"There are more tests we will need to perform" I hear the doctor say softly across the line.

"Baby" Christian begs desperately as he guides my face towards him. "Tell me what is going on. Please."

"Umm, umm-"I reply as my voice starts to shake. "I have to go" I say as I hang up the phone. There is no way I can process what the doctor is saying and break this news to Christian at the same time.

He looks at me and winces, and from the empty look in his eye I can tell that he already knows what I'm about to tell him.

I purse my lips together and nod. "The test was positive, I-I have cancer" I admit shakily, barely above a whisper.

"No" he replies with an anguished whimper.

I feel a flood of emotions all at once and I can't hold back any longer. "Oh Christian" I cry as I fall into his arms.

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After what feels like hours I grow tired and stop crying. Once my sobbing subsides I realize that at some point Christian had joined me. Through his cries he's whispering something that I can't quite make out, but after a moment it becomes clear.

"My Ana, my Ana, mine. I need you." he repeats as he strokes my hair.

My poor fifty. I know that his possessiveness shows the most when he's most vulnerable. It's as if he's pleading with me not to leave him. I can hear the fear in his voice, and I long to put him at ease. All through our relationship he has been so afraid of losing me. Irrationally so. I think it's because he lost his mother at such a young age, he is so afraid that the people he cares about are going to take off. I have always reassured him that I'd never leave him, but now… How can I promise that? I can't. The truth is I have no idea what is going to happen to me.

"I need you too" I say softly. "God Christian, I need you now more than ever."

"You have me" he says reassuringly as he pulls me closer. "Oh God, baby you have me. You have all of me Anastasia, you're my life."

"What happens now?" I whisper as I gaze into his eyes.

He clears his throat and shifts in his seats, physically displaying the gear change occurring in his mind. Here comes calm Christian. Business-like Christian. The Christian that gets things done. The Christian I need right now. "Now we fight Ana, we fight hard. You should call your doctor."

"What?" I ask, disoriented by everything going on. "Your doctor, you hung up on her. You should call her, there are some things we need to know. We need to know how bad this thing is."

"I don't know if I can do this" I wince as I look away.

"Of course you can baby, of course you can" he whispers into my hair. "You're my strong Ana. You are the strongest person I've ever met. You're going to beat this. We are going to beat this."

"But, what if-"

"No" he interrupts softly placing his index finger over my lip. "No 'what if' we aren't going there. Call the doctor back baby, let's get some answers."

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"What did the doctor say, baby?" Christian asks me softly as he pulls me into his lap.

"Not much" I sigh. "They need to run more tests before we really know anything. She scheduled me for another appointment first thing tomorrow morning."

"What kind of tests?" Christian asks nervously as his hand sprawls across my belly protectively.

"They want to see how bad it is… If the cancer has spread" I admit as I clear my throat.

"It feels like this whole process is taking an eternity" he says frustrated. "I can't believe that it's only been since yesterday that…"

"I know" I interrupt. "I was so hopeful, I was so hopeful that this would be nothing, I was so hopeful then that now, hoping doesn't seem to come so easily-"

"Oh Ana, baby you're just scared. You're forgetting."

"Forgetting what?" I ask as I reach up to run my fingers through his hair.

"Forgetting who you are. You're my Ana. You're strong, you're stubborn as hell, you fight for what you want, you have faith in things- in the good that exists in the world, in the people you love. I don't know why you don't have that same faith in yourself."

I rest my head on his shoulder, and for a moment I try to forget the harsh reality. My harsh reality. That I have cancer, and my life will never be the same.

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I bounce my knees nervously as I wait for the doctor to re-enter the room.

"Hey" Christian says as he places his hand on my back. "It's okay, you're alright, I'm right here."

"I know" I sigh. "I just feel like I'm about to be handed a death sentence."

"Don't talk like that" he says as he tucks a strand of hair behind my hair. "Don't talk like that baby, you need to believe that you're going to be okay."

"How are you doing?" I ask as I gaze at him. "This can't be easy for you either… waiting like this."

"It's hell" he sighs. "This feeling is absolutely hell on earth. I want to do something, I want to fix this but all I can do I wait. Wait, and wait, and wait."

I take his hand in mine, grab it tightly, and place a soft kiss on his knuckle.

"I love you" I say, gazing at him, trying to convey all the sincerity I'm feeling inside.

"Oh baby" he sighs as he presses his lips against my forehead. "I love you too, so much."

"Excuse me" the doctor interrupts. "I have your test results."

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