Alec sighed too, unknowingly mirroring Magnus' actions, standing under the warm hot water, trying to calm his racing heart. To no avail though. He bit his lip harshly thinking of this evening and started scrubbing his arms feeling disgusting for touching that man, for pretending to like him, feeling disgusted by the way he was looking at him, undressing him with his eyes. Only Magnus could do that. Only Magnus could touch him, only he could look at him… "Why the hell did I agree to do that…?" He asked himself neither for the first or last time, only to answer himself again as before. 'Because innocent lives are at stake… They are more important than me…'
He sighed again and got out going into their bedroom to get dressed, unaware of a pair of cat-eyes watching him with barely concealed sadness and longing.
Once he re-entered the room, Magnus' facade was intact again as he looked at him feigning indifference, even though he struggled not to stare at his body, that was defined by the shirt he wore now, (which was a gift from Magnus and thus fit his slender frame perfectly), or to the drops of water falling from his unruly raven hair on the white material turning it transparent, or… Magnus sighed inwardly.
"Sit down." He said averting his eyes, to avoid staring at him too long. 'Jealousy only makes me want him more…'
Alec obeyed silently, sitting beside him but as Magnus noticed, he avoided touching him. It hurt… Every fiber of his body was screaming to him that he was being an idiot. Was calling him to just tackle the man he loved to the couch and kiss him until everything that happened turned to just a distant, unimportant memory. Until Alec forgot his own name and remembered only Magnus'.
Reluctantly he silenced those voices and followed the most stupid, stubborn one, which insisted that Alec should be taught a lesson. It'd be for the best.
"So. Alexander…" He said, his voice indifferent once more. "Do you have something to tell me? Maybe you're the one who wants to break up."
Alec's head shot up and he stared at him with wide panicked eyes. It took all Magnus had, to resisting hugging him and apologising.
"No!" The Nephilim exclaimed. "Never! I, never… no… No, no, no."
"Why not? Don't you want to be free from me at last so you can meet that guy freely and flirt with him all you like without me causing a scene about it?"
Alec blanched, but then a look of extreme hurt and anger came across his features.
"You… you stupid Warlock! How can you say that?" He exclaimed, but then his energy dissipated and he went on, lower. "Do you not know me at all? I love you… I would never…"
Magnus smiled brightly but then dropped it before Alec could see. "You do? I wouldn't have guessed. You looked so happy with him." He remembered the scene he witnessed, Alec brushing the stranger's hand smiling and he became serious for real. "Smiling at him… Touching him." He said grimly, almost snarling at the memory and Alec looked at his hands again disgusted.
"That's why I didn't want to touch you with these tainted hands." He whispered surprising Magnus into silence. "I had no right…"
"What are you talking about?" He knew Alec would have hated it, but was not aware of the extend.
Alec turned his blue eyes on his lover, realising he still hadn't explained what really happened. "It was a mission Magnus… I was forced to do it… There was no one else."
"What about Jace?"
"The killer was targeting men with blue eyes and dark hair." Alec told him.
"What?" Magnus looked at him surprised. "What the hell?" He exclaimed before shaking his head. "It doesn't matter. He could have used a glamour or something."
"Jace is straight…"
"And you were just as unwilling!" Magnus raised his voice. "Stop making excuses! Also, I thought you supposedly didn't know how to flirt. You wouldn't be the obvious choice for it. Though from what I saw you did a really good job." He said grimly, jealousy seeping into his voice again.
"I was just thinking of you…" Alec muttered lowering his eyes, looking too adorable for Magnus' good.
'Damn you… I'm trying to be mad at you. Stop it.' The Warlock thought sighing. "That doesn't answer my first question." He said. "Why did it have to be you?"
"This wasn't about me… people's lives are at stake. I'm not… important."
"You're not important?!" Magnus shouted making Alec flinch. "If you are not important, then no one is!" The Warlock went on enraged, because he could see the pain and conflict this mission caused Alec. But what he was mostly angry about was that he agreed to do it because he didn't believe his well being was important.
The Nephilim was staring at him with wide-eyes, frozen in place, not expecting his outrage.
'But that's one of the reasons I love you after all… My selfless Angel.' Magnus thought softening and unable to keep up the façade anymore, reached out to take his hand.
Alec pulled it a little back looking hurt. "I have no right to touch you…" He whispered again.
"Oh shut up already." Magnus said softly, and took it, bringing it to his lips and kissing it while Alec stared frozen once more. "There is no one more important than you Alexander… And don't you dare forget it again."
Alec bit his lip harshly, fighting to contain his emotions. "I thought you hated me now… I'm so sorry…" He choked out.
"I could never hate you Alexander…" Magnus whispered and hugged him at last.
Alec tensed and then melted into the embrace, chanting "I'm sorry" as Magnus ran his fingers through his hair gently, soothing him. "I only wanted to protect you… I didn't imagine…"
"Alexander…" Magnus cut him off, his voice serious, but as always, filled with love. He let him go and put a finger under his chin tilting his head up to look into his blue eyes. "You can't keep stuff like that from me. If Isabelle hadn't stopped me I would be long gone now. I would be lying heartbroken on a bar on another continent drinking myself to oblivion, and you would never get a chance to explain what really happened. I would never return here again, at least for many many years. We would never see each other again."*
Alec was staring at him frozen in shock, the realisation hitting him full force, that his life was almost ruined a second time. And he would only have himself to blame. "Magnus…" He choked out. "Angel… I…" Unable to find the words he just flung himself at him, hugging him again, as tight as he could, muttering in his ear. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry… Raziel… I'm so sorry… Magnus… I'm sorry…"
Magnus hugged him back holding him close, sighing, thanking Gods and Demons that Isabelle did stop him.
"I swear I will never keep anything from you ever again…" Alec muttered burying his face on the Warlock's neck. "I'm so sorry my love… So sorry for hurting you like that… I'm sorry, sorry…" He chanted anguished by what almost happened, and by his lover's pain and the knowledge that he was the cause of it.
"Hush…" Magnus whispered. "It's over now…" Alec fell silent in his arms, trying to calm down his breathing and his rapidly beating heart.
~o~
* Of course he wouldn't. He did say that, but we all know it wouldn't be possible for him to stay away for that long.
Afternote: In case it still isn't clear, NOTHING happened between Alec and the man. Alec barely touched his hand. It was all verbal as he fished for information. (Poor baby was still disgusted though.)
~o~
Answer for Guest's "Malectrash" review:
*Shocked and appalled* Of course it was only a misunderstanding! Alec would never!! He loves Magnus more than anything, and even if he didn't, it would be completely out of character for him to do something so disgusting...
