Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. All hale the magnificent Stephenie Meyers.

4. Haunting Memories.

Epov:

How did Esme always now what to say for all the memories to come flooding back. A long forgotten memory that is still haunts you. Never leaving you alone, always reminding you of your darkest hours. I inserted my 'Greenday' CD into my stereo turning the volume up hoping the noise will drown out the memories. It worked a little, so I decided to start on my homework.

About forty minutes later my homework was all done. The memories eventually faded, so I went to lie down on my bed. I was just relaxing when the next song began to register in my head "Wake me up when September ends". I lay helpless while an excruciatingly memory plaid of in my head.

Flashback:

I was standing in a flower shop trying to decide between two bouquets. It was my and Victoria's first anniversary. I'm planning to make tonight extra special pulling out all the stops. Flowers, romantic dinner and then later when we're all alone at my house I was going to propose. I know I'm only seventeen but our love was so strong and I could not imagine me spending my life with anyone else. She felt the same. She told me so on many occasions.

It was about seven pm. She said she and her mother would be back from shopping at seven thirty. Considering her mother doesn't get sidetracked by some sale again, they'll be home on time. It was something they did together every Friday. I made a snap decision to go wait at her house, surprising her. As I arrived at her house I noticed James's car in the driveway. This was strange considering that he was my best friend and despised Victoria. So what was his car doing here?

Flowers in hand I walked to the door. Some music was playing inside the house. I knocked on the door and when no one came to open, I let myself in like always. The music came from Victoria's room, not finding this odd I made my way to her door. I knocked and waited but the music was too loud, maybe she didn't hear me knock.

I opened the door. What I saw kept me frozen in place. Victoria and James were in bed together, their naked sweating bodies intertwined together. It almost looked uncomfortable. Anger flooded my system spurred on by adrenaline.

This was about when my flight or fight instincts kicked in. They haven't noticed m yet. I walked over to the stereo turning it of. They flew up trying to cover them selves with blankets, both of them as white as ghosts. I have never seen Victoria naked before, but the only thing I felt now was nausea.

I flung the flowers that I still had in my hand on the bed.

"Happy anniversary." I turned and walked out the door.

"Edward, please wait!" I heard Victoria shout after me, I just walked on.

I got into my car and drove to no where in particular. I pulled over somewhere and as I was vomiting over some bushes I heard Greenday playing on the car radio "Wake me up when September ends"

Present time:

I jumped of my bed shaking my head, as if to make the memory fade. My room felt too small, suffocating me. I grabbed my car keys and almost ran out of my room. I found Esme in the kitchen cooking. Macaroni and Cheese my favorite. I smelled the air appreciatively. "I'm going for a drive", I said pecking her cheek. "Food will be ready in an hour." I nodded already heading for the door. "I'll be here."

I drove to La Push, I felt like going for a long walk on the beach. I loved the ocean, it had so much power. It had the power to destroy but also, the power to heal. As if to prove my point I drew a line in the sand. A wave came crushing in with a roar of triumph as it broke over the sand, but when it pulled away the sand was just as smooth as before. As if I never touched it.

I walked along the beech for a while when I noticed a tree that made a natural bench. When I sat down it felt as if I was in a cocoon, sheltered from everything life could throw at you. I sat there watching the waves rolling in and out when I noticed someone walking this way. A few feet away the person stopped. Go away! I thought but of course he/she would not listen. Crossing the space between us I realized who the person was, Isabella Swan. I started to smell her strawberry shampoo as she got closer to me. I kept watching the waves roll in hoping she'll leave me alone.

"May I join you?" she asked. I looked at her, seeing her beautiful chocolate eyes. Mistake number one I thought as I nodded. She sat down watching the waves, she didn't say a word. Other people would have asked me some stupid question by now.

"Why don't you ask me all kinds of questions?" I asked looking at her.

She frowned. "Should I be? Do you want me to?" She looked at me and I stared back at her big chocolate eyes. Mistake number two I thought.

"No, I just don't understand why you don't." She really didn't ask me questions not even in Biology. I frowned confused. She looked at the waves again smiling, it was so cute. Whoa cute? Were did that come from?

"You don't like to talk about yourself. I respect you enough not to pry into your private life, it's called private after all." She looked right through my charade. I didn't fool her, not even for one second. This angered me and reminded me how rude I was to her before.

"I don't deserve your respect," The anger showing in my voice as I said this too quickly.

"Why? I respect everyone, if they deserve it or not. Until they do something that makes me loose respect for them. They never get it back once they've lost it."

Then I've already lost it, I almost said this aloud stopping myself just in time.

"What if I'm a bad person? Dangerous even and caused allot of pain in other people's lives? What if this caused me to fall hard on my ass and forced me to face reality?" I turned to watch the waves before she could see the pain on my face.

"It's not how you fall Edward, it's how you get back up again." Ha what do you know about life. Anger rushed threw me when I looked at her.

"What if there's nothing to get back up to? No family, no friends not even love." Especially the last I thought.

"There's always something, if you're willing to find it." She said this with so much believe I couldn't help but smile.

"You're not like other girls, are you?" She smiled too, it caused her face glow. Ugh mistake number three.

"You mean I'm not Malibu Barbie." I laughed suddenly the sounds bursting from my lips. It sounded so foreign to me, I stopped laughing altogether.

"No, what I meant was that you're more than just looks. You've got brains to."

She frowned. Even this looked cute to me. Ugh another cute, must be mistake number four. "Uhm thanks and maybe you just notice this because I'm not afraid of your whole bad ass image that you so desperately try to portray." I frowned at this, she really wasn't afraid.

"You see way too much for your own good." I was still pondering over why she wasn't afraid when she stood up.

"I have to go, see you at school Edward and enjoy your evening." I liked the way she said my name as if it was hers to do with it as she pleased. Oh great, mistake number five. I had to know why she wasn't afraid. Just before she turned I called to her.

"Isabella! Why aren't you afraid of the whole bad ass image?" She smiled, at what I do not know.

"It only works if your eyes lie with you, yours don't. They're kind, soft and loving."

She was blushing, her ears even turned red. It was so cute, no, no, no what was this? Mistake number six. I stood up and followed her remembering dinner would be ready soon. She looked so small. Could she survive if life threw her some curve balls? If she couldn't it would make her tiny body hunch over in defeat. A sudden urge to protect her from everyone and everything washed over me. Without thinking about it I ran up to her, grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her into a hug.

This was by far the biggest mistake I've made. I was breaking every rule I ever created to keep other people safe from me. But she felt so good against me. So warm and soft and as always smelled like strawberries.

"Why are you smothering me?" She asked against my chest breaking the trance that I was captured in.

"I don't know" I replied.

I dropped my arms as if she was a hot potato and walked away without looking back once. When I reached my car I climbed in resting my head on the steering wheel.

"You Edward Cullen are a complete idiot." I said to myself. I sat up starting the car. As I pulled away her words echoed in my head,

"It's not how you fall Edward, it's how you get back up again."

And then more softly like she was whispering right in my ear, "There's always something, if you're willing to find it."

A/N Ok so I revealed one of Edward's horrors. Yes there is some more but all in good time. For those of you who are wandering about all the rules, I will also reveal them all to you as the story progresses. Hope you understand Edward a little better.