Sometimes people are beautiful. Not just in looks.


Finally, Ikkaku just came out and said it. He followed Yumichika through the snow outside and asked him to wait up as he caught up to him on the sidewalk. Yumichika stopped, letting Ikkaku walk up to him as they stood in front of a dreary building, snow falling around them.

Yumichika kept glancing over at the street nervously as if he were waiting for someone or looking for a way to run in case he had to escape. He kept scratching at his chest compulsively, and Ikkaku wondered if he'd had a nervous breakdown or something. Maybe that was the reason Yumichika was so weird now. Had he had some trauma? Had somebody hurt him? Had somebody convinced him that he was no longer pretty, that his flamboyant attitude was unacceptable? Was that why he's changed?

Ikkaku struck up a conversation and then cut to the chase, asking him to go on a date with him, just something small like getting coffee or a pastry and talking for a while. Yumichika looked so beautiful out here in the snow with the tiny bit of color in his cheeks. He was so pale against the contrast of his black coat and grey scarf that he almost seemed to glow. Out in the cold, Yumichika finally got some color in his pale creamy face; the tip of his nose was flushed, and the way the ice crystals landed in his dark hair just made him look like an angel.

"I can't," Yumichika said immediately, not meeting his eyes, seeming extremely interested with this spot in the middle of his t-shirt, where his coat was unzipped. Ikkaku tried not to get discouraged again, unable to make Yumichika look him in the eye, or even the face. Maybe Yumichika was playing hard to get.

"Not even a no? You can't? Why can'tcha'?" he asked, and he knows about that phrase that 'no doesn't mean try harder,' and he didn't want to be annoying, or a pest, or some stalker who wouldn't leave Yumichika alone because he couldn't take no for an answer - but he's lonely, damnit.

He just wanted Yumichika to give him a chance to show how good he could be. He wanted to fall in love with Yumichika again so badly; he just needed a chance to get to know him and he'd treat him so good. He could make him see that a risk was worth it, that he would be a good boyfriend.

"C'mon, you remember me from all that time ago… I assume you know that I've been chasin' ya' for like a year. That took serious guts to ask you out just now," he admitted, face going a little red. He put his hood up before his head turned into a complete icicle, because steam freezes quickly, and he didn't want to have to get his ears amputated from frostbite.

"Look, I know I'm not good enough for ya', but I'm givin' it my best shot. What am I doin' wrong? Why won't ya' let me near ya'? We used to be friends… What happened to that?"

Ikkaku touched his arm without thinking, because it was just something he did when around Renji, Ichigo, Hisagi, and the gang. He didn't think about personal space, so when Yumichika startled and backed up, he was surprised, especially when Yumichika nearly slipped on a patch of ice.

Ikkaku grabbed him under the arms, not wanting to let him fall, and Yumichika grabbed him back, his books spilling all over the pavement.

Yumichika's jacket hadn't been buttoned up, so it opened when he quickly bent down to gather up his things. Ikkaku caught sight of something on his cheek that had been hidden by hair before. It looked like a bruise, possibly a hickey, but who the hell got a hickey on their cheek?

It was big and dark, going across Yumichika's his eye and halfway down his cheek, concealer doing little to hide the shadow it left on his face. Ikkaku had seen it when he'd walked up to him, but he'd figured the rings under his eyes was from lack of sleep. He hadn't seen the way it went all over his face.

What he really noticed was a crumpled up picture that had fallen out of Yumichika's shirt onto the wet slushy sidewalk. Yumichika immediately snatched it up and stuffed it back in there. Ikkaku helped him pick his stuff up, feeling bad when he saw that Yumichika was blushing, lip even quivering a little, enough that he bit it to try and make it stop. He looked distraught, humiliated, and trapped, like he wanted to flee, beautiful eyes blinking like he was holding back tears - and Ikkaku panics. This was going all wrong. "Woah, woah, don't leave, don't leave, I didn't mean ta' surprise ya'."

"I have to go," Yumichika said shortly, and he was about to cry, wasn't he, his voice low and weak, trembling. He tried to move around him, face again engulfed in shadow by his curtains of hair.

"Please, just tell me why," Ikkaku said lowly, trying to sound soothing and unthreatening. He didn't know what was happening. "What am I doing wrong? Please at least tell me why you can't. I miss you." Yumichika's face softened, and he looked shy, blocking his face a little, peeking up at him.

Maybe Ikkaku was scaring him, being so persistent like this. He immediately felt guilty when he thought of that possibility. Poor guy, he hadn't meant to harass him so much to the point that he would cry. Maybe he's been too pushy.

"Well…" Yumichika seemed to calm down a little but still looked uneasy, eyes flicking up to his face for a millisecond before darting back down. When he straightened up all the way, Ikkaku was surprised to see that he was taller than he'd thought. With his head always hanging down, he was a little hunched over, and his whole face was never visible at one time. It almost seemed like a natural position for Yumichika to be looking at the ground these days.

"You see, I… I actually already have... I already…" Yumichika seemed to struggle for words then, looking around again in insecurity, doing that looking-away thing that people do when they're trying to divert attention away from themselves.

"What, a boyfriend?" Ikkaku asked in disappointment. Damn, he'd been too late.

"I wouldn't really…" Yumichika wrinkled his nose and then gave a weary sigh, "Uh… call him a…" Ikkaku could see in Yumichika's face that he had caved in. He started smiling, excited by the prospect. "Look, maybe I can-" Yumichika started fumbling in his pockets for his phone or something, maybe to take down his number. Ikkaku nodded a bunch of times, grinning. The cold wasn't even bothering him anymore.

Yumichika was giving a shaky smile, eyes glittering with that fire that he'd had so long ago, and Ikkaku could almost believe that they were the same two people, that they were the same two lovesick children, that they had never spent a day apart, that Yumichika had never changed.

"Hey!" Yumichika immediately jumped, freezing, head raising a little, and Ikkaku caught the stricken look on his face and the way his eyes just… shrank, like a deer in headlights. Yumichika stood stock still for a second until he was called again, upon which he whipped around with something like panic on his face.

"Who are you talking to?" Ikkaku looked up to the owner of the smooth charming voice, and saw an extremely handsome man with red hair. He'd seen this guy around before. He's rich, slick, and really funny, really likeable. He did philanthropic-work around the city, donating to charities. He'd even helped Ikkaku rock a vending machine when his soda hadn't come out. He was cool and nice, and everybody liked him, even Ikkaku did. He didn't remember his name, but it had something to do with snakes.

Aw man, was Yumichika dating him? He didn't have a chance in hell competing against a guy like this. Ikkaku slumped in disappointment as the man approached.

"Well… Uh…" Ikkaku tried to wrap up his conversation quick, because this was probably the guy who was going to drive Yumichika home. Maybe his brother, but probably his boyfriend. God, he hoped not. "That's okay," he said to Yumichika, trying to tell him before the man approached. "I'd still like to spend some time with you. Anything's fine, even just sittin' in the library. I just wanna' see you and do some catching up. We can work on that project together. Sound good?"

Yumichika hissed a yes without moving his mouth, not meeting his eyes as he whispered that they'd talk about it tomorrow, but please, just walk away now.

"Huh?" Ikkaku muttered.

The man walked up to them, immediately putting an arm around Yumichika's shoulder in a move that Ikkaku recognized as staking his territory, to show Ikkaku what was his. "Hm? Who's this? Huh?" The guy jiggled Yumichika, who stood there rather stiffly, face neutral and no longer afraid. In fact, now he looked nonchalant and almost bored.

"Ikkaku," Ikkaku said. Unfortunately, he said his name just as Yumichika blurted out 'nobody'.

Yumichika's eyes then turned ice cold, and his head raised as he looked at Ikkaku. His voice was no longer nervous or whispery, but harsh and haughty like it had been back in junior high. "I'm not interested in your stupid little study date. I would never work with someone as ugly as you," he said in disgust, curling his lip, and even though Ikkaku took a step back in surprise, feeling a jolt of hurt, when he watched them turn away, he saw the way Yumichika's eyes lingered on him and knows he didn't mean it.

"'Zat so," Ikkaku said, a little confused, but he let them go away, wondering if it was worth it to try to get his elbow in. He probably didn't have a chance in hell against competition like that, but he was going to keep trying.

If only to put the sparkle back in Yumichika's eyes.


I don't think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.