Chapter Four: Rough Beginning

I've probably mentioned it once or twice, but damn does whiskey taste like shit. I only drink it for one reason, and one reason only. I like to think that with enough whiskey in my system, that's a lot of whiskey for the record, I can relax and forget about the ever daunting world of blood. For a while at least. A constant headache is well worth it so that I don't have to worry about suddenly wanting to eat my allies.

I relied on whiskey to the point that Kasumi offered to switch quarters with me after only four or so hours. I refused, not wanting to go overboard and drink more than was actually necessary, and I said as such. Kasumi had laughed before she told me something along the lines of, "no one needs to drink."

Sometimes, whiskey isn't enough to quell the dark thoughts and urges. Sometimes I need blood. I am a vampire after all.

I tested my resolve while I was aboard the Citadel, going weeks without a single drop of blood. The last time I had a drop of blood was twenty days ago, and I could feel something in the back of my mind telling me that whiskey wasn't going to be enough to stop me from feeding now. Damn. I should have done something about it before boarding the Normandy. I forgot.

I was well aware of the situation that I was in from the moment I opened my eyes and realized that the Normandy had already left the massive space station. EDI watched every part of the ship, and everything she saw was reported directly to the Illusive Man. Shepard, being paranoid herself, had said that the showers were safe, but I doubted that Cerberus would allow any blind spots to exist, even if it meant violating our privacy.

The voice in my head told me that I was going to lose control. It told me that I was going to kill everyone. It told me I needed to do something, or I was going to lose my mind. I recalled something that someone had said a long time ago, "a mind is a terrible thing to lose." It's a shame that I forgot who had told me that.

That didn't leave me with much of a choice. I had to get myself some blood, but that wasn't going to be easy. I spent a few minutes staring out the observation window, my mind thinking of solutions to my problem. The simplest option was to just ask someone to let me drink a few mouthfuls of their blood, but for obvious reasons that wasn't the best idea. I could just as easily use compulsion and force someone to let me have their blood, but I was unsure of the long-term effects of such an action. I couldn't risk compromising the mission, and I had no idea who was essential to the mission's success beyond the obvious.

It seemed hopeless.

I smacked the wall with my fist, leaving a minor dent in the metal. I only met Shepard yesterday. I wanted to believe that I could explain my situation to her and that she would magically find me a solution, but I knew better. I needed to show her that I was worth trusting, enough to look past my curse, and that would take time.

There was a bit of hope, even if it was just a glimmer. See, yesterday Shepard and Miranda had gotten into a slightly heated argument. I was able to hear them across the ship, which meant that someone else could have heard them from just outside Miranda's door.

I remembered it clearly.

"The Illusive Man disapproves of this decision, Shepard. We did everything that we could, searched through all of our cells and all of our past operations. There isn't anything even remotely related to the details that he gave you. If it was just enhanced speed, strength, and senses, maybe. However, those projects haven't given any of the test subjects even close to the level of smell that would be required to smell a cloaked operative from fifty meters away in an open-air population center." Miranda's voice trailed off for a moment, before coming back strong. "Other than the incident at project Lazarus, we haven't had a single attack, let alone a massacre, in the last twenty weeks. This is an obvious fabrication. Its a lie, you realize that don't you?"

"Obviously. I know a lie when I see one."

"Why would you let him aboard the ship? He's a security risk with a misplaced vendetta against our organization."

"It wasn't Jason who was lying. The Illusive Man is lying to us, and he must have a damn good reason, otherwise, he would let you in on it."

"I resent that accusation."

"Assume I'm right. Where does that leave Jason? Cerberus heard our entire conversation thanks to the bugs you put in my armor. If I turned him away, Cerberus would have arranged to make him disappear in less than an hour. Even if Cerberus didn't experiment on him, even if it was some other organization pretending to be Cerberus... Cerberus would still take him just to learn what makes him tick.

"Cerberus isn't interested in wasting resources on charlatans. There is no way that anyone could have heard, smelled, or whatever'ed an operative under tactical cloak from that distance."

"I could order you to let this go, but you're as stubborn as I am."

"Damn right."

"Time for a wager. I'm right, and you leave Jason alone and you get him that meeting he asked for. I'm wrong, and I will personally help you look into him."

"What's the wager?" Miranda's voice asked.

"Proof that he's as real as they come."

"Good luck."

"EDI where is Jason, and what is he doing?"

"Jason is currently in the star field observation room, his unofficial quarters. He is currently shaking his head back and forth, making an X with his arms, while looking at one of the nano cameras installed in the room. Now, he is making a vulgar display. Joker called it, 'flipping the bird,' would that be all commander?"

"That's perfect EDI. Thank you."

"Bloody hell."

"I expect that you will make him a formal apology as well, Miranda."

I wanted to hear more of their conversation but something muffled the sounds and I was unable to make sense of the words from that point on. I decided to hit the sack for the day. Sleep was dreamless for once and gave me little comfort or rest.

I woke up the next morning realizing two things at once. Looking out the observation window, it was obvious that we had left the Citadel, which was bad because I had a nearly overwhelming thirst for blood that needed to be quenched.

Hence my current dilemma.

The next half hour passed in a haze. I wasn't entirely sure that it had been a half hour. It could have been five minutes, or it could have been an entire day. All I know is that it felt like forever, and it seemed like there was nothing I could do to get rid of the hunger pains and the dark urges. Incoherently and without much thinking involved, I hatched a plan.

The sound of metal hitting metal knocked sense into me. It had been like I was weighed down by something heavy, and then all of the sudden the weight was just gone. My nose twitched, as I could smell the sulfurous odor of sweat and a small amount of ozone. It wasn't a pleasant combination.

How did I get to the Cargo Bay?

I asked the silent question to myself after looking at my surroundings. My eyes moved to my arms. They were almost completely covered in sweat. No, they were drenched in sweat. It dripped off of my fingertips and evaporated before hitting the floor. I noticed two dumbbells at my feet. They had electronic displays and each one read 170 lb.

"What the hell?" I asked to no one in particular. Where did I get the weights and why was I working out? Last I could remember I was on my way to eat someone.

I didn't have the chance to find the answers to these important questions. I felt Kasumi's eyes on my back from her hiding spot in the shadows. She didn't know that I had smelled her presence. I decided to keep it that way for as long as possible, tensing my body and ready and my muscles so that I could move with lightning speed. It happened in an instant, and I had her against the metal wall, her cloak instantly disappearing with a shimmer of light. I laughed. It was deep and almost menacing. Her eyes stared at mine, refusing to show any fear. "It isn't polite to watch people without saying anything, but I guess that's just what you're into, isn't it?"

"Guilty as charged," Kasumi said as she rubbed the back of her neck. She had her hood down for once, and I was able to see her entire face.

I stepped back to give her some semblance of personal space, also distancing myself from the strong scent of zinc coursing through her neck. "Did you at least enjoy the show?"

"I wouldn't want to inflate your ego any more than it already has been," Kasumi said with a sarcastic twist of her lips. "Or anything else." Kasumi was telling dirty jokes at my expense. I should have bitten her when I had the chance.

Kasumi asked, "What got you to come down here and give me such a fine show? As strong as you are, it's kind of pointless for you to work out. Were you trying to work off steam or something?" It was unintentional. Her question reminded me of my problems, and of the urge tugging at my stomach for me to put my teeth on her neck.

"Sensory overload," I lied. It wasn't like I could tell her, I want to suck your blood. Kasumi stood there awkwardly for more than a moment, completely quiet as she mulled over my response. I felt guilty lying to her about the exact reason, but it was close enough to the truth for me to be able to put that aside.

Kasumi didn't have a chance to respond as the door opened and Shepard said, "So that's why you asked to be paid in booze, isn't it?"

Kasumi vanished into thin air and ran to the elevator. She barely made it in time for the door to close behind her.

Traitor.

"Did you see the blush on her face?" The sound of Shapard's smooth voice turned something inside of my stomach, and I felt my throat constrict. What is it about that woman that makes me react in such a way? A lock of her red hair moved out of place and she talked it back behind her ear. "You're blushing too! What did I walk in on? Joker told me to check the cargo bay because he registered a loud bang. Please tell me that wasn't a euphemism."

I couldn't believe my ears, so much so that I wanted to cut the words out of my memory with a plastic fork. "I blame joker for this. I don't care if it doesn't make a lick of sense. I blame him. It's what he deserves after listening to Asari-Hannah porn all of the time. I can't step foot on the CIC without hearing that shit."

"It's nice to know that you're getting to know the crew, Joker included," Shepard said with a devious smile that told me that she wouldn't help me with that problem. The woman is a sadist, but what did I expect?

What the hell is wrong with these women?

"So far the only person that I think I'll have trouble with is Miranda. Hopefully, your little stunt has smoothed things over a little, but I feel like there's going to be more trouble in the future."

"Are you saying that because she works for Cerberus."

"It's not because she's part of Cerberus. It's because I'm afraid. Cerberus changed me in a lot of ways, and I'm not certain that I can truly be called human anymore. It's... You know what kind of person Miranda is, and I don't know if she would be willing to accept that."

"You look human. You sound human," Shepard said as she touched my cheek. "You even feel human. You're as human as the rest of us, no matter what's inside. I'm sure that Miranda would see that just as easily as I can."

"It's impossible for you to understand what I'm talking about. I promise to try and help you understand if you want, but that's not something I'll discuss today."

"Everything in moderation."

"Exactly."

"Isn't it a little hypocritical of you to agree with me when you're drinking so much whiskey? You had five bottles in two days."

"It's necessary. It helps me stay in control of my h-" I stopped myself and cleared my throat, mentally chastising myself for what I almost said. "Superhuman senses. If I don't, I'd go crazy and probably kill someone. I'm exaggerating, but you get the point." I counted the seconds, Hoping that Shepard had not noticed my blunder.

"What is it like when it's not crippling?"

"It's the most amazing thing in the world. I feel connected to everything. I can hear every sound, feel every vibration, smell every scent, and taste every taste as if I was right there. Talking to someone is much more intimate than it used to be, it's more vulnerable. For them because it's impossible to hide things with me, and for me, because they could cripple me with a shout. It takes trust to let my guard down."

"The way you put it," Shepard said, "it's so romantic."

"Is it?"

"It's probably as close to the Asari's mind meld as a human could ever get."

"That explains a lot," I said.

"Really?" Shepard asked, "and what exactly does it explain?"

"When a biotic mates with an Asari, it changes the chemistry of their biotics enough for me to notice. You and Liara must have been close."

Shepard's heart spazzed in a minor arrhythmia. Her cheeks turned red as she said, "Liara and I shared a special bond of friendship. She helped me sort through the vision that I received on Eden Prime."

"The vision..."

"The protheans left a warning about the reapers in their beacons.

"If you're willing, I would like to see the vision for myself someday. I haven't mentioned it yet, but I have the ability to see memories and dreams."

"That's incredible," Shepard said.

"I hesitate to call it that. To me it's horrible. I've used it a few times by accident. The first time... was when I killed my way out of that Cerberus facility. When I close my eyes, all I see is the pain, fear, and death that I caused. I'm on the receiving end of it."

"That's a lot like what I see when I close my eyes. The vision is a collage of memories, and they depict when the reapers did. I'd be willing to show you if you want, but I recommend against it."

I breathed a sigh of relief. For the moment, things went according to plan. I'd help her find Javik soon enough and maybe then the council would act. "Why don't re-revisit the topic after I get some control over the ability. Right now it feels like space magic."

"Of course," Shepard said with a curt nod. She looked at her omnitool and sighed. "I should go. Perhaps you would like to see Miranda? I'm sure that you two can come to an understanding."

"When you say it like that I get the impression that you're trying to set me up with her."

"Who knows? The two of you need to loosen up a lot."

I waved her off as I said, "I'll take that under advisement."

Shepard made a quick exit, using the elevator to leave the shuttle bay and go to whatever business it was that she had to do. I was finally alone.

Author's Notes: That's a wrap for this chapter. Thank you for taking the time to read it, and I hope to see you again at the next update.