Chapter Four: It Came Upon A Midnight Clear
Daniel was dreaming.
He was walking through a dense forest at night and a full moon was throwing wild shadows on the ground amidst tall pine trees, swaying in the wind. A storm was coming and he could see flashes of lightning in the distance and hear the rolling thunder. He shivered as the wind picked up and debris starting flying through the night air. Ducking behind a tree, he stood still to watch the scene around him. Suddenly, in the distance, he could see a shape slowly moving through the undergrowth. It was a woman walking away from him and as he stopped to watch, she got farther and farther away. He was sure is was Sha're but then she turned to look back at him and he saw it was Vala. She was dressed in a filmy diaphanous gown and the wind made it fly around her. He called out to her but it seemed that she couldn't hear him as she turned and continued to walk away. Just before she disappeared, she turned to look over her shoulder at him. She was crying and his heart broke for her but he still just stood there and let her go. Before long, she was gone.
He woke up with his heart pounding and as he gasped for air, it became apparent that he had been dreaming. It took a while for him to settle down. He reached for his eyeglasses and got out of bed to check on Vala, who was sleeping soundly and didn't look troubled. He closed the door and went back to his room wondering what had prompted the dream. He helped himself to a glass of water, and stood at the tall windows looking out at the snow.
It was so peaceful out there. The clouds were starting to break up and the moon was full, throwing shadows across the lawn. It reminded him of his dream but there was no way he was going to go out in it.
He went over to the fireplace and started a fire, then sat across from it on the love seat. He grabbed the blue afghan that Janet had made for him a few Christmas's ago, and pulled it across his legs. Then, he sat and thought about the dream. What did it mean? Was it anything important or just his mind's way of dealing with some stress? Why had Sha're turned into Vala? Why did Vala cry and walk away? The thoughts spun around and around in his head until he finally gave up and fell asleep. And he dreamed.
0 0 0
Vala woke up hearing the sound of footsteps in the hallway- someone was softly walking towards Daniel's room. She felt like getting up to see if he was okay. It was 2 a.m. and she couldn't think of any reason for him to be out of bed. 'Maybe he had to let the dog out.' No, he would have done that from his deck. She got up and tip-toed to the door and opened it a crack. Nobody there. She stepped out into the hall and looked towards his room. There was dim light coming from under the door, so he must still be up. Should she go and see if he was all right? She went back inside and sat on the side of the bed, trying to think about what was the right thing to do. She laid back on the bed and dozed off. And she dreamed.
He'd been sending her mixed messages, lately, and she didn't think he even knew it. She wanted to sleep with him, be with him, but she could tell he'd been troubled lately about their relationship. She wasn't going to throw herself at him. She still teased him with a bit of innuendo once in a while, but she saw that that really turned him off. And, it wasn't really her. She used it like a weapon and he knew it. He'd actually confronted her with that fact when she'd surprised him in his quarters at the base. But, the more she'd pushed, the more he'd backed away. So, she'd been trying to let him alone and let him make the first moves. And it seems to be working. He'd been easier to get along with, these last few weeks. So, should she go to his room and see if he was okay? As a friend? Sure, why not?
She slowly headed towards his door and knocked lightly, hoping not to wake Teal'c or Sam. No answer. Maybe he was in his bathroom. She'd just open the door a bit and see if he was. She pushed it open and looked around the room. Tut wagged his tail as he looked over at her but he stayed in his doggie bed. Daniel was asleep on his love seat in front of the fire! Why? He had that great big bed! 'Something must have woke him, maybe a bad dream.' She silently crept towards him and saw that he was really out. 'Poor Darling. I wonder what's troubling him.' She sat in the chair next to the love seat and just watched. He was so boyishly handsome, when asleep. Well… he was handsome all the time, really, but when asleep, he seemed to lose the lines around his eyes and take on a youthful appearance. And those eyes! So blue, you feel like you're looking into a clear lake and could fall right in. She sighed just thinking about it and before she knew it, she was asleep.
0 0 0
Daniel opened his eyes and knew instantly that something was different. First of all, he was on the love seat. Then he remembered that he'd gotten up and had been sitting there in front of the fire. The fire was nearly out and he looked at his watch to see that it was 4 a.m.. Too early to get up and make coffee. He sat up and stretched, noticing that Tut was asleep at his feet. He got up and walked over to the windows and saw that all the stars were out and the moon has set. He turned to head back to bed and then noticed that Vala was sitting in the stuffed chair by the fireplace. 'When did she come in? I never heard her. For that matter, why did she come in?'
He quietly walked over and knelt in front of the chair and took her hand and quietly whispered, "Vala, honey. Wake up." She didn't move and he wondered if he should carry her to her bed. 'Well, I guess that might wake everyone up. I suppose she could just sleep in mine.' He scooped her up and carried her over to his bed and set her back onto the mattress. After covering her, he watched her snuggle into the covers and heard her sigh.
'She looks so peaceful, laying there. Almost as if she belongs there.'
The thought startled him. 'Whoa! Hold it, Jackson! You don't want to start that.
Why not?
Because you aren't sure how you feel about her and you don't want to give her the wrong message.
So, what do I feel about her?
It dawned on him that he was talking to himself and he almost laughed out loud.
Okay, get a grip! Think about this. If you allow this, she's going to think that you want a more permanent relationship. Do you?
I don't know, do I?
Do you love her?
I don't know.
Do you even like her?
Yes, I have to admit, that I do like her. I didn't at first, but she's settled down quite a bit and she's turning out to be quite a lady.
How would you feel if she left?
She already did that once when she went through the super gate, and I felt terrible.
Did you miss her?
Yes! I did.
Okay, do you think about her when you're not with her?
Yes, often. He started pacing.
Are they good thoughts or the kind where she leaves you angry.
Well… for the most part, good thoughts. She's really become part of the team.
I'm not talking about the team, I'm talking about her and you!
Okay, Okay. Yes, good thoughts.
Can you see building your life with her?
Daniel had to stop for a moment. Could he? He'd been avoiding relationships because in every single case, he'd been left behind. His women either died, got kidnapped, or were ethereal beings… They'd all left him at some point. And in some cases, it was his fault. So, if he got involved with her romantically, and something happened to her…! He wasn't sure he could stand it. He'd seen her burn to death and it was almost more than he could bear. But, that was the risk with the work they did. He'd died and left the team a number of times. And he knew it hurt them. They'd told him so.
That got him thinking again about when he was ascended. He wasn't sure he remembered very much about that time but he had a feeling, a very strong feeling, that the reason he came back was because he missed his friends, his family, so much. He wasn't able to help like he'd hoped he could and he was so desperately lonely. All these years, ever since Sha're died, he'd kept himself apart from having female companionship - someone to love. Now, here he was, the chance of a lifetime to love someone, and he was afraid.
Maybe that was what his dream was about. She wasn't walking away. He was sending her away. And it was breaking both their hearts! They needed each other! Was that it?
Okay, so go ahead and take a risk. Why keep going on like this? You know she cares about you. And if it's true that maybe she needs you and you need her? She's been alone her whole life. Just like you, for most of yours. You both have a lot in common. Remember what she said about 'Survivors.' Do you want to just survive, or is it time to actually live? It's a risk, sure, but what is your life worth, without love?
When he got done talking to himself, he found that he was on the other side of the bed, pulling back the covers.
He took off his robe, crawled in beside her and turned on his side and closed his eyes. He was nervous but he could live with that. He smiled and drifted off to sleep. And he dreamed.
0 0 0
Vala knew something was different, the moment she started to wake up. She still had her eyes closed but knew that the sun was shining brightly on her face. She was warm and the sheets were so soft, almost like silk. Then she became aware that she wasn't alone. 'Wait a minute! I was in the chair. How did I get back into my bed? And who is in here with me?' She opened her eyes and saw immediately that she was in Daniel's room, in Daniel's bed, and he was there with her! She turned her head and looked around. It was 6 a.m.. He was sharing her pillow and was on his side with his arm around her. She scooted back a little bit and saw that he was sound asleep and was whispering in his sleep. She didn't have a clue what language it was but as she listened, she heard her name. That got her heart beating a bit fast. He was dreaming about her! And he wasn't angry!
She snuggled closer to him and put her head under his chin and closed her eyes. 'This is so nice. Like we belong together.' She laid there and thought about who she'd become and where her life was going. She felt safe with Daniel and wondered what was going on in his mind. He could have put her back in her bed. But, instead, he'd put her in his.
His breathing pattern changed and she realized that he was awake. She turned her face towards him and saw that he was watching her. He reached over and took a few strands of her hair and twirled them in his fingers and said in a low, husky voice, "Good morning." Then he kissed the top of her head and said, "Sleep well?"
They turned towards each other, legs tangled together, and she said, "Yes. Better than usual. You?"
"Mmm Hmm. I thought you'd be more comfortable in the bed than in the chair."
"You're right. I am." She played with the stubble on his chin and said, "I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I heard you get up in the night and wondered if you were okay. By the time I came in here to check, you were asleep. I sat down in the chair and was thinking and the next thing I know, here I am."
"I'd gotten up to check on you. I had a strange dream and when I woke up, I was worried, so I wanted to be sure you were okay."
"Really? That's so sweet!"
He pulled her close and said, "What am I going to do with you, Vala Mal Doran. You're starting to get under my skin."
"I don't know, Doctor Jackson, but this looks like a great place to start."
Their lips met and what started out as a sweet, light kiss turned into a breathless, smoldering infusion of passion, leaving them both wanting more.
Daniel pulled away and said, "Vala, I've been thinking a lot about us. I've been alone, for so long now, and I don't want to keep going on like that."
"What are you trying to say, Daniel?"
"I think I'm falling in love with you. No, wait. I'm sure of it! The thought of going on in my life without you in it… I don't want that. I want you a part of it."
Vala looked into his eyes and could see that he was serious. She smiled and said, "You know, I've felt the same way for a while now, but I wasn't sure what you thought. Do you think it could work between us?"
"I don't know but I'm willing to try, if you are."
"We have a lot to talk about. I know you've been hurt, Daniel. You've kept yourself apart. You don't have to anymore."
They never made it downstairs for breakfast. When they finally got dressed and headed for the kitchen, they found a note from Sam saying that the roads were clear and they were headed for the mountain to start work. He noticed that they had a half hour before they were due so they both grabbed a muffin and headed for his jeep. They made it to work, right on time, and their day began, much like usual. But, it was anything but usual and they both knew it. It was a new day and a new beginning for both of them. And for the first time, in a long time, life was good!
And then Daniel woke up.
He looked around and saw that he was alone in his bed, sun shining through the windows. Vala had never been there. He slumped back into the sheets and threw his right arm over his eyes and tried to think. It had been so vivid! So real! Finding her in his room. Debating with himself of the merits of a relationship. The conversation with Vala about their future. Making love. All of it! He jumped out of bed and headed for her room. He opened the door and saw the bed was made. She wasn't here!
When he went down to the kitchen, he found a pot of coffee had been made and a note. That said that Teal'c, Vala and Sam had already left. They knew he didn't have to be in as early as they did, so they let him sleep in. He sat at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee and thinking about he dream. Maybe he should talk to someone. Sam? Carolyn? Sam? Teal'c? He'd have to give it some thought. He took a shower and got ready for work.
0 0 0
Cam met Daniel as he exited the elevator. They were headed for the briefing room to get the specifics on their next mission.
"So, Cam, how was your stay here during the storm?" Daniel wondered if Cam and Carolyn had hit it off."
"It's was okay. I mostly stayed in my office getting caught up on paper work. I did have lunch with Carolyn a few times. Breakfast once. "
"Seriously? You should ask her out."
"Already did. We were going to meet for dinner last night but she was with her father and they were getting caught up. So, we postponed until next weekend."
They didn't realize that Vala was right behind them until she smacked Daniel on the butt and said, "Hey boys! Want to race?" She turned and walked backwards in front of them and said, "Last one there is a rotten egg." Then she turned around and sprinted down the hallway, dodging airmen as she went.
Daniel yelled after her, "Hey, no running in the halls!" He looked at Cam and shrugged and then went after her.
Cam could only shake his head and laugh.
"Hey flyboy! Sorry I missed out date last night!" Carolyn took his arm and said, "But, we could have lunch together, if you like."
Cam grinned. Things were definitely looking up!
