Hi guys. here's the new chapter. It's a piece of my take on the fight, with a twist. Hope you like it. The ending is a little different than I expected but I think I like where it's going, I hope you do too! As always, let me know what you think, please! I love getting feedback!

"I can't do this, Jackson. I can't," April said, her voice raising an octave along with her panic. "What if he doesn't let me in?" They were parked outside of Matthew's apartment building. April was stalling. The Avery wedding in Boston was supposed to be in two weeks. Jackson and April joked and called it Harper's wedding, because it would never be theirs. The wedding was on a Friday. They were flying in Thursday night and then flying to Moline as soon as the wedding was over so April's family could throw her a party Saturday. They'd fly from Moline back to Seattle Saturday night, and be ready for a Sunday afternoon shift together. They'd planned a tight schedule on purpose, they were sick of everyone's wedding plans. April even agreed to let Jackson rent a plane for it all; she just wanted it over with. They just wanted everyone to leave them alone and let them be married. But April refused to let the Boston wedding happen before she at least tried for some closure with Matthew, not that the thought of facing him was pleasant.

"He'll let you in, you need to get your stuff. It's not like he's made an effort to get it to you."

"Do you blame him?" she asked her husband sarcastically. "He's probably burned it all by now."

"April, he didn't burn your Bible, maybe your Luke Bryan CDs, though."

"But why are we doing this again, what's the point? To clear our conscious? Make us feel better?"

Jackson sighed in frustration. "Look April…think of Matthew like a trauma patient, OK?"

"What?" She wrinkled her nose and looked at him like he was crazy, his favorite reaction, one he knew well.

"Hear me out," Jackson said, taking her hands and turning her body to face him. "He fell off a roof and, there's no internal bleeding, nothing you can see right away. But he's in pain and you see he's dislocated his shoulder, what do you do?"

"I page Callie."

"You are a board certified trauma surgeon, plus Callie's not answering her pages."

"Fine. I pop it back in."

"Yeah, but how? What's your plan?"

"Urrrmmm…ask him the baseball scores and while he's in the middle of ranting, pop it back in."

Jackson was a little bit taken aback by this detail. As horrible as it was, he'd often forget that Matthew had meant more to April than Stephanie did to him. April knew that to distract Matthew from pain, you talk about baseball. Jackson never cared to know intimate things like that about Stephanie. Just obvious things. There was no denying that she shed and left bras everywhere. He'd seen it, no digging necessary. "Yes, see you're ready," he continued, choosing not to dwell on the tinge of jealously he felt. "It is kind. To distract him from the pain first. He's going to feel it anyway."

"So you're saying…. he might as well hear it from me?"

"Right."

"Isn't it mean, though? 'Hi Matthew, sorry I ran out on our wedding. I want my stuff back. Annnd…. I'm engaged."

"Look, you have to face him. It's not going to be fun. But I'll be right here. You can do it fast, you don't have to stay for tea. And then," he kissed her. "We go…"

"Get drunk?"

"No. What's with you and alcohol lately? I was gonna say get ice cream. Geez take it down a notch Kepner."

"Sorry," April sighed. "When I'm stressed I think about wine, lately. You know that." She was completely serious, but Jackson cracked up laughing and kissed her forehead.

"Go get this over with, please." She grumbled but got out of the car. He was thankful that "telling" Stephanie had just involved walking in to work holding April's hand. Stephanie took one look at the rock on April's finger and her face told him to stay away.

-

Matthew buzzed April up without even asking whom it was, which surprised her. "He's a trauma patient, he's a trauma patient," she repeated to herself, all the way up three flights of steps to his apartment. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Oh, I was expecting Chinese," Matthew said as he opened the door, bills in hand. He went to close the door but she stopped him.

"Please, Matthew, can we talk? I just, I came to ask for my stuff but, I really am sorry I…"

"Sorry, huh? Nice new ring…"

"We 're engaged, well…we got married…. I, shoot, Jackson's going to kill me, no one's supposed to know except his mom, they all think we're engaged. I'm saying too much…I wanted you to hear it from me first. I probably shouldn't have said it like that, so fast I…I'm in love with him I…I'm sorry. I never wanted this to…"

Matthew put up his hand, cutting her off. "It's fine, really April, he won the girl."

"He won me? Excuse me but I'm not some prize he owns." April blushed slightly after she said this, remembering things Jackson liked to ask in bed. Whose kissed you here...And here? Whose wife are you? Who else have you worn that for? "You. You. Only you. Always you." She loved telling him that she's only been his, and would always only be his. But when Matthew suggested something similar, it infuriated her.

"Whatever April. You're sorry, OK. You can come find you're stuff. I haven't really gone looking for it."

"What, but I left stuff all over, I figured you had a bag. I…"

"Been busy packing I don't know where your stuff is, feel free to try and find it."

"What? You want me to go through all the boxes you've packed already for my stuff?"

Matthew shrugged. "I really don't know why you bothered to come here, April. But I'm moving, so I'm packing. I don't remember what you left here. I've been trying not to think of you at all. That's kind of hard when you're mailing rings back to me two days after you ran out on our wedding…. with no note. So if you want your extra clothes, go 'head, find them yourself…"

"Matthew, I was moving in. I left my Bible here. I'm not just bothering you for crap."

"See…I was trying to forget that part…Just come in and get it all, then." He opened the door to let her in.

April bit her lip, hard. A quarter of her life was in this apartment. And Matthew seemed to have no interest in helping her find it all. Why should he? But if she was going to get out of here quickly, she needed help. "Matthew, you know there's a lot of stuff here…Can I call Jackson up?" She nearly whispered that last part.

"Whatever, April…. guess I'm going out for dinner." Matthew rolled his eyes and slammed his apartment door. Leaving April to face the last place she ever wanted to face, alone.

She took out her cell phone. "Jackson, I need you," suddenly tears formed in her eyes. "All my stuff's here…all of it and he didn't…and he's moving…. I'm sorry, I need…34C."

-

"So, it's like the pit in here. Go through your list, but get out quickly, " Jackson said as soon as he came in, wrapping his arms around April. "What's on it?"

"Will you stop with the work analogies? They don't help. And I almost just want to find my Bible and get out. You're right, I can replace everything else."

"No need to snap, this is awkward for me too, you know? Now what does this precious Bible look like?"

April glared at him. "It's pink with paisley print on it. But can you please not mock my Faith anymore? It's important to me and you know that."

"I wasn't mocking. I knew it'd be decorated, I know you. I was just asking so I know what to look for…But…"

"But you mock it all the time, Jackson."

"Bean, really? Let's not fight in Matthew's apartment OK? Let's just find this thing." He knelt down and began rummaging through a box labeled "Books." "The last thing I want is for Matthew to walk in and see us fighting."

"Oh why, you afraid he'd get the wrong idea and think he could win me back because of one fight? I chose you, you know. I chose you."

"Whoa, I chose you too, OK? I made a choice too. This is an equal partnership." April scoffed. Jackson chose to ignore it. "Where is this coming from anyway?"

"He said you 'won' me. Like I was a prize, not a person."

"I don't feel that way, you know that. I didn't plan to do what I did. I just…I love you, and…"

"I know, God brought is together when He thought it was right."

"OK but, God doesn't bring me anywhere. I don't believe in God."

April stopped looking through the box in front of her and stared at her husband. "Oh, ohh-OK…what do you believe in?"

"Science. I believe in science. And me and you. I believe in us. "

"Me too." April decided to drop it. He was right. They shouldn't be fighting here, in Matthew's apartment. They shouldn't even be here; it was weird and put her in a bad mood. Why did she do this to both of them? Jackson didn't want to be here. Matthew certainly didn't want them here. And she could buy a new Bible; after all, she was starting a new life. "Jackson, let's go…I'll buy a new one," she said, yawning and getting up from her knees.

"No. Look I think I found some stuff. That's your scrub cap, right?" he asked, taking it out of the box. "Listen I'm sorry if I made this weird, it's weird for me but we should find your stuff. Don't let he or I make it feel less important than it is."

-

"Look, I think I see…." Jackson started, an hour later. They'd found some clothes and books, but no Bible. "Nevermind forget it." But she saw him take the item out of the box and put it behind his back.

"Jackson, what is it?" April crawled toward him, reaching behind his back, but he moved the item into his other hand. "Babe, come on." She fell on top of him, laughing.

"Nothing…it's nothing." He kissed her and rolled her over on her back, hoping she'd be distracted.

"Jackson, not here, are you crazy?"

"What? It's just a few kisses."

"With you it's never just a few kisses."

"Us, you mean with us. It takes two you know. And what's that supposed to mean?" Jackson let her free and stood up, not forgetting to grab the IPod he'd been hiding.

"It means I love how much you love me."

"Oh nice cover Mrs. Avery," Jackson laughed and kissed her.

"'Scuse you. Don't forget the Kepner."

"Sorry, Mrs. Kepner-Avery. Wanna go home and fool around with country music in the background? I know the struggle without Luke Bryan's been real for you." He kissed her and revealed her IPod. She was so grateful she'd no longer be hearing just rap, jazz and classical music everyday that she let him. They didn't hear the footsteps coming down the hall or the key in the door.

"Seriously?" Matthew asked, walking inside his apartment. "Sorry to interrupt, but I gave you an hour."

April blushed and Jackson quickly grabbed the box filled with April's stuff and bolted out the door. What was he going to say, sorry? He really wasn't. He'd already tried apologizing to Stephanie and she wasn't having it. He didn't like hurting people, and he was actually sorry for what he did to Stephanie. But Matthew? He had nothing to say to Matthew.

"If you find my Bible please let me know. S-Sorry to bother you. I'm really sorry, Matthew." Jackson heard April try again as he went down to the lobby.

"Feel better?" Jackson asked when April met him downstairs. She shrugged, and walked out the door before him.

"At least I got my iPod. And I guess we can have Harper's wedding in Boston now." Behind her, Jackson cringed. He was supposed to be the one dreading Harper's wedding, not her.


"April, how many times do I have to tell you, I love you. I respect you. But I just don't know if I can raise children to believe in something that I don't believe in." Jackson slammed the door and faced April in the middle of the living room. They'd treated a deaf girl with a dog bite that night, and suddenly their conversation had moved from talking about deaf culture to their hypothetical deaf child, to science and faith. It was still in April's mind from the night before, at Matthew's apartment.

"So, what? I'm just supposed to be OK with that? My faith means everything to me, it's part of who I am and I'm just supposed to forget that? Discard it? Just like that? Teach my kids nothing about it because that's what you want? Jackson, it's part of who I am." April was yelling, she never yelled and it made Jackson uncomfortable. They'd had disagreements, but this felt different.

"It wasn't when we were in San Francisco…" Jackson mumbled, just loud enough for her to hear.

"Oh, you wanna go there, huh?"

"I don't know. Maybe it was the alcohol. Clearly I read the situation wrong, because I paid for it for two years. But I asked you if you were sure and you said…you said yes. Clearly. Definitively. You didn't seem to be thinking too much about God, then. And all the sudden, the next day I learn that Jesus is your best friend. I thought I was, how silly of me!" Jackson threw up his hands.

April shook her head in rage. "Oh…if you think…if you really think…" She stood up, to look him in the eye, tears rolling down her face. "You really don't know me, Jackson Avery, you don't know me at all."

"Don't pull that bull, April…you're being ridiculous. I know you better than anyone else in the world."

"Obviously not, or…"

"Your name is April Louise Kepner-Avery. You were born on April 23rd, 1982 in Colombus, Ohio. Your parents are Joe and Karen Kepner. Lovely people, I taught them all about golf once during our first year at Seattle-Grace and they really enjoyed it. Your sisters are Libby, Kimmie and Alice. You're the second oldest. Your nephews are Gracin, Tucker and Luke. Crazy little monsters, those guys…lots of energy," Jackson laughed. April just gave him a death stare. "You went to 4-H but you don't exactly love the farm, you love medicine. You became a trauma surgeon because you're good when others are in crisis. You love the rush of trauma but you hate…"

"Jackson, just stop," April snapped. "I didn't ask you for my biography."

"Oh, you want more intimate details? OK, let's see…you eat apple cinnamon oatmeal and half a grapefruit every morning. You always leave me half because you don't approve of my diet. But you have the biggest sweet tooth of anyone I've ever known. You indulge it when stressed, so we always need peanut butter cups in the house in case you get a particularly bad trauma case. You take your coffee light, lots of milk or cream, a teaspoon of sugar on adventurous days. You keep this house meticulous, but you always leave your toothbrush in the sink. You don't follow news because it makes you sad. Your lips always taste like a mixture of strawberries and spearmint; because of the lip balm and mints you keep with you, at all times. You bite them when you're nervous, sometimes until they bleed…. You call out to me in your sleep a lot, and grip my chest so tight, sometimes I wake up. I think you have nightmares about finding Reed. But you don't wake up. Three other guys kissed you before me, but four, four is your favorite number. You kick ass and take names in the ER, but in bed, you really like it when I'm on top…."

"I get it, this is ridiculous now…" April put up her hand to stop him, not interested in where this was going.

Jackson continued. "You don't talk much, but you like it when I whisper what I'm gonna do to you. And sometimes, you whisper what you want, but it's so quiet, it's easy to miss. About a minute before you come you start to moan, never words just little sounds. And they get louder and louder until you orgasm, and every single time, you say my name. Every time. You scream it so loud that when we're not at home, I have to cover your mouth. And I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who knows that. The. Only. One."

"Congratulations, Jackson. I've come every time, too. You want a prize?"

Jackson let out a frustrated breath, his tone softened. "No I…April…I don't know what you want from me, but if you're really questioning my love for you? How well do you know me?" his voice cracked, surprising them both. She had never seen him cry angry tears, but she was angry, too.

"You don't even try, Jackson. You just judge me. I'm sorry I didn't grow up like an Avery. I can't help that."

"Try what?" He was pacing around the room, unable to look her in the eye.

"Don't act ignorant, Jackson. Look at me, talk to me. You know you judge my faith. You mock it in front of me like that's Ok. Like you're entitled to your opinion so I should just deal with it. Jackson Avery doesn't have faith, why should anyone?" April asked, sarcastically.

"I have faith, April. I have faith in medicine, in science."

"That is not faith Jackson, faith is believing in something even when you can't see it. When there's no other way to be sure it's there."

"April, that's crazy…I don't…I can't…." He was thinking too fast. Anything he said in that moment would hurt her. "But I love you. I'm in love with you. If that's not enough for you, if you don't believe me, then…I don't know, April."

He turned and headed for the bedroom, slamming the door as he entered. April sat on the couch, her mouth almost literally hanging open. What just happened? He wasn't being fair. He wasn't trying. But was she? Jackson was stubborn, and arrogant, at times. And he wasn't exactly open-minded. He was cool, and confidant, all of the time. And handsome. So handsome.

They walked down the street and head's turned. Women's heads. Sometimes Jackson saw the look on her face and would come up with an excuse to kiss her. Other times, he'd smile and nod quickly, and then pretend he was very interested whatever she was talking about. April knew her husband loved her, but she couldn't for the life of her figure out why. He could have someone hotter, some hot atheist swimsuit model that would wear whipped cream bikinis for him. Why did he bother with modest, meek, God-fearing her? He could easily walk out. Why did he stay?

Jackson lay in bed, fighting back tears, reading Grey-Sloan budget reports, and trying not to think. Deep down, he knew April was right. He did mock her faith. But, he didn't do it to be mean, per say. He did it because he didn't understand it. In all honestly, he felt he didn't want or need to understand it. It was easier to make fun of it then to explain that he didn't care to learn about it. But of course he wanted to learn about her. In his mind, he'd been doing a good job separating the two. Obviously, he was wrong, and something about that made him emotional. Maybe it was because she'd said he didn't know her.

Ever since she'd said "yes" and run away from that barn with him, away from that other life, in her wedding dress, he'd made it his mission to learn everything about her. That's why he'd made her promise to talk, even when it hurt. And now, here he was, avoiding a conversation. But how could she think he didn't love her? He hardly even thought about religion, honestly. April's faith hardly entered his mind. He just, loved her. Why wasn't that enough?

"Jackson Harper Avery, born November 19th, 1982 in Boston, Mass, to Catherine and James Avery, you're the most stubborn person I know. You think sarcasm is the answer to everything, and anyone who doesn't believe what you believe is wrong…"

He looked up from the page he was reading, raising an eyebrow at April, who was standing in the doorway, determined. "OK, April this isn't a competition…."

"You're messy, and you snore, and you put your feet up on the coffee table, all the time. You're obsessed with sneakers, you hate leftovers, and you used to order out five nights a week before we were married. You leave your clothes everywhere. You only know how to cook like five things; probably only things your mom likes so you could fool her into thinking you ate healthy when she wasn't in town. Your eyebrows come together when you concentrate and you look like you're angry, but when you're really angry you close your eyes a lot, or cover your face with your hands. If something's really funny your head tilts back when you laugh, but you don't laugh often. You drive with one hand on the wheel and the seat way too far back. You like plastics because it requires precision, perfection….Mark Sloan was like a father to you…"

"April, that's enough." Jackson's voice was clipped, angry.

"…And any time someone says something you don't like about yourself you try to shut them down. You never lose your confidence, except when you're around your grandfather, because you'll never feel good enough for him. You find me or text me at 2 p.m every day for no reason., but you try to play it off like there's a reason. You like sweatshirts and The Simpsons, and you go running every morning at 4:45 AM, but you come back to bed at 6, I think so you're there when I wake up. You either eat Count Chacula or Lucky Charms every morning. If you're in a bad mood, you don't eat the grapefruit. You like watches, and records, and golf, and dogs, green, and Jay-Z. You only wear boxers, you love bacon. You like the top, and 30 seconds before you finish your eyes are closed, but they always open just before….Minka Kelly is your celebrity crush, Apparently, you don't believe in God. And I have no idea why you love me." She started to cry and turned on her heels to leave.

"What? Hey, you don't get to drop that and leave!" Jackson screamed after her.

"You just did the same thing, hypocrite!" she called back.

Jackson groaned and put down the reports. April was in the kitchen, scrubbing dishes intensely, slamming them down next to the sink, ignoring the dishwasher.

"Hey, I'm here. I'm sorry. I needed to cool down." Jackson reached for her shoulder, but she moved away, wordlessly. "April, please."

"You're an ass, I'm not talking to you right now."

"So…when is this fight going to end? Because when you're mad you don't cook, and then I have to eat bacon or Lucky Charms for dinner, and you forgot the cereal this week so…"

"Well, that's unfortunate, isn't it, that I forgot to buy your cereal?"

"Look April. I'm sorry, but I have no interest in believing in God."

"Hmmm and who asked you to start?"

Jackson threw up his hands in frustration. "So, what? What do you want from me?"

"Nothing Jackson, just go to bed."

"That's not fair, you had a lot to say back there. I hate fighting with you. I'm asking you to help me here. I need you to help me through this one. What can I do? What can I do besides magically believe?"

"Stop comparing Faith to magic, for one…" she shut off the faucet and turned to face him.

"It is, April. To me, God is as real as magic. "

"So, you think what I believe is ridiculous?"

"It is! Your God is like our hypothetical deaf child, April, it's not real!" April's eyes widened and tears formed in her eyes. He'd just verbally slapped her across the face. He instantly regretted his words, realizing just how big this fight was becoming. "Look, alright. I'm sorry. It doesn't mean I don't respect you, it's just…"

April looked down, away from him, crying. "I just feel sorry for you. You don't know how to believe in something you can't touch or feel and that…is so sad."

Jackson looked away from her, blinking, hurt. "So you pity me." It was a statement, not a question. A fact. He knew it, and that made him sad.

"I do…I really do." April only realized the truth behind her words after she said them. When she registered what that might mean for her marriage, a mixture of shock, fear, and sadness spread across her face. She saw the tears forming in Jackson's eyes as he nodded, acknowledging her honesty, and looked away.

"We should go to sleep," she said, crying quietly. She left him there, without looking at him. As she went down the hallway and into her room, silent sobs shook her body. She expected to go to bed, but instinct brought her over to her dresser, where she began packing a bag. She didn't know exactly where she'd go yet, but she knew they needed space. She pitied him, and he thought the one thing she believed in above all else was ridiculous. Where do you go from there?

She threw some clothes in a bag and her toothbrush from inside the sink, and walked down the hallway. She took a deep breath when the kitchen came into view. He was still sitting there, hands over his mouth, tears behind his eyes, which he wouldn't let out. He was numb.

She wanted to say something, but words escaped her. What could she say? Leaving was so…final. And they loved each other, so much. Just yesterday, they'd accidentally burnt dinner because fooling around to the soundtrack of April's IPod was so much fun. Jackson kept getting up to skip the song, because he said he couldn't concentrate on her with cowboys singing about beer and tractors in the background. Yesterday! He knew what faith meant to her yesterday, and she knew what it didn't mean to him, though he never really explained what he did believe in after he dropped that bomb at Matthew's. How did they get from fooling around to…here in 24 hours? April was confused, but she knew what she had to do.

It felt wrong to just leave, so she stayed where she was until he looked at her, his green eyes glistening with tears. When he saw the overnight bag he let out an audible gasp and left the bar stool. "April…no, please don't…" He started toward her.

"I think I have to, Jackson…I think we need some space. I need to think." She headed into the living room.

"Think here, please April. Don't go. We need to work through this together, please." He was begging, but he wouldn't let the tears escape his eyes. "I love you. Don't go."

April pulled her coat on, and turned to look at him. "I love you too. It's just…." What was it? Why was she going? "Space, just some space Jackson, that's all."

She turned away, about to open the door, but he grabbed her wrist. It was a desperate action, not a violent one. He let go when she was facing him, hands at his sides. "Please don't leave me." He let the tears fall now, unable to control them. "Please don't walk out. This Avery family, we're different. We don't leave. Please. I need you to stay April. Please stay. Please don't leave me. I need you. We're different, April. We're different."

April looked at her husband, standing there crying, really opening up to her for the first time. Suddenly, she realized what her walking out would mean to him. His father had left him. When he was young, sure, but James Avery had still left. And Catherine had left him too, in a way. She loved her son, no doubt about that. But as soon as he got old enough, she had thrown the same expectations on him that had caused her ex-husband to abandon his family. Jackson took on those responsibilities the best he could, because both his mother and his grandfather expected it. But neither of them knew Jackson Avery like April did. They didn't see his face light up on the basketball court, where he didn't have to be the star, but played like one anyway. Catherine never noticed the first twitch of his eyebrow when he was angry. He tried not to show her.

But he'd let April in, slowly. She was his family, the only one who knew all of him, or at least most of him and if she left, he was alone. Abandoned again. By the one person who'd promised never to leave, just months before. "We're different. We're gonna be different," Jackson said again, tears still falling down his face.

April closed the small gap between them and reached up to wipe his tears. She dropped her bag and leaned in to kiss him, her hands framing his face. He kissed her back hungrily, desperately. She realized he was still asking her to stay. "You're right, this Avery family is different. I'm sorry. I'm here, Jackson. I'm right here."

He kissed her again, with the same desperation as before, and then collapsed into her body in tears. As she stood there, holding him, letting him cry, she realized that this was probably the first time Jackson Avery had ever let himself break down. The thought of her leaving, even just for a little while, broke down his walls.

So she just held him for a while, kissed him back and assured him she was not leaving. She rubbed his back and tried to get him to take deep breaths, to calm down. "I'm sorry, love. I'm here. I'll be here, always," she said. She let him lead her to bed. She nodded when his eyes asked permission (they always did) and let him undress her, and make love to her, even though the look in his eyes scared her.

This time was different. His touch was rougher; like he was trying to convince himself she was there, underneath him, on top of him. He wouldn't break eye contact, and if she did he turned her face toward him. But he didn't say a word, didn't make a sound.

"Hey Jacks, where'd you go?" she asked, when they finished. "I'm here. I'm right here. But I think you left me for a few hours. If we're gonna get through this, I need my husband back, where'd you go? Do you need me there, with you? When are you coming back?"

"In the morning," was all he said, wrapping himself tightly around her.

"Ok. I'll see you in the morning. I'll be right here. I love you." She felt his head nod against her, and five minutes later heard his steady, light snore. Only then did she let herself cry for him, feel all his pain. He'd tried to protect her from it, and probably would've for their whole lives if she never tried to walk out the door. The thought of that burden made her cry. Heavy, silent tears.