Part 4

"Okay, get into bed," Rachel ordered as they entered the dark bedroom.

"Bossy," Nina retorted, even though a small smile lifted her lips. "Though, next time you should say that when my head isn't about to explode and I can react more appropriately."

Rachel blushed and ducked her head, hiding her shy smile behind her hair as she sat on the bed by Nina's side.

"You have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen," Nina whispered.

"Quit changing the subject," Rachel said with embarrassment. "You asked me if being without your abilities was what I wanted. The answer is no," she said soberly.

"Even if it meant I couldn't hurt anyone else?"

"You've made mistakes Nina but you aren't bad or evil and you definitely aren't a monster."

"Oh really? You weren't so sure about that last week," Nina said, a touch of bitterness in her voice.

"I was sure," Rachel protested. "I just wasn't prepared for Gary's questions and I kind of panicked. You know me," she shrugged.

Nina couldn't help but smile in agreement. Rachel did tend to fluster easily and Nina thought it was one of the most adorably sexy things about her. "I do," she replied.

Rachel was so caught up in her own regrets she missed the blatant look of longing in the dark eyes watching her.

"You are such an amazing woman." Rachel continued. "You have this powerful ability that you could use to do anything or get anything you want but you choose to help people. You're strong and confident and you have this beautiful heart that you try so hard to hide because it's been broken so badly, but I've seen it Nina. I've seen it in the way you care for people. For the Alpha's we have to track, for Gary and I've seen it in how you care for me."

"You can say all that even after what I did to you?"

"Yes," Rachel said confidently, "because your letter finally helped me understand Nina. Regardless of what you want me to think, or what you believe, I think…no, I know something happened to you. You were…. you were broken and lost. Something made you feel so alone that you thought that all you had was your ability to help you find happiness."

"You're giving me too much credit," Nina rasped out, willing to accept anything but the smaller woman's pity.

Rachel smiled gently and reached out to wipe the lone tear trailing down Nina's cheek. "No, I'm not. You forget my own abilities allow me to know when I've struck a nerve. Normally that tells me when someone's lying. This time, the way your pulse sped up, told me I was right. And I remembered what you said that night. That with Tommy you didn't have to pretend and he made you happy. You were looking at me when you said that. Why?"

Nina turned her face away, unwilling to reveal even more of herself. She shouldn't have been surprised when Rachel's long fingers gently grabbed her chin and pulled her face back to hers.

"Tell me," Rachel ordered softly.

"Because I was talking about you," Nina muttered. "I wanted him to be you. There, are you happy now?"

Rachel was struck speechless for a very long moment. Even though Nina had revealed her feelings in her goodbye letter, Rachel was still reluctant to believe it. "I don't understand," she finally admitted.

Nina sighed. She looked at the beautiful and far too innocent face of the best friend she'd ever had and the woman she'd loved for longer than she could remember.

"When we were living together, I was the happiest I've ever been in my life. You became my best friend and I loved having you there. Your friendship became everything to me. It grounded me when my thoughts and everything else started to become too much. It didn't take long for me to realize I was starting to feel more for you than I'd ever felt for anyone. More than you would ever want from me, so I buried it because I couldn't risk losing the friendship of the one person I cared most about but it happened anyway didn't it?"

"You never lost my friendship Nina," Rachel said confused.

"You left me Rachel," Nina said with a hint of accusation in her weak voice. "You moved out without a word and then quit the team. At first, I thought you had guessed how I felt about you and it disgusted you, but then all I knew was that I was alone again. I tried Rachel, I swear I tried to continue on, pretending nothing had changed but it had. I was so lost. Your leaving had left a very big void in my heart, so I tried to force other people to fill it, including Hicks who couldn't turn to another woman fast enough when my baggage got to be too much. Then I saw Tommy and I remembered what it was like when we were kids and I wanted that again. Of course, I had to force him to be with me, just like my father and I knew it wouldn't last, but it was all I had. Don't you see? I needed to feel wanted and Tommy was all I had."

Rachel's eyes closed at the heartbreaking loneliness in Nina's voice. She had no idea her leaving had affected Nina so deeply. "Oh God Nina. I never knew…why didn't you come talk to me?"

"Because I was afraid. I thought I'd driven you away and I couldn't face another rejection. Tommy...he was the safe version of you Rachel. Since I knew you didn't want me, I turned to the only other person who used to care about me once upon a time. Who had accepted me for what I was. Of course, that was a lie too."

"You are not a what Nina and I…we all care about you. All parts of you. Gary, Dr. Rosen, Cameron…" she paused at Nina's flinch at the last name, trying not to notice the jealousy that flashed inside.

"No Rachel. You need me for what I can do. When I'm not getting you what you want, you lecture me about what I do or how I live. Kind of like your parents do to you," she finished wryly.

Rachel flinched a little at that but didn't deny it. "Maybe, but that's because we worry about you Nina. Sometimes it's like you don't even care about what happens to you do but we…" she paused and decided if she wanted Nina to be honest, it was only fair that she do the same. "I care," she admitted quietly. "If you wound up hurt or being sent to Binghamton…or worse, it would break my heart."

Nina swallowed hard at the awkward admission but refused to even think that it meant what she thought it did. She simply couldn't let herself hope anymore.

"Maybe," Nina repeated Rachel's earlier response.

"Nina, please just tell me why you wanted to hurt me? Was it because I moved out?"

Nina's eyes closed. The headache was starting to return but it was absolutely nothing compared to the pain that filled her at Rachel's question.

"I don't know," she said, fighting tears. "I swear Rachel I don't know why I treated you the way I did or why I pushed you to kiss me. I just…when I looked up and saw you, I suddenly felt this small flicker of peace I hadn't felt in so long and despite Tommy and the other girls and the wildness going on at the club, I knew that in that moment I needed you more than I'd ever needed anything. I knew you could make it better. Make me better but once again, I had to make you want me and I felt sick because I knew if Hicks hadn't shown up, I wouldn't have stopped."

Rachel was fully crying by now. She didn't even know what to think about Nina's revelation. She'd never let herself think that the always together Nina would ever see her as much as anything but a friend or at worst a source of cheap laughs but it seemed she'd overlooked just how deeply Nina felt…about everything.

"Why did you tell Tommy about me and my problem?" She asked, still trying to understand what was happening. "Do you know how that made me feel?"

"I didn't then," Nina answered. "I swear on my life I didn't tell him in order to make fun of you or diminish you in any way Rachel. I'd never do that to you. I told him because talking about you helped. And I mentioned your reactions to being kissed because I had been fighting my desire to discover it myself for so long and knew I'd never have the chance to. I couldn't talk to anyone else about my feelings so I talked to Tommy."

Rachel shifted on the bed so she could truly look into Nina's eyes, not the least bit afraid the woman would try and push her. She was, however, stunned to realize that her attraction to Nina Theroux was apparently reciprocated and even more so by the fact that she was now the strong, confident one of the two. The intensity in Nina's eyes had her pulse racing and she cautiously reached out and placed a hand against Nina's cheek.

"You could have talked to me," she said sincerely. "I would have listened."

"I couldn't. I didn't want you to hate me for the way I felt."

"I could never hate you Nina," Rachel swore. "You're my best friend and how could I hate you for feeling the same…" she paused, suddenly afraid of saying too much.

Nina ignored the increasing agony in her head as Rachel's words began to sink in. "Rachel?" she prodded hopefully.

Rachel couldn't look into those beautifully hopeful eyes and hide the truth. "I could never hate you for feeling the same way as I do. About you, I mean."

"Oh my God, really?" Nina breathed with a cautious hope that broke Rachel's heart.

"Yes. Nina, you know how beautiful you are, but if you were still the same shallow spoiled woman I first met or if you were truly making fun of me, your looks wouldn't have mattered at all. You know very well how hard it is for me to let myself get attracted anyone but you just made it so easy. You are the kindest, gentlest woman I've ever met. And your kisses…" she stopped as she felt her face heat painfully.

Despite the pain, Nina couldn't help but smile fondly. "Yes?" she prodded.

"I am not going to feed your already impressive ego Nina," Rachel retorted primly, though her lips twitched. "Suffice it to say that if you were a terrible kisser, no amount of mental coercion would have compelled me to go back for another one."

"Gosh Rachel, you really know how to flatter a girl," Nina said and then groaned when a sharp pain flashed through her.

"Nina?" Rachel said, instantly afraid.

"Please, it hurts."

Rachel fought her tears as she soothed a hand over Nina's forehead. She closed all of her senses as she looked past the damp skin trying to see if she could find any sign of a clot or anything that was causing the older woman such pain.

She'd never tried to look into someone's head before and she wasn't sure her abilities were that strong but she had to try. She focused everything she had and looked deeply, trying not to be weirded out by the fact she was actually seeing Nina Theroux's brain, which seemed extremely intimate.

What she was able to see was fuzzy at best and she didn't know anything about the make-up of the brain but she didn't see anything that looked like a clot but as she leaned closer she saw something that looked…out of place. "What the hell is that?" she muttered.

"Rachel?" Nina asked nervously. She knew the moment Rachel had lost herself in her ability and fought the pain so she wouldn't interrupt whatever she was doing.

Rachel blinked as she came fully back to herself. "I'm sorry," she said soothingly. "I was just looking to see if I could find what may be causing your headache."

"And?"

"And, I didn't see anything like a mass or anything, but I saw something weird right at the front part."

"Like…like what?" Nina asked, trying not to be afraid.

"I don't know," Rachel said worriedly. "I really couldn't see clearly, but it didn't look natural. What kind of shot did you take?"

"I don't know. I was having a drink at Traviata's and this guy approached me."

"Hardly a surprise," Rachel teased half-heartedly. "Though I expect he wasn't just wanting your number?"

"Jealous?" she asked and then smiled weakly at Rachel's blush. She winced as another shock of pain shot through her head but kept talking. "He knew me," she said thoughtfully. "He knew what I can do and said he could help."

Rachel frowned. "How did he know?" she asked suspiciously. "And Nina, you should know better about taking things, especially drugs, from people you don't know."

Nina sighed, unable to protest. "I know, but I was desperate. Not to mention drunk off my ass."

"Did you know this guy?"

"He seemed vaguely familiar, but not really. He just said he had come in contact with someone who had this new drug. One that could help people like us be…. normal."

"Oh Nina," Rachel muttered sadly. "Special powers or not, you'll never be what I'd ever call normal. Just because you're you."

"Sweet talker," Nina smiled and then groaned as the pain came sharper and longer than before.

"Look Rach, I don't know what the shot was he gave me and I know I was an idiot for taking it."

Rachel placed her hand on Nina's face, alarmed by how clammy her normally warm skin felt. "It's okay Nina. I do think that whatever it was wasn't designed to help alphas but we need to find out what it is and how to fix it."

"Well, maybe I'll get my wish after all," Nina said with a weak smile.

"No. You aren't dying Nina," Rachel said angrily "I'm going to find out if what I saw is what's hurting you and we're going to get it out."

"And what if you're mistaken and there's nothing there? What if it's just what I deserve?"

Rachel saw past the frustrating stubbornness and was alarmed by the resignation in her voice. "I'm not going to let you give up again Nina. God. When I heard you jumped off a building and would have died if it weren't for Hicks…do you know what that did to me?" She choked out, reliving the moment Rosen had told her about Nina's last desperate act.

"No, because you wouldn't talk to me," Nina replied simply, breaking into Rachel's morose thoughts.

"I'm sorry for that Nina. I was still so angry and humiliated and…confused."

"I know," was all Nina could say. "That's why you should just..."

Rachel refused to let her finish and quickly placed her lips over Nina's, gasping at the immediate shock of…. something, that went through her at the soft contact. It was a gentle kiss, nothing more than a press of lips due to the pain the other woman was in, but it was the only way she knew to stop Nina's words and show her she'd forgiven her.

"Please don't give up Nina," she whispered when she pulled away. "Don't give up on yourself and please don't give up on me. I'll fix this." She took the sedative that Skylar had given her and carefully injected Nina.

"I'm sorry I made you talk so much," Rachel said. "You need your rest, not to be interrogated."

"Rachel, you never have to apologize to me for anything," Nina said. "The pain is nothing as long you're talking to me again."

Rachel swallowed the lump in throat. How had she of all people missed how deeply Nina felt about her? "You need to try and let the sedative work now, okay?"

"Will you be here when I wake up?"

"Of course, I will," Rachel assured her. "I need to go talk to Skylar about what I saw and see if she has any ideas and then I'll be back, okay?"

"Thank you," Nina said sighing blissfully as the sedative began to kick in and her eyes closed.

Rachel looked down at the woman who'd somehow captured her heart. She leaned down and placed a kiss on Nina's forehead and then left the room.

Holding onto every bit of strength she had, she stopped by the kitchen where Skylar, Frank and Kendra were still waiting.

"I think I saw something in Nina's brain," she stated tonelessly.

"What?" Skylar sat up in her chair anxiously.

"I…" she paused knowing she was about ready to lose the grip on her emotions. "I just need a moment," she managed and then left the house

She made it several feet away from the house before her knees crumpled and she fell to the ground, breaking into heart wrenching sobs as she gave into the sorrow of everything she'd learned about the woman she'd thought she'd known and the terrifying fear that she wouldn't be able to help Nina.

Skylar was sitting alone in the kitchen when Rachel finally returned. It was clear she'd been crying and oddly enough that went a long way to convincing Skylar they'd done the right thing in calling her.

"You okay?" she asked as Rachel swiped at her wet cheeks and sat at the table.

"No," Rachel answered honestly, "and I won't be until Nina is better and back home where she belongs."

"What makes you think she's not home now?" Skylar asked seriously. "She's safe here, she can live how she wants and answers to nobody and she has people here who care about her without condition."

Rachel swallowed but didn't look away. "Maybe so, but back home she has me."

"Does she?" Skylar prodded.

Rachel frowned. "My relationship with Nina isn't your business."

"Actually, since she's currently laying in my bed, it kind of is," Skylar retorted. "But none of that matters right now. You said you saw something in Nina's brain. Any idea what it was?"

Rachel shook her head. "Not really, but what ever it was looked to be alive."

"Alive?" Skylar replied, alarmed.

"Well sort of. My view wasn't completely clear and I've never done anything like that before, but it looked like there were these little bugs or something."

"Bugs?"

"I can't think of a better way of describing it, but unless you've got an MRI thing laying around, how can we be sure of what it is?"

Skylar's lips lifted in a smile. "You forget what I can do," she said smugly. "I should be able to come up with a makeshift scan but I'm going to need some things."

"Do you want me to go back to the city and get them?"

"Nah. We've got a few people here who are a bit more adept at…subtle acquisitions," Skylar smirked. "Besides, I think Nina needs you here more."

"Oh. Okay. You know, I'm pretty sure that whatever it is in Nina's brain came from that shot she took."

"I agree. So once Nina is lucid again, we need her to find the person that gave her the shot from and invite him out here for a visit."

"Okay, even if you make an MRI or some other type of scanner, all that will do is identify something is there. How are we supposed to get rid of it?" Rachel asked, a wave of helplessness threatening to overtake her again.

"That's why we need the shitbag who did this to her. Any time some loser comes up with something like this, they always create an antidote or something."

"God, I hope that's true," Rachel said sadly.

"It's late Rachel. Why don't you turn in?"

"Okay I…oh damn. I wasn't prepared to stay the night," Rachel said in aggravation.

Skylar smiled and got to her feet. "Well, I've got some extra new toothbrushes and a t-shirt to sleep in, but we can get you some clothes when we go pick up supplies for the scanner if you want." Skylar paused and frowned at the shorter woman. "Unless you're wanting to go back," she added reluctantly.

"Are you…No, there's no way I'm leaving until Nina's recovered," Rachel replied quickly.

Skylar lifted her hands. "Okay, it was just a thought. So, I don't have any free beds but the sofa in the living room is kind of comfy."

"I…um," Rachel absolutely hated the fact that she was blushing "I thought I'd just uh, stay with Nina. If that's okay."

"Yeah, that may do Nina a lot of good," Skylar agreed. "So, hold tight and I'll get you some stuff you can use for bed."

"Yeah okay,"

Skylar left and quickly returned with a couple of t-shirts, towels, a toothbrush and other things she thought Rachel would need.

"Here you go. There's a bathroom in Nina's bedroom so you should be all set."

"Thanks." Rachel paused and then going against everything she knew, she quickly hugged Skylar. "Thank you, Skylar, for taking care of her."

Skylar couldn't hide her shock. Nina had told her how much Rachel dreaded physical contact, yet here she was embracing a virtual stranger. "She's my friend Rachel. Of course, I'd take care of her but she needs you."

Not knowing what else to say, Rachel merely nodded and went back to the bedroom, relieved that Nina seemed to be sleeping peacefully. She went into the bathroom and quickly changed and brushed her teeth taking more time than she really needed, suddenly a little afraid about what she was about to do. She'd shared beds with lovers before but it never went well. She'd feign sleep, unwilling to let her boyfriends know how uncomfortable she was by sneaking out early. Their smell, their snores, the roughness of their skin all conspired to keep her awake and drive her to near distraction and she'd leave the next morning incredibly tired and breaking off the relationship by the afternoon.

Nina on the other hand…Rachel had absolutely no doubt whatsoever that sharing a bed, even platonically would be different than anything she'd ever experienced. She knew that part of it was that she'd never shared a bed with a woman and women were softer and smelled different than men and were, in general, less intrusive, but with Nina it was more than that and she had no idea why.

"Are you going to get in or just stand there staring all night?"

Rachel jumped and squeaked drawing a soft laugh from the woman in bed.

"Nina, I'm so sorry I thought you were asleep."

"I was and I'm barely awake now, but I could feel you thinking."

"Oh."

"I know this will probably be hard for you, so I can go sleep on the sofa."

For a moment, Rachel was lost in the soft, sleepy timbre of Nina's voice and then her words penetrated the fascinated daze.

"Oh, no you don't," she said firmly and then crawled under the covers. "You're staying put."

Nina shifted. "But I know how difficult it is having someone in your space."

Rachel rolled to her side and placed a finger against Nina's lips, briefly diverted by the softness. Never before had she appreciated her abilities the way she did now.

"You're always taking care of me," she finally said with an affectionate sort of bemusement.

Even in her drug induced fog, Nina felt the warmth of Rachel's finger like a welcome burn. She pulled the digit away and placed a light kiss on the fingertip. "Rachel, you're a strong woman and don't need me or anyone to take care of you. I just…"

"You do take care of me," Rachel insisted and smiled at Nina's huff. "Now it's time for me to do the same for you. I think…I think you haven't had that enough in your life."

Nina looked away, her heart hurting at the truth of Rachel's words.

"Now, let the drugs do their thing and go back to sleep," Rachel ordered and ignoring her instinctive panic, she pulled Nina close, actually enjoying the feeling of Nina's head resting on her chest and the silkiness of her hair against her chin and for the first time in her life, she fell asleep without any of the dread and discomfort that usually plagued her.