Rhett stared out the window of his office down towards the lawn that lay below unseeingly, his forehead pressed lightly against the cool glass. The world had suddenly become a mad place once more, only the chaos was no longer raging outside in an impersonal world, but instead within his own home.
"Scarlett," he whispered quietly. What in God's name had happened to her? Not once did it ever cross his mind that she'd do, or try such a thing. She was a fighter, had always been a fighter, much to his dismay at times. How he'd longed to take her burdens away from her so that she could play- but she didn't want to play, or refused to anyway.
The thought that the reason for ending her war was because of his actions was nearly incomprehensible to him- it couldn't be true. Scarlett didn't give a damn, she was just jealous, mad with utterly damning selfishness and a desire to punish him. But her pain filled words and face suddenly reappeared to him in all their clarity:
"How could you do this to me? Do you really hate me this much? Despise me with all of your being, so that you think in your mind that it makes it fine for you to go from me to her?"
All that followed those wounded remarks he quickly pushed to the back of his mind, taking a swift drink from the small side bar in the room. It didn't even burn when it went down anymore. He couldn't do this though, drink himself into oblivion. He needed answers.
He opened the door to his office to see one of the maids passing by, a bundle of linens in her arms. "Jane, send Mammy to my office. I need to discuss something with her." He closed the door behind him, dismissing her as he returned to his large desk and sat down. Rhett ran his fingers through his thick black hair and waited on the one person who could perhaps answer some of the questions that lingered in his mind. When he heard the short rap on the door he quickly masked his feelings and answered.
"Come in, Mammy."
The old black woman stepped into Rhett's dimly lit office and shut the door behind her.
"You asked for me, Mist' Rhett."
"Have a seat, Mammy. I want to talk to you about something…"
"Nah, sir. I think it'd be best if I just stand."
Rhett swallowed hard and looked away. So Mammy had turned against him. "Why did she do it? Why? It's not as if she gave a damn, you know she didn't-" he began in a strained voice despite his efforts to appear unperturbed.
"I don't know nothin' of the kind sir." She shifted her weight slightly and looked on him with indignation.
"Oh my God." Rhett whispered as he placed his pounding head into his palms. Suddenly he looked up at her accusingly. "Then why in hell didn't someone come for me? If I'd only known-"
Mammy's anger broke down as she stared at his pale face and bloodshot eyes. With a trembling lip she spoke. "It was partly my fault Mist' Rhett. I shouldn't have told her where you was." She quickly continued on seeing him look up at her wide-eyed with shock and disbelief. "But she was so scared for you…an I…I thought she knew you was with Miz Watling. If I knew she was gonna react like she did, I swear to Gawd I never would've told her. I…"
"Stop!" Rhett said loudly, bringing his fist down on the desk for emphasis. He got up abruptly and stood in front of the office window his eyes shut tightly, as though he could somehow shut out the intense pain her words had brought. When finally he spoke, his words were so soft that Mammy began to wonder whether he was talking to her. "It can't be true, it can't be…" his jumbled mind kept saying.
"No…it can't possibly be true. Scarlett doesn't love me- even you know that Mammy. She was just trying to hurt me, to repay me for-"
"Ain't nobody that heartless," Mammy interjected "Not even Miss Scarlett. But what with the way you treat each other it doesn't surprise me none. Cutting each other up with words sharp as knives! Both of you just as in love with the other but at the same time you're like a couple of mules- stubborn as can be and act like you ain't gotta lick of sense."
Rhett grunted and then was quiet for a moment while in thought, allowing all of her simple words to sink in. He couldn't believe that Scarlett actually cared- according to what Mammy said. Did she? Is that what pushed her over the edge? Could she have hoped, had prayed that night that he loved her, just as he had hoped that she had loved him?
"Do you really believe that, Mammy?"
"Yessir, I sure do."
"Then, since I'm inclined to listen to your advice, what do you suggest I do now?"
"T'ain't nothing you can do, Mist' Rhett, except wait. She'll come around. My lamb ain't ever been down for long, and this accident surely won't keep her down for long."
Rhett gave her a hard look. "You and I both know that it wasn't an accident, there's no need to put a polite face to the matter. The only accident involved was my jerking her arm so that the bullet went through her shoulder and not her heart. She meant to kill herself-" he cleared his throat suddenly, as he saw the old black womans eyes begin to well up with tears.
"I'm sorry, Mammy. I'm a cad. I shouldn't have said that to you. Please just tell me when Scarlett gets home…I need to talk to her."
Mammy dried her eyes on her apron, speaking in muffled sobs, "She come home about an hour ago Mist' Rhett, and went up to her room, saying she didn't want to be disturbed."
Rhett smirked wryly. "Well, she's about to be disturbed. She and I have a good deal of talking to do. I do want her happiness, you know that don't you, Mammy?"
"I'd best be going now, Miss Bonnie will be wanting her dinner soon, sir."
Rhett nodded his head gravely as his wife's servant left the room. Now for the more fearful task- speaking to his wife, to Scarlett herself.
* * *
The door was standing ajar as he approached, knocking lightly on the doorframe, so as to not startle her.
"Just set the tray down over there, Pansy, I'll see to it as soon as I finish packing."
Rhett cleared his throat, and Scarlett froze, shocked out of her wits. She'd been expecting Pansy, not Rhett. What in God's name did he want anyway? Why did he have to pick now, when she was escaping to try and speak with her? All of these thoughts were clearly displayed on her face as she turned to face him, holding a handful of stockings.
"Going somewhere, my pet?" Rhett asked with a somewhat amused smirk at the shocked expression on her face.
She swallowed dryly. "Yes, I'm leaving…" Why couldn't she finish that sentence? Why couldn't she say "forever?"
Rhett walked into the room and stood by an ornate table running his fingers over the glossy surface. "Will you be at Tara long, do you think?"
Their eyes met briefly. "I'm not going to Tara." She looked away and sighed heavily. God almighty, why did he have to show up and ruin all of her plans for escape? She bit her lip lightly and closed her eyes. "I'm going away…and I'll leave you the name of a lawyer in case you need to contact me."
"Is this your way of telling me that you're divorcing me? Is that what this is?" Rhett suddenly was at her side. "You're not going anywhere! I won't let you- Scarlett listen to me-" he grabbed her by her upper arms forcing her to look up at him.
Scarletts green eyes flashed with anger. "You let go of me! You can't tell me what to do! Who the hell do you think you are? Listen to you? You're a little too damned late, aren't you?"
Rhetts eyes clearly showed his pain and confusion, and he spoke in a rush of breath, "Dammit, Scarlett, Don't go now! If I had only known…but I didn't know… didn't believe you…cared… " he stopped speaking as she pushed him away with all of her force.
Her eyes were bright with pain. "No," she spoke as she tried unsuccessfully to wipe at the sudden tears that had leapt to her yes. "No, you don't know. It wasn't about you, Rhett. At least not completely." She turned from him and wiped her face clean of the tear stains, and with all of her will summoned her earlier strength. This had to end, it had to end now, without fear, without anger- emotionless and distantly. He deserved that at least she supposed- an explanation. She swallowed dryly before speaking,
"I've lived my life, never caring, yet always fearing that I would never live up to other peoples expectations. I shut out those who tried to reach me, shut out those who'd always been there for me." Scarlett paused for a moment as she searched for words to express what lingered on her heart.
"And then I met you- you who became both my confessor, and my tempter. You told me once, that one could live without a reputation, could be free without a reputation- if they had enough courage. So like a good student I followed your teachings."
"I wasn't aware I had that much of a stronghold over you, my dear. Surely you must be exaggerating." Rhett wished she'd turn around so he could see her face.
"But you did." She turned to him and looked straight into his unreadable eyes. "I've always wanted to be first in everyone's hearts- and when I found out that you went from me- after what you'd said- to her, every thing I'd done wrong, be it my own devices or those in which you helped lead me into, came crashing down on me. All of my self-loathing that I've managed to keep down, except for at night. That's when my nightmares would begin- and that's when I started drinking, because I hated- no, it didn't start out that way. Because I couldn't bear the pain, the hunger. And I hated living in fear- always fear! Fear that I'd lose Tara, fear that there'd be no food, fear of the damn Yankees. I hated that feeling- it made me weak, and I couldn't afford to be weak, and I shan't be anymore, because I haven't anything left to fear."
"Nothing to fear. Certainly you have something left to fear, just as you have something left to love." He questioned her softly.
"I wouldn't know about love. You see, I've never felt it, so I've been told." She walked away from him and shut her valise.
"Maybe that's because you've been so hell-bent on chasing after a school-girl infatuation that you haven't given yourself any room to feel actual love." Rhett replied bitingly.
"And maybe I don't want your version of 'love.' We need to get away from one another Rhett. Perhaps then we can begin to see what the other sees." There was a knock on her door just then, announcing that her carriage was ready. She picked up her slim suitcase, (the others were already waiting on the carriage) and walked towards the open doorway.
Rhett couldn't believe what was happening. This was all like a sick nightmare, all of it was. And now- she was leaving. "What about Bonnie? Tell me where you're going, Scarlett. To your Aunts'? To visit friends, where?" "What about your nightmares, Scarlett? Who will be there to comfort you?" Rhett spoke madly. This couldn't be happening- this wasn't supposed to end this way; he was supposed to be able to hold her and make things alright for her again, she wasn't supposed to be running from him.
Scarlett turned one last time and looked at him from the doorway of her room. "The nightmare has ended Rhett; and this is the morning." "Goodbye."
