They sat nervously, Kaidan dry washing his hands as he tried to pull his thoughts free out of the snarled tangle of his mind. His mother had gone into the kitchen, probably with the intention of stuffing the two 'tired, unsung heroes of the galaxy' with more food than they could, in all probability, handle. He wanted to get up and pace but was afraid that with the amount of nervous energy that had built up in him, he'd be running laps around the living room and knocking over the carefully arranged fixtures. Which was probably not the best start to a conversation that he wasn't yet sure how to broach.
This couldn't be worse than the time his mother had cleaned his room out when he'd first been out to BAaT and she had stumbled across the small collection of faded smut magazines that featured all manner of galactic species in varying... 'scenarios'. Well, at least that was what Kaidan was trying to convince himself of anyway.
His eyes wandered aimlessly across the coffee table and his legs shifted nervously in remembrance of the hysterical tongue lashing that he'd gotten from his mother, how they had almost wanted to pull him out of BAaT for fear he'd be taken advantage of by some lecherous alien. He didn't even get the chance to tell them that they hadn't really belonged to him, that he had been holding it for Jane, their closest neighbour and his fellow classmate. He doubted that they would have believed it in any case and Jane had been furious with him for losing her mags.
Actually, Kaidan thought, this really wasn't helping him at all. He breathed a gusty sigh and almost jumped out of his seat when Shepard slipped his hand into Kaidan's and left it there, squeezing reassuringly. Kaidan turned slightly and gave the man a quick, grateful grin before he head the clatter of an approaching tray and accompanying cutlery. Shepard's hand seemed to FTL its way out of his grip and though he wanted to reclaim that simple touch, he could still feel the smallest warmth from their contact and he drew strength from that.
"Alright, boys! Here we go," came a voice from the kitchen.
Matilda Alenko appeared, precariously balancing a tiny tray filled with a piled up mountain of cut and prepared fruits, and despite the nervousness that filled his belly, Kaidan felt his mouth water at the sight. It had been too long since they'd had any chance of having fresh produce from Earth and the memories of his younger days in the orchards, plucking fruit off the trees and stuffing himself with them, made his stomach growl in approval. He was also pleased to hear and echoing rumble coming from Shepard's direction and wondered if there'd even be enough for the three of them.
Kaidan jumped up immediately, taking the tray away from his mother and gave her time to ease herself into the adjacent seat from the both of them. He snagged a peach and considered a moment before shrugging and plucked an apple from the pile, passing it over to Shepard. The man grinned with delight at the offering and immediately took a bite, juice trailing down his lips and over his fingers. Kaidan's eyes narrowed at the almost rapturous look that hovered over Shepard's face; how the hell did the man manage to look like that eating fruit for god's sake?
Kaidan roughly plopped himself next to Shepard, eyeing the peach for a moment before taking a bite, closing his eyes as sweet, soft flesh willingly gave way to his hunger. He caught Shepard watching him out of the corner of his eye and wondered how far he'd have to go to-
"So, Kaidan," Matilda inquired, and Kaidan almost blushed at the fact that he'd almost forgotten that his mother was sitting there next to them.
Kaidan swallowed his mouthful of peach. "Uh, mom?"
"How has the Alliance been treating you? You look much thinner, are they pushing you too hard?" The questions burst from Matilda's lips and for a moment Kaidan was at a loss for words.
"Actually Mrs. Alenko," Shepard stepped in, "The Alliance has been treating us very well. Kaidan's just recovered from some injuries that he sustained during-"
"Injuries?!" Kaidan saw his mother swivel to face him and she turned a sharp and penetrating look at him that made him feel like he was twelve again. "You didn't mention any of that to me in your calls."
Kaidan could see the worry building up in her and shot Shepard a piercing look of disapproval, satisfied at the way the man flinched under the gaze. "I- Look, mom. It's fine, everything's fine. I mean, yeah alright, there were some minor scrapes here and there but I pulled through. Really." He even spread his arms out to the side, the universal sign for accepting scrutiny.
"Oh, Kaidan. You're always like that, telling people you're fine when you could be hurting inside. Remember that time with Rahna? You wouldn't talk to us for weeks. You kept telling us it was fine after that, but you didn't want to leave your room in any case," Matilda said, concern lacing her words.
"Mom, really. I-"
"You know what you need? You need a good woman to take care of you. Make sure you're looked after," she said we finality.
Kaidan had been dreading those words, felt his throat close up and go dry despite the fruit he'd been nibbling on. An accompanying snort and hacking cough sounded next to him as Shepard choked on a piece of apple and Kaidan tried to dodge the question by quickly turning to him and soothed his back. It wouldn't do anything to help with the coughing, but it gave him time to think.
"Uh, mom. Do we really have to talk about this now?" God, where was an intervention when he needed one?
Matilda jumped at the opening. "Yes Kaidan. You're building your career, getting your life on track but where's it leading you? You need a family, someone to come home to at the end of the day."
Shepard's coughing fit had ended and the pursed lips were a sure sign that he was trying desperately to hold back a smile. He looked up at Kaidan and gave him a slight, approving nod, encouraging him to take the plunge. Kaidan wanted so desperately to voice out his thoughts, wanted so much to just reach over and grasp Shepard's hand in his and just tell his mother that he already had someone like that, someone who had saved him from himself.
But nothing came out. Kaidan just stared at the floor, refusing to meet either his mom's or Shepard's eyes. He could feel them looking, feel their stares as they bore down on him, but he couldn't bring himself to look up for fear that either person might inspire the wrong answer.
The wrong answer? Was there even a wrong answer?
The silence was beginning to stretch and grow oppressive and no one else was stepping in to pull the conversation in another direction. He had to make a choice, acknowledge what he had with Shepard and justify what they'd been through or lie to his mother, possibly leading him for an even harsher fall sometime in the future when everything came out. Or he could just remain silent and hope that Kalros had managed to find her way into Vancouver and would give him a much needed diversion.
Kaidan felt a dull throb in his head. He felt like there was an arrow twirling around his head, oscillating between his two choices, and he feared he'd never get the reprieve he was looking for if he kept the silence. He'd have to make the choice. Memories of the last three years spurred him on. He had made the same mistake twice now. Never again.
"Mom, look. There's really no easy way to say this but I... I mean, John and I-"
Oh thank god! His omni-tool cut through his words in a glad shout and he almost bruised his arm trying to call up the device. Relief surged through him as the interface popped up. Well, he'd made his choice and hopefully his mom hadn't managed to pluck out anything more from-
"Alliance Systems, Priority three call from Admiral Hackett," the intercom voiced neutrally in his ear. Huh, that was strange, to say the least. He picked up the call as he gave Shepard and his mom a reassuring look before moving away from them.
"Major Alenko? We have a situation and need you to come in. Is Shepard with you?"
"Uh, Admiral. Situation? What's going on sir?" Kaidan stammered.
"Nevermind that for now Major. This channel is unsecure. We need you here in Vancouver ASAP."
Vancouver? Kaidan wondered. Well, what were the odds of that, though Kaidan had to ruefully curse the Alliance's constant need for them whenever something came up. While he was grateful for the interruption that the call had provided, he wondered what price he'd have to pay for actually picking it up.
"We'll be sending in a shuttle to pick you up from London," Hackett concluded.
"Sir, I, uh, actually I'm here in... Vancouver..." Kaidan muttered abashedly.
"You're in... Alright Major, ping me your location."
Kaidan fiddle with his omni-tool and activated the nav-system that would relay his location over to Hackett. Somehow, Kaidan wished deep down that the information would be lost enroute to the Admiral. There was a slight pause as Hackett passed the data over to someone, probably a comm specialist, and popped back into Kaidan's ear.
"Alright Major, I won't ask, you don't tell. We've got a shuttle inbound. It'll be there in thirty minutes."
For a moment, Kaidan wanted to tell the man that he was busy. Busy trying to stick the pieces of his life together and busy trying to get his family to accept Shepard into the fold. But he knew that so long as he was in the Alliance, he had to play according to their rules, and this was an institution that one couldn't just get up and leave from.
"I... Yes... sir," he said reluctantly. Kaidan moved to end the call and share the strange turn of events with the others when Hackett's voice broke through and sent an unnerving chill straight through him.
"And Major? What ever you do, no matter what happens, do not let Shepard out of your sight. Hackett out."
Kaidan's mother had been beside herself at the news that they'd been called back by the Alliance brass and Shepard had to agree that it was a little inopportune. Not only did they, at the very least, deserve a moment of respite after everything that they'd been through but to be so hastily summoned back like a pair of hunting dogs rankled Shepard. It was probably one of the reasons that he hated politicians and people with an authoritative power, since they always believed that the world revolved around their every whims. Still, Hackett was a good man, and Shepard knew that the man wouldn't have tried to trace them and bring them in if it wasn't something extremely urgent.
He sat out on the porch with Kaidan, their meagre belongings in the duffel separating them, as they waited for the shuttle to arrive. He glanced over at the older man, watching as Kaidan's fingers dug into the old wood and absently picked at the frayed edges. Shepard knew that look, had seen it so often over the last few months, and wondered what his lover and partner was brooding about.
"Credit for your thoughts, Kaidan?" Shepard asked.
Kaidan started and turned a slow and lazy smile at Shepard that never failed to get his blood pumping. "John. If you're going to give me credits for my thoughts well, I hope you've brought a lot of them."
Shepard snorted. "I think we can keep the... bedroom thoughts out of this discussion. I think we could buy ourselves a house if those were worth their weight." Kaidan playfully shoved him and Shepard relaxed as they went back into routine, casual conversation and easy friendship. It was reassuring.
"I don't hear you complaining when I have... thoughts about the bedroom, John," Kaidan replied.
Now Shepard picked his way across the old, wooden slats as he looked down, trying to gather his thoughts and ask the right questions. It was a little strange, considering how organized his mind usually was, but whenever he was with Kaidan, it was like the man swamped his mind, completely shutting out everything else. Perhaps this was what it was like to be truly, deeply and utterly overcome with love. Shepard grinned at the thought, of him acting like some hormonal teenager. It was a strange feeling after all the death and pain he'd seen, though not entirely unwelcome.
"Well Kaidan, if that ever happens, please be sure to send me in for a brain scan."
"Ah, John. That wouldn't be a good idea, you know, they'll wonder what caused that empty space inside your head."
"Oh, ouch Kaidan. Low blow. It must be your-"
"Low blow? I'm sure I can arrange that, John."
Shepard felt heat tickling through his groin at the thought. "You're dodging the question, Kaidan."
"Hmm? What were you asking again?"
Too innocent, Shepard realized. Something definitely had the other man worried. It was time to do some careful digging.
"Kaidan, you know, about your mom and... well, you don't have to do that you know. For me, I mean."
Kaidan stared off into the distance, watching as the grass and trees shifted in unison. "Shepard, I... John. It's alright. You know, it's been three years. Three horrible years, and I've made so many mistakes during those times. About us."
"Kaidan..." John interrupted. They'd been through this during their frantic months before the end of the war.
"No, John, let me finish," Kaidan shot back.
"Yes, sir," Shepard muttered, barely audible.
Kaidan huffed a sigh, shifting to look deep into Shepard's eyes. Shepard knew he shouldn't have been, should have been used to it by now, but he was stunned by the strength of love and conviction that shone through the other man, tugging at Shepard's heart and mind.
"John, I told you that I've...well, I've made a lot of mistakes. You know, there was a time when... I couldn't even think of anything but you. But I didn't do anything about it. I, uh, I'm a sentinel John. Control and strength. Holding the line. And, well, it was something that always kept me going, through everything that's always been thrown at me. But now? Now, I guess, I've got you for that."
Shepard felt his throat tighten and his eyes sting. Dammit, it really was cold and dry here in Canada.
Kaidan continued, "It's just that, it's just hard, John, you know? Giving up parts of yourself that you've spent so long building up, that you've forgotten how to be anything else. And then you come along, and I... I want to be more for you, John. I want to be everything, like you were for me. Huh, sometimes I wonder what you saw in me, like I was some damaged soldier trying desperately to, uh, you know, fix himself."
Shepard's hand reach up of it's own volition to stroke the sides of Kaidan's face, feeling the warmth there as Kaidan tugged it against his cheek and buried a kiss in that warm comfort.
"I... I guess, what I'm trying to say is, I love you John Shepard. And I- I'm not going to make the same mistakes I made before. Never again, John. We've been through hell and back, and it would be kind of pointless if I could do that and, uh, you know, not be able to follow you to heaven and earth." Shepard saw the heat rising in Kaidan's face as the sentimental heartfelt words poured out, but they didn't seem awkward to him. They were perfect.
Shepard leaned forward, bringing up his lips, hot with desire, and kissed Kaidan softly, longingly and lingered there as Kaidan returned the gesture. Shepard placed his forehead gently against Kaidan's closing his eyes in pure bliss, enjoying the moment.
"I love you Kaidan," Shepard whispered.
"I'll never leave you again, John," Kaidan returned.
Sacrifice. Synthesis. Control. Destroy. Kaidan.
What?
Shepard pulled away from the embrace, bringing up a hand to his temple that had, for a moment, sent a searing bolt of pain through his head. His eyes were screwed shut, his mind trying to work around the lingering after effects and Shepard ground down, trying to remember what those words meant to him. It tickled the back of his memory, stirring up... something.
"John, the shuttle's here," Kaidan's voice intruded. He had turned away from Shepard when he had pulled apart and Shepard guessed that the other man thought he was coming up at the hum from the shuttle as it approached. Shepard quickly brought his arm down before Kaidan could take note, refusing to ruin the moment with Kaidan, would have hated for the other man to worry over his condition when he was getting better and stronger each day. At least, that was what he was feeling.
Kaidan stood and shifted the duffel, adjusting it against his back and shoulder as he strode forward towards the slowly descending craft. Shepard strode forward carefully, letting the shearing wind flow past him as the vehicle bumped itself onto terra firma. The door slid up and to the side, revealing a large suit of dark armour, glinting in the soft Canadian sunlight.
"Hey, Loco! Major!"
"James?" Shepard whispered wonderingly as Kaidan blurted out at the same time, "Lieutenant Vega?"
The man was still as huge as ever, judging from the bulk of his armour as it shifted when he moved down, and his keen eyes still held a puppy dog intensity that Shepard had found endearing eventually, after they'd been in the thick of battle and the hero worship had mellowed down. However, he was sporting a new scar on his jaw, just below his ear, and had the makings of what looked like a goatee framing his chin.
"James!" Shepard said, stepping forward to shake the other marine's hand, "What the hell are you doing here?" and Shepard heard a muffled, "What is he doing here?" from Kaidan's general direction.
The happy giant grinned down at him, looking slightly over eager, as he replied, "What does it look like Loco? I'm your escort to HQ. You get hit in the head pretty hard?" James waggled his brows suggestively and hooked his chin at Kaidan's approaching form, "Or maybe the Major's got you thinking of something else, no?"
Shepard smiled at the way Kaidan was trying to sputter through a retort and decided it would be best if their reunion didn't begin with a verbal jousting.
"Well, Lieutenant, escort away," Shepard said, waving the man back into the shuttle.
James grinned that cocky grin before sloppily saluting, "Aye aye, Commander, sir."
The sunlight winked out as the door slid shut behind Kaidan, temporarily causing black spots to swim before Shepard's eyes as he adjusted slowly to the dimmer lighting of the shuttle's interior.
"Whoa there Loco, you better not fall over during my watch. The Admiral'd grill my Hispanic ass if you came back with us in less than one piece."
"Really Mr. Vega? I didn't know that the Admiral had a thing for your ass," came a deep, cultured voice from the stern.
"Steve?" Shepard had been expecting that, but still it was damned good to hear the man's voice.
"At your service, Commander Shepard," came Steve's reply from the miniature cockpit at the same time James muttered, "Ah Dios, eso fue un error."
Steve hazarded a laugh at the marine's expense and turned his attentions back to the dust-off procedures. "Alright gentlemen, if you'll all take your seats, we'll be back to Alliance HQ in... thirty-four minutes. Maybe a little more if Mr. Vega decides to start playing air stewardess and roam around the cabin."
"Chupame los huevos, Esteban," James growled, earning another deep throaty chuckle from the man up front.
"With pleasure, Mister Vega."
During the banter, Shepard had sat down next to Kaidan, watching wonderingly as the two friends chattered away and exchanged words. Shepard felt like something had gone whooshing past his head, and wondered if he was overthinking things. He'd been so driven during his mission, so focused on a single goal that he hadn't had time to take in the nuances of his crew. Maybe he should have set up his omni-translator to Earth languages as well, just so he could eavesdrop, though he felt strangely guilty about the idea. He wondered if-
Kaidan nudged him slightly and turned to whisper softly in his ear, "I, uh, I think we're seeing the makings of a beautiful, ah, 'friendship' here, John." Shepard watched with widened eyes as James moved forward and leaned against the back of Steve's chair, laying huge hands gently, almost tenderly, on the pilot's shoulders. A lingering, soft touch, and then they were pulled away as James came back up to the main compartment.
Shepard swivelled his head away quickly, hoping that the other man didn't think he was prying, and stared instead at Kaidan who was wearing a very satisfied and smug smile. His eyes followed James as the marine seemed to bounce around the space like a hyperactive space hamster and Shepard felt tired just watching him.
Shepard faced Kaidan fully, twisting his body so that he could look at the man without letting James see and mouthed quietly, How the hell did you know?
Kaidan must have understood because he shrugged non-committedly and whispered, "I pay attention, John. It was... well, I guess you could say it was bound to happen. I mean, didn't you ever wonder why they were always in the cargo bay?"
Well, now that he thought about it... "Let's just hope they didn't do anything on my rifle bench," Shepard muttered under his breath, earning him a stifled snort from Kaidan.
Shepard turned back to face James, who had finally leashed back his energy and had sat down opposite from them, but next to the shuttle's doors. Shepard could feel the slight pull of momentum and knew that they were already speeding on their way.
Shepard scrutinized the grinning marine before venturing a question. "So James. Any idea why we're being called in?"
James leapt at the opportunity to expend more energy, practically shouting, "I don't know, Loco. Maybe they need you to save the day again?" Shepard hid a smile. Definitely something here that had made James Vega a very, very happy man.
Shepard felt Kaidan squeeze his hand protectively and he returned the comfort. He couldn't resist digging a little deeper though.
"Hmm. You seem, different James. Anything I should know about?"
James blinked, his face contorting hilariously as the thoughts crashed in his head. "Uh, different Loco? What'd be different? I don't know, maybe it's just damn good to see you moving around? After, what, months?"
"Well..."
James was shifting nervously now, and it always amazed Shepard at how easily he could pull the huge man off-balance, literally and figuratively.
"Are you sure there's nothing... else, Lieutenant?"
James was trying too hard to come up with a deflection and was saved by Steve's laugh coming from the front. "I think what the Commander is trying to ask, Mr. Vega, is whether you've become a happier man because of... someone special?"
James blushed ferociously, the tan skin making it less obvious than it should have been as he swung his head and grinned bashfully. "Uh, yeah... I guess you could say that, Loco."
"Hmm. And would that person be driving us to HQ right about now?"
James popped up from his seat in what seemed an angry gesture, but Shepard knew from the silly grin that James was turning nervous energy into movement. He'd done it often enough on the Normandy. "Ah, mierda. Alright, Loco. You got me."
Frankly, Shepard wasn't surprised it had taken this long, knowing what a private man the Lieutenant was, especially about his private life. Well, Shepard understood that sentiment and didn't want to embarrass the other man anymore. Kaidan, on the other hand...
"Ah, so, Cortez," Kaidan spoke up, "how did you finally get Vega to, uh, see reason?"
Steve's laugh echoed through the cabin and Shepard was at least glad to see that the other man had a reason to laugh more, especially after everything the man had been through.
"Well Major, if you have to know-"
"No, you pendejo! Don't say it!" James leapt toward the narrow doorframe that lead to the cockpit, jamming himself into the small space almost as if he were hoping that his bulk would block the words and stop them from reaching Kaidan.
"-remember when my shuttle crashed in London?" The words slid around the marine like water, "I was pinned down and couldn't make it out, back to forward base? Well, after you found Shepard, Mr. Vega here scoured the area, working his ass to the bone looking for me. He almost carried me to the medical tent before the other first responders stopped him, which was a good thing since he collapsed right after they took me away from him."
Shepard was enjoying the retelling, especially as James tried to expand his bulk around the doorframe and kept muttering words under his breath that sounded like threats.
"He kept coming by everyday and tried to find every excuse he could to stay with me. He even tried to get me transferred to another medical facility, but there were just so many other people who were even worse off. So he stayed, and kept bringing in food for me that he'd cooked, and at one point the nurses had to chase him away since he wouldn't let them scan them for contaminants..."
James was blushing even more deeply now, if that were even physically possible, and he could hear the muffled tremors as Kaidan tried to hold back his laughter. Shepard wondered if Kaidan had experienced something similar, especially when he'd heard of the nurses refer to him as the 'reclusive hermit Major'.
"...and when I finally got out, I kept pestering him about staying with me. He kept dodging the question and said he'd found a place for me to stay and recover. He said he wanted to stay with me and protect me from all the-"
"Argh!" James practically yelled. He spoke up over the pilot's reminiscing, speaking loudly over Steve's quiet humour. "Okay, I'll tell the Major. You're making this even more sappy than it was, Esteban."
"Am I, Mister Vega?"
"Anyway! So yeah, London was falling apart around us right? And there were all these loco people, scavenging and trying to loot survivors from the war. So, you know, I couldn't let our only Kodiak pilot get stabbed in the back, right after I pulled him out of the ground."
"Why James, I didn't know you cared," Steve piped up from behind the man.
And there it was, thought Shepard. The small thread of love that wound its way around that name. It was something that he was becoming familiar with, especially recently, and it pleased him to know that his friends were finding the same thing that he'd found with Kaidan.
"So there was this gang, probably ex-mercs from the way they handled themselves and we were about to..."
Shepard trailed off, watching as Jame's excitement built up during the retelling, which was slightly more action-oriented than Steve's had been, though Shepard wasn't surprised. Kaidan was actually leaning forward in his seat, a curious and pleased look on his face as he listened to the words, words of reunion and hope. It was something that Kaidan could empathize with, Shepard was sure, that all of them could, considering the similar circumstances they'd all experienced.
Shepard listened absently as he moved his free hand into his pocket, fingering the small, smooth band of metal that he'd hidden on himself when they had packed their things for Vancouver. He had always checked to make sure it was there during their trip, and just touching it sent a jolt of joy through him. He had planned to do it, when they were alone, living in the place where Kaidan had grown up, but it didn't really matter. It was something more, a symbol, that was meant for him and the man he loved. No one else.
Kaidan strode through the battered, rebuilt walls of the Alliance Headquarters and felt memories cascade through him over a similar time when he'd walked these same halls not too long ago. Shepard had been walking away from him then, and there had been an agonizing chasm between them, one that he had feared would never be bridged. Things were so much different now, so much better, and it felt right to walk this way in the company of friends rather than with the suspicion of doubt implanted into them.
There were still scorch marks and gaping holes in some areas, despite the months of labour and the extensive resources that had been pumped into the reconstruction project, though it made sense especially since this was one of the areas that had been hit hardest when the Reapers had invaded Earth. Decapitation, it had been called before, removing the command structure of any organization essentially rendered it useless.
Shepard was still amicably chatting with James and Steve, still searching for details about their brief courtship and Kaidan could hear the appreciative sounds and sniggers that were coming from their direction and smiled to himself as he left them to it. Shepard had always been a charismatic speaker, always asking questions and digging for hidden nuggets of information, something that Kaidan knew he wasn't very comfortable with. He wasn't introverted by any means, but he admitted that he often lacked social communication skills and found it easier to just remain quiet and observe. That was of course, until he'd met John Shepard, who brought out a side to him that he never knew existed.
They walked past teams of builders and engineers and entered the office wing that had been one of the first areas to be restored. It still had a long way to go, definitely needed a lot more spit and polish before it shone, but for now it served as the most stable base for the re-emerging Alliance chain of command.
Shepard quickened his pace and caught up to Kaidan, breathing slightly heavier than usual and Kaidan automatically slowed his pace so that the other man could maintain the speed and not be out of breath. Kaidan disliked the idea of Shepard being so vulnerable, but he had to admit, it was an astoundingly fast pace of recovery, just like everything else about the man. James kept pace with Shepard and walked up next to him, still chatting about the construction efforts that had been taking place, the new N7 structure that they were forming and a lot of other interesting tidbits that Kaidan picked up and filed away.
Kaidan didn't have any illusions though. He knew why James was there, a gut feeling that didn't feel out of place the more he considered it. They were friendly faces, meant to put both of them at ease and lower their guards down, while serving as an armed escort. James was armoured like they were pushing for the Beam and he carried an assault rifle strapped to his back while Steve was packing a pistol that looked out of place against his waist. Standard procedure it appeared, except that Steve very rarely went about armed, especially during times of supposed peace. Well, except for that time when they'd all ganged together to take out Shepard's clone in the archives.
Combined with Admiral Hackett's desperate and secretive call, Kaidan knew that something big was centred around his lover, and he'd be damned if he just stood there and let them do that to him, after all he had done for the galaxy.
They halted as they approached Hackett's office, the holo-plaque outside signifying its owner and occupant to the world. Kaidan paused briefly as he took a breath, trying to control the mixed feelings that rushed through him. God, how he wished he could just grab Shepard's hand and ground himself. Or at the very least, just grab Shepard and make a run for some far away system where they'd never be found. Kaidan thrust such foolish musings away from himself; he was Alliance, and he was a soldier. It had been ingrained in all of them, and even for humans, programming was damn hard to circumvent.
James stepped up and triggered the door, stepping into the small, rebuilt space as Steve brought up their rear. Kaidan took in the room as he spun crisply to face the man sitting behind the desk. He was pleasantly surprised. The room was spartan and functional, nothing ostentatious and the walls weren't even properly layered yet, the window frames still covered in their protective films.
Admiral Steven Hackett sat wearily at his desk, eyeing the small troupe that had walked into his domain and watched as James saluted him. Shepard and Kaidan were a moment behind and from the rustle coming from behind, so was Steve. Ingrained programming indeed.
"Sir! Lieutenant Vega, reporting," James snapped crisply.
"At ease, Lieutenant," Hackett answered, dropping his hand in a rush. He glanced over at all of them. "At ease, all of you. I'd rather not stand on ceremony here."
"Sir," they replied in varying degrees, and all of them relaxed slightly where they stood.
Hackett turned once more to James, taking in Steve in the process. "Lietuenant Vega. Flight Lieutenant Cortez, you're both dismissed. I'll speak to you both later about your new assignment."
The two men saluted Hackett once more before stepping out into the hallway, James especially casting an inquisitive glance in their direction.
"Shepard," Hackett began, "It's good to see you up and about."
Shepard smiled humourlessly at the statement. "Yes, sir. You and me both."
Hackett sighed as he sat himself back down, looking more tired than Kaidan had remembered seeing before. It tightened the dread in his stomach that whatever was plaguing the man must have been dire.
"You know Shepard, it's been hard for all of us, especially during the rebuilding. There was just so much to do, and with most of our military command decimated during the war..."
Shepard stepped forward, cane tapping on the metallic floor. "Admiral, I understand."
Hackett's eyes blazed as he looked up and Kaidan was surprised at the resentment there. "Do you Commander? The galaxy owes you a great debt, especially everyone here on Earth. I just... I just wish that I could have had more time, maybe visited you while you were recovering. I was hoping to get you transferred to a facility here in Vancouver, but with so many injured already filling our centres here..."
At last, Kaidan understood. Hackett wasn't upset with Shepard. He was mad at himself. For not doing enough for the man who had done too much, for all of them. Kaidan could definitely empathize.
Hackett cleared his throat roughly before continuing, seeming uncertain of what he wanted to say. "I suppose, I just wanted you to know Shepard... I want to say, thank you for everything. It really has been an honour."
Shepard seemed just as taken aback as Kaidan was, but he recovered with characteristic alacrity, walking up to the desk and shaking the Admiral's hand. "Likewise sir. It's been a hell of a ride."
"That it has son, that it has," Hackett replied and Kaidan swore, for just an instant, that a shadow passed over Shepard's face, though the more he considered it, the more he thought it was just his imagination.
Hackett stood up promptly, causing Shepard to step back. "Now, I'm sorry Shepard but we'll... catch up later. I've got some pressing matters to discuss with the Major."
That caught them both by surprise and Kaidan and Shepard glanced at one another in shock before turning back to the Admiral. Normally, Shepard was allowed access to the most private and restricted data the Alliance had a hand in, and that Hackett wanted to speak to Kaidan personally had been a double surprise. He had assumed he was contacted because the Admiral wanted to speak to Shepard.
The hesitation must have shown as Hackett paused for a moment before speaking up. "Don't worry Commander, you'll hear about it later, I promise. I have a new assignment for Major Alenko, and I'd like to hear his input concerning a few... personal matters before we can proceed forward."
Shepard shrugged discreetly before saluting and stepping away, sharing a brief, knowing glance with Kaidan before he moved out of sight. Kaidan was sure that it probably had to do with their relationship and the issue about fraternization, especially if they were both to return to active duty. While the army was willing to accept marriage and partnerships between individual soldiers, they frowned upon the potential havoc that it could cause if a social breach affected a military decision.
Kaidan guessed that Shepard had reached the same conclusion, and while they had bent some rules, they were hardly ones that would have had a drastic enough consequence on the war. Put bluntly, Kaidan thought, the Alliance didn't have anything to pin on them. He felt the tension ease out of him as he came to believe the issue, sure that he was right.
Hackett watched as the door slid shut behind Shepard, observing and scrutinizing the man as he moved away from them and joined James and Steve who were waiting in the hallway for their own... discussion with the Admiral. Maybe it was the same issue, Kaidan thought and he'd been over thinking things again.
Hackett turned tired eyes to him as he stood there and he seemed to be wrestling with himself about something.
"Major Alenko, I... There's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to put it bluntly."
"Uh, yes sir?" Kaidan swallowed his nervousness.
"Major, I... We believe that the Commander... We believe that Shepard is indoctrinated." Hackett announced in a funeral voice.
Kaidan felt something soft tear through his chest and felt a heavy weight slam into the base of his skull, an oppressive weight that stilled his mind and tripled his heart beat. No, it wasn't possible.
"I know what you're thinking Major. Hell, it took me a lot of digging and convincing. I have the proof here," Hackett said as he lifted a thick folio of papers that had been resting on his desk. Hackett's voiced turned sad. "I know what he means to you and I know what you mean to him. I'm sorry, but I had to let you know."
No. No, no no NO! Kaidan wanted to scream, to shout, to laugh at the absurdity of the statement. It was ridiculous. Shepard couldn't be indoctrinated. He couldn't. A sharp throb signalled a migraine starting to bloom in his head. How damn wonderful.
"I'm sorry Major," Hackett replied in the same tone, and Kaidan was hating the man for it, "We're going to need to take him into custody. I need you to stay calm and rest assured, we're going to do everything we can, run every test we can think of to find out about it and cure him."
Kaidan finally found his tongue, still and dead in his mouth and he felt the thunder in his chest, the way his throat constricted and his temple throb, and didn't trust himself with speaking, knowing he'd do something he'd definitely regret later on.
Shepard was indoctrinated. The mere thought sent a wave of numbness through him and he staggered forward to grab the file and spit on the information inside, to tear it up and erase it from reality. All he succeeded in doing was to stumbled into the chair in front of him and grasp it as tightly as he could, his legs barely holding it up, as the Vancouver sun seared into his eyes and pain crowded away every other thought in his head.
