Learning to Fly

Thank you to my beta mxpi1970 and my ever loyal pre readers who keep me on the right track.

I own nothing, not even a shot glass in McCarty's bar. Emmett gave me an official warning.

As always, all characters created and owned by Stephenie Meyer.

~xxXxx~

CHAPTER 4

CPOV

My mind refused to accept that it was Edward, my Edward, being wheeled to the OR. With a muttered apology to Emmett, I stood shakily to make my way toward the admit desk, but was intercepted by Alice.

"Carlisle? What's wrong? You look like you're about to pass out. Come with me." She led me to my office and I followed numbly, sitting down at the desk as she closed the door. I looked up at her, her face scrunched up in concern.

"The patient that Dr Anders is taking to the OR: his name is Edward Masen. Do you have any information on his condition?"

She shook her head. "He was just transferred up as an emergency patient. Wait – Edward? Not your..." She fell silent, a determined look on her face. "I can find out. Stay here - I'll be back as soon as I can."

I was a professional. I knew how to calm and reassure frightened relatives and manage their expectations about a loved one's condition. And here I was now - a broken puppet, my strings cut; no use to God nor man. I stared at my trembling hands, willing my breathing to steady and my body to calm. My eyes were squeezed shut, but all I could see was Edward.

What happened? When I left this morning everything was perfect in our rose tinted bubble.

I had woken early as was my routine for so many years. Our legs had been comfortably tangled, his body curled into my side with an arm draped over my hip as he slept soundly. I had laid there for a few minutes, listening to the sound of his slow, even breaths and just drinking him in. His unruly, bronze hair was even more dishevelled, his lips swollen and inviting, and there were dark circles under his closed eyes. I suspected worry and lack of sleep were taking their toll on him and I was loath to wake him from such a deep, restful slumber. But, knowing I couldn't leave without doing so, I rolled over and nuzzled into his neck, dropping soft kisses on his exposed skin before breathing his name into his ear.

"Wake up, Edward..."

He stirred, turning his head subtly and affording me greater access to his throat. Smiling, I lightly rubbed my nose down the length of his neck, leaving kisses under his unshaven jaw line. I heard his almost silent moan as his sleeping body started to come alive under my touch. My fingers fluttered down his spine and caressed the curve of his ass, ghosting into his crease and causing a flurry of goose bumps to flare across his body.

I whispered into his ear once again.

"Edward, are you awake?" I punctuated the question by lightly licking the inner surface of his ear, breathing warm air over the damp skin. His legs stiffened momentarily at the sensation, a low moan escaping him, but still he slept.

I smiled and disappeared under the covers, sliding down to where his morning glory was waiting, heavy and leaking clear fluid ripe for the tasting.

Looks like I get breakfast in bed today.

Wasting no more time, I let his swollen head slide between my lips, my tongue sweeping up the plentiful pre come before sinking down and sucking him in earnest - loudly, sloppily and with absolute relish. I felt the moment Edward woke, his body suddenly tensing, a gasp escaping him before I heard my name in his moan of pleasure. His hand reached under the covers and settled on my neck as I worked his cock hungrily, taking him to the back of my throat and eliciting throaty groans. I licked him clean repeatedly, before plunging back down, alternating the feel of tight suction with the soft, wet sweep of my tongue. His feet began to paddle the sheet, his hand sliding up into my hair as he began to babble nonsense; random cuss words of pleasure and gratitude combined with my name escaped his lips over and over as I pushed him closer to the edge. I felt his grip tighten as I sucked him deep, my hands caressing his ass, one fingertip glancing over his opening. I heard his harsh panting quicken before suddenly pausing as he erupted, pumping powerful streams into my waiting mouth. His intake of breath was ragged as a strangled cry of release escaped his throat. When his spasms ceased I let him slide from my lips, making my way back up to the pillows to be met by those beautiful, lustful eyes.

"Good morning," I said, as he pulled me in for a desperate kiss, his hands starting a dance of their own.

~xxXxx~

I waited an eternity for Alice to return with news, each second lasting an hour. When she reappeared her face was tight, and I felt a frisson of purest terror. When she spoke, her voice held a tremor.

"They're operating to remove a small blood clot in his brain. He was in an RTC; the police said his car is totalled and Edward is lucky to be alive. The other driver has no injuries - he's in custody right now. He was wasted on crystal meth."

Keep it together. Don't lose it.

"Keep me informed, Alice? He's not my patient, and so I can't be involved..." I breathed in sharply as my voice threatened to wobble uncontrollably. My hands balled into fists, my nails digging painfully into my palms as I pressed a fist to my mouth. I felt violently sick.

"Just so you know, I'm arranging a private room for him. I'm going to say he is family. That way you can be in with him and no one except the immediate nursing staff will be aware. Leave it to me; I'll sort it out."

"His friend - he needs to know what's going on. He's out in the waiting area. Has anyone spoken to him yet?" I choked the words out as I tried to hold myself together.

"Until the neurosurgeons are through we won't be able to tell him very much, you know that. Dr Anders will speak to him afterward. I'll go tell him to be patient – we don't know how long the surgery will take."

"Thank you, Alice. I don't have any surgeries scheduled for today – I need to keep it that way. I'll speak to the Chief and arrange for some emergency leave. I can't work right now; my hands are shaking too much to even hold a pen." I laughed, humourlessly.

She put her small hand on top of mine, squeezing gently. "That guy in theatre needs you to be strong for him. We'll be ready when he comes out, and you can be sure that Rose and I will take good care of him for you. When he wakes and asks for you, we'll come find you." She squeezed my hand tightly. "I promise."

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

~xxXxx~

Time ticked away as I waited for news. Alice kept me updated periodically until she reappeared, looking somewhat relieved.

"He's out of surgery. The op went well and they got all of the clot. He's going to be fine, Carlisle. When he's out of recovery, I'll take you to him. Not long now; he's going to want you there when he wakes up."

I let out the breath I hadn't been aware I was holding.

"Thank you, Alice. This wasn't how I wanted you two to meet, you know." My feeble attempt at humour made her smile."I'm going to talk to his friend now, unless he has already been informed?"

"No. Carlisle, are you sure you're up to that?"

"It'll help me focus. I don't think Edward has told him about us yet. He hasn't really had the time, so he won't recognise me. I'll go speak to him."

Gathering myself, I walked out to the waiting area and found the man still sitting there, a small island of empty Styrofoam at his feet. He looked tired and worried, a look I recognised all too well. Jumping up when he saw me approach, I noticed the potent mix of hope and fear in his eyes.

"Doc? Is he ok?"

I smiled reassuringly. "I have just been told that he's out of surgery and that it went well. When he's settled, you can see him if you wish."

"Is he awake?"

"He's sedated. When he wakes we will know if there is any lasting, residual... damage." I swallowed. Saying the words made the possibility all too real.

"Damage? Are you saying he could be permanently brain damaged, or something? Oh fuck - the cops better have that dude already, or I will not be responsible for my actions if I get my hands on him." I watched as his jaw tightened and he started to pace.

I held out my hand.

"Try not to worry unduly. We'll know more when he wakes. For now, you can relax; he has come through it well."

Emmett slumped back into the orange plastic chair, his hand rubbing his head, before resting back against the wall.

"He's my best friend, you know? I sort of need him around. Selfish, I know."

He loves him. Thank goodness Edward has someone in his life that cares about him.

The thought was comforting. As I turned to leave, I heard a yell.

"Emmett!" My daughter came hurtling down the corridor to be caught in his arms. "Riley told me where you were. What happened?" Her nose was red, her voice thick and uneven. "Where is he? Can I see him?"

Emmett gestured to me. "The doctors are just waiting for him to wake up now, and then we'll know more." Lauren looked at me and scowled.

Oh, this is going to be awkward.

"I don't want to talk to him."

Emmett looked confused as well he might. I sighed.

"Lauren..."

"No, dad! I'm not discussing this with you anymore. Is it your fault he's here?"

Emmett looked baffled at this exchange.

"Lauren!" She looked askance at my tone, one I rarely used with her, as I realised she could make this situation much more difficult for all concerned. Ignoring me, she marched off to the drinks machine.

Before the situation could escalate, Alice appeared and fetched me away, telling me to wait. As I stood a way down the hall, I heard Anders talking to the nursing team. He sounded confident of a good result and expected Edward to wake in the next few two to three hours, although it was very likely that he just regain consciousness and sleep again. I waited nearby; when he left the room he greeted me and walked away. Alice and Rosalie looked up and beckoned me in. They were busy straightening the bed as I finally got to see him.

Edward lay, pale and strikingly beautiful, against the stark white hospital sheets, and I ached to smooth his hair and kiss his forehead. The ladies withdrew tactfully, each touching my shoulder supportively as they left, quietly closing the door.

I stood over the bed, taking his hand in mine and gazing for a moment at his sleeping face, seeing the area above his left ear shaved and dressed. I touched his hair, trying to smooth it but settling instead for running my fingers through its softness. The dark circles under his eyes were more prominent now and I kissed him tenderly above each eyebrow as it I could magically make them disappear. The corners of his mouth were cracked from the breathing tube, and a massive bruise darkened his left temple. He looked like a beaten angel, and a tear slid down my cheek, even as I tried to be strong for him.

As I caressed his long fingers with my own, I whispered in his ear, words for him and him alone:

"From now on, no more sleeping alone like this; you belong with me. I need you, Edward. Come back to me."

Holding his hand to my lips, more tears escaped as I gazed at him, my shoulders shaking silently as I willed him to wake.

~xxXxx~

EPOV

I was underwater. The sounds around me were muffled and slurred as I tried to make sense of them. I realised I was breathing easily.

Not underwater then. But... where?

Opening my eyes I winced, the lights too bright and sending hot needles through my retinas. The words I was hearing were becoming clearer and I concentrated, taking a moment before chancing opening my eyes again. As I squinted against the pain, I realised that a nurse was standing over me. She was small, like a little doll, and smiling widely when she saw I was awake.

"Welcome back, sweetie! I'm going to fetch the doctor. You hang tight there." She vanished from sight, and I took a moment to acclimatise.

Why am I in hospital? I wiggled my toes and flexed my fingers. All present and correct.

I saw the pretty nurse return with an older man in a doctor's coat. His badge said Dr Anders.

"Mr Masen! How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I think. Why am I here? I don't understand."

"What is the last thing you remember, Mr Masen? The absolute last thing you did."

"I remember being at work early... checking all the clean glasses were out of the dishwasher and stacked under the bar. I was on my own; Riley isn't due in until eleven, and Emm doesn't work Monday through Thursday so it was just me."

"What day was this?"

I was lost. What was he getting at?

"This morning, like I said."

"What day? Humour me, Mr Masen."

"Monday, it's Monday. It follows Sunday."

"Mr Masen, it's now Friday afternoon. You were involved in a serious car accident this morning and we had to operate to remove a small blood clot under your skull. The operation went well. What you are experiencing sounds like retrograde amnesia which isn't all that uncommon with this type of injury. You've lost a little time prior to the accident. Hopefully, it will come back to you in a few days. Be patient."

"Hopefully? You mean I might not remember at all?" I tried to sit up and hissed as a bolt of pain went through my head.

"No sudden movements, Mr Masen; you have just had brain surgery. Now - Nurse Brandon will look after you. You have a call button to your right if you need anything. I'll be back to check on you later."

I looked at the pretty nurse.

"Uh, could I get some water? My throat is really sore."

She smiled and nodded.

"Sure, sweetie. I'll be back in a jiffy."

When she went to leave I saw her stop outside the door to talk to another white coat. I couldn't help feeling a sense of familiarity but I couldn't get a good look at him. However, as he turned to walk away I saw his face, and our eyes locked. My breathing caught.

He's the gorgeous guy from the bar.

He's a doctor!

Why isn't he my doctor?

I'd love to be looked after by that man.

I must be feeling better if I could still fantasise. He smiled, and I felt my stomach twist into nervous knots. Then his smile faded and his eyes closed as the nurse continued to talk, his face dropping at their conversation. He looked... sad. The nurse touched his arm and he walked away, rubbing his forehead.

Don't go!

The nurse reappeared with my water jug, and helped me sit up enough to sip a little. My throat was so dry it tasted almost as good as an ice cold beer. Looking up at her, I asked the name of the other doctor, the blond guy she had been talking to.

"That's Doctor Cullen, Doctor Carlisle Cullen." She watched me closely as if waiting for something. "Why do you ask?"

"I sort of know him, I think. Not his name, and we've not spoken as such, but I recognise him."

Her brow furrowed for the briefest moment, but by the time she met my eyes again her face was relaxed and open once more.

"You have some worried people in the waiting room. Would you like to see them?"

"Please, can you ask them to come in?"

"Sure. One at a time, though."

It was mere seconds later when Lauren burst in like a blond cyclone, running over to the bed.

"Easy! Easy! You're not supposed to run in here!" I held out my hand, smiling at her worried face.

When I managed to convince her I was ok and that I was going to live, I explained to her what the doctor said about the accident and my subsequent memory loss. I was bewildered when she started sobbing as if the world had ended.

"Hey! I'm okay! It's just a little amnesia – docs think I might get it back, but if not then I'll have to just live with it. Or without it, I should say." I grinned at her. "At least I'm alive! How much can have happened since Monday, really?"

"Are you saying you don't remember Wednesday night? You must remember, Edward. Try - for me."

She was starting to worry me. She looked at me so intently, her eyes puffy and red, willing me to recall the events she was alluding to. I had nothing.

"I met you at the bar after your shift ended. Mom thought I was staying with Jessica; she even cleared it with her mom." Her giggle was more of a snuffle. "She didn't know it was Jess on the phone the whole time. I stayed at your place, Edward. All night. It was so special." Her voice had lowered to a whisper.

I felt awful. She was so upset and I couldn't comfort her. While it was no surprise that we had finally slept together, I couldn't shake the nagging feeling that the whole relationship was a mistake.

Why do I regret something I don't even remember? It makes no sense.

"Lauren, I'm so sorry that I don't remember." Her crying intensified; noisy sobs that had me at a loss to know what to do. The blond doctor, Dr Cullen, I reminded myself, appeared in the doorway suddenly, apparently alerted by Lauren's desperate weeping.

"I think Mr Masen needs his rest. Come along, Lauren." He walked over to her and took her arm. She spun in her seat.

"No, I want to stay, dad."

I inhaled sharply, shock radiating through me at this new information. I couldn't meet his eye.

He's her father?

Did he hear?

Does he know that I slept with his daughter?

When I looked up, Lauren looked strangely triumphant.

Dr Cullen dragged his eyes up to mine. For a moment I was overcome by the naked emotion I saw there - the pain in his eyes took my breath away.

Lauren was refusing to leave, saying she wanted to stay with me. I heard her vaguely in the background as I gazed into his soulful, hazel eyes. When he looked away I felt loss; with the connection broken, reality burst back in at full volume. He informed Lauren forcefully that he was taking her home. As she was marched away, I heard her raised, jubilant voice. What she said made no sense, something about this being right and how it should be; a second chance.

A second chance at what?

As I lay there, puzzled and confused, I heard a soft knock on the door and, to my relief, saw it was Emmett. He looked exhausted. I grinned at him and he came in, turning the chair around to straddle it.

"Edward, you have no idea how worried I've been, dude. I have drunk a ton of that shitty coffee out there and I am wired. How are you feeling? They told me about your memory. That really blows."

"Yeah, I know. I feel okay. Everything moves that's meant to. I haven't tried walking yet - that's next when the nurse comes back. What can you tell me of the accident? Have the police said anything?"

"Well, your car is totalled; it folded like a pack of cards. The guy that hit you was wasted on drugs and the police have him. He probably doesn't remember anything either, but for a different reason. He has no injuries at all. I want to kill him with my bare hands."

"Emm! It's okay! I'm alive, and if the only thing to come out of this is a few days lost memory then that's something I can live with. I guess this means I have to go car shopping when I get out of here. Do you know anyone who has a cheap car that's decent?"

"I'll ask around. And I can help you with money, you know that. We'll get you something good. Any idea when you're getting out of here?"

"No, not yet; a few days I reckon. Anyway, it gives you an excuse to come visit me and check out the pretty nurses. Not that you have a shot of course, but you can dream."

"Hey! I'm a catch, I'll have you know! I own my own business and drive a nice car. And I'm not too tight to spring for flowers either." He bumped my shoulder playfully. "Anyway, I haven't been single that long."

"Keep telling yourself that, Emm! The truth is, you haven't dated anyone since Kate, and that was months ago. It's not healthy, man. You're married to the damn bar."

"I haven't met the right girl yet, that's all." He smiled, embarrassed. Anyone who met Emmett would judge him on initial appearances and see a big guy with a loud voice and an even louder laugh. But they wouldn't see the shy guy underneath who wanted nothing more than to shower a lady with flowers and affection. He was a true catch if only a woman would just give him the chance. He was that rare breed, a real old fashioned gentleman that respected women; unlike me, apparently, who was only after one thing.

"I slept with Lauren."

"You did? You never said. When was this?"

"Wednesday night, she said."

"Weird. Thought you would have told me. But that's your call."

"I made a mistake, Emm. She's so clingy, and I just don't know why we're together anymore. And I've made things a whole lot worse now because if I end it, she'll think I was just waiting to jump her - which isn't true."

"So what are you going to do?"

I had no answer to that.

~xxXxx~

CPOV

I all but frogmarched Lauren to the car. She was unrepentant about her lies to Edward, and we drove in silence to her mother's house.

Hearing her lie to Edward had nearly broken me. It had taken everything I had not to contradict her. He had believed her completely; and until she decided to tell him the truth, or until such times as he recovered his memory, I couldn't intervene. I was a stranger to him now; I couldn't just tell him straight out that we were involved. He had to remember it ... or rediscover us in his own way.

I had to be patient.

If this some kind of test, I pray that I pass.

Dropping off a sullen Lauren outside her home, I made sure she was aware that we would be talking about this very soon. I also planned on coming clean to Esme, so that she was fully aware of this turn of events. No more hiding the truth – she had the right to know that our daughter's boyfriend was now with me. It would also explain the attitude she was doubtless getting from our darling daughter – she was never one to confide in her mother, and would always come and find me.

I returned to the hospital, unable to be away from him, even now. Seeking out Alice and Rosalie, I outlined the situation to them, explaining what Edward now believed to be the truth. They knew to be careful with what was said around both Edward and Emmett until this situation was resolved. Lauren was playing a dangerous game with Edward's memory by trying to rewrite history in her favour.

As Rosalie turned to go back to work, she crashed head first into Edward's friend, now on his way home and looking far more relaxed than the last time I had spoken to him. She was mortified, apologising profusely as she made sure he was alright. I had to admit that, watching them and seeing their eyes lock for the first time with a mutual blush, I envied them.

Shortly afterward, Rosalie came to tell me that Edward was asleep and that I should probably get some rest too. The stress and worry had taken a toll on me today, and so for once I took her advice, stretching out on the little-used sofa in my office.

I woke suddenly, a voice speaking to me softly. Forcing open my eyes, I looked up to see Alice.

"What is it?"

"Carlisle – Edward's awake and asking for you."

I shook myself awake, tidied myself up and made my way to his room. I opened the door quietly, closing it behind me.

"Mr Masen? You asked to see me?"

He struggled to sit up a little against his pillows and I resisted the urge to help him, not trusting my actions.

"Doctor Cullen, I have some questions and I needed to speak to you, in private."

"I'm not your doctor, so this is not entirely appropriate. I can fetch Dr Anders if he's still here?"

"No, no, it's you I need to talk to."

"Very well. You have my full attention. What can I do for you?"

"I recognise you, from my work. I don't know if you remember me at all – I work the bar at McCarty's. When I saw you today, I got the feeling that something was different. I don't remember ever talking to you at the bar, other than fixing your drink, but there's something so familiar about you. Has Lauren introduced us?"

"No, Lauren has never brought you to my house."

He looked perplexed.

"Oh. Then, are we friends at all?"

I tried to breathe normally, not wanting to say anything out of line to provoke an adverse reaction as he struggled with his memory.

"In a way, yes."

His look was probing, and I felt naked in that moment. And then the hammer fell.

"If I'm wrong then I am so sorry, but the way you looked at me before - I have to know. Are we... more... than friends?"

As our eyes locked I struggled to hold in my feelings, to be totally professional, but I feared that every cell of my body was singing his name like a siren song. There was a definite shift in the air around us before I forced myself to look away. "You should get some rest."

He said nothing for a moment but looked at me intently; that look was the same one he gave me in the bar those nights when he thought I couldn't see. It was pure, naked hunger.

"I need to know." His voice was desperate, pleading.

My eyes met his, my voice a hoarse whisper.

"Yes, Edward, we are."

~xxXxx~

A/N – Voting is now open on The Sunflower Awards!

http: / thesunflowerawards . blogspot . com /

I am so excited that No Turning Back, Windy Afternoon & Learning to Fly have all been nominated in several categories, and I need your help if I am to stand a chance at winning anything at all!

SO – if my cliff hangers drive you crazy, vote for me as Master of Cliff hangers!

If you love Carlisle in Learning to Fly, or Alice in Windy Afternoon, vote for them as Best Carlisle/Alice!

Check out ALL the nominations and make yours count.

To quote Princess Leia: "Help me... you're my only hope."