[Memorial Day]
Alex took a double gulp from his beer, trying to drown out the silence in between Jackson and him. It wasn't like they weren't talking, but every time one of them muted for only a second, the silence confined them to their own state of mind, sitting opposite each other within the noisy surroundings of Joe's, having a booth to themselves. When he lowered his beer, he sighed, feeling severely uncomfortable, making Jackson look up.
"I heard Arizona made a scene today," he spoke up, pointing his whiskey at Alex who just nodded with heavy eyes. "Seems like everybody's running on dynamite lately, doesn't it," Jackson added quietly. Alex studied the other doctor's face, trying to make out what he was saying.
"I guess she just couldn't help herself," he shrugged. "People keep talking… and she just… she gets super irritated with them, cause everybody is mourning," Alex marked the word with invisible quotes and a decline of his intonation, "the infamous Dr. Derek Shepherd and nobody even knew him. Barely anyone noticed Mer missing from the surgical board either," he added. Jackson shrugged, sipping at his whiskey.
"Yeah, tell me about it. I thought it was bad enough that Shepherd's gone now. But it seems everybody's just gone. Mer's gone, Yang's gone, April's gone, Hunt's gone… I'll be curious who'll be next," he mused. "I guess with the rate this hospital is going… we'll lose our residents right after their boards as well," he paused. "I'd keep an eye out for your girlfriend if I were you," he nodded over towards the entrance, Alex following his gaze, seeing Jo and Stephanie walk in, deep in conversation. When he smiled over slightly though, Jo gave him a wave and a smile, pointing at the bar, making him nod.
"Well, there are great Peds departments in this country apart from this exact one, you know," Alex told him unfazed. Jackson hiked his eyebrows.
"Oh, great, so you're thinking of leaving too? Soon it'll be all me and myself and my lonely little board my mother gave to me," he stared down into his liquor. Alex snorted when Jo came walking over, her head turned towards Steph who was walking a step behind her, waving her hands for him to scoot over.
"Drowning in self-pity much?" Alex teased him. Jo sat down next to him, scooting around to get comfortable and leaned onto the arm he had stretched out across the backrest. Stephanie seemed to awkwardly sit down besides Jackson, making Alex frown. "What's gotten into you?" he nodded at her, interrupting both their conversations. Steph took a look over at Jackson who had raised his eyebrows as well.
"I just…," Steph started insecurely. "This feels like… it should be April sitting here instead of me," she mumbled into her drink before taking a large sip. Jo grunted in amusement, waving her away.
"Oh, no worries, we don't double date," she defused the tension, turning over towards Alex and leaning in to kiss him hello. "Hey," she whispered, pecking his lips again, smiling up at his glowing beady eyes, pecking him once more before facing their company again, making him kiss her cheek.
"Ugh, that smell," Alex complained, rumpling his nose.
"Oh, are you still on burn unit?" Steph asked in surprise, making Jo nod and bend down to sniff her shirt, scrunching up her face.
"I don't smell anything," she turned over towards Alex who tilted his head. "Oh you mean the eucalyptus," she realized, wiping her nose and lip. "I always forget about that," she added.
"Why are you still on Plastics for God's sakes? We're in our 4th year, you shouldn't get stuck on cases like that," Steph reprimanded her. Jo rolled her eyes when Jackson intervened.
"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Stephanie turned towards him with a bored face.
"Exactly the thing you heard in there. She's too good to get stuck on Plastics," she sassed back. Jackson looked at her incomprehensibly.
"So, Plastics is for… doctors who don't make it in any other specialty?" he countered questioningly, making her roll her eyes now.
"You're being childish. I'm just saying, Jo doesn't wanna be in Plastics, do you?" she turned back towards Jo who was watching their match amusedly.
"Well, not exactly," Jo faced Jackson with a guilty face, making Alex snort and her tap his thigh to be quiet. "But I really took to Anne and JJ and I'd hate to not be there for them anymore," she admitted.
"So, you're trading hardcore educational ungraspable medicine, surgeries, for what? Scraping skin off some woman?" Steph gave her back.
"This woman has 60% of her surface area burnt, just so you know, there's too much we have to repair surgically, Wilson won't come short, I promise," Jackson shot back at her angrily, making Steph tilt her head back, looking nervous almost.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… um… hit a nerve or something… I was just joking around," Steph explained. Jo leaned against Alex a little more, making him nuzzle her temple and she could see out of the far corner of her eye how he was rolling his eyes at the squabble in front of them.
"Well, maybe I should be traded for another resident on this case, JJ complained about me being too pretty today. They want someone ugly peeling them," she threw in there, making them all look at her, surprised. "They called me snow white," Jo shook her head mockingly, trying to make fun of herself and lighten the mood, distract from their spat.
"That's cause you are," Alex shook his head at her slowly, whispering it into her ear. Jo snorted, rolling her eyes.
"Oh, and," at this Jo turned over towards Jackson, becoming a bit more serious, "Anne's husband stormed out today in the middle of a go," she informed him. "He didn't come back until I left, she was devastated," she reported, making her superior nod slowly. "I don't understand that guy. How can he just leave her like that? She's going through hell and he's just… ugh," Jo ranted.
"You know, just because not every person on this planet shows their scars outright to their surface or complains about it naggingly but pulls themselves back, doesn't mean it's not hard to go through stuff like that. This concerns him just as well. He's probably just scared," Jackson blew up all of a sudden, making them all yank their heads back and sit as if petrified. When he was done and stared back at them, surprised about his outburst as well, he took two long gulps of his liquor, downing it steadily. When nobody said a word after that either, he got up and walked over to the bar, ordering a new one. Jo caught Steph's eyes quickly before facing Alex, pulling down both corners of her mouth, showing him how she hadn't expected that.
"People do tend to blow up around here lately," she mused quietly.
"Well, it's been a rough few weeks. Months. Whatever," Alex commented slowly. They both nodded quietly. "Arizona blew up on some attending in the cafeteria today cause that one was complaining about a shortage of neurosurgeons around here lately," Alex rolled his eyes, sighing.
"She did?" Jo looked back at him sympathetically, making him nod and rub his eyes.
"Wouldn't have thought, seeing that Shepherd spends every last minute of every day in this freaking hospital," Steph pointed out. "Seriously, I haven't seen her go home or come to work in weeks. I don't think she sleeps or eats anymore. She's like… always there and constantly bringing in new cases," she shook her head. "But I tell you, she's losing it too. She keeps going on about how her brother would have done things differently and what a shame it is that he's dead… acting all… I don't know… today I was actually scared about her starting to joke around about him, I swear," Steph closed her eyes too, sighing and leaning back against the bench.
"Yeah, everything's just… so weird. I wish we could go back to some normalcy around here. I don't mean to disrespect Shepherd or any other surgeon you know, having worked here and… not being here anymore," Jo muttered sheepishly when realizing what she was saying. "I just meant… everybody's so on edge and I just wish we could all just do something," she ended her statement at least somehow constructively. Alex squeezed her waist, trying to tell her he appreciated her words.
"Well, you know what would help," Jackson came back to their table, throwing himself next to Stephanie. "People who haven't died deciding not to just up and leave their freaking lives behind acting as if there wasn't anything to it anyways, either," he chucked out aggressively. They all sighed.
"Have you been talking to April lately?" Alex asked him flat out, sick of Jackson's drunk comments.
"Yeah, whatever," Jackson pouted.
"I'm sure she's fine where she is," Jo tried comforting him.
"Well, you know what? I'm not," he barked back at her.
"Hey, don't get mad at us," Alex snapped back. "We're all trying to cope with something, alright? Let's just try to be civil about it…," he said.
"Wow, I would have never picked you to say something like this," Steph laughed. Alex rolled his eyes while Jo snickered along. Jackson was still looking down at his drink. Steph sighed before nudging her ex-boyfriend's shoulder with hers, making him look over at her. "I'm sure she's fine, too. She'll be back before you know it," she soothed him. "I can understand that you feel awful. But you can't do anything about her having left right now anyways. Maybe you can try to get along with your own stuff while she's gone, and then you can work out your crap together when she'll be back, right?" she told him genuinely. Jackson closed his eyes, smiling a sad but also sheepish smile.
"How is it that you seem to always end up in this spot of having to either bear bad news or comfort us?" Steph laughed.
"Well, I guess that's karma for me sleeping with my boss during my internship," she grinned with a blush. Jo widened her eyes.
"Oh God, so what's mine, then?" Steph laughed.
"Well, you've had Meredith Grey in your bed all through last year," Steph told her matter-of-factly. "That's bad karma." They all chuckled mildly, their remaining sad smiles on their faces the last note of a conversation spent at a bar, next to a hospital, that not too long ago had buzzed with their daily, cheery, undiluted lives that had now all gone awry it seemed with one tragedy strike after the other and them trying to get over it together. Well, at least the ones who still remained at the hospital. The ones that still appreciated their togetherness. They were all lonely sometimes or grief-stricken or desperate, but they still had each other to lean on. Jo bit her lip and entwined her fingers with Alex's that were resting on her waist, tilting her face over towards him slightly to lean against him.
"Don't tell me you're already missing her?" he whispered into her ear, making her smile even sadder but chuckled voicelessly all the same.
"How can you even say that?" she murmured back, searching his eyes. Alex shrugged, losing all joy on his facial features.
"I just don't know what else to do anymore."
