"Where'd you go last night?" Lou asked as Jimmy rode up and into the yard nodding gratefully when Buck offered to see to the horses.
"I needed some time to think is all," he replied in clipped words.
"You need to talk?"
"No. Not just yet at any rate."
"What happened to your head?" she asked trying desperately to get him to open up.
"Nothing," he grumbled, "It's fine."
"Are you sure, Jimmy? It looks like it's cut."
"I'm fine," he snapped at her, "Your boyfriend wouldn't let me alone until I let him clean it. I don't need to talk and I don't need no one fussing over me. Now if you'll step aside, I'm pretty sure I got some chores to do before I ride out this afternoon."
"I could take your ride," Lou offered, "You look exhausted. I ain't scheduled for a couple days and it's a short ride…"
"I can still do my job, Lou," he nearly yelled at her and then felt bad about the wounded look on her face. "But thanks. I appreciate the offer. If it makes you feel any better, I wasn't any nicer to Kid when he found me."
Lou smiled and it did make her feel better that it wasn't personal. Still she worried for him and watched as he tore into his chores like a man possessed. She offered once again to take his ride for him before he left but he once again rejected the offer.
"Really," he said gently, "I think a little more time to be on my own and think will do me a world of good."
"Maybe when you get back you'll feel like talking," she said hopefully.
"Maybe," he replied but there wasn't much conviction in his tone. He flung himself into the saddle, took the handoff and was gone. A few miles away from the station the memories overtook him again and they were still the happy memories. It struck him that a time that seemed so uncertain to him when he lived through it would now seem so happy and carefree.
Jimmy watched his father walk away and breathed a sigh of relief before getting ready for Delia's visit. He went through every shirt he owned and then started over trying to figure which one looked best.
"The black one," a voice from his bedroom doorway said. And he whirled around beginning to scowl at Celinda, the older of his two younger sisters. "You're trying to figure out which looks best, right?"
He sighed and nodded.
"The black one," she repeated, "It makes your eyes look nice. Pa said for you not to leave but it's okay though. I can watch Lydia if you're planning to meet that girl. She's really pretty."
Jimmy softened at his sister's offer.
"I ain't meeting her," he explained, "She's coming here. I told her I wasn't supposed to leave. She thought it would be fun to meet you and Lyd. Just keep the brat from embarrassing me, okay?"
"You trust me to not embarrass you?"
"I can, can't I?"
Celinda smiled. It was the first time her older brother had treated her like she was something other than a nuisance; well actually that was when he had complimented her cooking. Now he was treating her like she was an equal or something like it. It felt good. She was glad she had stopped to help him. And she hadn't lied. Even if he was her brother, she had to admit he was a nice looking boy and he looked best in black.
Jimmy buttoned up the shirt and tucked it in before glancing again in the mirror.
"A comb wouldn't hurt," Celinda suggested, "Otherwise you look alright."
"Just alright?"
"If you weren't my brother, it would be you that I'd be talking about wanting to ask me to the next dance instead of Joe Baxter. My friend Sarah was saying she wished you would ask her and I didn't see why but I do now, maybe."
"You shouldn't be thinking about boys my age asking you to the dance anyway," he said suddenly feeling protective. "You shouldn't be going to the dance with a boy at all. You're too young."
"I'm not that young, James Hickok," she insisted and the scowl on her face combined with the way her braided pigtails were swinging with the force of her words made him laugh.
"I hate to break it to you, Cel," he said, "But Joe Baxter is your age and probably still thinks girls are disgusting. Give him a couple years."
"Boys are dumb," his sister said looking annoyed.
"If we're so dumb then why would you want one of us to take you to a dance?"
His sister just rolled her eyes and walked out of the room to find Lydia and make sure she wasn't getting herself into trouble. Jimmy went out onto the porch to watch for Delia. He hadn't been out on the porch for long before he saw the palomino heading toward him carrying the young lady.
"You really like her, don't you?" Celinda asked and he jumped. He hadn't heard her walk up behind him.
"Yeah I do," he admitted.
"Do you kiss her?"
"What do you know about kissing?"
"I know enough," Celinda shot back, "So do you?"
"I did once," he replied almost dreamily.
"I'll try to keep Lydia from bugging you," Celinda told him, "I think I can even make some tea to offer her. We have some cookies still left from what I made yesterday."
"You know for a sister, you're not so bad."
Celinda smiled proudly at his words. For him those were gushing words of praise to offer her. She turned and went inside to find something for Jimmy to offer his guest for refreshments.
Jimmy descended the porch steps to be able to meet Delia when she rode up. He was a little surprised when she didn't jump down out of the saddle but then he caught the look in her eye and hoped he understood what she wanted. He lifted his hands and she slid toward him. His hands caught her waist and he guided her toward the ground. His eyes locked with hers and he thought for a moment about leaning and seeing if he could get away with another kiss but movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention. He looked over to see Lydia standing there holding onto one of her dolls by its leg. Delia followed his gaze and remembered the ages he said his sisters were.
"Well, you must be Lydia," she drawled, "Why I think that is the prettiest doll baby I have ever seen. Does she have a name?"
"Henrietta," the little girl replied. "What's your name?"
"Delia."
"Lydia," Jimmy said trying to hide his exasperation with his sister, "I think Celinda was making some tea. How about you see if she needs any help?"
The child ran off smiling and Jimmy began to look apologetically at Delia but then he saw there was no reason to apologize.
"Jimmy," she said beaming at him, "She is truly the most adorable child! Those little blonde braids and those big eyes. I just adore her."
Jimmy had never really considered Lydia cute before. Mostly she was annoying and got in his way. But now that he thought about it and saw her through Delia's eyes, he could see that she was a cute enough kid—for a little pest. They both looked up when they heard the front door open. Celinda stood there with a tray. Jimmy ran up to help her. She had been such a help to him that day and besides, he didn't want Delia to think he wasn't a gentleman.
"I thought you two might like your tea on the porch since it's such a nice day," Celinda said hauling out her best for company manners. Having Jimmy be so nice to her was new and she liked it and if she helped him make a good impression on Delia then maybe it would last.
"Thanks Celinda," Jimmy replied smiling, "Uh, this is Cordelia Bell. Delia, this is my sister Celinda."
Celinda smiled even wider to have been introduced like she wasn't a little kid.
"It's certainly a pleasure to meet you, Celinda. And please, call me Delia. All my friends do and I would so love for us to be friends."
"I'd like that too, Delia," Celinda told the girl and she could see why her brother was so infatuated with her. Delia's eyes were captivating and she had such a warm welcoming smile. "Right now though, I promised Lydia that I would have a pretend tea party with her dolls."
Jimmy offered a grateful look to his sister who he was liking more and more by the minute. He would have to do something special for her, perhaps take over her chores or bring her flowers or something. Or maybe talk Joe Baxter into at least asking her for a dance.
"I don't know what you were complaining about," Delia remarked after Celinda had gone inside, "Your sisters are so sweet."
Jimmy was still a little miffed that Lydia had thwarted such a prime opportunity for a kiss but he supposed that a girl like Delia would have a different perspective and besides, Celinda had been wonderful to him all day. Maybe he had just completely misjudged her.
"Celinda's not so bad and maybe it's just how much younger Lydia is."
"Probably," Delia agreed, "Or that you're a boy. I don't know if boys and girls ever really understand each other."
"Maybe that's it," he said smiling and offering the plate of cookies to her.
The two talked for a while and sipped some tea. Jimmy didn't normally care a great deal for tea but then sitting there on the porch with Delia, it wasn't so bad. He thought he might even like Brussels sprouts if he could hear her lilting voice and gaze into her copper colored eyes while he ate.
"The cookies are simply to die for, Jimmy," Delia said appreciatively, "Your sister made them?"
"Yeah, it was Ma's sugar cookie recipe," he said and then amended, "Really it was my great-grandmother's recipe. It got handed down."
"I wonder if Celinda would be willing to divulge such a delightful recipe or if it's a closely guarded secret."
"Before she passed on, Ma gave it to a couple lady friends at church," he replied, "Don't see why Cel couldn't give it to you."
"I'm sure Mammy would love to have the recipe for these cookies," Delia smiled at him.
"Do you and your mama bake together much?" he asked, "Ma and Celinda and even Lydia sometimes baked a lot. Especially at holidays. They was always in the kitchen just giggling and my brothers and me knew that we'd be in for some really good treats when they got to giggling in the kitchen."
"Mama?" she asked confused, "Mama doesn't bake. Why would you ask about Mama?"
"You said-" he paused and then something seemed to click in his head, "Mammy don't mean your mother, does it?"
"No," she said and the misunderstanding hit her at roughly the same time. "Jessamine is my mammy. She cooks and she near to raised me. I know about giggling in a kitchen though, Jimmy. Mammy taught me to cook and bake and we would have a fine time while we did it. I still help her with meals sometimes."
"Jessamine is a servant?"
"Jessamine is family," Delia insisted.
"Is she white?" he asked as his father's words from the night before came back to him.
Delia just shook her head and knew in her heart that, in his mind, that wasn't the right answer. It was the only one she had and it wasn't right. She could see him getting angry and was sure he was angry with her though she didn't know why at all.
"Jessamine is a slave?" he nearly spat and the question in his tone was less to ask for confirmation than to plead for her to say that he was wrong.
"You sound so disgusted with me," she said looking hurt. "You say slave like Jessamine is a cow or a mule. She's part of the family, Jimmy. She rocked me to sleep as a babe and she sings me lullabies and she taught me to make a pecan pie. I love her and I know she loves me too. She is family!"
"She's family that can be bought and sold," Jimmy shot back no longer caring about her soft black hair or scent of lilacs or her sparkling eyes. "She's family that can be whipped. Family whose real family can be ripped away from her. Did she ever rock her own babes to sleep or wasn't she allowed to keep them?"
"Daddy would never do such a thing," she replied as tears began to make their way down her cheeks.
"Hardly matters if he would or not," Jimmy said coldly, "He could and Jessamine knows it."
"How can you say such a thing?" she nearly screamed at him, "I thought you were a gentleman, James Hickok! I won't listen to any more of this. I can't."
She pulled herself onto her saddle and rode away as if her very life depended on it and Jimmy was left alone in the yard.
"What happened?" Celinda asked from somewhere behind Jimmy. "Why did Delia leave like that? Why were you yelling?"
"I don't want to talk about it," he said as he hung his head and slowly trudged into the house and to his room.
A few hours later he saw a shadow in his doorway.
"I told Pa you weren't feeling good when he asked why you didn't come to supper," Celinda said softly, "But I still thought you should try to eat so I brought you a plate. Pa's in his study and Lydia's already in bed."
"Thanks Cel," he said sitting up and taking the plate from his sister. "You aren't so bad for a girl."
"You want to talk yet?" she asked him solemnly.
"They have slaves, Celinda. Pa was right. Her family, they have slaves. I feel so stupid that I didn't figure it out or think to ask. I just assumed that someone who seemed so nice wouldn't do something like that."
"She does seem awful nice," Celinda replied, "Maybe she just doesn't understand. She's only ever known life like she has and the people in her life like they are. You don't know how she feels about everything. Maybe you could still talk to her."
"I don't think she wants to talk to me."
"She might if you could control your temper."
"Miss Delia, I done called you five times now to come to dinner," Jessamine said sternly from the doorway.
When Delia had gotten home, she had handed Sundance's reins off to Lemuel and ran inside and to her room. She could smell the wonderful aromas of Jessamine's cooking wafting up the stairs to her room but she could not consider eating. There were too many things on her mind that she knew would mess with her digestion.
"I'm not very hungry tonight, Mammy," Delia said trying to hide the quiver in her voice and looking down to mask the redness of her eyes.
"Miss Delia, there ain't a soul in this world who knows you better than I do, child," Jessamine said crossing the room and sitting next to the girl on the bed. "You tell your mammy what's upsetting you."
"Jimmy and I had a quarrel," Delia said softly, "I am fairly certain he hates me now. I want to hate him right back but I believe I do not. I think I might just love him."
"Boys is just a big old heartbreak, sugar," Jessamine cooed as she hugged Delia tight. "Some are worth it but most aren't. What did you two fight about?"
"I don't want to talk about it right now," Delia whispered, "I think he might be right or maybe I want him to be. I don't know."
Jessamine just kept rocking back and forth and patting Delia on the back.
"Mammy?" Delia began and only continued when she heard a questioning grunt from the woman. "You know I love you, right? I mean you know I really love you, like I love Mama and Daddy and my sister and brother."
"Course I know that, child."
"And you really love me, right? Like you would any natural girl of yours?"
"I do love you Miss Delia," Jessamine said strongly, "Don't you ever doubt it none either."
Jimmy tried to sleep but all he could think about was the wounded and horrified look on Delia's face. He didn't say a word that wasn't true but he knew from watching his father that there were a number of ways to state a truth depending on how you wanted people to respond. Maybe he ought to try to make it right. He knew his father was still in his study and wouldn't bother to check on him when he went to bed so he quietly got up and dressed and slipped out his window into the growing darkness of the late evening.
Jimmy was shaken from his thoughts by Sundance throwing his head back and shaking it. He looked around to see he was near to his destination. He kicked the horse faster willing the memories to fly into the wind around him as he sped into the station to hand off the pouch. He decided on going into the town from there. He wasn't expected home until sometime the next day. He didn't want to be around people in town but felt he owed Sundance. Just because he had chosen such a painful name for the creature was hardly Sundance's fault. He could take him to the livery in town where the horse would have a roof and some decent feed that he hadn't gotten the night before.
Once Sundance was settled, Jimmy thought about going to the hotel in town but decided against it and wandered his way out of town, bedroll and saddlebags in hand. He found a decent enough place and set up camp. Space—he still needed space to get past this. Jimmy had thought he was already past it but seeing that young woman the day before only proved to him that he wasn't. He was still a mess over it. But if he could get enough space and time to ponder on it then maybe he would be alright.
I had a little trouble with these two...they did not want to work with me on this...I guess no one likes having their first fight...but you had to see this coming.-J
