*** I do not own Harry Potter. Please leave a review, follow, and favorite this story! ***
Snape- chat #4
A Mad woman:
It was a quite Sunday morning at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. The grounds were sparkling with the morning sun and the air seemed to whistle around the grand castle. It was simply breath taking.
The inhabitants of said castle were occupying the Great Hall and spoke in hushed tones, more like whispers. It was nice Sunday morning compared to the busy and loud breakfast of the weekdays. The professors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were enjoying the relatively quite morning. Especially the dour Potions Master, Severus Snape. Who at the moment was suffering a hangover after a guy's night with the Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. How Dumbledore could look so cheerful after a wild night like that was beyond him.
Snape was comfortable with the quite breakfast and would have hoped to not have to deal with students or conflicts until Monday morning. His hope however was quickly disbanded when the heavy double doors of the Great Hall were banged opened.
In came the wildest looking women that everyone had ever seen. She was a tall smug looking witch with long straight blonde hair who had on bright purple robes that had ugly green sunflowers on them that made Dumbledore's outfit look normal. She seemed to not care at all that she looked mad with her eye blinding robes as she stalked up to the head table and plopped herself next to the Potions Master.
The Hall seemed to freeze as everyone including the professors looked at the women and wondered whom she was and what she was doing here. Dumbledore was the first to recover.
"Ah! Penelope! How lovely it is to see you again. I hope you slept well." Dumbledore said in a friendly tone.
"I did Headmaster thank you for asking. Would you be so kind as to pass the strawberries?" she said in a sweet whispery voice.
"Certainly my dear here you go." he said as he levitated the strawberry bowl over to the women who was making herself a parfait.
Everyone turned to look at the headmaster with a questioning gaze.
" Um… Headmaster would you be kind enough as to tell us who this… uh women is?" McGonagall asked.
" Well of course Minerva dear but it is not my place. Perhaps Severus would like to introduce her?" Dumbledore said as he turned to look at Snape who was to his right.
Snape looked confused. He seemed to debate within himself then he lowered his tone and turned to look at the headmaster "Sir, I do not know this women…"
Dumbledore looked shocked and in a high tone he said " BUT OF COURSE YOU DO MY BOY!"
Snape continued to look confused.
" My boy! How much did you drink last night? Surely you remember Penelope. You were quite enamored with her last night." Dumbledore said with a sly tone and a wink.
Snape vomited a little as he turned to look at the creepy looking women sitting next to him trying to get his attention by licking her spoon in a non appropriate way… he shuddered.
"You are highly mistaken Headmaster. I think it is you who drank too much." Snape said as he turned back toward the headmaster.
Dumbledore had a sly look as he continued to look at Snape and Penelope.
Snape just ignored the look and went back to eating his breakfast. How a day could go from bad to horrible in a matter of minutes was beyond him. Penelope continued to give him not so appropriate looks all throughout breakfast. He was just about to tell her to redirect her gaze when the doors to the Great Hall burst open once more and in came Sirius Black looking quite serious and upset.
"Snape! I want a word!" he yelled across the hall as he moved toward the faculty table. He looked mutinous.
"What is the matter now dog?" Snape spat at the man. He was in no mood for games. The rest of the hall watched as Sirius stalked up to the high table and stood right in front of Snape. They were practically nose-to-nose.
"Don't answer him Severus he is just jealous." Penelope said from nowhere as she put an arm around Snape.
Snape to no avail tried to pull away from the mad women.
"You get away from my women right now!" Sirius said.
"I completely agree with you! I will!" Snape said as he tried again to pull away from the crazy girl.
" I mean it Snape! She is mine! I will beat you to a pulp if you do not get your greasy hands off of her this instant!"
"You can have her! Just help me get her … OFF!" snape yelled as he bucked and pulled his arm away from the crazy lady.
"But… but… Severus I love you! What about the magical night we had together!"
"You are delusional and need help!" snape spat at her.
She started to cry. Sirius looked even angrier.
" How dare you speak to her like that? I've had enough of you snape! First you take advantage of my women!" snape snorted. Siruis continued as though he didnt hear "then you insult me and her! Just who the hell do you think you are?!" Sirius finished the last part with a yell that had the whole hall shocked into silence.
Snape got up and glared down at the wild man "I honestly have no idea what you are insinuating. I have never seen this woman in my life and you should just take this wild woman and get the hell out of here! To claim that I have taken advantage of any women is an insult and I have no intention of taking anymore of this abuse." He said as he moved away from his seat.
"Now if you will excuse me Headmaster I have papers to grade." Snape said as he bowed to Dumbledore. As he walked to the entrance hall he felt the eyes of everyone on him. He heard a slap and he turned to see Penelope smack Sirius more than once. She yelled in his face about how inconsiderate he was and she turned and started to chase after snape.
"We are through Sirius Black! I'm with snapey now!" she screamed as she went to try and hold snape but he groaned and started to walk faster. The student in the great hall sniggered at their potions master and sympathized with him as he was now being tackled by a mad woman. She held him around the waist and tried to kiss him but he moved and got up.
"GET OFF OF ME THIS INSANT!" snape yelled and she tried to jump on him again.
" BUT I LOOOOOVVVVEEE YOU!" she yelled and tried to kiss him but he blocked her and casted a stinging hex at her. He bound her with rope and left her in the middle of the great hall. His headache had now reached an extreme peak and he stalked out of the hall to the sanctuary of the dungeons. Everyone laughed as he walked out and he realized as he turned around that he had again been subjected to another one of Dumbledore's ridiculous pranks. Now tied up where Penelope used to be was none other than Remus Lupin wearing ridiculous purple robes. He had apparently used polyjuice potion to mess with snape. He huffed as he planned his revenge… yes they would all pay… 'Mwhahahah' he added in his head but he soon regretted it because it made his head hurt more… he hated how they all pranked him. Yes they would all pay. He would make sure of that.
*** I absolutely loved writing this one shot… I don't know why I wrote it but I felt like we all needed a laugh after the passing of Alan Rickman… Please leave a review and suggestion for another Snape one-shot! *** -Castlerocks
