Chapter 4: Cracks in the Glass
It was almost a miracle that Dan had not fallen asleep during class the next day. Trying to keep his thoughts focused was about as pointless as trying to herd wandering cats. Everytime he tried to focus, his thoughts would drift back to the previous night's walk home.
A nagging itch once more clawed at the back of his mind like a wild animal desperately trying to escape the cage it had become trapped in. Cracks were starting to form on the surface of the smiling glass mask Sayori hid behind. With each hollow, forced laugh she made, the fissures deepened, stretching across the mask like an intricate spiderweb.
Was the stress of having to help plan for the festival starting to wear down on her a little more than usual? After all, he reasoned, with her being the Vice-President, she probably had a lot of extra responsibilities to deal with, like meeting with the Festival Committee and the Principal over space and approval for the event, and having to help with promotion to attract people to the event, among other things.
Or had this been something that had been lurking beneath her bubbly exterior for years, carefully hidden from the world out of fear? Had he just been too blind, too wrapped up in his own world to notice? He tried to think again about them growing up, trying view things from a different point of view.
His memories felt hazy and disconnected, like old photographs viewed through an fuzzy, sepia-toned lens. His brain insisted that he was there, and that he remembered everything correctly, but his doubt and concern made him second-guess everything. Had they both changed so much that they'd become strangers to one another, he wondered? Or had they ever truly known one another?
Involuntarily, he thought of the others in the Literature Club. It felt strange, he thought, he felt as if he'd known everyone for weeks, rather than merely days. And yet, he still felt as if he knew very little about them. But then, he reasoned, Yuri and Natsuki especially seemed pretty guarded when it came to letting people know about them.
Everyone in the Literature Club, he thought, seemed trapped in their own metaphorical prisons, each of them beating at the walls of their cages, screaming into the void for someone to help them, for someone to understand them and know they were not alone.
Some of their cages were created by others, like Natsuki and home life. He remembered the way that he'd saw her withdraw at the mere mention of her father. He feared that things might have gone deeper than just a strict parent, and that she wore her sour nature like a suit of armor to protect her.
Others were trapped in prisons made of fear, uncertainty and secret shame, like Yuri's.
Even as he discussed the Portrait of Markov novel with her, he noticed the way that she kept second guessing herself. As Dan would ask questions about the main character, the strange people she meets, and the dark, twisted nature of the experiments that created them, he could feel the violet haired girl's gaze shift uncomfortably, as she would mumble out an apology before expounding on a tangent about the deeper themes of the particular scene.
It was as if she were apologizing for the main character's behaviors and faults as if they were her own, and that much like the morally questionable actions of the main character in the later half of the novel, she feared that she would drive away Dan and those close to her, forcing them to hate and fear her.
Dan wondered if maybe it was simply she was afraid that people would find her passion for the dark and macabre would brand her as the "scary chick", making it more difficult for to make friends than it already was. Or was it a much darker interest that she kept hidden?
Did she feel that she had to keep herself quiet in order to restrain herself from accidentally spilling forth with her hidden, darker thoughts? And maybe the reason that that timidness faded when she talked about literature, and especially horror literature, was that she knew it was a topic close enough to her secret that she felt confident enough to talk about without losing control of herself?
And then there was Arin-trapped prison made of his own past regret and memories of things that he was unable to change. He remembered the fear that shone in the other man's eyes when they'd stared at each other on the rooftop. They were the uncertain eyes of a hunted animal, terrified by an unseen presence that loomed over them, waiting for him to slip up. And again, he remembered their unintentional duet.
They'd found something in each other's eyes, something that Dan couldn't quite describe but shook the depths of his being all the same. They'd found answers to questions that neither had asked, and Dan didn't even realize needed asking.
And yet, all the same it scared him. Much like the anxiety he felt every time he looked at Monika's poems, it felt as if something within him didn't want him to know this unspoken truth. Something too great and terrible for his mind to comprehend lurked within the depths of the void. It was safer for him to know stare into the void to long, lest the horrible truth be forever brunt into his skull as he succumbed to existential madness.
He shook his head, forcefully pushing the thoughts from his mind again before anxiety could grip onto his mind with it's tiny claws again.
But still, he couldn't help but wonder, if everyone in the Literature Club was indeed mentally trapped, then what about Monika and himself? What kind of metaphorical cages had the two resigned themselves to?
Maybe they were the exceptions, he thought. Monika seemed far too mature and well composed to not be able to effortlessly handle whatever life threw her way. As for himself? Well, he wasn't entirely sure on that one.
But, he reminded himself as he tiredly stifled a yawn, maybe reading Yuri's novel had simply put him in a particularly gloomy mood that day. He understood now why Yuri had been so interested in it. Even through the story was brief, the vivid imagery and descriptive metaphors painted haunting and surreal images in his mind that refused to fade long after he'd closed the book.
Although the unsettling, creeping dread crawled over his skin like bugs, morbid curiousity and determined desire kept his hands steady as he flipped to the next page. He had to know what would happen next; if things would get worse as the events became more unhinged and twisted, or if they would magically reverse themselves, working toward a more bittersweet, but overall happier ending for everyone.
Maybe it was just that he was the type of person who preferred to see the silver lining in everything, no matter how hopeless it seemed, but part of him wanted to see everyone get some sort of happy ending, even if it that joy still held the faint shade of sadness. But, unfortunately, the author of Yuri's novel didn't seem to share in that sentiment.
As he and Yuri had finished their discussion of the novel-or rather the two of them had run out of things to discuss and the purple haired girl had quickly retreated back to absorbing herself in another novel she'd brought with her-Dan noticed that, once again, not everyone was here.
A movement caught his perhprial vision, causing him to turn his head. Arin timidly stepped into the classroom, his broad figure withdrawn as if he were trying to make himself as small as possible to avoid being noticed by the others. However, as his eyes furtively darted around, taking a mental count of those present, his posture relaxed once more, as he slipped into the desk beside Dan.
"Hey, Arin!" Dan greeted the other man with a cheerful wave, "Good to see you decided to come back. I was a little worried after what happened during the meeting yesterday."
Arin blushed, rubbing the back of his neck nervously as he gave a half hearted chuckle in response.
"Yeah, about that." he replied, "Look-that probably freaked you out a bit, didn't it?"
"A little bit, yeah" Dan admitted, "I mean, I've never even showed that song to anyone, not even Sayori, much less actually performed it that I can think of. And then you're just singing along like you'd heard it before? I dunno, it was a little scary."
"I'm really sorry about that," Arin apologized, "I guess I got a little too caught up in the moment and just sort of found myself singing along without even realizing it."
"Nah," Dan shrugged, "It's cool, dude."
Dan breathed a sigh of relief as he flashed the other man a weak grin. So it was just a coincidence, he thought. Looking back on it in hindsight, he should have realized how ridiculous this all must have seemed. Of course, he reminded himself, Arin hadn't somehow already heard the song before. It wasn't like he was actually psychic or anything.
Arin, however, didn't seem quite as calmed by Dan's reassurance. Only the faintest traces of a smile twitched at the corner of his lips as he stared ahead into the distance, refusing to meet Dan's gaze.
"It's just," he explained, his voice soft, as if speaking more to himself than to anyone else, "Fuck, I dunno dude. It just, hearing you sing? It just reminded me of-"
He shook his head, sighing dejected to himself as he let the sentence hang unfinished in the air between them. Dan opened his mouth, wanting to ask what was going through the other man's mind at that moment, but quickly decided against it.
"Whatever," he continued, "It doesn't matter. Look, the festival's on Monday, right?"
"Yeah," Dan replied, "I mean, I kind of wish they'd held off on it until like next Friday or something, so that everyone could enjoy the festival and kind of get like a technical three day weekend? Plus, the clubs would get a little more time to prepare for events and whatever. But then again, most of the other clubs didn't wait until almost last minute to even decide to do anything in the first place."
"Yeah," Arin smirked, chuckling lightly, "But, seriously, dude; aren't you a little bit nervous?"
"About our event?" Dan scoffed, "No way! Not any worse than usual stage fright, I guess. But, hey, if I'm ever gonna make it as a professional singer out in the real world, I just gotta learn to deal with that of pressure and nervousness, y'know? Why would I be afraid?"
"It's not just the poetry reading," Arin said, "It's everything. It's just, everything's gonna change, man."
Dan blinked, giving the other man a quizzical look. Honestly, he'd never really thought about it like that. But, then again he reasoned, if they did well enough with this poetry performance, there was a high possibility that more people would be interested in joining the Literature Club. They'd no longer be the quirky, little group any more; they'd have a real shot at being considered an legitimate club. With more people in the club, the entire club's dynamic would shift dramatically. Dan just prayed that the shift would be toward something more fun and lively.
But, at the same time, he worried that this could end up meaning that the original club members started drifting away from each other. It already worried him that he felt he and Sayori were drifting apart, but he had barely had enough time to know the others. He didn't want for them to accidentally drift away from him before he got a chance to actually be friends with them.
"Dan," Arin asked, his voice quiet yet piercing through the other man's clouded panic, "Promise me something?"
"Sure," Dan replied, although uncertain, "What?"
"Promise me," Arin said, "That whatever happens, whatever changes, promise me that you won't forget who you are. Even if you forget about everything else. Even if you forget about Natsuki, Yuri, Sayori or Monika. Even if you forget about me. Promise me that you'll still be you."
The words hit Dan with the force of a train traveling at mach speed, knocking the wind out of him. His eyes widened as yet again found himself reflected in the dark pools of Arin's pupils. His heart ached, stirring with a burning fire, as he yet again saw the hopeless, pleading sadness within those brown eyes.
Arin knew something. Those eyes alone told him that this promise went far deeper than just the festival. This was not the kind of promise that one could make lightly and not fully intend to keep.
Please help me, Arin!A little voice in the back of his mind cried, You've been trying to tell me something all this time, haven't you?! Please help me to understand.
Gently, Dan clasped Arin's hands within his own, as he leaned closer, staring so deeply into his eyes that he was almost afraid that he'd fall through the watery void.
"Only if," he replied, "You promise me the same thing."
Arin's breath shuddered, though his eyes did not break from Dan's meaningful stare. Solemnly, he nodded, squeezing the hand clasped around his own.
"I-I promise," Arin whispered, "No matter what might happen."
"Then I also promise," Dan replied, "I promise to still be myself, no matter what happens. No matter what changes between us."
The other man's lips trembled, as he fought back glistening tears. Trembling fingers of Arin's free hand delicately clasped brushed against the sleeve of Dan's blazer. Fuzzy warmth, like the heat of a campfire, pooled in Dan's stomach as his fingers flexed, kneading the skin of Arin's hand with his slender fingers.
For a brief moment, he felt as if he were seeing Arin in a different light. For a moment, He'd never realized it before, he thought, but Arin was beautiful. It wasn't just in the way that his lips parted into a grin, or the way his eyes twinkled like stars when he laughed, but something more.
There was just something about holding Arin's hand that felt comfortable. He felt like a traveler who'd returned home from months traveling around the world.
Dan's own lips quivered with the faintest tremor as he felt Arin's hot, sweet breath on his face. He wanted nothing more than to close the tiny gap between them, to press his lips against the other man's until they merged together into some singular, eternal entity lacking both beginning and end.
A gentle, but loud slamming and a sudden rush of cold air as the clubroom door swung open jolted the two from their hazy euphoria. Quickly, as if someone had doused him in a bucket of ice water, the burning warmth faded and Dan pulled away, blushing furiously as let go of Arin's hand.
"Oh no," Monika exclaimed, "I'm the last one here, again! I don't believe it!"
Hurriedly, she bustled into the classroom, her arms once again laden with various books and disorderly papers tenuously stacked in a way that Dan was almost amazed she didn't lose any of them as she ran down the hallway. Thankfully, she seemed to busy and caught up in trying to set her belongings on the desk, that she hadn't seen either Dan's flustered blush, or Arin's grumpy glare.
"You were practicing piano again?" Yuri asked as she looked up from her book, "Between starting up this club, and taking up learning piano, you must have a lot of determination."
"Well," Monika giggled, "Maybe not determination. I guess 'passion' would be the right word? Remember that the club wouldn't be here if it weren't for all of you, as well. And I'm really happy that you're all willing to help out with the festival, too!"
Natsuki looked up from her manga, and grinned, practically bouncing on the heels of her feet as she stood up and skipped toward the others.
"It's gonna be so much fun," she said, "I can't wait!"
Monika quirked an curious eyebrow as she exchanged a confused look with Dan. The curly haired man simply shrugged in response as he returned his own confused and bewildered look.
"Eh?" she asked, "Weren't you just complaining about it yesterday, Natsuki?"
"Yeah," Natsuki huffed, "I didn't mean our part, obviously. I meant everything else! But it's a whole day where we get to play and don't have have to worry about stupid homework, and get to eat all sorts of really good food!"
Despite himself, Dan couldn't help but chuckle warmly at Natsuki's enthusiasm toward the rest of the festival.
"Heh," he laughed, "You're sounding a bit like Sayori there all of a sudden."
Natsuki rolled her eyes, ignoring Dan's observation as she continued to talk excitedly about the other events in the festival and the kinds of food that the other clubs would probably be making for their events.
"Monika," the pink haired girl asked, "Don't they usually do fried squid? I remember that someone made fried squid last year."
"Squid?" Monika asked, arching an eyebrow, "That's a pretty specific thing to look forward to."
"Oh c'mon," Natsuki teased with a grin, "You saying you don't like squid or something? You, of all people?"
"Eh?" the other girl's confusion deepened, not following the pink haired girl's conversation was leading, "I never said I didn't like it. Besides, what do you mean, 'You of all people'?"
Natsuki's smile widened into an almost Cheshire cat like grin as she rested her hands on her hips. She looked as if she had waited her entire life to be asked this one specific question, and she was going to make the best of this punchline.
"Because," She said, "It's in your name. Mon-ika."
Now both Monika and Dan were hopelessly lost. Dan's brow knitted in confusion as he tried to figure out exactly what Natsuki meat by "right in her name". He assumed that it was probably some sort of pun that he was missing, due to being an English speaker.
"Eh?" Monika replied, folding her arms behind her back as she tilted her head slightly, perplexed, "That's not how you say my name at all! Also, that joke makes no sense in translation."
Now it was Natsuki's turn to look as if Monika had just told a joke that no-one else fully understood. Translation? Dan wondered to himself, What did Monika mean by that? He started to ask, but found himself interrupted by Arin's laugh.
"Dude," Arin snarked, "Like any of this shit really makes sense when you think about it? Like, we live in Japan, but all of us speak perfect English for some reason? Like, I get why I would. I mean, Asagao's an international private school or something. So, it'd make sense to say that I came from America when I enrolled or something. But what about everyone else? What about Dan? Like what are the odds that two completely non-Asian dudes both happen to be living in the same part of Japan, in the same year of high school, and and just happen to both be in the same club? That's pretty weird, right?"
Dan bit his lip as he thought for a moment, a creeping sense of unease tingling up his spine as he mulled it over in his mind. That was a pretty good question, he thought. He was sure that he'd lived in Japan most of his life, and yet, he couldn't recall either himself or Sayori speaking to each other in anything other than English. Then again, he reasoned, it was probably likely that his parents had moved here when he was very young. But, that still didn't explain Sayori. And what of Monika, Yuri and Natsuki? How likely was it that six fluent English speakers all happened to go to the same school, and all happened to be in the same club together?
"And," Arin continued, "There's the fact that all of us are clearly at the age where we should have already graduated, or at least be seniors. But, outside of the fact that none of us are first years, I have literally no idea what year any of us are supposed to be in?"
Instinctively, Dan looked at Monika, as if he thought that she could possibly explain this. Although her smile never broke,electricity flashed in her eyes,as if silently warning Arin that he was walking on thin ice, and that continuing this line of conversation was a very dangerous thing to do.
Arin, glared defiantly at the Club President, assuring her that, while he agreed that now was not the time to bring up any sort of tension this close to the festival, it was definitely not the last time that something like this would be questioned.
Dan wondered why there was such fire in their eyes. Monika had only made an innocent joke, and Arin had only made a humorous observation. It hardly seemed like the kind of thing to get angry over.
"Ahahahaha' Monika giggled, breaking the tension as she dismissively waved the tension aside, "Nevermind. Let's just focus on our event for now, okay?"
"Agreed," Arin nodded, also sighing in relief, "We've still got a lot of stuff to take care of with that, right?"
Natsuki, although briefly puzzled, chuckled. It was as if she had not even witnessed the brief, but tense standoff between Arin and the Club President that had happened only moments ago.
"Eh, fine," she shrugged, "Whatever. Besides, your reactions aren't as fun as Sayori and Yuri's anyways, Monika."
Yuri shot an alarmed look toward the pink haired girl, who seemed happily oblivious of the reaction she had just caused in her fellow club member.
"E-excuse me?!" she exclaimed.
Dan looked between the group for a moment, observing something that he'd failed to notice before. Sayori, he noted, had been suspiciously absent from the conversation today. That seemed kind of unlike her, he thought Usually, she was always the first to jump right into the middle of a group discussion, to crack a joke or give some sort of encouraging words.
"Where's Sayori, anyways?" he asked, more to himself than the others.
As his eyes scanned the tiny club room, he spotted her, sitting alone at her desk. The peach-haired girl's expression seem blank as her hollow blue eyes stared down at nothing on her desk. It was more like someone had crafted a life-sized replica of his best friend and placed it in her usual desk, hoping nobody would notice.
Once more, creeping dread and muted panic dragged themselves to the forefront of his emotions. This was wrong, he thought as he silently pulled away from the group and walked over to her, it wasn't like her to be this dejected and empty. She needed someone to talk to, he reasoned, and who better than a friend?
"Hey, Sayori," he greeted her, "What's up? You look a little down today, what's wrong?"
Sayori didn't even seem to notice as he waved his hand in front of her face to get her attention. Her eyes were clouded over in a gray haze, as if lost deep in thought as she slowly blinked, looking up at him. For a couple of seconds, she stared at him as if she didn't recognize him before she slowly snapped back to reality.
"Oh," She replied weakly, "Hey, Danny."
"You were," he replied, "Spacing out there for a moment.
"Ah," she apologized sheepishly, "I'm sorry, Don't mind me. You can go talk to everyone else."
Dan wasn't entirely convinced. Quietly, he sat down in the chair in front of her, turning it so that he was facing her. She winced, as if he'd slapped her across the face, rather than just sat down near her.
"Hey," he asked, gently, "Is everything alright?"
"O-of course," she replied, though her voice lacked the conviction to back up her claim, "Why wouldn't it be?!"
"It's just that you've seemed a little off the last few days," Dan replied, "I'm just worried, that's all I mean, with you being the Vice-President and all, that's gotta be a lot of stress on you, right?"
Sayori nodded, frowning.
"You worry too much about me," She said, "You really shouldn't do that, Danny."
"Can't help, it," Dan laughed weakly, "I'm just a caring, worrying best friend fool. Besides, if I were feeling down, you'd worry about me too."
"Well," Sayori said, forcing a painful smile, "You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine, see. Don't let me distract you from having fun with everyone else."
Dan sighed defeatedly. Even if she didn't admit it, he thought, it was obvious that something was seriously bothering her. But, she was too worried or ashamed to admit it to anyone, especially Dan. Reluctantly, he stood up, intending to go back to the group and leave Sayori alone with her thoughts. Just as he turned his back, he paused, looking over his shoulder at her.
"Sayori," he said, "Just remember, if you ever need to talk to me about something, I'm here for you. Even if all you need me to do is listen, okay?"
The peach-haired girl said nothing as she continued to stare down at her desk with blank eyes. It was as if someone had flicked the "off" switch on her, as all the life and energy drained from her body.
He thought for a moment about trying to put it out of his mind, and go back to the conversation about the festival that the others were having. But, he noticed that that particular conversation had long since ended, and everyone had once more retreated into their usual corners.
As usual, Yuri had returned to her book, while Arin and Natsuki seemed absorbed in talking about some manga that they had both been reading. Monika seemed to be the only person who wasn't currently deeply occupied with another task at the moment.
He felt like he should probably ask her about Sayori's recent mood change. After all, she and Monika were pretty good friends, he reasoned. And they had been spending a lot of time together planning for the festival, that Monika would naturally have noticed if something was bothering Sayori.
Timidly, he approached her, trying to formulate the best way to bring up the topic to her without seeming to blunt about it. She smiled sweetly, looking up from her papers as she noticed him sitting down in front of her.
"Hi, Danny!" she replied, her voice dripping honey sweetness, "What's up?"
"This might sound a little weird," Dan began, "But, do you know if anything's going on with Sayori, lately?"
"Anything going on with her?" Monika asked, "In what way do you mean?"
"I dunno," Dan replied, "I might be reading too much into it, but Sayori's seemed kind of downcast the last few days, I guess? I'm just worried if she's feeling alright or not."
"Oh?" she replied, folding her hands in front of her as she leaned forward, "You think so?"
"Yeah," Dan continued, "You haven't been pushing her too hard with the festival preparations and the club, have you?"
"Of course not!" Monika laughed dismissively "Sayori's enthusiastic and dedicated about taking on responsibilities with the club, but I try to make sure that she doesn't take on more than she can handle."
Monika's frown deepened as she peered across the room at Sayori, sitting alone at her desk. The other girl didn't even acknowledge the attention, instead choosing to absently rub an eraser up and down her desk, leaving a trail of rubber flakes in it's wake. With a sigh, Monika looked back at Dan with a concerned expression before continuing.
"Maybe there is something on her mind," Monika admitted, "But, I'm surprised that I'm not the one asking you, Danny. You certainly would know her a lot better than I would."
"Maybe," Dan admitted, "But I can't really recall her ever being like this. I mean, usually when she's sad, she'll talk to me about it. But, she's been seeming kind of closed off, lately. I tried to ask her about it yesterday, and she was pretty dismissive about then, too. I don't really know what to do, Monika. I've never been in this kind of situation with her before."
Something cold and hard flashed in the Club President's emerald eyes, and he felt face redden, self-conscious and ashamed that he'd even brought it up to her. This wasn't her problem, he scolded himself. Whatever was going on was between Sayori and himself. And even then the 'himself' part was kind of questionable. Monika wasn't there to deal with the personable problems of her other club members, and probably didn't have time for that kind of mess, anyways.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, quickly, "I know that this isn't your problem. I just wanted to ask if you knew anything. I'll just drop it, now."
"No, no." Monika countered, "It's alright. It's important to me, too.I mean, I'm also friends with her. And, I also care about the well-being of my club members, you know? Maybe I'll try talking to her myself."
"Eh?" Dan asked dubiously, crossing his arms, "You sure that's a good idea? She seemed like she wanted to be left alone, to be honest."
"Are you sure?" she asked, "Maybe she just has a hard time bringing it up with the person of interest?"
"Person of interest? What do you mean by that?"
What did Monika mean by 'person of interest'? Curiously he glanced between Sayori and Monika. Person of Interest sounded more like something that someone would call the prime suspect in a murder investigation, he thought, not something that one would casually refer to their friend or crush as.
But then again, he wondered, had Sayori possibly developed a crush on him? Was her mood change because her thoughts were distracted with feelings of love and jealousy that she didn't quite understand, or was there something more painful and sinister lurking underneath the surface?
"I mean," Monika explained, "That maybe the thing on her mind is you, Danny."
"Me?" Dan asked, "What makes you think that? I mean, Sayori and I are friends, I feel like if her feelings for me had changed, she'd at least feel comfortable enough to let me know, right?"
But was that even the truth? A small, nasty voice whispered in the back of his mind. Did Sayori still feel safe and confident enough to trust him with her secrets? Had he done something to hurt her without even realizing it?
"Well," Monika continued, a faint pink blush painting her cheeks, "I probably shouldn't say anything. But, she talks a lot about you, you know? Probably more than anything else, really. She's been so much happier since you joined the club, you know? It's like an extra light's been turned on inside of her."
Dan shook his head, doubtfully. That didn't seem like it made any sense, he reasoned. In fact, it felt as if the opposite was more true. She seemed as if she'd slowly become more and more miserable and withdrawn ever since he'd joined. Even her usual goofy, sunshine attitude felt hollow, as if she were wearing it like a dented suit of armor, protecting herself from others seeing the sadness that lurked underneath.
"I don't really see it," he replied, "It's not really that much different than it's always been. At least, I don't think so, anyways."
Monika laughed, sending a chill down the curly haired man's spine. Her laugh almost seemed mocking in its sweetness, as if she were making fun of him for being so naive and oblivious to something that was as obvious as daylight or that the sky was blue.
"Ahahahaha," She smiled, "You're funny, Danny. Have you considered that maybe you've always seen her as cheerful, is because that's just how she is around you?"
Dan frowned, stroking his chin, lost in thought. The more and more he thought about it, the more and more he heard Arin's voice on the rooftop echoing in his mind. There was something off, he admitted. There had been something off for a long time. Not everything clicked right about his memories. Sayori had seemed too happy, watching him with awed interest and wonder. Had Sayori been slowly falling in love with him all this time, but he'd been too blind to notice?
"Ah!" Monika laughed nervously, "I've said too much.I'm sorry, what do I know, anyways? I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. Please forget that I said that. Anyways, I'll try to talk to her, so try not to worry about it, for now."
Dan again said nothing, rendered speechless as the Club President flashed him a meaningful smile. Silently, the confident spark in her green eyes assured him she had everything under control and that she would fix everything. Though, Dan thought to himself as he watched her cross the room and approach Sayori's desk, he wasn't necessarily sure that this was the kind of thing that could be easily fixed.
Sighing, he sat down again, casting only the occasional worried glance in their direction. He knew that Sayori had told him not to worry about her, and to have fun with everyone. But, the buzzing, squirming sloshing in the pit of his stomach made him unable to focus on anything other than how strange she was acting today.
Lost in his thoughts, he aimless stood back up, wandering toward Arin and Natsuki. He hoped that he wasn't interrupting them as he sat down next to them, idly listening to them comparing some magical girl animes, only one or two of which Dan was sure he'd had actually ever heard of before.
However, it seemed that their discussion was drawing to a close, as they both noticed the despondent man that had stealthily slipped into their circle while they weren't looking.
"Hey, you," Natsuki greeted him in a slightly irritated but friendly tone, "You gonna just sit there and eavesdrop on our conversation, or are you actually gonna say something?"
"Eh?" Dan blinked, slowly coming back to reality, "S-sorry. Didn't mean to space out and make you worry."
The pink haired girl glared, her cheeks darkening with a flustered crimson blush as she crossed her arms defensively.
"It's not like I'm worried or anything," she said, "I-I mean, It's not like I care. It's just that we don't have a lot of time. If something's bothering you, then you can just come out and say it, instead of being all weird and making everyone else look like jerks.I mean, assuming that you didn't feel like talking about it or anything."
Arin frowned, giving the other man a concerned look as he saw the troubled clouds forming in his brown eyes. Adjusting his glasses, he rested his free hand on Dan's shoulder, giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze.
"Hey man," he asked, "Natsuki's right, you do look like something's bothering you. What's up?"
"Eheheh," Dan laughed weakly, "It's nothing really, I guess, and I probably shouldn't be worrying myself about it. It's just that I'm just thinking about Sayori, is all."
The two reactions that his fellow club members gave in response could not have been further from opposite from one another. Natsuki's jaw hung agape as her pink eyes widened in shock. She looked as if Dan had just called her ugly to her face, rather than simply expressed concern for another friend.
Arin's eyes, meanwhile, narrowed dangerously, a deep grimace twisting his lips into a scowl as he stared past Dan, looking over his shoulder at Monika and Sayori, who were still talking too softly for anyone to hear. His fists clenched, knuckles turning white as they gripped the sides of the desk, threatening to snap the wooden tabletop under their pressure. He muttered a dark curse under his breath as he scrambled to regain a mask of composure and calmness.
"S-Sayori?!" Natsuki exclaimed, "T-thinking about her?!"
"N-no," Dan spoke quickly, shaking his head, "Not like that. She's just been acting a little off today. I'm just a little worried that something might have happened, is all"
Natsuki's posture relaxed as she heaved a sigh of relief. Beside her, Arin's expression, although softening, still seemed troubled as his eyes darted nervously between Dan and Sayori in the distance.
"Hey, " Dan asked, "Sayori didn't happen to tell either of you anything, did she? I asked her earlier, but she didn't seem like she wanted to talk about it."
"Well, first of all," Nastsuki replied, "You should really work on your phrasing. People are gonna start thinking you're in love with her or something if you say it like that. Second, I haven't heard anything. And I doubt Yuri has either. I mean, we don't really hang out together outside of the club. So, if any one heard anything, it'd probably be you. You're her best friend, right? You'd be the first person she'd go to."
Dan nodded, exchanging a worried look with Arin. The other man said nothing, his eyes dancing with a troubled light as he fidgeted with a loose strand of hair in front of his face. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn't quite know if here was the right place to talk about it, or how to phrase it without coming off as sounding too strange, or worrying Dan any more than he already was.
"What about you, Arin?" Dan asked, "I mean, Sayori said that you two talked a lot. Maybe she told you something?"
"Honestly," Arin replied, "Sayori and I never really talked about a whole lot besides you and discussing poems. But, now that you mention it, she has been seeming especially off the last few days."
"Pfft," Natsuki replied, crossing her arms, "People just have those days, y'know? You can't always avoid it. If anything, she probably doesn't want you to worry about her because it's probably not imporant."
"Yeah," Dan agreed, nodding reluctantly, "That's kind of what she said to me."
Arin, on the other hand, didn't seem as convinced that everything was nearly as okay as Natsuki seemd to suggest that it was. He crossed his arms, pensively stroking his chin as his brow furrowed.
"Yeah," he replied "But, what if it isn't this time? What if it's something more serious?"
"Maybe," Dan said finally, "But, Sayori didn't want me worrying. Maybe I should respect her wishes."
"Exactly," Natsuki replied, "If she needs you to worry about her, then it'll be a lot more obvious."
Although they felt the conversation ended, Dan and Arin exchanged concerned looks with one another. As much as he agreed with Arin's concern, he couldn't help but feel that Natsuki had a point. Even it was something, Sayori clearly didn't want him involved in her business. It was only fair for him to respect those wishes, even if his heart told him that it didn't feel right.
A concerned, uncertain light glimmered reluctantly in both their eyes, as if both quietly wondering if their decision not to get involved at the moment was truly the right one, but both knowing that there was simply nothing that they could do at this point. It was up to Sayori to decide that she needed help. The only thing that Dan, or any of them could do at this point was patiently wait, and hope that she would eventually let them know what was happening.
Natsuki fiddled nervously with the book in her hands. Her eyes gazed down at the cover of the book, seeming too embarrassed to meet Dan's own eyes.
"She," Natsuki asked quietly, "She really means a lot too you, doesn't she?"
"Ah," Dan laughed gently, "Don't get the wrong idea about us. It's just that we've been friends for a long time. It's natural for you to worry about your friends, right? I mean, if it were either of you, or Yuri or Monika, I'd be worried about you guys, too. And, I mean, you were worried about me, Natsuki-"
Once more, Natsuki's glared defensively, although the faintest traces of a smirk painting her lips betrayed her true emotions. Despite himself, Dan couldn't help but laugh, feeling as if some sense of normalcy was slowly starting to return to the atmosphere.
"I wasn't worried!" she protested, "Now, unless you have any interest in listening to me and Arin's discussion, take your gloominess somewhere else."
"What she means is," Arin added with a laugh, "Is that you're welcome to chat with us."
However, there didn't seem to be any time for the discussion as Monika, it seemed, had finally finished speaking to Sayori, and was now alerting everyone that it was time for them to share their poems.
Hurriedly, Dan walked back to his desk, searching for the poem he'd written today. While he definitely felt like this one was an overall improvement over his last two, he still admitted that there was something pretty useful about the "dartboard" technique, as he'd called it.
But, part of him felt like he might need to change up his style soon. After all, throwing stuff aimlessly and hoping for a combination of words and phrases that made some sort of cohesive sense together could only carry a person so far before it inevitability let them down. He just hoped that today's poem wouldn't be the one that the others considered as the point where the technique failed him.
Upon returning to the group, he noticed that everyone had once again scattered. Sayori, even though still seemed somewhat withdrawn and distracted, Monika had at least managed to coax her into mustering up the motivation to participate in the poetry sharing session.
At first, he considered sticking with his usual rotation of Sayori, Natsuki, Yuri, Monika and Arin in that order.
But, he thought, tiredly running his fingers through his hair, feeling a sharp pang of regret and sadness tug at his heart as he cast an uncertain look toward Sayori, he wasn't sure that that he'd be able to keep himself from allowing the conversation to stray from poetry analysis.
Perhaps, he thought, it would be easier to start with Natsuki. After all, he thought with a sardonic smirk, might as well let the toughest critic look over his work, so that it'd be easier for him to handle everyone else's critiques.
Without much of a word, Natsuki read over his poem. Her eyes narrowed as she looked down at the words on the page and back up at him. Gradually, her face flushed many shades of pink as she held the poem clutched tightly in her shaking hands.
Well, Dan thought, this was certainly a new, but not entirely unexpected reaction. Now, the only question that remained was whether Natsuki had liked the poem, or if she thought it was complete, rage-inducing garbage.
"Geez," he said, breaking the silence, "I didn't think it was that bad."
"Grrgh," the pink haired girl growled, setting the paper down but not letting it go, "It's not bad! It's really good, okay?! There, I said it! I mean, it still got a bit of Yuri's style to it, but it's still really good. But that's, like, the problem? You're supposed to be bad at this. I'm supposed to be the one impressing you! Not the other way around!"
Dan laughed, which only caused Natsuki's flustered blush to deepen as she whined again, huffing in annoyance.
"You're trying," Dan asked, "To impress me?"
"Obviously," she replied defensively, "You think that I'd let you enjoy Yuri's stupid writing more than mine?! Give me a break."
"Hey," he replied with a smile, "You don't have to impress me, Natsuki. You know that I'm going to like what you wrote. You're a really talented writer. I'd even argue that you're just as talented as Yuri. Hell, you could probably be the next Shel Silverstein."
"Well, I dunno who that is, " Natsuki replied, "But, you like my poem more than Yuri's, right?"
Dan started to speak tugging at the collar of his shirt, as he squirmed like a worm on a hot sidewalk under Natsuki's piercing pink gaze. It wasn't that he thought her poems were better than Yuri's, or that he liked one of them any better than he liked the others.
It was more that he liked their poems equally, for different reasons. He loved the simplicity and emotion of Natsuki's poems, just as much as he loved the imagery and metaphors of Yuri's.
Part of him couldn't help but wonder what kind of amazing work both Natsuki and Yuri could create if they were ever to overcome their different viewpoints and combined their strengths into a collaborative effort.
"Anyways," Dan quickly replied "Why is it a bad that if I like both your and Yuri's poems equally? Look at it this way-it's kind of like how people can like cupcakes and ice cream, y'know? Like there's some people who only like cupcakes, and there's some people who only like ice cream. But then there's people who think both are amazing. Just because someone likes cupcakes at one moment, doesn't mean that they can't like ice cream, too."
Natsuki thought for a moment, opening her mouth to protest, but instead choosing to shrug.
"Yeah, yeah," She replied, with a smirk"I guess I see your point. But still, I don't get why you couldn't just be bad at this. I'm supposed to impress you."
"What's wrong with me trying to impress you?"
"You're trying," Natsuki asked, her voice cracking, "To impress me?!"
The petite girl's eyes widened once more, her mouth moving soundlessly like a goldfish gasping for air as she tried to protest, but found no reasonable objections immediately springing to mind. Vigorously, her eyes scanned the poem a third time. She stares at him as the poem slips out of her to the floor.
Dan winced. That wasn't exactly the case, he thought. While he had had her in mind while writing part of the poem, he wouldn't say that his main goal had been solely to impress her, so much as write something that all of them could find at least one thing to enjoy.
"I-I have to go to the bathroom!" Natsuki stammered as she quickly flew out of the room in flustered run, leaving Dan behind, confused.
In his daze, he barely even noticed that Monika had approached him, with an equally confused look on her face.
"Hey, Danny?" she asked, pointing over her shoulder toward the door that Natsuki had just disappeared through, "Did you just do something to Natsuki? I just saw her rush out of the room. You didn't do anything terrible, did you?"
"I dunno," Dan joked, "I'm starting to think that my poem might have had a worse effect on her than I hoped. Either she's really embarrassed to admit she liked it, or it was so bad that I've actually made her physically ill and she's in the bathroom throwing up right now."
Monika's expression remains blank as she saw the paper laying on the floor. Swiftly, she picked it up and read through the it. Although her expression was otherwise unreadable, her smile never faded as she finished the poem.
"Ah," She giggled, "You were trying to impress Natsuki with this poem, weren't you?"
"Not exactly," Dan admittedly, nervously rubbing the back of his neck as he stared down at his feet, "I was kind of trying to impress everyone, you know? I guess that it might have impressed her a little more than everyone else, maybe?"
"Well," Monika replied, "I'm certainly impressed by it. You've really improved a lot since you joined. But all the same, I'm kind of amazed how you've somehow seemed to pick up on everyone's styles and tastes so quickly. I mean, it's technically only been a few days since you joined, hasn't it? Are sure you aren't getting some sort of outside help? You know that that's cheating, right?"
Dan's quirked a puzzled eyebrow. What did Monika mean by 'cheating' he wondered? How was it possible to cheat at writing a poem? It wasn't like he'd intentionally looked up some sort of walkthrough to know exactly which words and ideas that would appeal to each of the club members.
"Cheating?" Dan asked, "I don't know what you-"
"Ahahahahaha," Monika laughed, suddenly, "Never mind. I'm just kidding! Anyways, how do you think Natsuki feels about you? You don't have to answer that. It's just something for you to think about."
Before Dan could reply, Natsuki returned, scowling as she quickly snatched the poem from Monika's hands.
"Did you read this, Monika?" Natsuki asked
"Yes," Monika replied calmly, "I really liked it, you know"
"Well," the pink haired girl snapped, "You should really just learn to not read other people's stuff without 's really rude, and you have a bad habit of doing that!"
Monika seemed mildly taken aback, but relatively unperturbed by her petite club mates' sudden abrasiveness. Her smile flickered, only so briefly that one would have easily missed it had they blinked or not been paying attention.
"Well," Monika explained, "Danny wrote it for the meeting today. And, we're supposed to share our poems with everyone, right?"
Natsuki froze, her expression stuck between an furious scowl and an annoyed grimace, as her protests became caught in her throat. Dan sighed, exasperated as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Natsuki had completely forgotten that they were supposed to be sharing poems right then, hadn't she?
"Okay," Natsuki sighed, hands once more planted on her hips, "Well, I think Danny's done sharing his poem with everyone, anyways""
"Um," Dan spoke, "I still technically haven't shared it with anyone yet. You were kind of the first person I talked to."
"Hmph," she replied, "It's not like anyone is gonna want to read this anyways. In fact, I think I'll just hold on to this."
Monika's smile turned amused, as she stared, unblinking, at the pink haired girl. It was the kind of knowing look that Dan remembered his parents using on him when they were trying to get him to confess to something they already knew that he was guilty of.
Natsuki glared, def squaring her shoulders as she met Monika's gaze. However, Monika was unrelenting, and Natsuki quickly backed down.
"F-fine," she said, handing the poem back, "Never mind, then."
"Well," Dan replied, helpfully, "If it's any consolation, I could let you keep the poem after the meeting, today. That way, everyone can get a chance to read it"
Monika smiled, clapping her hands together, pleased that the crisis had been resolved fairly peacefully, as she walked away, returning to talk with the others.
"Well," Natsuki continued as she watched Monika walk away, "I guess that you should read my poem, now. And no, I"m not going to let you keep it."
Dan laughed as Natsuki winked slyly, handing him the paper. Carefully he read over the poem. Surprisingly he thought, today's poem seemed far more upbeat and positive than the previous two. Part of him wondered if perhaps she had been taking more of Yuri's advice to heart,after all. Although it was a simple poem about a beach, the beach in this case appeared to be a little less literal than the comparisons in her other poems.
Still, he admitted, the poems held the distinct, simplistic style that Natsuki favored so dearly.
"Natsuki," Dan began, "This is definitely a lot more upbeat than your last two poems."
"Yeah," Natsuki replied,smirking as she shrugged, "I thought I was writing about negative stuff way too much, so I wanted to try something different for a change. Besides, the beach is awesome! Kind of hard to write anything negative about the beach."
Dan smiled as he nodded in agreement. With the air of nervous tension that seemed to weigh especially heavy in the air today, like the sweltering humidity that always proceeded an oncoming storm, reading something that had a bit of a positive spin on it was a much needed change of pace.
"Heh," Dan replied, "It's funny, but it almost kind of reminded me of the first poem Arin shared with me."
Natsuki made a face, sticking out her tongue as she put her hands on her hips, laughing.
"Ha," she replied, "That poem? I could write better poems than that in my sleep! But still, I guess you got a point. He does sort of have that kind of personality, doesn't he?"
Dan smirked as he caught the faint petal pink blush paint Natsuki's cheeks as she looked away, briefly lost in thought. Dan cleared his throat, quickly drawing the petite girl's focus back to the conversation at hand, before she could have a chance to get mad at him for catching her mind wander.
"So," he continued, "You decided to write about the beach first and then came up with the message later?"
"Yeah," Natsuki replied, launching into a rant "Well, after what happened yesterday, Yuri and I kind of realized we wrote about the same thing. She wanted to pick a topic and have us both write about it. Ugh, I mean, that sounds like something she would do, you know? I mean, I might have picked the beach, 'cause it's a simple topic, but you know she's gonna try to impress me by getting all fancy with it. Well, it's not like a care."
"Sure," Dan said sarcastically, rolling his eyes, "I can clearly see that you absolutely don't care at all."
"Whatever," Natsuki grumbled, "I mean, I guess mine ended up being kind of metaphorical, too. B-but, there's nothing wrong with doing that once in a while, I guess. At the very least, it was good practice."
Dan nodded, smiling to himself as the discussion ended. So, he thought, it looked like, despite their differences, Yuri and Natsuki were starting to grow closer as friends after all. He wondered how long it would be before Natsuki felt comfortable enough to share her passion for manga with the other girl, or for Yuri to attempt to get Natsuki interested in horror novels.
Mentally, the made a note to remind himself later to recommend some horror manga to Natsuki, so that both she and Yuri might enjoy together.
Again, Dan found himself hovering nervously on the edges of the group. Admittedly, having shared his poem with someone other than Sayori first had kind of thrown him off his usual rhythm.
For a brief moment, he couldn't remember which of the others he'd shown his poem to yet or not. Part of him thought that maybe he should try to share it with Sayori, now that they'd both had a little time to settle into things. And yet, a small voice in the back of his mind suggested that he still give her some time before deciding to talk to her.
He figured that the next logical choice, in that case, was Yuri. Thankfully, his conversation with Natsuki had prepared him for what kind of poem that Yuri had written today, so he wasn't going into this completely blind.
Timidly, he approached Yuri, who smiled softly as he approached her. Although a long moment of silence hovered between them as he handed her his poem, the purple-haired girl's nervousness and shyness seemed less apparent this time around.
He wondered if yesterday's reading session with her, or today's discussion of the book with her before the club had managed to make start to feel a little more relaxed being around him?
Quickly, however, a crimson blush painted her cheeks as she delicately clutched her heart, reading over the lines of the poem. Instinctively, Dan felt his stomach crawl. He knew that Natsuki had liked his poem, but he hadn't expect for Yuri to also find it enjoyable as well. He just hoped that she didn't also want to keep a copy of it for herself as well.
"Danny," Yuri began, almost breathless, "Your writing has only improved in the past few days! I'm simply amazed. Every poem you've shown me has been nothing short of spectacular."
"Okay," Dan blushed, laughing nervously, "Now you're just overselling it."
"I'm serious," she replied, "I can really feel the emotions in this poem. I'm a little envious, to be honest. I don't think that it ever came to me this naturally."
"Eh," he shrugged, "I wouldn't say 'naturally'. I mean, remember that I was doing songwriting way before I was writing poems for this club."
"Perhaps," Yuri agreed, "But all the same, for a style that you perhaps might not be as accustomed to, your level of skill reflects that of someone with far more years of experience than I myself have. It's fascinating, really."
"Hey," Dan reassured her, smiling kindly, "If it weren't for you teaching me, I don't think I would have improved nearly as much in the last few days as I have. So, thank you."
"I-is that so?"
Yuri blushed, closing her eyes as a gentle smile crossed her lips. For a moment, Dan feared that the conversation was bound to grow awkwardly silent as Yuri buried herself under her own, albeit more blissful, thoughts.
"This feeling," Yuri breathed, "I'm glad I got a chance to share my writing. I never thought that it would feel like this."
"Honestly," Dan replied, "I'm kind of surprised that you've never shared your poem with anyone before. It's kind of a shame, really. I mean, you're an amazing writer, Yuri. Like a modern Edgar Allen Poe. More people deserve to read your work."
A mouse-like squeak escaped the purple-haired girl's lips as she buried her face in her hands. Dan could almost see the steam radiating from her face as she futilely tried to conceal her heated blush behind her long, delicate hands.
Perhaps he'd come off a little too strong? He wondered. But, even so, he thought, he had meant every word of it. Everyone in the club was amazingly talented, he believed. It was amazing that he'd even managed to keep up with their level of writing for this long.
A small part of him hoped that, once they all graduated and went their separate ways, either entering into college or taking their first steps into the real world, that none of them ever abandoned their passion for writing. They had talent, he believed, and seeing that kind of talent and passion be crushed by the cold harshness of the world was far too heartbreaking for him to want to think about.
"M-maybe," Yuri stammered, once her bashfulness had subsided long enough to lend her her voice back, "But, it's not like I had a choice."
"What do you mean?"
Yuri sighed, smiling sadly as she stared at the curly haired man through her violet eyes. The lonelines in her eyes spoke volumes where words failed her. He wouldn't understand, they told him. He had never had any problem making friends with those around him. People weren't scared of him like they were of her. He probably never knew what it felt like to be lonely the way she did.
But all the same, ther eyes told him, maybe he did understand.
"Danny," She confessed, "At lunchtime, I eat by myself. Did you know that? It's a great time to find a quiet spot and do some fact, I always have some books with me. I guess you could say that I enjoy reading."
She giggled sadly to herself before continuing.
"Well," she said, "That's one way to put it, anyways. But, books are so full of inspiring and amazing and inspiring people. People you want to fall in love with, or people you know would probably make a really good friend. Cheerful people who always put a smile on your face. Or deep thinkers and problem solvers, who discover the mysteries of life. So, when you look at it that way, I'm surrounded by friends every day, you know?"
Dan nodded. As much as it made sense to him that Yuri would find friends in fictional characters, it was still kind of heartbreaking to hear all the same. Part of him wished that Yuri didn't close herself off to the world as much. There was a bright, beautiful mind that burned with the brilliance of a thousand suns underneath the layers of guarded shyness.
It was a shame that, like Natsuki, Yuri's fear of judgment and ridicule kept her from unleashing that brilliance into the world.
"And, those friends don't laugh at me," Yuri continued, "They don't tease me for spacing out all the time. They don't make fun of me for my body type, and they don't hate me for acting like a know-it-all."
"People say that about you?" Dan asked.
"I'm not a know it all," Yuri protested"In fact, it's quite the opposite. I don't know anything. I don't know how to talk to people, I don't know how to make people see me as normal. I don't even know how to make myself happy! I-I have all these feelings, but all I can do with them is read and write. But, it wasn't until now, until I started sharing it with everyone, and especially with you, that I really started to understand what I was missing all this time."
Yuri's gentle, soft voice cracked as her breath hitched. Tiny, delicate tears began to glimmer like miniature diamonds in the corners of her dark eyes. Had this been a couple of days ago, Dan realized, this would have been roughly the part where Yuri would have apologized for rambling. But, it seemed that Yuri no longer cared that she was rambling. This was something that she felt needed to be said.
"Thanks," Dan replied, "But, I don't feel like I've really done anything. I mean, you're the one who decided to join the Literature Club. You're the one who was brave enough to step out of your comfort zone and share your poems with everyone. If anything, I had nothing to do with it. That was all you."
"No," Yuri said firmly, but kindly, "That's wrong, Danny. Just being patient and respectful? That's really important to me, you know. I know that I can be a difficult person, Danny. I speak too slowly, I second-guess myself all the time,I read too deeply into things. But, every time I started to do that, you never treated me any differently than anyone else. It's so rare that I ever feel comfortable with myself when I talk to people. That's why, everytime I talk to you, I feel really happy."
"Well," Dan replied, "I just treat you the way you deserve to be treated, you know? Like, if other people don't see it that way, then screw them. Am I right? I mean, part of the reason I joined this club was me hoping I would make friends. And, I think, that it's been a success so far."
"What do you mean?" Yuri asked
"I mean," Dan explained with a grin, "You can't say that you don't have any friends,when you've at least got me."
"I-if you put it that way," Yuri replied, absently playing with a lock of her long hair, "Then, y-yeah. I guess you're right! We really are friends, aren't we?"
Once more, Yuri hid her face in her hands. However, this time, Dan could swear that he caught a smile spreading across her thin lips as she did so.
"Do you," Dan asked, bringing the topic back toward the critique session at hand, "Want to share your poem with me?"
Yuri said nothing, her face still buried in her hands as she sheepishly handed him her poem. Just as he had expected, Yuri's poem gracefully painted a vivid image in his mind, he could almost feel the wet grains of sand between his feet, as the waves crashed around his body. He could almost smell the salted breath of the sea breeze as it gently caressed his cheek.
In her poem, he could feel the ancient, timeless powers of the sea, the earth and the sky, reminding him of how they were but a speck of sand in the face of nature's both benevolent and destructive powers. And yet, even in that crushing inevitably, those grains of sand created their own meaning, created their own hope. They found their own, unique peace within the chaos.
At least that's how he'd interpreted it.
"I understand," Yuri spoke as he finished reading, "That the beach is kind of an inane topic to write about. And, it's one that I wouldn't usual choose if I were doing my usual style of writing. But, I did my best to take a more metaphorical approach to it."
"Yeah," Dan agreed, "I heard that you and Natsuki decided to write about the same thing after yesterday."
"Yes,"Yuri replied, "I thought that it would be interesting to compare how we both approached the subject, and in our writing styles and thought processes. Natsuki was the one who chose the beach as the topic. I feel like she might have picked something so simple so that she could show off. It's not like I have a particular interest in her writing style, I just went with her request. But, I suppose that it's not so bad to write about simple things every once in a while."
"Hmm," Dan smirked, "That's interesting. Because Natsuki kind of said the same thing about your writing style too."
"Heheheheh" Yuri giggled, "But all the same, it can kind of be refreshing to write something simple every so often. It really helps calm your thoughts."
"Oh totally," Dan agreed, "But, uh-if you talk to Natsuki, don't tell her that I told you any of that. I'm pretty sure that she'd snap my neck with her bare hands if she caught me telling you that she was saying nice things about you."
Yuri nodded, smiling to herself.
With yet another critique session finished, once more Dan's panic and uncertainty returned. Yet again, he cast an apprehensive glance in Sayori's direction. Like a car coasting on fumes, Sayori had once more withdrawn from the group, choosing again to sit quietly at her desk, staring absently at nothing.
Again, part of his heart pounded loudly in his ears, as emotions and logic wrestled within him. As much as every cell in his being screamed at him to talk to her, the logical, reasonable part of his mind again warned him that bothering her was about as ill-advised as driving a forklift through a museum of priceless artifacts.
Defeated, his logic won out again, and he turned his attention to Monika. Her emerald eyes seemed to radiate with a brilliant light, gradually growing brighter and brighter as he approached her.
"Hi, Danny!" she giggled, "Have you thought about what you want to perform for the festival?"
Dan laughed weakly as he nervously fidgeted with the tie around his neck. To be completely honest, he admitted, after the poetry recital practice the previous day, deciding what he was going to perform at the actual event hadn't once even crossed his mind. He wasn't sure why, but he somehow felt reluctant to tell Monika this, for fear of disappointing her.
"Eh," he replied, "I haven't really thought about it, honestly. I think I might just pull another song out of the old songbook. But, still not really sure which one I'm gonna do, yet.
He knew it was stupid, but part of him secretly feared that she would see through some charade that not even he was aware that he was putting on at the moment. She would believe that this was a sign that he was truly a fraud who'd only joined the Literature Club as an excuse to flirt with cute girls, rather than out of any actual interest in literature.
However, her saccharine smile did nothing to betray any underlying thoughts.
"Well," She replied, "Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure that it'll be great!It'll also make me happy to see. I know that I already read your poem earlier, but I would really like to read it again, just in case there was something I missed the last time I read it."
Dan nodded as he gave Monika the poem. Once more, her usual unreadable expression masked her face as her eyes scanned the poem, picking apart every syllable and phrase that he had chosen. Again, the uncomfortable knot of paranoia clenched tightly around his gut, making him feel as if he were going to throw up. Although he knew that she had said that she'd liked the poem earlier, he wished that she'd give him some kind of sign that it'd held up as well upon a second reading.
"Well," Monika said, handing back the poem, "It's certainly still as good the second time as it is the first. It feels like your not only getting more comfortable trying a new style, but I've noticed that you've been kind of experimenting combining elements of everyone's writing styles into something new and interesting."
Dan shrugged, although he nodded in agreement. Admittedly, he was just kind of playing it by ear at this point, he thought. There were a lot of elements of everyone's styles that he liked and that he wanted to try out in his own poems. That said, he wouldn't really call any of these his 'best' works. Honestly, despite what everyone had told him, he still felt like his poems read as more of an amalgamation of everyone else's voice, constantly shifting to meet the reflect the desires of the others, rather than himself.
"Honestly," Monika continued, "It's not a very easy thing to do. Sometimes, doing something like that can come off as a bit too much like it's trying too hard to please others. But with you, it feels like you've managed to emulate the best of everyone's styles and make something uniquely you. "
She giggled lightly before she continued.
"That said," she added, "It feels like you've been probably been picking up a lot from Arin."
"You think?" Dan asked, "I mean, I don't really see it. To be honest, it's kind of hard to pin down what his style is."
"True," Monika agreed, "I feel that Arin has a lot of great ideas bouncing around in his head, but he has a bit of trouble finding his voice and putting it into words sometimes you know? His determination when it comes to trying to express an idea is something that I admire quite deeply. But sometimes I feel like, with all the ideas he has, it's kind of easy for him to lose sight of what he truly wants to say."
Dan bit his lip, silently thinking. While he could see where Monika was coming from, he didn't quite feel that he completely agreed with her assessment of their fellow club member. In the few days that he'd known Arin, he hadn't really once seen the other man do much that really fit anyone's descriptions of him.
Aside from a few rare moments here and there, he really hadn't seen Arin act either as grumpy as Sayori had first described him, or as fickle as Monika seemed to be suggesting.
Then again, he reasoned, he'd only been in the club a few days, whereas everyone else had been around each other for a little longer. Perhaps, he thought, the more time he spent in the club, the more he'd start to see things in a new perspective.
"Still," Dan replied, "He's got a good heart, though. I mean, I don't know how interested he is in writing poems and stuff, but you can kind of tell that like he really cares about everyone here. I dunno, it's just like he's got this aura about him that I can't explain. I feel like I know him and I trust him, y'know?"
Again, a faint glimmer of something cold and sharp flashed underneath Monika's eyes as she giggled. Her laughed seemed colder, and far more nervous than Dan had ever heard her sound before. Her body tensed, although still folding her arms behind her back, leaning slightly forward like she always did.
But then again, Dan thought as a shudder passed through him like an electric current, maybe it was just his imagination playing tricks on him, as usual.
"Ahahahaha," Monika laughed, quickly changing the subject, "Well, in any case, do you want to read my poem? I feel that you might enjoy this one."
Dan breathed as sigh of relief, slightly glad to be talking about something other than the other club members at the moment. Carefully, he took the paper, bracing himself for the overwhelming anxiety and panic to wash over him like crashing waves against the rocky shore.
And yet, this time, he felt none of those feelings. Sadness, paradoxically both as empty as air, and heavy as the densest of lead, weighed down on the words scrawled across the page in Monika's elegant handwriting. Although no words particular evoked this, he couldn't help but feel strong connotations to the color gray.
Monika smiled as he looked back at her. The sweetness had faded from her lips, replaced with quiet, reserved understanding. Maybe he was reading too deeply into it, but he felt as if this poem secretly encapsulated some unknown truth about her being. She was both the drifting feather, victim to the whims of a powerful force, and the mysterious woman in control of the fate of the feather.
There was no hope, the poem read, There was no meaning.
There was only existence.
"Monika," Dan breathed, momentarily stunned as he tried to calm his emotions, "This is really good! I'm sorry I can't really say a lot more, now. I'm just stunned, is all."
The brown haired girl's eyes lit up, as if Dan's simple praise were like a breath of life, awakening her frozen, slumbering soul. The sweetness and light seemed to gradually return to her smile, warmed by the heat of her heart.
"You know," Monika said, "I feel that learning and looking for answers are the sort of things that give life meaning, Not to be too philosophical or anything, but it was kind of something on my mind, so I decided to write about it."
"Yeah," Dan agreed, "I kind of get those kinds of thoughts every once in a while, too. Like, y'know, like there's a lot of mysteries out there in the world, and while it's just human nature to want to grow and learn more, what if there gets a point where we run out of stuff to know and discover? Then what happens?"
"Indeed," Monika agreed, "It's almost kind of paradoxical, don't you think. Like, maybe the meaning of life is that we're not supposed to know everything, y'know? Because if we knew everything, then life would lose all meaning? "
'I dunno," Dan replied, "Maybe, but then again, just because someone knows everything, it doesn't really mean they understand everything. So, in that way, there's always going to be something that's a mystery to us. We've just gotta work on making our own meanings out of life, y'know?"
"You say," Monika said, "Like you believe the universe isn't finite.."
"I don't believe that everything's always limited," Dan explained, "Sometimes, option A or B might both not be what you want. But, sometimes you just gotta go 'fuck this', and pick a hidden option C or D that you might not have even thought about at first."
Monika nodded, her expression doubtful as she listened to Dan's philosophy on life. A dark, troubled look clouded her downcast eyes as she folded her arms in front of her, pensively staring down at her chest. However, much like any brief flashes of darker emotions that danced across her beauftiul, elegant face, passed quickly, once again disguised by a placid grin.
"Maybe," she sighed, "I personally don't know if I see it that way. But, it's still a nice way to view things."
Dan said nothing as they let the conversation drift away into silence. Although he felt as if their discussion of the meanings behind Monika's poem had run it's course, and had veered somewhat off topic in the process, part of him was reluctant to actually end the conversation with her and move on to the next person.
"Hey," Dan said, "This might just be a kind of weird observation. But, I've noticed that everyone in the club seems to prefer writing about sad stuff more than stuff that's happy. Like, even some of the stuff Arin's written for the club, even if it seems a little more upbeat and hopeful, still seems to skewer slightly a bit toward the downside of things."
"Well of course," Monika explained with a laugh, "Are you surprised? If everything was okay, we wouldn't really have anything to write about, would we?"
"I dunno," he shook his head, "I mean, writing doesn't always have to be about sad stuff. There's poems that are about happy things, too."
"That's true," she replied, "But, I feel like it's easier to write stuff that has a stronger effect on you. It's easier to write about sad things because it's easier to feel negative emotions more strongly? Humans aren't two dimensional creatures. I think that you would know that better than anyone else."
The curly haired man cocked his head to the side, unable to fully comprehend Monika's statement. Her words seemed very pointed, he thought, putting special emphasis on the last part of the sentence. What did she mean by that, he wondered, feeling a lump of panic well up in his throat. His heart beat faster in his chest with unexplained panic and fear, as if he were on the edge of a rollercoaster peering dangerously over a steep hill, as Monika's eyes pierced deeply through his soul.
Why did he let himself get this nervous around pretty girls? He cursed himself as the feeling passed, leaving him numb but once more able to breathe. Or was it just this way with Monika? Surely she'd just misspoken again and that she hadn't meant that statement to sound as odd as it did.
"Don't you," Dan asked, "mean 'one dimensional'?"
Again, Monika laughed nervously, covering her mouth with her flawless hands as she blushed a faint shade of embarrassed pink..
"Ah!" she exclaimed, "That's what I meant! I get that expression mixed up all the time! Anyways, here's Monika's 'Writing Tip of the Day!'"
She cleared her throat, assuming a firm, but pleaseant voice and pose that reminded Dan of a spokeswoman trying to talk up some sort of unbelievable offer for some so-called amazing product in an infomercial on TV.
"Are you ever too shy to share something because you're afraid you're writing's not good?" she said cheerfully, "It can be really disheartening to get a lukewarm response to something you put a lot of effort into. While, it's always better to write for yourself as your main audience, one thing that can help is finding other people who enjoy writing and reading. There are lots of places, both online and in the community, where people can meet and share their passion for writing. If you find other people who are passionate about it, then sharing becomes a lot easier! Because, they'll want to know what went into it, what is good, and things you could use work on! It's much more encouraging that way, and it'll make you want to continue improving. The thing is, that you have to be willing to have an open mind. But, if your truly passionate about it, then having an open mind shouldn't be that hard to do. Well, that's my advice for the day. Thanks for listening!"
Although the faint note of worry for Sayori still played it's discordant melody in his mind, the lightened mood that Monika's advice and chipper demeanor had put him in had muffled the note, allowing him to move on to Arin's critique.
The other man, once again, seemed lost in thought, staring out the window as he barely noticed Dan taking a seat in front of him. His ears perked up at the gentle scraping of Dan's chair across the floor, but he did not turn his eyes away from the transparent glass.
Dan's eyes followed the bigger man's gaze. Just beyond the walls of the school, fluffy clouds, as grey as the jackets they wore with their uniforms, blotted out the blue sky. Although he couldn't feel it inside the classroom, he could almost taste the sticky humidity hanging thick in the still air like a curtain. Unconsciously, he raked his fingers through the frazzled poof of chestnut curls tied up at the base of his neck by only a rubbed band, knowing that this heat was not going to be kind to his hair.
"Hey, Arin," he asked, "Whatcha looking at?"
Arin jumped, jolted from his melancholic gaze as he noticed the new presence that now occupied the previously empty space beside him. Defensively, his body tensed, like a tiger baring it's fangs and preparing to strike. Dan himself yelped, reflexively twitching to curl up into a ball on the floor, like a terrfied mouse. However, neither were able to complete their action, as Arin recognized that the person before him was not a threat.
"Oh, dude," Arin apologized, "Sorry! Guess I'm a little jumpy, right now. Didn't mean to scare you."
"Dude, it's cool," Dan reassured him, as he allowed his body to uncurl slightly, "I mean, I did kind of sneak up on you while you were zoning out there."
"Heh," Arin gave a half-hearted smirk, rubbing the back of his neck, "I guess you did. Whatever, I guess that the weather today's kind of got me feeling a bit weird. It's like the gravity in here is just a little off, you know?"
"Yeah," Dan agreed, "Like it feels like everything's got like an electric charge that it's holding back, and like it just feels like even the lightest tap of something is gonna set everything off. I wonder if maybe that's what's got Sayori acting so weird today."
The other man bit his lip, arching an eyebrow as he cast a dubious look between the curly haired man and the girl across the room. Immediately, Dan felt a vein in his forehead twitch as he gritted his teeth. Was Arin really looking at him like he was denser than a box of rocks? he asked himself as he tried to steady his breathing. It wasn't his fault that he wasn't picking up on what apparently was so obvious to everyone else. It wasn't his fault that, every time he'd tried to ask someone what was wrong, they'd dismissively wave him away.
But then, he sighed, it wasn't anyone else's fault, either. He knew they meant well, and that whatever was bothering them couldn't have been an easy subject to approach. But, there was that part of him that wanted nothing more than to help people, to pick them up out of their slump and do whatever he could make them feel better.
It felt like a thousand razor sharp nails piercing through his body when he saw his friends hurting and suffering, and knowing there was nothing he could do about it.
"Look," Arin said, "I'm getting the feeling that it's not just the weather that's been getting her down. I just feel like she might need someone she can trust right now."
"Are you saying," Dan asked, probably a bit more sharply than he meant, "That you think she can't trust me? Like, I know that we're not as close as we used to be, but I don't want her to ever feel like she's unsafe around me."
"N-no!" Arin replied, "I didn't mean it that way. I just meant-look, it's not easy to explain. She does need you, Dan. She needs you to be there for her, even if that means just listening and letting her tell you."
Dan sighed, running his fingers through his hair again. He knew that he had said earlier that he wanted to respect Sayori's refusal to push the issue further, but there was a part of him that just couldn't help but act somewhat like a mother hen caring after her young when it came to her.
It wasn't that he thought she was helpless. Quite the opposite, in fact. It was just that they'd grown up together so long that he'd accidentally developed the same sort of protective 'big brother' instincts that he had for his actual younger sister.
Honestly, he kind of was starting to feel the same way when it came to everyone else in the Literature Club, too. It was like, they were a pack of traveling wolves, all brought together by a common passion and a need for companionship that they simply were unable to obtain anywhere else. He knew that each of them were more than capable of handling whatever hardships they faced, but he also felt like dealing with those problems was a lot easier knowing that they had at least four or five other people who had their back.
"Anyways," Arin continued, "We should probably get things moving along here and read each other's poems."
Dan nodded, giving one more uncertain glance toward Sayori before exchanging his poem with Arin. Dan's brow furrowed, troubled as he read through Arin's poem, a cold sense of dread rising up within him, chilling him to the bone as he read the words of the poem he had ominously titled "Drowning".
-Drowning-
Glowing, you slipped through my careless fingers.
Precious sapphire, a beacon of light, drowning in the endless sea.
Falling
Falling, I dive after you.
You glimmer before me. Scared, Angry
Hopeful.
This is your fault, you tell me.
Endless void, spinning, spiraling chaos binds my arms.
A rush of white noise roaring in my ears
Arctic chill filling my lungs, warping me from the inside out with its needles.
I am ice.
Only the fading glimmer of you reminds me why I'm here, and what I used to be.
But that too, will soon be lost by the sea, Forever just out of reach.
This was my fault.
Dan inhaled a sharp breath, fighting back freshly made tears stinging the corners of his eyes.
Fuck, he cursed to himself, hastily wiping away the tears with the sleeve of his jacket before Arin could look up from his poem and catch him, Why am I crying?!
The mood must really have been off worse than he'd thought, lately. Even Arin seemed to have a hard time trying to bring a shred of optimism into his poem today, he noted as he looked back down at the poem.
He shivered, casting a panicked glance once more at Sayori, and then another at Arin. Maybe it was once again that his thoughts were strangely preoccupied with his friend's current mood, but he couldn't help but feel there was something about the hopeless desperation of the speaker that Dan related to.
It was just that feeling of trying, and failing. It felt like no matter what they did, they'd only just find themselves being pulled into a void, feeling like they were unable to do much more than watch, all the while feeling like everyone was secretly blaming them for letting it happen.
But then, he thought, maybe he was simply projecting. As much as it felt like he was sounding like Yuri when she talked about literature, he couldn't help but wonder if perhaps this poem, and the previous two, were somehow connected to one another, like a play told out of order and entirely through subtext?
Maybe these poems were about the circumstances that lead to him transferring from Asagao Academy? Or was there something much deeper behind these poems?
"So," Arin spoke first, breaking the silence, "This is pretty good, Dan! I gotta admit, you've really made something pretty interesting out of this style. Like, I'll admit, when you first started experimenting with this style, I was kind of worried that it was going to look like a garbled mess that tried to go too many directions at once. But, dude, like, I'm really fucking surprised."
"Yeah," Dan agreed, grinning "Not bad for just throwing shit at a dartboard, huh?"
"True," the other man said, "But then again, you've been writing songs and shit for, like, decades now, right? So you kind of have an basic idea of some of the more complicated tricks of the trade, I guess? So, I guess that I really shouldn't have been that worried, y'know?"
"Eh," Dan shrugged, "I mean, there's a lot of stuff that goes into this kind of stuff, y'know? Like, it's kind of a little bit about the technical side of writing, and the emotion that gets put into it. Like, anyone could write a song about some ridiculous topic, like jerking off or something. But, it kind of takes a lot to actually make it like funny or sad or whatever."
Arin nodded, agreeing. Dan took a deep, shuddering breathe as he readied himself to discuss Arin's poem.
"So, yeah," he began, "I couldn't help but notice that your poem was a little,uh, darker than normal? I mean, don't get me wrong, I thought it was good. I mean, it's almost kind of funny in a way?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well," Dan explained, "Everyone else kind of writes about stuff with a negative spin, your stuff usually is a little more optimistic? But, like today, it's kind of felt like everyone's been flipped upside down, and now Natsuki and Yuri are writing the more upbeat stuff, and your kind of the one writing the gloomy stuff?"
"Yeah," Arin sighed, "I dunno, I guess I kind of had a nightmare that left me in kind of a weird head space. I just needed to get it down on paper."
"This is probably gonna sound stupid," Dan replied, "But what was your dream about?"
The other man laughed humorlessly as he once more cast a distant stare out the window, his mind seemingly drifting away beyond the brick walls bordering the school yard. Absently, Arin's hand ghosted over his wrists, fidgeting with a circular charm on a black, string bracelet that Dan had somehow never noticed the other man wearing until now.
"Eh," Arin sighed, "Pretty much exactly what I wrote about. Only, like, I'm trying to save-"
He gasped,abruptly cutting himself off, allowing only a strangled cry to escape his lips. His face paled a deathly shade of white as his fingers trembled, slowly lowering from their restrictive hold they had over his mouth. His brown eyes glistened, moist with shining tears that refused to fall.
"Look," Arin said sharply, despite his quivering voice, "It's kind of personal. Believe me, if I could tell you right now, I would."
Although Dan said nothing, he couldn't help but feel the itch of mild irritation pulsing in his veins. Once more, he felt like everyone was treating him like a child, dismissively being told to go play in the other room, while his parent's discussed some matter they deemed too serious or upsetting for him to handle.
The discussion with Arin had drug to a standstill, leaving Dan feeling as if he'd walked out of that conversation knowing less than he had walking in. As he remembered that he had still not yet talked to Sayori, he could no longer talk himself out of talking to her.
Just try to keep on topic, he thought to himself as he nervously approached her. Yet again, he felt as if he had somehow become invisible as she failed to even react to him gently nudging her shoulder to get her attention.
"Hey, Sayori," he said, "I don't want to bother you, but we should probably read each others poems."
Sayori blinked as if half-awake. She stared at him with as if she didn't recognize him; as if he were a stranger that had wandered up to her and started talking to her. A shudder ran down his spine, suddenly making him feel self-conscious as he saw himself reflected the windows of empty sky that stared back at him.
"Oh," she said, her voice hollow as she listlessly took his paper, "I guess you're right."
Her eyes lazily drifted over the paper, seemingly not reading or focused on the poem itself. A troubled, downcast frown painted her lips as she bit her lip. Once again, Dan wanted to ask her if everything was alright, but decided to wait to give her the opportunity to bring it up herself.
"Hmm," she said, handing the poem back to him, but continuing to stare down at her desk, "It's nice, I guess."
"C'mon," Dan asked, trying to lighten the mood a little, "You can tell me that it's bad. I mean, this is me your talking to after all, you can tell me anything."
Sayori winced, recoiling slightly as if he had physically slapped her across the face. He wasn't sure why it was bothering him so much, but he couldn't help but feel his heart ache as he watched her curl in on herself, becoming so small and helpless, like a frightened rabbit.
"Y-you don't need to worry about what I think," she mumbled, "You probably wrote this for someone else, anyways."
"I didn't write this," Dan protested, "for anyone specifically."
Sayori chuckled, though the hurt and pain hidden behind her eyes told him that she had not necessarily actually found any humor in the situation. Weakly, she ruffled her peach-colored hair, lightly jostling the cherry red hairbow resting atop it.
"Maybe," she sighed, "But that's not really what I meant, though. But, it's okay though, you're making new friends. And that's good, that's what I wanted to happen."
The last lines were spoken more as a question, as if she wasn't entirely sure that this was what she truly wanted. Had he been correct in his hypothesis from the previous night? Was Sayori's sudden mood change indeed caused by some newly awakened feelings of jealousy that she perhaps was unsure of how to deal with?
"It makes me happy," Sayori said, trying to convince herself of her own words, "And you're happy too, right? In this club?"
"Of course I am," Dan replied, "I mean, if it weren't for you convincing me to join, then I never would have had the chance to learn new things about writing, or get to hang out and make friends with awesome people. And yes, you are definitely included in that list of awesome people, Sayori."
Dan sighed before he continued. This wasn't going to be easy he thought, his heart beating like a drum in his chest as he readied himself for the words he was about to say. As much as he wished that they could just focus on the poem, he knew that that simply was not going to happen.
But still, he thought, he could tell that she needed some small reassurance that her efforts to convince him to join had not been a mistake, and that they were still as much friends as they had ever been.
"Sayori," he said, "I know that it hasn't really seemed like we've had much time to be together since I joined. And, I know that, as much as you say that it makes you happy that I'm making new friends, I know that it's probably hurting at the same time. You're worried that we're drifting apart, and that with me being friends with everyone else, I might end up leaving you behind in the dust."
Carefully, as not to startle her, he leaned in closer. Brown earth met blue sky as their eyes met. Although her breath hitched, and every cell in her entire being seemed to visibly be wishing not to stare at the other man, Sayori's gaze did not break.
"But, listen to me," He said in a firm, but kind tone, "None of that is going to change our friendship. You're still my friend, Sayori, and I care way too much about you to just push you out of my life because someone else came along. Even if we grow up and end up being completely different people with our own lives, we could always just start again. No matter what, Sayori, I still want us to be friends. I don't want to lose you."
Sayori gasped, covering her mouth as she looked away. A troubled, perplexed look clouded her face as she stared down at her shoes. Words that Dan could not hear were mumbled with a disbelieving breath. Although she tried to quickly plaster a weak, unconvincing smile on her face, he could tell that she was holding back tears.
"Is something wrong?" he asked, "Did I say something wrong?"
"N-no!" Sayori replied quickly, shaking her head, "It's just…I'm glad that you're happy. It makes me happy, too. I'm just a little tired today, that's all. Don't worry about me. Um, I'm gonna go home a little bit early, today okay? If Monika asks, tell her that I wasn't feeling too well, okay?"
"Sure," Dan replied, "Just tell me if you need anything."
"I will," Sayori said as she stood up.
The burning ache of paranoia and unspoken fear once more punched at his heart like an iron fist as he watched Sayori dreamily walk away, humming a melancholy tune to herself as she disappeared outside the doorway.
Every fiber of his being told him that he shouldn't have let her leave. Or at the very least, he reasoned, he should have followed her and made sure that she got home safely. And yet, he felt as if he were immobilized, unable to do anything more than watch and worry as she left, lost to the world of her own disquieting thoughts and secret sadness.
"Okay, people!" Monika's voice rang, jolting Dan out of his mood like an alarm, "I think that we're done sharing poems for today! Why don't we start figuring out-"
Dan made puzzled face as he and the remaining club members gathered near Monika's desk for the wrap-up of the meeting. That seemed odd, he thought to himself, didn't Monika usually say something different when she called for the ending of the meetings? Quickly, he glanced over at the others, wondering if they too found this change of phrasing to be unusual and off putting.
Judging by the mildly bewildered expressions that the others were giving each other, he sighed in relief as he confirmed that he was in fact, not the only one who noticed. Good, he thought to himself, at least that didn't mean that he was going crazy.
"Hold on a second," Natsuki interrupted, "Is it just me or did you say something weird just now?"
Monika arched a confused eyebrow, quirking her head just sightly to the side, staring at the pink-haired girl like she had just spontaneously grown a second head. However, Natsuki seemed unperturbed as she continued, hands firmly planted on her hips as she spoke.
Beside her, Yuri nodded in agreement, her violet eyes narrowed in confusion. Nervously, she played with her hair, twisting it between her fingers like she was performing some personal protection ritual to shield her from the strange aura within the room at that moment.
"Something about it," Yuri admitted, "Did seem a bit unusual."
Arin, meanwhile, seemed to shift uncomfortably in his seat, his gaze unable to stay focused on any one person for too long. A faint beads of sweat moistened pale skin as he adjusted his tie, fanning himself against the uncomfortably still, humid air in the room.
"That's right," Yuri continued, "You deviated from your usual catchphrase when addressing the club."
Nervously, Monika giggled, though the faint twitch of the muscles in her cheek seemed to betray a sort of panicked nervousness that Dan had never quite seen in her before.
"Catchphrase?" She laughed, "I don't have a catchphrase."
"You don't?" Arin smirked, "I thought it was 'Okay, Everyone!'. I mean, that's what you usually say at the end of meetings, right?"
"Jeez," Natsuki grumbled, crossing her arms as she looked around the room, sourly, "Why is the mood so weird today? Look, even Yuri isn't immune to it,"
Yuri said nothing, her fidgeting fingers instead only moving faster as she desperately tugged at her hair, trying more frantically to shrug off the odd vibes floating like a bad stench in the room.
"Probably could just be the humidity in the air today," Arin replied, " I mean, it looks like there's probably gonna be a storm or something in the next few days."
"Stagnating air," Yuri explained, having managed to find her voice again "Is common foreshadowing that something bad is going to happen."
A cold feeling, as if he were suddenly falling through a hole in the floor that had opened up beneath his feet, rose through Dan's stomach, making him feel slightly queasy. Hesitantly, he shot a look at Arin, hoping to find some sort of hidden reassurance in his friend, only to find no such comfort existed.
"Maybe in your books," Dan said, "But, this isn't a horror novel. The only thing different is that Sayori isn't here."
The purple haired girl gasped, looking around the room as she finally noticed the absence of their usually cheerful and bouncy club mate. It was weird, Dan thought to himself, just how much the mere lack of Sayori's presence seemed to throw everything off in club. It was as if Sayori's soul purpose in the club was to keep peace and order within the club, and without her there.
Without her there, the club felt like a table with a leg that was significantly shorter than the others. It was still somewhat functional by all means, but far too unstable to sustain itself for very long.
"Sayori always helps lighten the mood, doesn't she?" Monika sighed,"It's almost like everyone's balance is thrown off when she's not around."
"Where the heck did she run off to, anyways?" Natsuki asked, "I saw her leave a few minutes ago, but I thought she was just going to pee."
"Natsuki!" Yuri scolded, "That's not a very lady-like or appropriate thing to say. Please show some decency."
"Oh, c'mon," Natsuki rolled her eyes, "You were thinking it, too."
"Actaully," Dan explained, "She said that she wasn't feeling too well, so she went home a little early."
Beside him, Arin let out a strangled gasp. The other man's eyes narrowed suspiciously, flashing with icy warning as he looked between Monika and the empty door. Monika, noticing his glare, simply shrugged innocently, as if to say that she didn't know what had made Sayori leave early, either.
And why would either of them know, anyways? Dan wondered. Unless Monika had said something to Sayori that had affected her mood even more than normal, or if Sayori had told either of them something, then it wasn't like either of them knew what was going on in her mind at the moment.
It wasn't like either of them were actually mind readers, he thought.
"Is that so?" Yuri asked, concerned, "I hope that she starts to feel better soon."
"Huh," Natsuki quirked an skeptical eyebrow, "Out of all the times you don't decide to walk home with her, you pick the one time she's not feeling well? So much for you two being all lovey-dovey."
The curly haired man felt his face grow hot as a crimson blush blossomed across his narrow face. Why did everyone assume that he and Sayori were a couple? He wondered. Yes, he cared about her, probably more deeply than a normal friend would. But, that didn't mean that he was in love with her in that way, he reasoned, or that she loved him in that way. Neither of them saw each other that way, did they?
"Please don't misunderstand my friendship with Sayori," Dan replied, coughing loudly, "Besides, she's kind of been avoiding me today, so I didn't really want to force it."
Yuri made a curious cooing noise, becoming almost owl-like as she titled her head in an interested, intrigued way. The mood must have seriously been off today, Dan sighed. Normally, the interpersonal relationships of her fellow classmates and club members didn't seem to hold any interest to the shy young woman. And yet, here she was looking at him as if he had just accidentally just shared some juicy gossip with everyone.
"Calm down, guys," Monika intervened, "I talked to Sayori earlier, everything's fine."
"What did she say?" Dan asked, although he was almost positive that Monika wasn't about to share any sort of details of a private conversation with him.
"Anyways," Monika said brightly, deftly changing the subject, "We need still need to figure out the rest of the festival preparations. So, let's decide what everyone will be doing this weekend."
Despite his disappointment that everyone seemed reluctant to allow him in the loop of the status of his friend's current well-being, he breathed a sigh of relief as Monika had changed the subject. Part of him worried that that particular line of conversation would only lead them head-first down a rabbit hole of topics that he wasn't entirely sure that he was able to fully handle, given the current mood of the club.
"I already know what I'm doing!" Natsuki replied, smiling.
"That's right," Monika added, "You'll be making cupcakes. But, we're going to need a lot of them, and with a lot of different flavors too! Can you handle that by yourself, Natsuki?"
"Challenge accepted!" she replied, giving the Club President as thumbs up and a confident wink.
"As for me," Monika continued, "Sayori and I will be designing and assembling the pamphlets for the poetry performance. And as for Yuri….."
She trailed off, chuckling nervously as Yuri watched her with expectant eyes, waiting for what the Club President had decided for her to do. For the once,
"Yuri," she continued, thinking, "Yuri can…..Ah…..um….."
Pleadingly, she looked to Dan, Arin and Natsuki, hoping that one of them could possibly come up with something that Yuri would be good at doing to contribute to the festival preparations. The other three, unfortunately, seemed to likewise be at a loss as well.
"Can you," Monika whispered to Dan, "help me come up with something for Yuri?"
"I-I'm useless," Yuri moaned to herself, burying her face in her hands, seeming to want to sink through the floor and vanish.
"N-no!" Monika replied quickly, shaking her head, "That's not it at all! Your the most talented person here, actually."
Natsuki pouted, glaring at Monika with a look more sour than lemon juice dunked in acid. How dare Monika imply that she wasn't also just as talented as someone like Yuri, or anyone else in the club for that matter.
"Oh dear," Monika sighed to herself, realizing what she'd accidentally said.
"Wow," Dan observed, "I never really thought I gave her that much credit, but I can tell things are a lot harder on you when Sayori's not around. She's a pretty good Vice-President, isn't she?"
"Ah," Monika agreed, nodding, "That may be the case, but if I can't be a leader on my own, I can't grow as a person!"
"Hey," Arin countered, "There's nothing wrong with having someone to help you when you need it. I mean, what kind of bullshit is it that says we have to be one hundred percent self-reliant and suffer through everything alone, huh?"
The other man exchanged a meaningful glance with Dan, who could only nod in silent agreement, his mind too distracted with other thoughts to fully allow himself to read any deeper into his words than necessary.
Yet, a faint spark of irritation, ignited by the still lingering, albeit fading, mood in the air, irked him. Who were any of them to be talking about suffering alone through stuff, he wondered, when they seemed almost adamant not to allow Dan to know even the slightest thing that might have helped him know how to help Sayori?
Dan sighed, once more trying to calm his agitated nerves. It wasn't Arin's fault, he reminded himself, again. Arin probably knew just as little as he did when it came to Sayori's troubling mindset lately. And, if anything, Arin and the others were probably just as concerned about her as Dan himself was.
Monika paused, thinking for a moment. Instantly,as if someone had flipped a switch inside of her, her eyes lit up as an idea formulated in her mind.
"Ah!" She began, "Yuri, you have very beautiful handwriting! So, you should make banners and decorations for our event! You know, to help set the atmosphere!"
Yuri blinked, also thinking for a moment as she considered the idea of putting her calligraphy skills to use for creating decorations. On one hand, her nervousness seemed to suggest, she wasn't quite sure if this wasn't perhaps too big and important of a task for her to be handling. But, on the other hand, at least she'd be proving herself not to be useless by contributing to the club's event.
"Atmosphere?" Yuri began, "Um, about that….I love atmosphere!"
Yet again, the timid uncertainty that shadowed Yuri's movements slipped away, as she stared at her desk, her mind racing as a million ideas zipped through it in rapid succession.
"Your mind's already racing I see," Monika smiled warmly, "That's great! But, anyways, that still leaves Dan and Arin with stuff to do."
"I was thinking," Arin replied, "That me and Dan could probably handle the music or something? Like just coming up with like a tracklist of ambient music to play while everyone's performing?"
Monika bit her lip, frowning slightly as she shook her head. Maybe he was just imagining things, but Dan couldn't help but sense the slightest hint of jealously and alarm dance behind her eyes for a brief fraction of a second.
"Um," she said, "I think that music would probably fall under atmosphere, which would be Yuri's job. But, then again, both Yuri and Natsuki have some pretty heavy tasks, so maybe it would be a good idea to split you two up and have you both help them out."
She glanced at Dan, giving him a coy, teasing wink as she smiled sweetly at him. Under his breath, Arin grumbled, crossing his arms grumpily in silent protest, but unable to formulate a good argument as to why it wouldn't be to the club's advantage to have them both lending a hand to the other two club members.
"Of course," she joked, "Danny could always help me, as well. I would be really appreciative of that."
Dan felt his face grow warm once more. Was Monika really serious about suggesting that he spend the weekend with her? He wondered. Getting to spend time all alone with the most beautiful, popular girl in their class? Had he been anyone else in the school, he would have considered this to be the ultimate dream.
And part of him would agree with that as well. But all the same, there was something about it that made him strangely unsettled. Surely she had plenty of other people in her life that were far more interesting and sophisticated than him. What made him so special that Monika would even consider wanting to spend any time alone with him?
"Ah," Yuri said, bringing the subject back on topic, "I suppose that I wouldn't mind having a little bit of help."
"Well," Natuski added, "Even if either of you don't know how to bake, there's always some dirty work I can give you. It's not like Monika's gonna give me a choice. Besides, it wouldn't be fair for the boys to be sitting on their butts while the girls do all the hard work, anyways."
"Can't argue with that," Arin smirked, "But, the real question is, who's helping out with what? I mean, I'd be cool with helping out either of you, but it's really up to Dan who he wants to work with."
"Well," Yuri replied, "Considering that Arin and Natsuki seem to have more amicable relationship with one another, I believe that it would only be fair that Danny help me. After all, Danny might not like to be around if you only make him out to be a nuisance."
"Hold on," Natsuki countered sharply, "I never said that! Besides, Arin's way more skilled with art, anyways! He'd be better helping you making a few easy decorations! It just sounds like you're making excuses for Danny to-"
"W-what are you saying?!" Yuri yelped, hurried trying to explain herself, "It would be very meticulous work that I believe that Danny would-"
"-And baking isn't?!" Natsuki squared her shoulders, straightening to her full height against the tall club member, "Just what do you think-"
Yuri too, glared, though her gaze far more panicked and timid than the pink-haired girl's firey gaze. Nervously, Dan shot a look towards Arin. This wasn't fair, he thought, both of the girls fighting over Dan, and treating Arin as if he were carrying some sort of infectious illness that neither of them wanted to catch.
However, it didn't seem to bother the other man as he leaned back in his chair, a mildly amused smirk crossing his face. He flashed a warm smile toward the curly haired man, assuring him that he didn't feel the least bit offended at his other two club members.
He understood that the two probably weren't intentionally trying to be as dismissive of Arin as they were acting, Dan reasoned. Aside from being enthusiastic to spend a little time with outside of the club, he figured that the two were simply trying to figure out the fairest, most effective way to divide out their club members efforts.
"Guys, guys," Monika interjected calmly, "Let's settle down for a moment. In the end, it's up to Danny to decide who he'd like to work with. Besides, he hasn't really gotten a chance to spend any time with me, yet, you know?"
So, Monika wasn't joking about having him help her this weekend? Judging by the others spiteful glares, he could tell that this wasn't a very popular idea. It wasn't like Monika really was that desperate for the help, anyways.
"Yeah," Natsuki whined, "But you have Sayori to help you! Besides, you two have the easiest job out of any of us!"
"Precisely," Yuri agreed, "It would be very unfair to divide the labor necessary for the preparations so unevenly like that. It would be much more fair if we were to divide into three teams of two, that way everyone's efforts are evenly distributed. And considering that you already said you had Sayori to help you….."
"Ahaha," Monika laughed, "You're right, sorry!I was just saying though…."
Despite her laugh, the expectant look shot in his direction seemed to suggest that she hadn't quite fully given up on the prospect of spending time alone with him.
"Jeez," Natsuki sighed, "This is really getting on my nerves. Can we just get this over with already so we can go home?"
"Right," Monika agreed, "But, it's up to Danny to decide."
Suddenly several pairs of eyes stared at him, boring a hole through his skull as he felt the laser-like heat of their expectant gazes staring right through him, waiting for him to settle this argument for good.
On one hand, Monika seemed really set on the two of them spending time alone together this weekend. But, he reasoned, she already had someone helping her with her part of the preparations. Besides, he was getting the feeling that choosing her wouldn't go over well with the rest of the club, especially not Natsuki or Yuri.
On another hand, he felt as if he really should spend a little time with Sayori, and at least make sure that she was okay. But, after the distant way she'd been acting around him lately, and especially today, he kind of felt that he needed to give her a little space. Likewise, he thought, she was kind of already in the same situation as Monika, so it didn't make sense for him to be helping her with festival preparations.
That simply left Yuri and Natsuki as his only two reasonable options. But, the real issue lied in which one of them he really felt that he'd be the most useful helping.
Sure, by a logical standpoint, he'd probably be the most help to Natsuki. As much as his long, bony hands looked like they should have been capable of handling the intricate labor necessary for craft projects, he was the first to admit that he had the coordination of a newborn giraffe sometimes.
He remembered that Sayori used to joke that he was the only person she knew of who was capable of tripping over themselves while standing perfectly still on flat land.
But then again, he thought, shooting a quick glance toward Arin, he felt that it was far too obvious that Natsuki and Arin were a lot closer with another, and would probably have enjoyed each other's company a little more than if it were him and her.
Besides, he reasoned, he didn't think that either Arin or Yuri had really had a chance to hang out with each other outside of the context of sharing poems with one another. Perhaps it would be a good opportunity for Yuri to be able to find a common ground with another club member, and get a chance to maybe feel more comfortable making another friend?
"No offense to Yuri," Dan said finally, "But, I think that I'd probably be a better help to Natsuki. I mean, she has a point. Arin's pretty good with art and stuff, so it'd make sense for him to be helping Yuri. Besides, baking sounds like it could be fun."
Natsuki, evidently pleased by Dan's decision, shot a triumphant look at Yuri as she proudly placed her hands on her hips once more.
"Don't worry," she said excitedly "Baking is a ton of fun! I'm sure that you'll agree!"
"But," Monika asked, confused, "Didn't you just say that baking was a lot of hard work?"
"Duh," Natsuki replied, rolling her eyes, "Of course it is. That doesn't mean that it's also not fun, too!"
"Well anyways," Monika sighed, "Yuri? Arin? You two are going to be okay working together, right."
Although a slightly disappointed light glimmered in Yuri's violet eyes, she cast a thoughtful glance toward Arin, her smile brightening a little at the possibility of working with him, instead.
Arin himself returned Yuri's smile with a sympathetic smile of his own, seeming to sense her sadness and disappointment of not getting to spend as much time with Dan as she might have hoped for. Pensively stroking his beard, he exchanged a look with Dan, as if secretly wondering if it was okay for him to run a wild idea by him and the others.
"You know," Arin suggested, "This might sound like a pretty stupid idea, but just hear me out for a sec, okay? Just 'cause we're all working on different projects to prepare for the festival, it doesn't mean that we can't all hang out together, y'know? Like, maybe we can all meet up together or something. That way, Yuri and I can coordinate our decorations with whatever theme Dan and Natsuki decide to do for the refreshments, and vice-versa."
"Yeah," Dan added, "That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea. I mean, we can all meet up at my place if that would work. Arin and Yuri could use the living room to work on the decorations. And I think the kitchen might have enough space for Natsuki and I to make cupcakes in,"
Monika cast a bewildered look at the brunet man, slightly caught off guard. She opened her mouth, seemingly ready to come up with some sort of reason why this wasn't a good idea, but found herself unable to adequately think of a reasonable argument. Even Natsuki and Yuri, who rarely ever seemed to agree on anything, didn't seem quite as adverse to this idea.
"And,"Arin continued, "I don't know how difficult the pamphlets are gonna be for you and Sayori to put together, so you two might be done with them before we all decide to meet up. But, if you two still wanted to, you're both welcome to chill with everyone for a while."
Monika bit her lip, her brow furrowing, seemingly caught in a conundrum that she hadn't quite expected herself to get caught in. Dan reasoned that, while she did agree that Arin's idea was a good one, and would have given her a chance to spend time with the others, especially him, outside of the club setting. But, the fact that everyone else was going to likely be there, meant that she still might not have as much time truly alone with him as she would have hoped.
"Well," Monika replied, smiling, "I'll certainly see, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it. Either way, we should be sure to let Sayori know."
"So," Dan asked, "Is everything settled here? We all decided that we're all meeting at my place on Sunday, right?"
The others nodded in agreement, confirming that this was indeed the plan. Natsuki grinned, seemingly ecstatic at the prospect of spending the whole day having fun and impressing Dan with her expert baking skills. Yuri, although still staring down at her desk, smiled softly, no longer seeming as disappointed as she previously did, and having already allowed her mind to return to scheming up some designs for the decorations.
"I-I still feel," Yuri mumbled, "That even with the help, that my decorations aren't going to be that great."
Dan wanted to protest, assuring her that her decorations were going to completely blow everyone out of the water, and create the perfect atmosphere for the poetry reading. But, much to his surprise, Natsuki spoke up first, resting her hands on the taller girl's shoulders in a way that was Natsuki's own unique style of comforting.
"Jeez," She grumbled, although smiling, "You gotta quit being so stupid, Yuri. Monika's right; you really are the most talented person here. I mean, besides me, anyways. And, your going to help make the event a lot more fun and welcoming! I mean, the cupcakes are obviously gonna help, too. You're gonna make the atmosphere really special, and that'll be really important to make people really feel during the performances. You need to give yourself a little more credit than that!"
Yuri blushed, a faint, embarrassed smile crossing her face as she buried her face in her hands yet again. Grumpily, the petite girl released her hold of Yuri's shoulders, huffing as she looked away, flustered that she'd allowed herself to show even a moment's concern or encouragement toward her supposed rival.
"You" Yuri asked " didn't really mean that did, you?"
Natsuki growled, shifting uncomfortably as she crossed arms tightly around her chest, pointedly looking away from Yuri in an attempt to avoid the question. Monika, Arin and Dan exchanged surprised, wide-eyed looks with one another as they witnessed this bizzare and unusual scene that played out before them.
Admittedly, as rough and awkward as it had turned out, Dan believed he understood what Natsuki had been going for. With Sayori absent, there was nobody there to offer any kind words and helpful attitude to lighten the mood and cheer everyone up. So, much like the same reasoning he assumed was behind Arin's compromise, Natsuki had taken it upon herself to fill in that role, and say something that Sayori would say in that kind of situation.
"I-I'm sorry," Yuri apologized, "For being dumb. I'm going to do my best. And all of us are going to make this a really great event. Your cupcakes are going to be amazing!"
For the first time since stepping into the club today, the mood genuinely felt somewhat lightened as genuine, excited smiles appeared on everyone's faces, each of them silently agreeing that they were going to try their best to make this event something memorable that they could be proud of.
"I hope to see everyone do their best," Monika said, "But, with that, there's really nothing more to talk about as far as festival preparations go. Have a good weekend, everyone!"
Dan nodded, once more lost in thought as he started to put his stuff back in his backpack. Absently, he started to leave, more concerned with getting home before sunset, and possibly going to check on if Sayori had made it home alright. However, he was stopped as a small hand wrapped around his wrist, tugging him back.
"Excuse me," Natsuki asked, glaring at him "But where do you think you're going? You weren't thinking about just walking out of here without getting everyone's numbers. Jeez! What if I needed to text you to pick up some extra stuff for the cupcakes! You would have had no idea, and then we wouldn't be able to make any cupcakes at all."
"Yeah," Dan apologized, rubbing the back of his neck, "Sorry about that. Guess I'm a little distracted right now."
"Whatever," Natsuki sighed, handing him a folded peice of paper, "Here's my number. You better not make it weird or anything."
"Didn't plan on it," he smirked.
Carefully, Dan unfolded the piece of paper, looking briefly at Natsuki's number as he pulled his phone out, saving the number into it.
"Like," Natsuki continued, grumbling, "It's a good thing we're doing this at your house and not mine. My dad would kill me if he knew a boy was coming over."
"Really?" Dan asked, "That seems kind of strict. But, remember, I'm not the only one gonna be there. Arin and Yuri are gonna be there. And maybe Monika and Sayori, if they decide to come."
"Yeah yeah," the pink haired girl grimaced, "Still, like my dad would ever let me have a boy over in the house, much less two boys. Even if there were other girls there, too. Anyways, I just needed to complain for a second. We have each other's numbers, now. That's all I needed from you. I'll text you when I come over, so you'd better not forget about it, okay?"
"Got it," Dan laughed, casually adjusting his backpack over his shoulder. Natsuki, evidently pleased by his promise, grinned triumphantly in response, resting a hand on her hip as usual.
"I'm gonna show you why I love baking so much," She promised, "So you better look forward to it."
A sly, mischievous smile quirked at the edges of Dan's lips as he gave the pink haired girl a curious look. So, it looked like Natsuki might have been actually starting to warm up to him, after all, he thought. The incident in the closet the other day perhaps hadn't been as much of a fluke as he'd original thought. Was it likely that Natsuki, too, might have harbored some secret affection toward him as well? Either way, he reasoned, it was probably best not to let her know that he was onto her.
"Oh?" he smirked, "I thought you said that you were just gonna give me the dirty work."
Natsuki grimaced, making a strangled sound with her throat as she gritted her teeth.
"Well," she explained defensively, "I was just saying that. It's not like I could act like….in front of everyone…..that I was looking forward to this or anything. That'd be way too embarrassing!"
"Wait," Dan asked, disbelieving, "really? You're actually excited about this? Like, I thought that you hated my guts."
"Eh," Natsuki grumbled, more to herself, "It's just, I've never got to bake with someone else before. I-it's not like I like you like that or anything, so-"
"Alright," Dan replied, "I get it. Anyways, see you on Sunday?"
Natsuki said nothing, her face and her hair locked in a fierce competition over which could be the most pink, with the blush on her face rapidly starting to win out. Hurriedly, she rushed out of the room in a flustred frenzy.
As Dan started to leave, he heard someone approach beside him. Arin nervously hovered inside the doorway, staring at him as if he wanted to say something.
"Hey, Arin," Dan asked, "What's up?"
"Uh," the other man began, "I was just wondering if you'd be okay if I walked with you for a bit. Like, not all the way home, obviously."
Dan bit his lip hesitantly, as he eyed the other man doubtfully. Part of him wondered if Sayori might have secretly known more than she was letting on. Hadn't she literally just proposed this same scenario the previous night? He wondered. Did Arin, like seemingly everyone else in the club, also have some sort of unexplained attraction to him?
Jeez, he sighed to himself, running his hands through his curls, hadn't he been a dorky, gangly beanpole of a loser last year? Why was he suddenly getting to be so popular with everyone? He was starting to feel like the main character of some overly saccharine dating sim that Natsuki probably would have played in her spare time.
"Sure," Dan shrugged as he let Arin pass through the door, "I guess that I could use the company."
To say that the two walked down the street in awkward silence would have been a lie. Some idle conversation, mostly consisting of one of them referencing various movies and video games, while also being utterly mystified and baffled that the other had never seen or played said specific piece of media, did occur, puncturing the awkward silences.
It was at a crosswalk halfway between Dan's house and the school yard that the two briefly stopped. Another tense silence hung heavy between them as they stared at one another, neither truly willing to acknowledge that this was the point where they were to separate, for now.
"Dan," Arin apologized "Look, I know that I've probably been kind of weird ever since you met me, and that I've been acting especially feaky today, too. And I get that it's probably really frustrating."
" 'Frustrating'" Dan scoffed, feeling a bit like Natsuki as he crossed his arms in front of him, glaring at Arin, "Doesn't even cover half of it."
Furtively, as if paranoid that some invisible person might have been listening in on their conversation, Arin looked over his shoulder before continuing, his voice kept low, afraid to be overheard, even though they were the only two currently on the intersection who likely even cared about this conversation.
"Yeah," he said, "I get that. And, I'm sorry. It's just-look, I can't really explain everything right now. There's a whole lot about everything lately that doesn't even make sense to me, either."
The other man sighed as he reached into his pocket, withdrawing a leather bracelet similar to the one around his own wrist.. Carefully, he held it out to Dan, shyly offering it to him. Confused, the curly haired man took the bracelet, his eyebrows arching as he examined it in the orange light of the setting sun.
The charm on the bracelet was a circular copper coin, similar to a yen piece. Flecks of green and faded brown rust appeared on it's dented, worn surface. Although somewhat faded and smudged by time and wear, a few characters written in what appeared to be Chinese were inscribed upon it's surface. Somehow, despite not being able to read the symbols himself, Dan instinctively seemed to recall that the symbols were supposed that the symbols were supposed to say something along the lines of "You are not alone."
"Arin," Dan asked, "I-I don't understand?"
"Look," Arin sighed, "A lot of things have started getting a little too heavy lately. Probably worse than they have been lately. And, depending on what happens in the future, I'm afraid that things might be about to go south really fucking fast if we're not careful."
The other man blushed, his eyes averting bashfully from Dan's as he folded his arms behind his back.
"I just wanted to give you this," he explained, "Just in case you got overwhelmed, and you needed something concrete to hold onto, y'know? Just look at it and just remember that nobody is ever alone. You are not alone. I'll be there for you, Dan."
Once more, Dan felt his breath caught in his chest as he and Arin's eyes met, locked in a shared meaningful gaze, deeper and more ancient than either of them, or even the cosmos itself. Had either of them been in the right mindset at the moment, they would have jokingly made a reference to the theme song to the sitcom Friends. But, at that particular moment in time, making jokes felt inappropriate.
Carefully, Arin took Dan's arm, winding the leather cord around his wrist. Once more, Dan felt his heartbeat loudly in his ears, his skin set aflame by the slightest brush of Arin's hand against his pulse as he tied the bracelet's cord together.
Although Dan did not understand the deeper context and reasoning behind Arin's words, he felt that he didn't need to. For some reason, he trusted Arin, as if they'd know each other for years, rather than days. And, he felt that, of all the things he just instinctively knew about him, this promise was one of one things that he'd always kept, and forever would keep.
Something shifted in Arin's eyes as tendrils of sorrow snaked their way across his handsome face once more. Once more, cold reality that ironically felt more empty and less real to him than the far too brief moments lost in their momentary daydream, crashed down upon them, breaking them apart.
"Dan," Arin said, his voice stern and serious, "Something has been hurting Sayori a lot worse normal, recently. I don't know if either of us can save her, but you might be the only one who understands what she's going through right now. Right now, she needs you to be the real you with her, and not the person that she thinks you are around her."
Twilight deepened from blue to purple, bathing Dan it faint glow of the flickering street lamps as he watched Arin turn away and vanish into the ever growing shadows that gathered at the far end of the tree-lined street.
Sighing, Dan continued forward on his trek back to his home. Each step closer to his house felt as if he were walking a thousand miles carrying a sack of heavy bricks on his back.
Thoughts weighed heavily on his mind, swirling in a tempest as he passed his house, standing outside of the gate of Sayori's home. He felt as if he finally understood the meaning of the infamous 'To Be or Not to Be' monologue in Hamlet. While he himself wasn't a Danish prince debating on enacting revenge upon the uncle who had murdered his father, and stolen his birthright from him, he still felt as if he could relate to Hamlet's maddening indecision within that moment.
If he didn't go in now, he thought, he risked something bad possibly happening to Sayori. But, if he went in now, she might still push him away, angry that she had disrespected her wishes and invaded her privacy so rudely like that, and he could risk losing her as a friend.
Hesitantly, his hand hovered above the latch on the gate. Not yet, a little voice whispered in his mind, She's not ready for you yet.
He sighed as his hand dropped limply at his side. As if being guided by some unseen hand, he felt as if his feet were lead away from Sayori's gate, back toward his own house, to drift away into a dreamless sleep.
Tomorrow, the voice tried to reassure him. Tomorrow, Sayori would be ready to share her secret pain with him.
He just hoped that he would be able to be the person that she needed him to be.
