Is That A Zucchini?

Seriously, this isn't me trying to infringe on Stephenie Meyer's Twilight. This is me trying to chase my writer's block away. I just decided to share in the process.

I knew what I had to do. There wasn't any other way but to face this head on. If I merely tried to avoid her I'd eventually crack and go charging to her house to drain her dry. It was better to desensitize myself to her delectable aroma.

Alice, my pocket pixie of a sister, swiped an article of clothing out of Bella's laundry basket to help me in that process.

"Panties? What the fuck, Alice?"

"Yep, I swiped them after she stripped down to shower. She was reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. I guarantee she creamed them real good." Alice waggled her eyebrows.

"What?"

"That should give you something to lust after other than her blood." She danced away with her evil bell-like laugh ringing behind her.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust, but out of curiosity I held the panties to my nose and took a long sniff.

"Oh!" I looked down at my crotch in wonder. For the first time in my entire existence I was fully aroused.

I did the only thing I could think of. I ran to my bedroom and stripped down to my underwear. From there, I laid on my bed staring at the tent in my boxer briefs.

Now what? I thought to myself right before Emmett barged into my room.

"Hey… Whoa… Is that a zucchini squash in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

"The fuck! Emmett, don't you ever knock?"

"Nope. I was gonna see if you wanted to wrestle, but I don't think you're in any condition. You wanna borrow one of my magazines?"

"What?"

"You know, to rub one out."

"No, I don't need a fucking magazine." They were probably covered in his jizz.

"It's cool. You got body lotion. That will lub you right up…feel real nice."

"Fuck off, Emmett!"

"He, he. Nope. You fuck off, Eddie. Bahahahaha!"