, coming back from the bathroom fully dressed after a shower.

"Sleeping in. It's Saturday," Justin replied.

"Aren't you coming to the lease signing?"

"There's a lease signing?"

"I thought we were living together this summer."

"Oh. Is that still on? I'd've thought–"

"Well, you'd've thought wrong. Now get dressed." Justin rolled out of bed and sleepily pulled a pair of jeans and a button up on. They took Justin's car to the new apartment. When they got there, Justin was confused to see Emily there as well.

"Josh, what is she…" He trailed off, as Emily was smiling, waving at him, something sparkly glinting on her left hand. "You gave her my mother's ring?"

"Yeah. That's why you gave it to me, wasn't it?" Josh asked. "To give to Emily?"

"Well, yeah, but…what is she doing here?" He didn't get an answer.

"Hi Josh. Hi Justin. You made it! How'd you convince him?" she added in an undertone to Josh.

"He conveniently just didn't tell me," Justin replied. "You're living with us this summer?"

"Well, actually, it's more like you're living with us…" Josh said. "Doesn't really matter. We're the Three Musketeers, remember?"

"Well, we were," Emily said.

"Don't you think that could get awkward?" Justin asked, skeptically.

"Like how?" Josh and Emily asked together.

"Like its weird enough living with Josh in our dorm room, both of us knowing…well…" Justin stopped himself. "I know what I want, at least."

"I'm sure the Three Musketeers never did that," Josh said, frowning. "But it's us. Come on. And you can have your boyfriend over whenever you want. We don't mind."

"Nice to know," Justin said, frowning. The landlord emerged from the small 2 bedroom house and greeted them. After salutations, a lease was signed, and they left; Emily in her VW Jetta, and Justin and Josh in Justin's Honda Civic. "And you don't think it'll be awkward for another reason?" Justin continued.

"Like what?" Josh replied.

"How about I set Emily up, strung her along, and broke her heart."

"That's not true, Justin. You know that."

"What if it is?"

"It isn't. You had the ring to prove it."

"Not everyone can just reject their homosexuality as completely as you, Josh," Justin said cryptically.

"What do you mean?" Justin sighed.

"I used to have one night stands with random guys."

"You did what?"

"Yeah. Had to cover my tracks pretty thoroughly or Em would've found out. I didn't wanna hurt her, Josh, I just wanted her to be happy."

"She doesn't know, and I won't tell her."

"I know she doesn't, and damn straight you won't. But what if us living together, all that stuff between me and Em comes back and, well, you know…"

"Justin, you're gay. And I mean that in the nicest possible way."

"Thanks," Justin said, rolling his eyes.

"You and Emily don't even look at each other like that anymore. And you haven't since…I don't know…Senior homecoming. The night you came out."

"Why did I have to do it at Homecoming? What kind of absolute complete idiot must I be?"

"How many kinds are there?" Josh joked.

"The absolute complete idiot kind," Justin answered his own question. "Why did I have to do it that second? Why couldn't I have waited til the next morning? Or Monday at school? Or…not at all?" Justin beat his head on the steering wheel several times and sighed.

"The light's green, Jus," Josh said, quietly.

"I see it," Justin grumbled. There was silence for a time. "Josh, I tell you things that I don't even tell Karen. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. And I keep my mouth shut."

"If we're gonna all live peacefully together this summer, there are probably certain things that shouldn't come up."

"Like…Holly?"

"Exactly like Holly."

"You never told me that whole story. What the hell happened with–"

"Drop it," Justin said, shortly.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but thank God, right?"

"We were devastated, Josh. Both of us."

"But you knew, even then…"

"And it didn't matter. Until you've lost a child like that, you can never understand."


A/N: Wheeeeeeeeeeee suspense. And the rest of Justin's story doesn't come out until 2015!

!

Love,

Samantha.x3