CWCollateral: A Tale of the Resistance

by Manajerkop


Chapter 2: Chu d'état

June 1998, Kel's cabin, the woods near CWCville

When Kevin finally opened his eyes, the world had changed.

He was lying in a sort of wooden room - a log cabin, most likely – on top of a large table with an inflatable mattress, a few pillows, and a light cotton sheet surrounding him. A single unlit fireplace was set into the wall in front of him. Beams of sunlight streamed through the cabin's windows, and outside, he could see trees, the shore of a shimmering lake, a bright blue sky, and fluffy white clouds.

He was either extremely lucky…or extremely dead.

The darkness and terror of Viridian Forest were long gone, but the memories remained clear as day. Kevin remembered everything: the long bus ride, Max and Julie, the Electrode blast, the attack by Team Rocket…all of it replayed in his head again and again like some sick highlight reel. He'd thought for sure it was all over after that thing pounced on him, yet here he was, alive and well, albeit suffering from the mother of all headaches.

Taking care not to make any sudden movements, the wounded teenager sat up slowly and rubbed his eyes. He was still wearing the same T-shirt and jeans he'd had on the bus. Something soft had been sloppily wrapped around his head – a cloth bandage, most likely. Kevin wasn't in any particular hurry to examine the injury. If he was lucky, it might only be a bad bump or a scratch. If he wasn't, things were about to get incredibly painful.

"Ah, fuck," he groaned as little drumbeats began hammering around inside his skull. The sound of his voice was somewhat encouraging. At least he could still talk…as far as he could tell, his brain wasn't quite damaged to that extent. Maybe he was in better shape than he…

The floor was pink.

Kevin stared down at his feet and blinked, hard.

The floor remained pink.

Looking around, Kevin noticed that something was very, very wrong with this log cabin. Either the interior decorator had taken a leaf out of Andy Warhol's book, or else something was seriously wrong with the part of his brain that controlled his sight. The table he was sitting on had been painted a garish yellow-orange, the same color as the row of kitchen cabinets he could see through the open door frame opposite the fireplace. The kitchen floor itself was made from wooden boards, but these were bright yellow. Everything else seemed relatively in order, though. At least the walls weren't turquoise.

Sure, why not? Kevin thought helplessly as he looked around, terrified. Now I'm going colorblind. Maybe if I…

"Kevin?"

A fourteen-year-old girl stepped into the room. Her brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail beneath a typical Pokémon trainer's cap. She was wearing a blue T-shirt with a heart on the front and a darker blue skirt. In her arms lay a large bowl of steaming stew.

Kevin's mouth dropped open with shock. "Kel?"

"I…I didn't think you were ever going to wake up!" his cousin exclaimed. "We thought you were in a coma or something."

"We…wait a minute." He glanced around. "There were two kids, both around your age. Did you…"

"Julie and Max? Yeah, the police gave them a ride over to CWCville. We waited near the road until they came to investigate the bus…God, I can't believe you were in that. The Pallet road's blocked off now, and there's been news choppers circling over Viridian for the past day and a half."

"That's how long I've been out?"

Kel nodded. "David didn't mean to hurt you like that, but you were about to kill Rosey. I'm really sorry about your head - I wasn't thinking."

"Wait…" Realization dawned on Kevin. "David? You mean…you mean I got tackled and knocked out by a Dragonite? And what was that…Rosey…what the hell was that pink monster?"

"Be nice to Rosey." Kel frowned and shot him a reprimanding stare. "She did manage to find you three in the middle of nowhere."

Kevin shuddered in revulsion, remembering the scant few glimpses he'd managed to get of the creature before he'd almost killed it. Those eyes… He couldn't imagine how his cousin had gotten ahold of such a monstrosity.

"What…is it?" he croaked.

"Her full name's Rosechu…or maybe that's her species name. I don't know – she's the only one of her kind I've ever seen before. She told me she's an Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. I've never heard of that type before. Remember that Raichu I had? It got struck by a rainbow a few days ago, and I think it transformed her into a new species of Pokémon. Isn't that awesome! I finally have a really, really rare Pokemon! Well, I've got David, but this…Rosey's one of a kind!"

Silence reigned as Kel's words sank in. Kevin didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or go insane. Odds are, he was going to end up doing all three if he didn't get some logical answers soon.

"A rainbow…hit your Raichu…and turned it into…that," he said, very slowly and carefully, eyeing Kel with barely-concealed skepticism. "An…Electric Hedgehog Pokémon. And it speaks? And you kept it?"

Either his cousin was trying to pull off one of the greatest practical jokes in history, or else she was really telling the truth. Kevin hadn't seen her since she was ten, but Kel never seemed the lying type. Maybe, just maybe, this insane story was somehow possible. Something nibbled at his memory – a vague recollection of a flash of white light and a fifteen-mile rainbow…

"STATION SQUARE!" he yelled, immediately regretting it as his head nearly exploded from the pain.

Kel looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"The attack…OW…that Perfect Chaos thing attacked Station Square…there was this gold hedgehog and a Pikachu and they somehow collided and this huge rainbow shot up into the sky…"

"Okay, I think we need to get you out of here. I'll drive you to CWCville General…you must have more brain damage than the paramedics said you had. Kel put down the soup bowl and hurried back through the door to the kitchen, ignoring her older cousin's protests.

Kevin stood up warily and walked toward the front door, eager to find out where exactly he was. His head still hurt, but if he moved slowly enough, the throbbing never reached above a dull ache. He reached for the door handle to open it…

…and found himself staring straight at the demon he'd nearly killed two days ago. In daylight, Rosechu was slightly less intimidating than she had been that night in Viridian…well, to be fair, a lot less intimidating. She wore only a white hair band, a matching magenta blouse and skirt combination with blue stripes, as well as a pair of sleek rubber boots – also magenta and blue. Her tail, unchanged from its Raichu state, was still yellow and white - a stark contrast the pink spiky fur that covered her body. On her head grew a pair of neat pointed ears, a small nose, and long, fluttery eyelashes. If it hadn't been for the freakish fused mass of optic tissue in the center of her face, she might have passed as somewhat cute.

"Hi Kel! I picked you a pretty bunch of za…" The Electric Hedgehog Pokémon's chattering voice broke as it realized who it was talking to. "Oh! Uh…um…hi…Kevin, right?"

Kevin took a deep breath, stifling the scream of shock and terror that was building in his throat. "Hello…Rosechu."

"Oh, hey Rosey!" Kel appeared behind him, smiling as her bizarre friend stepped inside. "Did you have fun today? Aww, did you pick all of those just for me?"

"Yep!" Rosechu's face scrunched up into an insipid smile as she held out a handful of fresh-picked zapbuds. She sniffed the air. "Mmmm, something smells delicious."

"I just finished making some stew for lunch," explained Kel as she took the flowers. "Bet you can't guess what kind it is!"

"EEEEEE!" Rosechu squealed with delight and anticipation, instantly forgetting all about Kevin. "Brunswick Stew! I can't wait! Let's eat!"

"Actually Rosey, I was just going to drive my cousin over to CWCville. We'll have the stew for dinner tonight. Want to come along?"

"Yeah! Can we please go to the mall like last time? Please? Pretty please?"

Unnoticed by the two, Kevin slipped through the doorway and toward the lake as quickly as he could. One more sickening second of that abomination's voice and he might have vomited then and there. He was starting to wonder if maybe he had fallen into some sort of coma after all. Things were just getting too weird to believe anymore.

At the edge of the water, he sat down and stared across the glassy surface. All I ever wanted was a Pokémon journey of my own. Now look what's happened. I lost all my stuff, I don't have any money, and there's no way I'm ever going to be a trainer now. Kel had told him that the road to Pallet was closed,but even if that wasn't true, there was no telling whether Oak would even be willing to accept new trainers after the massacre in Viridian.

Jack Shaw's words came drifting back to Kevin through his subconscious. You're my son, and I just want you to get out and do something with your life. Just…listen to me for once. You aren't your cousin.

Was that the reason he'd wanted to start in the first place? To be the very best, or to prove that Kel wasn't the only member of their family who could lead a career as a Pokémon trainer?

Fuck it, he thought as he up a rock and hurled it into the water. Looks like I'm gonna have to cut my losses. Wonder what kind of job openings this CWCville place has…

"Kevin! We're leaving!" shouted his cousin from the doorway. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!" Kevin stood up and headed for the cabin. "Tell you what, don't take me to the hospital, I'm fine. You can just drop me off at the mall."

Kel looked confused. "Wait, what? What are you going to do?"

"Hopefully, find something to do with my life." Kevin smiled. "Come on, I want to see what CWCville's like."

Two months later, August 1998, CWCville Shopping Center

"Naitsirhc, son of Giovanni!" The fiery-haired teenager yelled out his challenge to everyone within earshot. "Team Rocket, brighter than light! Surrender now or prepare to fight!"

"Release Rosechu, now!" demanded Sonichu, raising his fist in defiance. A flurry of sparks crackled from his cheeks.

Naitsirhc grinned. "Then we will fight! Zapdos! Go!" With a flash of white light and a noise like a clap of thunder, the hovering legendary bird swooped down from above. Flapping its jagged wings, it let out an earsplitting shriek and divebombed its opponent.

Sonichu instinctively spun into a ball and launched himself toward the Zapdos. The battle was on.

Kevin couldn't believe this, even after what happened…

The day had begun like any normal work day for him: wake up at 5:30 a.m., shower, shave, bowl of cereal and a Pop-Tart…the usual. He'd left his apartment at 6:15 and hopped on the bus to the CWCville Shopping Center. Once there, he entered through the side security door, exchanged a quick hello with his coworkers, and headed for the locker room to suit up.

Being a mall cop wasn't the easiest job in the world, but it paid the bills.

"Anyone catch the news last night?" Matt Clark, another security guard, asked to no one in particular as he twirled the dial on his locker back and forth aimlessly.

"Yeah, caught the last few seconds," replied Billy Kenner from the next aisle over. "The kid's fourteen! He shouldn't be making death threats."

"Dude, he's got half the strength of Team Rocket behind him. Once Giovanni kicks it, he'll be running the entire organization. If I were in his shoes, I'd be making all the threats I wanted."

"Yeah, I remember when his dad was that young." Billy, a veteran of both CWCville Mall and Vietnam, had been around quite a bit longer than either Matt or Kevin. "You know he was studying to be a Gym Leader before all this shit started? Government rejected his application."

"Well, he got his wish," muttered Jake Linneman as he strapped a Taser to his belt. "Hey Kevin, you didn't happen to see Naitsirhc or Giovanni when they hit that bus, did you?"

"Come on, Jake, he doesn't need to talk about that," Matt cut in. "Bad memories, you know?"

"Nah, it's fine." Kevin shrugged. "I've been sleeping a lot better now. By the way, thanks for recommending those ocean sound tapes."

"Aren't they great?" Matt finally found the right combination and pulled open the locker door. He looked around inside. "Glad to hear they're helping. You didn't happen to see my watch anywhere, did you?"

"Sorry, no."

"Hey guys." Laurie Till, another long-term mall cop, emerged from the adjacent storage room carrying her brown uniform. "Did I hear you talking about terrorists just now?"

"Yeah, we were. Didn't you see the news?" Jake replied distractedly, in the middle of attacking his curly red hair with a wet comb.

"I did. Listen, that stuff's fine to talk about in here, but keep it to yourselves when you're on duty. People are jittery enough as it is without all these protests going on."

"Protests?" asked Kevin.

"Yeah, over by the food court…people didn't take too kindly to the Mayor's response to this whole Naitsirhc issue."

"Why, what'd he say?"

"Want to guess?" Matt cleared his throat and delivered a passable imitation of Christian Weston Chandler. "I'M WORKIN' ON IT!" He slapped his hands to his sides as a final touch, to the great amusement of the other mall cops. "Who knows? He might actually pull himself away from his video games and come down today, if the protest gets too loud."

"I'll take the food court watch today if no one else wants it," Kevin offered.

"Be my guest." Laurie tossed him an extra can of pepper spray. "You might need that. Call me if they get too out of hand."

"I will. See you guys out there." Kevin buttoned up the rest of his uniform, closed his locker, and left his coworkers to their conversations.

CWCville Shopping Center was hardly a place of respite, but in the fifteen or twenty minutes between the time when he punched in and the time the doors opened, Kevin liked to just walk around and watch the stores set up for the day. Mall cops here had a relatively easy shift, at least when compared to some of the restaurant and retail employees who arrived at 5 in the morning just to set up shop.

Most of the shopkeepers and employees were too busy to notice him, but occasionally he would successfully strike up a conversation with one or two of them. He conversed frequently with the manager of the Comic, Game, and Hobby Place on the second floor, and would sometimes even stop by during breaks to see how the in-store Pokémon card tournaments were going. The manager, Michael Snyder, was actually a pretty cool guy, though he could still be very strict with any kids who misbehaved, cheated, or called each other names.

The food court was unoccupied but for old Mitch the janitor and a few restaurant staff firing up their grills. Mitch must have heard the story about the protest group, since he seemed to be preoccupied with cordoning off a section of the floor…a reservation, no doubt. Kevin and the rest of the mall security team knew full well what the janitor's opinion of CWCville's mayor was. Chandler's attitude toward black people like Mitch was hardly a secret. If there ever arose an opportunity to embarrass Christian or undermine his reputation, he would always be on it within seconds.

"How's it hangin', Mitch?" he called across the atrium.

"It's lookin' to be a fine day, Officer Shaw," replied the janitor as he straightened the last pole and clipped on a velvet cord. "Might just see a few goodhearted citizens standin' up for what they believe in for once."

"Protest, huh?"

"A regular freedom brigade, more like." Mitch straightened up, cracking the tendons in his shoulders. "I tell you what son, you stick around here a while and perhaps our dear mayor himself will choose to grace this food court with his pudgy visage."

Kevin laughed. Mitch always had a flair for the dramatic. "Let me guess…you've got a surprise for him?"

"Oh, that I do, Officer Shaw, that I do. But you be a good boy and don't say nothin' that might otherwise unjustly incriminate an old man like me."

"I keep telling you, just call me Kevin. None of this 'Officer Shaw' bullshit. And don't worry, I won't say a thing…if you tell me what it is you did."

Mitch winked. "You're a smart kid, trappin' me like that. All I'll tell you is that the Burger King girl's in on it. Ain't that right, Allie?" he yelled over his shoulder.

"If they ask, I have no idea who you are!" a young woman's voice called back.

The old janitor chuckled to himself. "She's a darling, make no mistake. You two should go out for lunch or somethin' one of these days." He leaned forward. "I think she likes Thai."

"We'll see. I don't even know her yet." Kevin glanced at his watch, just as the PA system crackled on. "Here we go."

"Attention shoppers," boomed the automated announcement system like it did every day at 7:30. "The CWCville Shopping Center is now open. Please have a nice day, and remember to stay true, honest, and straight. Mayor Chandler thanks you for your business."

Mitch scoffed. "Bet if he could, he'd tell 'em to add 'stay white' as well." He picked up his broom and resumed sweeping.

Kevin felt a little stab of pity at the injustice of Mitch's situation. The man was homeless, he slept in a Soup Hotel whenever possible, he couldn't leave CWCville, his salary was atrocious, and to top it all off, the mayor was working day and night to make his life even more miserable. Kevin wished there was something he could do, but the sympathy would have to wait for now. Customers were streaming in through the front entrance and dispersing into various stores, eager to peruse the merchandise.

Now came the hard part: waiting. Kevin leaned back against the wall and tried his best to project an air of authority. He was a mall cop, yes, but mall cops were an important part of the city's security force. Sure, they weren't allowed to carry guns, their brown uniforms made them look more like postal workers, and the most badass thing they did was stopping the occasional pickpocket, but they still worked right below the mayor's office. Granted, it had once been a large storage room back in the days before Chandler had inherited his father's empire and decided to move his whole operation right into the Shopping Center to lessen the distance between himself and the nearest Chick-Fil-A, but…

"Mr. Officer, hey, Mr. Officer!" A little girl with odd green-dyed hair and wearing what looked like a Japanese schoolgirl's uniform ran up to him, interrupting his thoughts. "Do they sell smoked cheese here?"

"I don't think so," answered Kevin, uncertain of how else to reply.

The girl looked down, placed her right hand against her cheek, and dashed off, vanishing into the stream of shoppers without a word. Kevin shook his head. Where do these people come from?

"Excuse me." A blonde woman wearing a purple dress and a red hair band stepped out of the crowd, along with a good dozen or so men and women who were holding an assortment of cardboard signs. "We were told security was friendly here."

"Just as long as you and your friends don't cause any trouble," Kevin replied, and unclipped the velvet cord to let them through. The woman looked familiar, though he couldn't quite remember where he'd seen her before…

"Thanks a lot," she replied. "Will the mayor be coming down today?"

"I'm sorry, but Mayor Chandler's business is outside my knowledge, ma'am."

The woman narrowed her eyes, but there was no hostility in her stare…only pity. "You have no idea what goes on up there, do you? You just go about every day waiting for your next paycheck, never realizing that the man you're guarding has been…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." The young mall cop raised his hands, his authoritative demeanor momentarily forgotten. "Look, lady, I get it. You don't like the mayor's policies, and frankly, neither do I, or any of my coworkers. We're not sheep…we're just trying to earn a living."

"You might not even have that badge tomorrow if Chandler gets his way," muttered the woman.

Kevin finally realized where he'd seen her face before – on a billboard advertising the Piedmont Virginia Community College, formerly the Piedmont Kanto Community College. Sometime over the past month, some government officials had, for some unknown reason, decided to change their entire region's name from Kanto to Virginia. In any case, he was now talking to the Dean of Student Services herself, Mary Lee Walsh.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Just wait and see," replied Walsh, and left to join her fellow protesters. Kevin shrugged and walked off to find a new standing spot…preferably one with fewer inquisitive shoppers.

"Hey Kevin!" a familiar voice called. Looking to the left, he saw Kel waving at him from across the atrium. Her Dragonite, David, stood beside her, towering a good three feet above her head. To his immeasurable delight, she appeared to have left Rosechu somewhere else.

"Kel! How you doing?" Kevin worked his way through the mass of shoppers, who parted as he approached. His badge was at least good for crowd control, it seemed.

"Fine and dandy. You?"

"I'm okay, I guess. Today hasn't been that bad so far."

"Well, that's good to hear. Say hello to Kevin, David!" Kel smiled cheerfully as she patted the Dragonite's snout. "We're here on a special occasion. Rosey's got a date today. A shopping date."

Kevin stared at his cousin in silence. A vein above his eye pulsed involuntarily. With just eight words, Kel had drained all of his excitement away. She'd brought the pink abomination after all.

He swallowed. "So where…where is she now?"

"Oh, probably going through every clothes store in the mall," laughed Kel. "I gave her my credit card and some cash so she can get some lunch for herself and Sonichu. I told 'em not to spend more than a hundred, though. I'm not made of money."

"Okay." It took a few seconds before the one unfamiliar word of the bunch managed to work its way into Kevin's brain. "Sonichu?"

"A male Electric Hedgehog Pokémon," Kel explained. "He followed Rosey home, so we decided to keep him." She giggled. "I think they're in love."

Kevin had never been more lost for words in his life. There were more of these things? If what she said was true, and this Sonichu Pokémon actually existed…NO! No, no, no, no, no! He didn't even want to think about what the outcome of them breeding would be.

"So what are you up to?" asked Kel, mercifully changing the subject before Kevin could visualize Rosechu's potential offspring. "Wait, did I interrupt your job? I'm sorry!"

"Nah, forget it." Kevin pointed to the center of the food court where Walsh and her group of activists were chanting and waving signs. "They're the most exciting thing that's happened all day anyway."

"Is that…Mary Lee Walsh? The lady from those PVCC ads?"

"Yeah, I didn't recognize her at first, either. I don't know why she's here."

"Well, I'm gonna see if The Game Place has a tournament today. Maybe the kids'd like to pet David." Kel gave her cousin a quick hug. "See ya later!"

"Say hello to Mike for me," replied Kevin. Kel smiled and hurried off toward the nearest escalator, accompanied by her Dragonite.

Kevin turned back to face the ongoing rally, his head spinning. Where had this Sonichu even come from? If Kel's Raichu had been transformed into Rosechu by the rainbow that had shot out of Station Square…

The Pikachu.

It all fit together suddenly, clear as crystal. When the blue hedgehog Sonic took on his gold form and attacked Perfect Chaos, the monster had knocked him out of the air and into the feral Pikachu, creating an explosion of energy that somehow transferred part of his essence into both the rainbow and…

Nope, nope, no way, that's just fucking retarded, he thought, silently resolving to never again think too deeply into concepts beyond his understanding. He instead focused on the protesters. Their cardboard signs were quite well-drawn…then again, they were teachers and school staff. It was difficult to read the moving letters at this distance, but he could just barely make out a few sentences. Only the last one really caught his attention.

MORE FUNDING FOR SCHOOLS, FEWER GAMES FOR MAYOR!

GET 'WORKING ON IT!' ALREADY!

GIVE THE TUGBOATS TO THOSE WHO NEED THEM!

EQUAL RIGHTS FOR MALL COPS, NOT JUST BLUE AND BLACK!'

What did they mean, 'equal rights for mall cops?' To the best of Kevin's knowledge, he, Matt, Jake, Billy, Laurie, and all the others had just as many rights as the other citizens of CWCville. And anyway, Mayor Chandler wouldn't do anything to undermine his own unofficial security team…would he?

The hours ticked on by as morning gave way to noon. Kevin took his lunch break as soon as the clock struck twelve and stopped in at the nearby Sbarro for some pizza. Mall cops ate free in certain restaurants, courtesy of the more generous managers. Thankfully, this Sbarro honored that courtesy…for up to two slices per person. He grabbed a pair of Italian sausage and mushroom slices and found a table back near the Burger King where he could both watch the demonstration and eat.

Walsh and her friends were holding out well enough, and had even drawn a sizeable crowd. A few of the audience members had actually entered the square and were chanting along with the PVCC protesters. Guess they succeeded at getting the word out, at least.

"…and after lunch, I am going to check out the whole second floor, sweetbolt! Kel said they've got an Aeropostale and a Lady Foot Locker…Ooo, let's visit Glamour Shots over here – we can get our picture together! Doesn't that sound fun?"

"It will certainly be fun, because when we are together, things are always fun, and because you are my heartsweet, that makes the fun that much sweeter!"

Kevin froze. The warm, delicious pizza turned to ash in his mouth. He'd expected to run into Rosechu and her "sweetbolt" Sonichu, but not like this. Pretending not to have noticed the two Electric Hedgehog Pokémon, he slowly turned and glanced over his shoulder.

Rosechu was now accompanied by what he could only describe as a creature identical to Sonic in size and stature, but with a lightning bolt-shaped tail, bright yellow fur, brown stripes, black eartips, and red conductive cheeks like a Pikachu. It was completely naked apart from a pair of blue running shoes and white gloves, yet Kevin noted a suspicious lack of genitalia. At least Rosechu had a dress on.

Of course, Kevin had been focusing on these little details just to keep himself from going berserk and Macing both of the abominations then and there. Under normal circumstances, he would have been obligated to go put an end to Sonichu's wanton indecent exposure, but for one thing, he was pretty sure the mall's security rules only applied to humans.

For another thing, Sonichu had no dick.

The two Electric Hedgehog Pokémon were getting their fair share of odd looks from the other shoppers, but they seemed oblivious to all this attention. They stopped at a table and sat down next to one another, holding hands. Only now did Kevin realize they had brought lunch with them. Sonichu had a cheeseburger, fries, and a soda, but Rosechu seemed content with a tiny salad. The hideous couple wasted no time and dug into their food hungrily. After only a few bites into his burger, though, Sonichu's face suddenly contorted into a disgusted grimace.

"Ahh…that salad was great!" sighed Rosechu, even though she had only eaten a few forkfuls of lettuce. She looked over at Sonichu, puzzled. "What's wrong, sweetbolt?"

Sonichu gulped. "I…I…h…hate…p…p…pickles!"

Pickles? Kevin couldn't help snorting with laughter as he realized what Mitch had been talking about earlier. You sly old bastard! He'd convinced the Burger King girl…Allie, that's what her name was…to "forget" Mayor Chandler's rule – no pickles in any of hisburgers. The food wasn't actually illegal, but Chandler hated pickles about as much as Sonichu seemed to hate them, and thus had decided to create a law just to address one of his pet peeves. Being in such close proximity to the mayor's office, the CWCville Shopping Center's Burger King usually only served pickles by request.

Today, however, was different. Kevin really hoped the protesters were annoying Chandler enough to get him to actually come downstairs. He couldn't wait to see his reaction to…

CRASH!

A chorus of screams and terrified gasps swept through the sea of shoppers as something huge, yellow, and winged plunged through the glass roof above the food court. Kevin scrambled out of his seat and fell to the floor, barely avoiding a slash from the creature's steely feathers. Grabbing for the Taser at his belt, he leapt up, raised the stun gun…

…and found himself staring up in shock and terror at the legendary bird itself…Zapdos.

Arceus…God…help me, Kevin prayed silently as the Taser slipped from his trembling fingers. Even if he'd managed to somehow fire it, the reverse shock would have vaporized him then and there. Keeping his eyes locked on the hovering Zapdos, he began slowly backing away. With one hand, he unhooked his radio and spoke the dreaded words…

"Code Red, Code Red. 1308 in progress. I repeat, 1308 in progress. Send backup now."

"Holy shit. We're coming, kid! Hang in there!" Billy's voice shouted back through the speaker.

"HELP!"

Kevin looked up to see Rosechu hanging from the Zapdos' talons. Below, Sonichu was yelling up at the creature, ordering it to let go. It wasn't listening.

CRASH! A second window shattered, this time on the ground floor. Electric bolts snapped and crackled through the air as some great four-legged beast lunged into the mall. A lone rider sat atop its back, his face obscured by a hooded jacket and a black bandana.

"RAI…KOUUUUU!" howled the massive legendary beast. The rider threw back his hood and pulled off the mask, revealing himself to the panicking crowd. A collective gasp surged through the huddled shoppers as they recognized the goggles, the green jacket, the blue shirt with a red letter R in the middle…

"Naitsirhc, son of Giovanni!" The fiery-haired teenager yelled out his challenge to everyone within earshot. "Team Rocket, brighter than light! Surrender now or prepare to fight!"

"Release Rosechu, now!" demanded Sonichu, raising his fist in defiance. A flurry of sparks crackled from his cheeks.

Naitsirhc grinned. "Then we will fight! Zapdos! Go!" With a flash of white light and a noise like a clap of thunder, the hovering legendary bird swooped down from above. Flapping its jagged wings, it let out an earsplitting shriek and divebombed its opponent.

Sonichu instinctively spun into a ball and launched himself toward the Zapdos. The battle was on.

Kevin couldn't believe this, even after what happened…

WHAM! The spinning Electric Hedgehog Pokémon curved upward in a Sky Uppercut, landing a fierce blow right beneath the Zapdos' beak. Stunned, the great bird reeled backward, shook its head to recover, and struck back with a savage Drill Peck that would have perforated Sonichu's torso about half a hundred times…had the attack actually connected. For such a horrendous-looking creature, Sonichu moved with surprising agility – one of the many qualities he'd inherited from the fusion of…

NO! Stay in the present! Kevin's brain screamed at him. The battle was raging on, but it looked like the bystanders had sensibly dispersed, leaving the two Pokémon with a large clear space to duke it out in. He needed to get out of the way.

As Sonichu leapt into the air and slammed down on his opponent with a crushing Mega Kick, Kevin bolted for the nearest restaurant. The shockwave from the impact struck a moment later, shattering every window and pane of glass within thirty yards. Kevin stumbled, managed to stay upright, and fell right through the wide open door frame that led into the Burger King. Even the thick glass doors hadn't survived the blast.

A savage gust of wind knocked him forward to his knees. Kevin flung out his arms to break his fall and winced as tiny shards of broken glass pierced the palms of his hands. Ignoring the pain and the blood trickling down his fingers, he staggered into the nearest booth…and found it already occupied by a teenage girl in a Burger King uniform.

"Get down! Quick!" yelled Allie, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him into the booth as a second air blast from the Zapdos' Wing Attack struck the restaurant, knocking tables, chairs, and condiments askew. Kevin covered his face with one arm and wished that the nightmare would just come to an end. Beside him, Allie looked as if she was doing the same.

Outside, unseen by the two occupants of the Burger King, Sonichu had landed below Naitsirhc's Zapdos. With a spin and a yell, he launched into an enhanced Double Team maneuver. In less than three seconds, nine Sonichus surrounded their opponent in a ring. As powerful and ancient as it was, the legendary bird had no idea which Electric Hedgehog Pokemon to attack now. It was, for lack of a better term, confused.

The final countdown began.

Ten. The eight clones flashed white as energy built within their nonexistent bodies. The true and original Sonichu leapt skyward.

Nine. Rosechu gazed at her sweetbolt in terror, silently urging him to rescue her.

Eight. Sonichu's feet sped into a circular blur. Unbelievably, he actually began running in midair. How he'd managed to do that would remain one of the greatest Pokémon mysteries for years to come.

Seven. Hurling himself forward at the Zapdos, Sonichu threw a vicious punch at its leg, forcing the talons open. Rosechu dropped free, screaming as she plummeted earthward.

Six. Sonichu dove after his heartsweet, reaching out to grab her as they fell together.

Five. Rosechu felt her sweetbolt's gloved hands encircling her, and knew she was safe at last.

Four, three, two, one… The pair of lovehogs – Sonichu holding Rosechu in his arms – hit the ground and sped away.

Somehow breaking every conceivable law of energy, mass, and motion known in the entire history of humans and Pokémon alike, the eight clones unleashed a massive storm of thunderbolts at the same time as their creator, who had just dropped off Rosechu at a safe distance and hurried back to finish the fight.

"Hey, I couldn't miss out on this!" Sonichu quipped, and added his own power surge to the mix. The lightning barrage struck the Zapdos all across its body, weakening the creature even though it normally could have absorbed such a shock into its own bioelectric organs. Just when it seemed ready to faint, a Pokéball sailed through the air and snapped open. The legendary bird shrank and receded inside the safety of the sphere.

Naitsirhc stowed the Pokéball in its belt slot and shot a look of pure hatred at Sonichu. His face twisted into a savage growl. "Enjoy your victory now, hedgehog, but we will meet again! And when we do, I will capture you for my father, and Team Rocket!" He patted his legendary beast on the shoulder. "Let's go, Raikou!"

Sonichu shook a fist after the terrorist as Naitsirhc and his Pokémon fled the scene. Behind him, Kevin and Allie emerged dazedly from the Burger King and gazed around the damaged food court in bewilderment.

"What…cough cough…what the fuck just happened?" wheezed the mall cop.

"I…I don't…cough…I don't know." Allie wiped a thin layer of dust from her forehead. "Hey, your hands…look at your hands!"

Kevin glanced down. The glass shards had been driven deep into the skin of his palms by the fall. Blood dripped slowly from each finger, spattering on the tiled floor of the food court.

The crowd was cheering wildly, but Kevin could hear only a crackling in his ears and the sound of Allie's voice shouting to the crowd.

"HELP!" she screamed. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

Her plea went unnoticed by Sonichu, Rosechu, Kel (who had just arrived on the scene), and a fourth figure…a chubby, sweaty-faced man wearing a red, white, and blue-striped shirt.

"Out of the way! Out of the way!" Matt, Billy, and Laurie broke through the crowd and rushed toward Kevin and Allie. Matt was carrying a first-aid kit.

"Kevin! Kevin, show me your…oh, God." Laurie cursed as she examined the wounds in his hands. "We can't extract these here. Bill, call an ambulance and tell them to get over here right now." She glanced up at Allie. "Miss, I'm going to have to ask you to step aside, now."

"Thank you, Sonichu!" Rosechu exclaimed in the distance. "You're my hero, sweet bolt!"

"Shut…the fuck…up…" Kevin hissed, now nearly hallucinating from rapid blood loss. He gritted his teeth and nearly screamed aloud as Laurie poured a bottle of water over his shaking hands. This was it: the absolute worst pain of his life.

"I was astounded with how you battled, Sonichu!" Kel added with a smile. "You rock!"

"Kel…"

"It's gonna be okay, Kevin. You're gonna be okay." The look on Matt's face betrayed his lie. Had Kevin looked down, he would have noticed that his hands were now lying in two pools of blood.

"THANK YOU, SONICHU!" roared the crowd.

"Fuck…you…Soni…chu…" growled Kevin through a red haze of pain. Suddenly he realized who the third onlooker was. It only made sense. Nothing short of a terrorist attack could have jarred Christian Weston Chandler himself from Super Mario 64.

The mayor stepped forward awkwardly and grasped Sonichu's hand. Oddly enough, he wore some strange object around his flabby neck – a medallion of some sort. Odder still, it greatly resembled the head of the creature whose hand he was now shaking.

"A-as tha Mayor, of CWCville, I congraduate you on…on your victory, an' I thank you, for savin' da day. Good job, Sonichu!"

"Thank you!" replied the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon with a grin.

"An…an I would just like to, to inform all of you, my TRUE and LOYAL CWCitizens, that dhis, that dhis, uh, dhis affront by da homo Naitsirhc WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED. Sonichu, wi-will you help me? Will you stand beside me in dhis crusade against da homos, da Team Rocket, and, uh da JERKS?"

"Yes, Father! You have given the gift of life to me and to my heartsweet Rosechu, so I will fight for you from now until the day I become one with GodJesus."

"WHAT?" rasped Kevin, too softly for anyone to hear. "But you didn't…he never…" His voice broke and became unintelligible. Matt tipped some water into his mouth.

"An' furthermore," continued Chris, "I…uh, I will make it da highest priority to bring dhis Naitsirhc to justice, and to inshure that da lazy JERKOPS responsible for, uh, for letting dhis attack on my CWCville Shopping Center happen in, happen in da first place, are given da appropriate punishments for, for their LAZINESS!"

"WHAT?" shouted the mall cops all at once. A single second of silence passed before the yelling started.

"LAZY?" Matt leapt upright and stepped toward Chandler. "YOU SIT AROUND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES ALL DAY AND YOU CALL US LAZY?"

Chris let out a short sigh. "I AM NOT LAZY! I, I have been working very hard…very hard at running dhis city of CWCville. I have…I have done many…"

"What? WHAT have you done for these people, Mayor?" Mary Lee Walsh stepped forward from the crowd, her eyes blazing with fury. "For your people? Look around you, Christian. You never listened to me when I tried to help you with school, but listen to me now. CWCVILLE CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS!"

"No. No, I am da Mayor, an' da city of CWCville is a…a vibrant, happy community!" Chris sighed again. "All you are doin' is spreading LIES and PANIC through my…through my great city of CWCville…you're, you're nothin' but a dang dirty WITCH!"

Mary Lee Walsh stood immobile against the insult. "Christian, you know I couldn't let you keep waving that…those signs around. That's not the way to get someone to like you. You forced my hand, and I did what I had to do. It was all because of you, Christian. All because of you."

"STOP INTERFERING WITH MY LOVE QUEST!" whined the mayor at the top of his lungs. He clutched his hands together and pulled them back against his chest. "Don't, don't you force my hand now. You SHATTERED my HEART and MURDERED my SOUL!"

Walsh sighed, though her sigh was not nearly as annoying as Chris's. "Christian, stop this. You know that won't…"

"CURSE-YE-HA-ME-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

BOOM! A blinding beam of energy exploded from Chris's outstretched hands and slammed into Walsh, blowing her straight through the side of the mall. Sonichu leapt into the air as the protesters charged, his cheeks sparking with electricity.

"SO-NI-CHUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Forks of lightning arced out of the Electric Hedgehog Pokémon's body and struck the PVCC teachers and faculty, electrocuting the entire group and a few nearby shoppers in less than five seconds. Kevin couldn't tell if all of the protesters were dead or merely stunned, but right now, he didn't care. Matt and Laurie were dragging him back toward the front door as the carnage unfolded around him. He saw Allie run past, her long brown hair askew from static electricity.

"An'…an' let it be known that all da lazy JERKOPS have been, have been fired, and are outlawed by da order of me, Christian Weston Chandler, da Mayor of CWCville."

"Gaaahhhh…" Kevin groaned. His face was freezing. His hands were ice cold. Something slid under his back and he felt himself lifted into the air. Finally, they'd brought him a stretcher. A needle slid into the crook of his arm, and he felt a breath mask forced down over his nose and mouth. There was a soft hiss, and gas began to flow into his lungs.

"KEVIN!" Kel's voice rang in his ears. "Kevin, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"Don't…worry…about me." Kevin laughed bitterly as the anesthetic began pulling him down into the black peace of sleep. "After…what happened…today…I'm pretty sure…my life…can't get too…much…worse…"

Six years later, January 2004

It did.