One-fifteen, ship time. Kaidan felt like he needed to shower, but he just didn't want to move. The mission today had sapped all of his strength, but try as he might, he couldn't keep his eyes closed. There was too much on his mind. There would probably be another job on another planet tomorrow. Sometimes the Commander even squeezed in two. So he would need to be rested.

Kaidan was Shepard's backup. He could shoot, he was biotic, he could throw tech mines and he helped with repairs and medicine. This meant he could be depended upon in any circumstance, and for that reason he knew he'd be needed again. He always was, and he was honoured to help.

Of course, now that doctor Tsoni was aboard, things might not stay that way. He knew she was more capable than she looked; as talented a biotic as an asari soldier. She was a doctor too, after all, which had to count for something. She seemed very nervous around the Commander, and he knew what that meant. He had behaved just like that when he had first met Shepard. There was something about her that attracted the capable-yet-neurotic type. A man who wasn't fighting to save the galaxy might be jealous, but…

"Oh, Lieutenant Alenko…" Liara blurted out. He voice was close, so he bolted just a little with the surprise.

"Doctor," he said, meeting her eyes and feeling immensely guilty about his thoughts. "I, uh… good evening."

The asari nodded fast, an expression of unsuppressed near-panic on her face. She tugged at the fingers of her left hand. When he had collected himself, Kaidan noticed that she seemed quite distressed. Something was on her mind and it was more than this awkward encounter. She began to edge away, but his natural concern for others kicked in.

"Are you alright, doctor Tsoni? It's late."

"Oh, yes. Yes, thank you. I was just going to the, uh, sleeper pods."

He nodded. "Okay. Well, good night."

"Yes," she said awkwardly, and left in a hurry.

Kaidan waited for her to leave before he stood and decided to look for some privacy. Carrying his mug of room-temperature water along with him, he left the mess and trotted up the stairs to the CIC. A couple of servicemen were there on night-duty, overseeing the galaxy map, and a young man in a cap whose name he still did not know was inspecting the heat load monitors for some reason. As he proceeded to the cockpit he gave a couple of nods to them, and a salute to the armoured guy at the door.

The kid in the cap ignored him as he passed, mumbling a sequence of numbers to himself. Kaidan made no effort to pull him away from his work. He could meet him some other day.

With a sigh he strolled into the spacious cockpit, alive as ever with flickering orange screens and a multitude of keypads. Giving up the military poise he had been holding all day, he slouched lazily into the empty co-pilot seat.

He noticed too late that he was not alone.

"Well well," said Joker when he had finished his sip of soda. "If it isn't one half of Shenko! What do I owe this honour to?"

Kaidan had no idea what he meant by 'Shenko' and he didn't feel like finding out. One of his stupid games maybe. "What's up, Joker?" he muttered, smiling cordially.

"I haven't seen you in here in a long time. What's going on, man? I get lonely back here."

Kaidan's smile relaxed into genuine sympathy. It was true that since Eden Prime, he had barely, if ever, visited his old friend. He had missed their playful back-and-forth too. Perhaps a little chat with him might do Kaidan some good. "I've been kinda busy," he said, turning his body to face the pilot.

"Yeah that's what I hear." There was some mischief in his voice, but again Kaidan turned a blind eye, not understanding.

"What are you doing up?" he asked.

"I like the ship at night. I stay up."

Kaidan nodded and wondered at the real reason. Perhaps it was something to do with his Vrolik's syndrome. Knowing Joker's immense pride as he did, he imagined the pilot would wait until night before he moved around the ship to eat or take a break. During the day he lived in that chair.

"What about you, Alenko? I figured you'd be tired after today."

"Yeah. Can't sleep."

Joker nodded. "How come?"

"Don't know. With everything that's been going on, I can't rest."

There was a long pause while they both had a drink. Joker glugged his soda and replaced the cup noisily before looking back at Kaidan.

"You think maybe it's because old blue eyes is hornin' in on your girl?" he asked gleefully, before succumbing to a short, high-pitched laugh.

Kaidan met his friend's eyes for a moment, giving him a look that told him to drop it. "I don't know what you mean, Joker," he said wearily, and this was enough to silence him on the subject.

The fact that Joker knew about the flirtation between him and Shepard was worrying. He closed his eyes for a moment while he wondered who else knew. He thought they had played it so close to the book that nobody could figure it out. The few conversations they had had were in the relative privacy of his workspace in the mess. Of course there was that one time on the Citadel. Ashley had heard him call the Commander beautiful, in so many words. When he realised what he had said he had been so concerned with gauging Shepard's reaction that he barely noticed Ashley making fun of him. Maybe she was the one who had told Joker?

You don't take much shore leave, do you LT? she had asked him as he recovered from his gaffe. She was right, and Kaidan liked it that way, but he'd said nothing for fear of embarrassing the Commander. Shepard had smiled a little. Even back then he had been thrilled to see it.

Since that incident a friendship had built up between the two of them, with the hint of becoming something more in the future. The frequent chats about their pasts and their feelings on the mission at hand were a source of release for them both. Kaidan drifted away into the thought, wishing it was Shepard he was talking to now instead of Joker.

And those regulations were there for a reason. He didn't want her to lose her ship because of him. Not now. "Can't sleep, Joker," he said, his voice empty. He didn't even know why he had said it.

Another slurp. "What's on you mind, slugger?"

Kaidan had a lot of answers to that. Right now he was terrified that his feelings for the Commander were about to get her court-marshalled, but there was more to it. Besides, they hadn't actually done anything. This was something to be processed and discussed. No problem.

"Joker," he began, his voice hoarse. "There's a rogue Spectre running across the galaxy, attacking colonies with an army of synthetics because he wants to bring back an ancient machine race who wiped out the Protheans."

The pilot chuckled, finding some macabre comedy in the assessment.

"We've got evidence for all of this," Kaidan continued, his voice getting louder. "So why the hell is nobody doing anything about it except a single Alliance frigate?"

Joker didn't reply, but held his buddy's fierce gaze for a moment.

"It's…" Kaidan said, his voice trailing off. "There's writing on the wall here, but no-one's seeing it. You know what I mean?"

"The Council are assholes," Joker said dismissively. That wasn't exactly what he needed to hear, but Kaidan was glad he had been able to get the matter off his chest.

The silence the tired officers had meekly held at bay settled back in. For a few minutes they sat, staring at the panels arranged infront of them, both lost in thought. It felt like old times, and the memory gave him a little smile.

It was good to have a buddy on a mission like this. Though Kaidan preferred to keep to himself, he knew it could get lonely on a long tour and it felt good knowing he had both Shepard and Joker to talk to on the Normandy. It was rare for him to be in the company of two people who knew him well. He had been telling Shepard stories from his past because he felt it was important for her to know who he was.

He had given her the short version of his story about Jump Zero. He hadn't yet gotten to Vyrnnus' death, but he would, in time. Maybe he would tell her about his missions with the Alliance. All of them had helped to rebuild him after the hell he went through on that station. Now he was thirty-two and had no real problems, but he wanted her to know what he had overcome in order to be able to say that.

The last time they had spoken he had told her all about Rahna Kaster. Kaidan had had a few girlfriends, but having Shepard around kept making him think about Rahna and wonder where she was now. They were only kids at the time, but Rahna was special. She had an understated strength, and he had always regretted losing contact after Jump Zero. But when Vyrnnus died they lost the closeness they had grown, and after the 'Blue Team' split up, they never saw each other again. He didn't blame any of them for that.

"You know," said Joker, looking straight ahead, misty-eyed, as if there was anything to see besides buttons and readouts, "when I was at the Academy I knew a girl who kept me up at night."

Kaidan cringed, waiting for a crude punchline, but none came. "She was hot," Joker continued, not smiling. "The kind of hot that you have to squint to see. Not gorgeous, but really special to look at. She had this weird nose. I liked it. And she was smart, too. Like, real smart. Damn genius."

The conversation dried up yet again, and for a minute and a half Kaidan just wondered what his friend had meant to communicate.

"So one day," Joker piped in suddenly, "I have a flight test, and I'm late. I was getting cocky cause I was getting a hundred percent every time. Every time. But there was this girl. I knew her well enough. We were friends and I'd put a couple of moves on her, you know, to see if she was interested."

"You do that with all your friends?"

"Just the pretty ones. Sorry to make you jealous, Alenko. Thing is, I kept thinking about her on the way to this test. I knew if I messed up, I'd never get my ninety-nine test average. But I knew I'd never be able to concentrate on my work unless I just asked her out, once and for all. Like I said, this one really got to me. Made me shy."

Kaidan waited, then asked flatly, "So what did you do?"

"I ran," Joker said. "Or as close as I can come to running. Moved faster than I ever have in my life. Remember the time we were being shot at? Faster than that."

"Uh-huh. So I guess you asked her out, she said yes and you beat the test?"

There was another little pause. Now Joker was grinning. "Not quite," he said eventually. "I showed up at her door sweaty, cursing and with two broken ankles. She wasn't expecting me to ask her, either. She told me I was an irresponsible fuckwit, I started yelling at her and we didn't really talk after."

Kaidan just shook his head as his lazy mind struggled to make sense of what he had heard.

"I did ace the test, though. I was pissed off and my feet hurt, so. It worked for me."

"What exactly am I supposed to take from this story, Joker?"

"You're supposed to leave me alone with my painful memories and get into a pod."

When he saw the sparkle in Joker's eyes, Kaidan felt a deep belly laugh growing inside him. It came out as a low, rumbling chuckle and Joker joined in with another sharp burst of laughter. Toward the end Kaidan got up and communicated his thanks with a look.

After a quick shower he would get himself to sleep. In the morning, maybe he would have a chance to talk things over with Shepard and fix things.

There was simply nothing more important than finding Saren and his Conduit, and the Commander would need his help to do it. After it was all over, maybe then he could take some shore leave. Whatever happened then, it was just good that they knew each other. Maybe he was even getting the wrong signals from her.

For the moment, it didn't matter. He was tired.