The text on the data pad began to blur, her tired eyes blinked repeatedly as she tried to focus on the orange writing but a combination of sheer, physical exhaustion – every muscle in her body ached and felt so heavy that the idea of moving seemed like more effort than she could ever hope to summon at this moment. In truth, what she wanted was sleep. To sink into the pillows, bury herself under the duvet and let her body rest and her mind sink into sleep – and ideally to stay that way for hours without her personal console beeping with urgent messages only she could deal with. But duty called, and Shepard forced herself to keep reading the reports, till a hand covered the screen and she lifted her head.
"C'mon Shepard…that's enough" Kaidan told her softly, tugging it away from her grip and placing it on the desk before her.
"I just need to finish reading the reports from Admiral Hackett" she protested but he just shook his head, taking a seat beside her, one hand brushing a stray strand of hair off her face.
"You won't do anyone any good if you wear yourself into the ground. You need to rest, Shepard, you're still human" he reminded her softly, a faint trace of exasperation in his voice that she continued to push herself to her limit and past it in her attempt to co-ordinate as many sides of the fight as possible. His hand lingered against her cheek, fingers brushing her neck, and Shepard sighed softly, turning her head slightly toward his touch.
"Surely by now I can technically count as a cyborg?" she suggested wearily, trying for a smile with the joke but it didn't quite manage to settle on her features.
"Well, you're not synthetic enough that you can get away without sleep – c'mon. Bed" Kaidan told her firmly, getting to his feet and offering her a hand.
"That sounded suspiciously like an order" she responded, looking at his outstretched fingers for a moment before looking up to meet his hazel eyes, the golden gaze that kept her centered when everything around was going insane.
"If that's what it takes. I'm your boyfriend, right? I've got to get to tell you what to do occasionally" he quipped back with an easy grin.
There was quite possibly nobody else in the galaxy who could have made her laugh right now, tired to her very bones and so frazzled and stressed by the constant stream of reports, updates, information and requests sent her way – only Kaidan could have inspired laughter from her in this state. That had been the worst part of working alongside Cerberus, of taking down the Collector's base. It wasn't that nobody else in her crew could be funny, Tali and Garrus shared a sense of humour that could make Shepard chuckle, and she'd often found Mordin hilarious – but they made her laugh when things were easy and they were throwing banter back and forth. Kaidan had been able to make her smile even when things seemed bleak, and she could return the favour. Maybe it was because of their intimacy, he might call her by her surname, but he didn't think of her as his Commander in the same way the others did – or maybe it was because Shepard was reluctant to show the others when she was feeling down, she preferred to hide away and not give them the choice to help.
"Boyfriend, is it?" she questioned curiously as she took the proffered hand and used it to pull herself forward, feeling his fingers curl around hers as he braced himself and then helped haul her to her feet, his other hand moving to her waist. Concern flickered across his expression for a moment as he looked at her before he spoke again.
"You don't like the term 'boyfriend'?" he questioned her and the blonde shrugged. It wasn't that she questioned the status of their relationship, but they had never used the term before and it was…well, odd.
"You're thirty five, and I'm thirty-"
"Thirty two Shepard-"
"I spent two years dead, that's bad enough, I'm not aging during that time as well, I'm thirty, which seems a little old to be using terms like 'boyfriend'" she pointed out, letting him drag her toward the bed as she spoke.
"Well – what would you call me?" he questioned, sitting down on the end of the bed, letting go of her as he leant forward to remove his footwear, but even as his fingers unlaced his boots his gaze stayed on Shepard curiously and the blonde leaned back on her elbows as she considered.
"I don't know…partner I guess?" she suggested with a shrug. Their relationship was an open secret, but rarely talked about. She had never had to tell anyone about the two of them, people had always known – Joker's big mouth coming into play there, or Garrus putting in a more subtle word in people's ears – so Shepard had never had to clarify their relationship before. In truth, she only ever thought of it as a relationship, she didn't use a term in her mind for Kaidan. Partner sounded too business like, lover was so…ick to her mind, she hated the saccharine overtones, and boyfriend was juvenile. He was Kaidan – he was her rock and she didn't need a word to describe what they were.
"What do you refer to me as?" she asked curiously, half sitting up again and then moving to her knees as she crawled up the bed, all but collapsing against the pillows as Kaidan moved up the mattress to join her.
"I don't need to. I call you Shepard, but…well I think it's pretty damn obvious" he confessed, one hand trailing along the dip of her waist and the curve of her hip as he met her gaze. A sly smile touched her face. He had a point there. She had overheard Joker teasing him for his doe eyes – Kaidan couldn't hide his emotions as well as he thought, and it was obvious to Shepard in the tone of his voice and the way he looked at her – she could easily believe other people saw it too.
Another yawn escaped her as she tried to speak and Kaidan pulled the blankets over the two of them, pulling her close, his arms slipping around her, her head pillowed against his shoulder.
"I love you" he murmured, his mouth against her hair so she felt the faint hum of his words as well as hearing them. "I don't need a word for it, for this – it doesn't matter. I just need you to know that I love you" he told her, pressing a kiss against her temple.
"I love you too" she murmured, the sentiment no less sincere for the weariness that was apparent in her voice.
"Sleep Shepard – and yes, that's an order".
