Chapter 4.

The journey to the crime scene was a tense and silent one, as father and son were tormented with feelings of dread, anguish and guilt, as they struggled to come to terms with the possibility that their friend could have taken his own life. As for Amanda, she was getting ready to perform one of the most difficult autopsies of her career. There were a lot of 'what if's' and 'maybe's' going through their minds, but no matter how much Mark, Steve, and Amanda, beat themselves up about it, nothing changed the fact, that if Jesse was dead, it wouldn't bring him back.

Steve pulled up at the crime scene, the thought of actually getting out of the vehicle scared him. At least inside his car, he had the comfort of having at least a tiny shred of hope; out there he would have to face the truth, and with the truth seeming so grim, the longer he could stay in the car, the better. Mark placed a hand on his sons arm, and the two of them exchanged a pain-filled, yet determined look; whatever horrors awaited them outside, they knew that they had each other, and that gave them the courage to do what had to be done.

Steve lead the way, holding up his badge and ordering the crowd to move aside, swallowing hard and hesitating as he reached the yellow tape. One of the Officers gave the Lieutenant a sympathetic look as he held up the tape to let him through. Steve looked down at the small, sprawled out body and knelt down to take a closer look.

When Mark reached the tape, he sucked in an horrific gasp as he saw the back of his sons visibly shaking form. No, it couldn't be true, Jesse couldn't be dead, he just couldn't! Mark shook his head, as though doing so would alter the painful reality of his friends demise. As his son slowly turned to face him, Mark's pain stricken face turned to one of confusion; Steve was laughing.

"S'not him!" Came Steve's relieved voice, "Dad, it's not Jesse." Before Mark had a chance to respond, Steve's Cell rang; recognising the caller ID immediately, Steve flipped it open and tried to compose himself, "Amanda, it's not Jesse."

"I know."

"Wait. How...?"

"Because he's just been wheeled into Community General."

Steve's relief turned into dread once more, "How bad?"

"He's pretty beaten up, but he'll be fine." Amanda assured him, "I've been told it looks worse than it is."

"Good, because I'm gonna kill him!"


The most severe injuries Jesse had sustained in the attack were bruised ribs, a mild concussion and a black eye; he was lucky that Detective Emily Manning had drove by when she did, or his injuries could have been much worse. When she'd stopped the attack and detained Jesse's attacker, Frank Matthews, Jesse was already unconscious.

Frank Matthews had been in trouble with the Police several times before for domestic violence, although the charges were dropped each time, due to his wife, Silvia Matthews, refusing to press charges. Despite her injuries matching those of a beating, Silvia Matthews had insisted that she was merely 'clumsy around the house', and although the Police didn't believe her story for a second, there was little they could do about it; something that wasn't uncommon with that type of circumstance, which always frustrated the Police immensely.

This time it hadn't been his wife he'd beat up, but a passer-by, which meant he could now receive 'some' of the punishment he so rightly deserved, and with a Police witness, there was no way Frank Matthews could get away with this, all they needed was for Jesse to testify.

"No." Jesse tried to move his jaw as little as possible as he spoke, his whole face was in pain, "I can't, I'm sorry."

Steve, who was the only other person in the room frowned, and sat at the edge of his friends bed, "Jess, I know you're scared, but I promise you, that low life will not lay a finger on you again," Steve put his hand on Jesse's shoulder, "you have my word."

"I'm not scared."

"Then what is it?" When Jesse avoided eye contact, Steve pushed him further, "Jesse, why won't you testify?"

"Because he didn't cause the attack, I did."

Steve let out a heavy, frustrated sigh, "First Harriette James' murder, and now this; Jess, you can't keep blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault, and you can't let this guy get away with it."

"But it was my fault Steve, I goaded him so he'd hit me," The young Doctor admitted, "it just didn't occur to me that he might never stop."

"Why?" Steve took his hand off his friends shoulder, "Please don't tell me it's because of this whole punishment obsession of yours."

"It's not an obsession!" Jesse protested indignantly.

"Call it what you want Jess, there's still no way the injuries Frank Matthews inflicted on you were justified, is there?" When Jesse didn't answer, Steve decided to tackle this from a different angle, "OK then, let me ask you this, if you were the one being goaded, and you reacted in the exact same way that guy did, you'd think that was justified?"

"I don't wanna testify!" Jesse snapped; the young Doctor was in considerable pain, he was finding it hard to concentrate, and keeping up with their current conversation was proving increasingly difficult, "Why can't you just let it go?"

"Matthews hurt you, and you expect me to just let this go?"

"But if I hadn't goaded him, none of this would have happened!" The young Doctor insisted, "I'm not gonna blame that guy, for something I caused!"

"You won't help to punish a guy who would have very likely killed you, yet you want to be punished for something you weren't even involved in, and had no control over." Steve shook his head, his words tinged with frustration, "Can't you see how little sense that makes?"

"The only one who's making no sense here is you!" The more they talked, the more Jesse's head hurt.

"Jess, I'm just trying to help."

"I know, and I appreciate that," Just breathing was painful enough, and talking really wasn't helping, "but I feel responsible for Harriette James' death, and no matter how much you tell me I'm not to blame, it's not gonna help me, or change the way I feel!" Jesse didn't know why he was bothering, he knew trying to explain this was pointless, "That's why I wanted that guy to hurt me, so I'd feel as though I was getting at least some sort of punishment."

"And did it help?"

Jesse frowned, "No."

"So what now? You're just gonna carry on finding more ways to punish yourself." When Jesse merely nodded, Steve let out a frustrated sigh; it was hard to sit back and watch why his friends life was being ruined by his own unjustly desire for punishment, "Jesse, no one can compete with the amount of punishment you've been inflicting on yourself, why can't you see that?"

"You don't understand!" Jesse lashed out suddenly, "You'll never understand!"

"You're right! I don't understand," Steve shot back, "how can I? When you're an illogical mess!" The look of pain on Jesse's face had Steve instantly regretting what he'd just said, "Jess, I'm sorry, I should go." With that, the Lieutenant made an hasty retreat, downhearted by the fact that his attempts to help his friend, had only succeeded to make matters worse.

"Steve, what's wrong?" Mark asked, as his son rushed past, but neither he, nor Amanda, could make out the Lieutenant's muttered response. The two of them gave each other a concerned look, before proceeding to Jesse's room, "Jesse, what happened?" Mark frowned when the young Doctor turned away, no matter how much he wanted answers, he knew they'd have to wait, Jesse was obviously exhausted, and pushing his friend right now wouldn't help, the young Doctor needed to rest.


Mark cringed, "An 'illogical mess'?"

Back at the Beach House, Steve had been telling his father, in great detail, what had happened at the Hospital. Like his son, Mark was unhappy that Jesse was refusing to testify; the possibility that their friends attacker could go free, was something neither of them wanted, but it was Jesse's choice to make, and Mark knew they had to respect his decision.

"I know, I know," Steve sighed, "I wasn't even thinking, and now, on top of everything else that's happened to him, I've made him feel worse."

Mark gave his son a reassuring smile, "I'm sure Jesse knows you didn't mean it."

"Dad, you didn't see the look on his face."

"Steve, Jesse's vulnerable right now," Mark put his hand on his sons shoulder, then took on a more carefree tone, "and you know Jesse, once this is all over, he'll probably never let you live that comment down."

Steve gave a wry smile, "Oh yeah, I didn't think about that. Although the chances of this ever being over is seeming less and less likely; there's just nothing going our way."

"I wouldn't say, 'nothing'," An emotional smile spread across Marks face, "Jesse's still alive, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is." Steve agreed, a look of despair suddenly appearing in the Lieutenants eyes, "So why does it feel as though we've lost him anyway?"