AN: Hey everyone!
Thank to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, greatly appreciated as always! :D I just watched episode 292 and I was so stunned at the end of it. Remember when Aizen talked about hatred and Hitsugaya said he wasn't worthy of being a captain (chapter 389)? Well, in the anime, when he mention Hinamori he had flashbacks of when she arrived in Fake Karurakra Town and when Aizen stabbed her and you could totally see how pissed off he was getting. I was like 'GO TOSHIRO, GO!' But then I went 'Wait, no! Stop before it's too late! You're about to stab-'
And then I was interrupted by a sock flung in my general direction.
And just a few days ago I watched episode 293...and was devastated and crying. It's the animated version...of chapter 392 *cries* And you know what's weird...It's episode 293, right? What do you get when you reverse 293? You get 392...I'm paranoid, I know ^^;
DISCLAIMER: I own this orange juice, this sore throat, this head ache, this running nose, this clock which says it's 8:16 PM, this Beanie Kids Ruler and this piece of gum, Tite Kubo owns BLEACH and it's characters.
Frozen Heart, Frozen Nightmares
Chapter Four: Frozen Remorse
Rangiku ran back to the tenth division barracks. She used her scarf to cover her head from the rain. It just started raining so suddenly, but Rangiku already knew the answer. It could only be her captain. How else would a storm appear out of nowhere? Thunder roared in the distance bringing the lieutenant's focus back on reaching her division.
As she neared the barracks she could feel her captain's reitsu. She didn't know whether to think of it as a good thing or a bad thing, but judging from the current weather, it was a bad thing. She opened the main doors with haste and looked at the scene behind the doors. Her entire division stood in the huge hall space. They all turned to her with pleading looks.
"Oh, Matsumoto-fukutaicho!"
"Thank goodness you've come back!"
"Please help us!"
She frowned. "What's going on?"
A woman spoke up. "It's Hitsugaya-taicho. He came back not long ago, about fifteen minutes after this wild weather began. He didn't say anything and just went to his quarters. Concerned, we went to check up on him and…he nearly killed us! He's out of control, fukutaicho! Please you have to-!"
"Alright, calm down," Rangiku sternly said. "I'll go see what I can do…"
The lieutenant ran to Hitsugaya's bedroom as fast as she could. She stopped in front of his door sense the reitsu becoming more intense. It was cold, very cold. Rangiku shivered but breathed in and knocked on the door. "Taicho? Taicho, can I come in?"
She received no response. The reitsu decreased the slightest amount, but that wasn't good enough for her. She slid the door open. "I'm coming i…"
She trailed off.
Her breath got caught in her throat.
It was dark but a bolt of lightning struck, lighting up the room for the briefest second.
It was she need to see the state of his rom.
Furniture was turned over and some was even broken.
His futon was shredded.
Some small icicles hung off the broken wood and furniture.
Her captain rested on an overturned set of draws, hunched over the edge.
She rushed over, seeing on closer inspection it was just his haori. It was caked in mud and ripped at the edges. Another lightning bolt lit up the room and something caught her eye in the corner. She turned her head towards the standing figure.
Her eyes widened.
She almost fell over at the sight.
"...T-Taicho?"
His skin was so pale that she could see the veins under his skin. His hair was wild and unruly. Patches of mud caked the side of his head. A small cut dented in his skin above his eyebrow with a small trail of blood. His hands had splinters of wood in them. But these things weren't what struck her the most.
Another bold of lightning…
...and her worst fears were confirmed.
His eyes...were insane. They were wide, glazed, unseeing to reality, dull...insane. His eyebrow twitch at the sight of her. Rangiku tried to speak, but no words came. She tried again, but still no words.
Her captain stepped towards her.
The room suddenly got colder.
She heard the rain pour down heavily outside.
She found her voice, but it came out quiet, just above a whisper. "Taicho...what are you doing? What happened? Why is your room trashed?"
He stopped staring at his lieutenant. He was right next the window. Rangiku quickly glanced seeing that the rain outside closest to the window turned into hail while the rest remained in their liquid state.
He laughed.
She was beyond surprised hearing his laughter, but it was a laugh without humor. A laugh without happiness. It was a pained, strained, crazy and cruel laugh. It scared Rangiku to the point where she was shaking.
"Don't you get it, Matsumoto?" he said in a strained voice. "I am...him. I'm him. I'm everything he is!"
"Who?" Rangiku asked, confused but still scared.
He turned away from her. A hand ran through his wild, white hair as he screamed "I am AIZEN!"
The lieutenant's eyes widened. "What? Taicho what are you talking about? You're not-!"
"I am him!" Suddenly he spun around and roughly grabbed his lieutenant by her shoulders. She almost fell on her knees from the force. He pulled her down to his level and shouted "How can I not be him? I betrayed her just like he did! I stabbed her where he did! I killed her just like Aizen did! I KILLED HER! I killed her, heart and soul, just like him! She trusted him, she trusted ME…and now I am incapable of protecting her. I couldn't save her from him, and I couldn't save her from MYSELF!"
Suddenly the next thing the white haired captain knew he was being pulled forward with his head resting on her shoulder. His hands fell from her shoulders and his eyes widened in shock.
Rangiku held him tighter to her, his limp frame not responding to her. She felt some of the mud and blood smudge against her but she didn't care.
"That's not true," Rangiku said firmly "It's not true at all...why would it be? I trust you, taicho, and so does she. I know this feeling. Remorse, regret, and failure. I'm right aren't I? There's no need to feel that way. You haven't killed her, she's still alive. She lived through Aizen's attack, and she'll live through this one too. At least she is still alive...because-"
The next thing she knew Rangiku was being pushed away. Her captain looked at her shock and disgust. "She's not! She's dead! She better off being dead. If I can't protect her then...why should she live? I'd only hurt her again, I'd only remind her of him. You don't know how I feel! You haven't lost someone that can break your soul or that you couldn't protect!"
To his shock, his lieutenant's face crumbled into hurt. He was too angry to regret his words; in fact he hardly knew what he had said.
She stepped away, looking fiercely at her captain as she exclaimed. "I do know! I've lost someone who has broken my soul! SO don't you DARE tell me that I don't know! I've lost him forever, and his never coming back! I watched him as he left me behind to join Aizen…I watch him all my life as he walked away without him telling me where he was going!
"And then I watched him die! I wanted to take back everything I had thought about him as being a traitor! I wanted to tell him my feelings, but I NEVER got the chance! Not one chance to tell him!
"At least you have a chance. At least you knew where Hinamori was going and what her intentions are! AT LEAST SHE'S ALIVE! You'll get your chance...You don't know how lucky you are! She won't die, I know she won't, and you know that too! Why do you refuse to acknowledge that fact?
"I've been holding back my mourning for the person I lost so that I could help YOU cope, but it looks like it was all for nothing! All I did was made things worse..."
By this point tears were falling down her face. She balled her hands into fists. She looked away from her shocked captain. Not trusting her own mind, she let her legs carry her away from Hitsugaya. She pushed the door aside and kept running. She didn't know where she was going but she didn't care…anymore.
'What have I done…?' Hitsugaya was too shocked. He couldn't move, his was becoming short of breath and his eyes remained wide. All her statements replayed in his mind over and over. He clenched his fist. 'Damn it!'
His fist collided with the wall. It remained there, throbbing in pain. His shoulders went rigid, his head dropped. He shook. He closed his eyes. 'I'm a mess…'
He removed his hand from the wall. He turned around and pressed back against the window. His hurting hand came up to his face and covered it. Rangiku was right.
About everything.
She really did know what he was going through.
But she was having it much worse…
She even put his needs before her own.
It was know that he was truly grateful for her friendship…
...but now it had been ruined.
Everything was ruined.
His room…
The trust of his division…
His friendship with Rangiku…
Momo…
He slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. He brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.
All hope was lost.
Man, this chapter was full of angst :( And everyone was out character, BIG TIME! X( Sorry, I'll try better to kep them in character next time…
Hope you liked this chapter despite that :)
If you have time reviews are greatly appreciated! :D
Thank you for reading!
Keep writing!
-Warrayfinson
