Alliance
"We need to get our crew back. I won't leave any of them to the Collectors."
"The Reaper IFF is online. I would like to run some final calculations before we go through the relay," EDI replied.
"Understood, EDI. Inform me when we are ready."
As Shepard walked to her cabin, the silence of the ship rang quietly in her ears, blended with the icy slivers in her belly. She missed the sound of the crew chatting, the incessant murmur that indicated occupied. Wearily, she surveyed her empty room. More silence greeted her. As she stepped forward, her eyes rested on the image on her desk, her mind turning to memories. The hollowness in her gut twisted a little more.
She understood why Kaidan had said those things. If she had been in his position, she might have felt just as betrayed and angry. And yet...shouldn't he have given her a chance to explain? If he loved her, didn't she deserve...something?
A sudden voice broke the silence.
EDI: "Commander. An unknown vessel is approaching on an intercept course."
She tensed. "On my way."
At the CIC, Miranda was waiting for her. "EDI, who are they?"
EDI: "The vessel has been identified as Alliance, with a single life sign on board. It is requesting permission to dock."
She blinked. What was the Alliance doing out here?
"EDI, Confirm Alliance signature."
"Alliance identifcation confirmed."
"Very well. Grant them permission to dock."
"Are you sure about this Commander? You don't know what they want," Miranda asked.
Shepard replied, "I'm still an Alliance soldier, Miranda. Let them aboard."
"As you wish Commander. Docking will be completed momentarily."
"I'll meet it there."
Shepard watched the shuttle gently touch down on the deck, wariness and curiousity running through her mind. This can't be coincidence, Alliance arriving right before we hit the Collectors. How did they know where the ship was? What did they want? Who was on board?
The shuttle door slid open, and a single figure emerged, clad in standard-Alliance-issue armor, complete with opaqued visor. Two steps out of the shuttle, the figure paused and pushed back the visor.
For a moment, she thought she was hallucinating. Too much stress, she thought. I've finally lost it. No, he couldn't be here. He hated her, he left her on Horizon, he couldn't be here now.
"Shepard. Permission to come aboard." His familiar voice echoed through the bay.
Her breath caught. It was him.
"Kaidan? What are you doing here?"
"The Alliance sent me. Councilor Anderson sent a communique that you were headed in to trouble. They are still rebuilding their forces from the attack on the Citadel, and didn't want to send anyone for what they called an "unperceived threat." But they wanted someone to evaluate the situation, so Anderson sent me. Alliance Command agreed."
"How did you know where we were?"
"Liara told us. She sent Anderson a message saying you were going to save the galaxy again, and could use some help. She mentioned you were last seen in the vicinity of Omega, so here I am."
"You should leave. Now."
His expression shuttered even more. "I have my orders, Commander. I'm an Alliance soldier."
She shook her head. "You don't understand. You remember Ilos, right? What we're about to head into is even worse then that. We're probably not going to make it, but we have to try. You don't know what you're getting into."
He stood up straighter, and actually saluted. "Understood, Commander. I'm coming with you, as ordered."
She shook her head, but she knew his stubborness. "Kaidan, this is a bad idea."
"Commander, if you're going in to battle, you'll need as many people as you can get. Particularly people who know how you move."
She felt the hollow in her belly expand a little more, but she could not deny the logic of what he said. She nodded. "So long as you understand what we're getting in to. Permission granted."
He saluted again. "Commander."
EDI flickered to life and chimed in, "I have prepared quarters for you on the crew deck, Commander Alenko. Please take the elevator to Deck 3."
Kaidan looked surprised at being addressed by the computer, but merely nodded. Without looking back, he stepped in to the elevator and disappeared.
*****
She strode back to her cabin, determined to still her roiling thoughts She had to focus on the mission or no one would be coming back. She paced back and forth in front of her aquarium. Focus. Exactly twelve strides from the bed to the door. Turn, twelve strides back. Again. Again.
She wasn't sure how long she paced, but it wasn't doing anything to help her focus. Finally she stopped, slamming her open hands against the rail of the aquarium, gripping the cool metal, using it as an anchor to the here and now.
Behind her, the door slid open.
It was Kaidan.
She turned, her face controlled, calm. This is just like combat, she thought to herself, stilling her thoughts, seeking the clarity of battle-mind. She found it ironic that she viewed the coming conversation as a battle.
"Shepard. Have you got a minute to talk?"
She nodded. "What do you need, Kaidan?"
"The mission. You said you were going after the Collectors?"
"Yes. We recovered intel that should allow us to navigate the Omega 4 relay. We're going to hit them at their base and take back our people."
"The Omega 4 relay? No one has ever come back out of that. Are you sure about this Shepard?"
"Kaidan. They took my crew. They took hundreds..thousands of colonists. We have to get them back. Lives are at stake. This is bigger then just us."
Kaidan shook his head. "You've got to be some kind of crazy Shepard. I guess we all are. But are you sure that you aren't being manipulated?"
"What do you mean?"
He started pacing. She noticed that he took the same path that she had used. "I asked you this before. How do you know that Cerberus isn't just using you to get what they want? I mean, we're talking about the people who turned colonists into husks. How is that any better then what the Collectors are doing? I'm coming with you, Shepard, but I don't know if I trust them."
"You don't have to trust them. Hell, I'm not sure if I trust them. Trust that I know what I'm doing, and that it's the right thing. Just trust me."
"I...I want to Shepard. I want to believe you are the same woman I knew. Two years ago, I followed you in to certain death, and you brought us through it.
"But it's been two years. Two years of silence. Two years of putting myself back together. Then you show up again, and you're with Cerberus! Cerberus! I still don't see how you could work with them and expect me to think you haven't changed."
Her throat was so tight, she could barely force the words out. "I don't expect anything, and I haven't changed, Kaidan," she whispered.
****
Kaidan turned away from her, fist clenched, and found himself staring at her desk. At his own image staring back at him, from a framed photo placed carefully at the center of the table. He touched it gently, the frustration draining out of him, leaving only confusion and wonder.
"Where...when did you take this?"
She let out a breath in a long hiss, gathering her patience. "It's your Alliance holo. I'm still a Spectre, I have access to all personel files. I picked up the frame while I was on the Citadel."
He turned to look at her. The sight that greeted him was the same that he remembered, that he had dreamed of for so long--the slender body, the commanding, tense stance. Only the uniform didn't match his memory. Cerberus. The thought was like an echo.
She would look exactly the same without the uniform. That thought was stronger. But he'd dreamed of her returning to him so many times. And each time, he had to wake to the reality of her death. How can I tell if this is real?
He didn't realize he had said that aloud until he saw her expression harden.
"Real? You're asking me if I am real? I spent two years dead! That was real! Waking up on a lab table, being shot at by crazy robots was real! Realizing that only two months have passed for me, and everyone else moved on two years ago is real! The truth is real! This is real!"
She clenched her hand into a fist and slammed it against the wall as she turned away.
"You don't trust Cerberus. Fine. But you have to trust your own senses. Am I real? Do I act real? Do I feel...real?"
He had never seen her so agitated since the Council grounded her, before Ilos. They had taken away her ability to do the right thing, and she had suffered. Have I done this, he wondered? His eyes followed her as she gestured and strided. As she turned away, he saw the glittering droplet fall from her face. She's crying? But Shepard never cries?
Before he realized that he was moving, he had closed the distance between them. As she turned back to him on her final word, he lifted his hand and traced a line down her cheek with his finger. She faltered on the last word.
"...real?"
The emotion on her face undid him. He could bear her anger, he had bourn her death. But as he looked at her, he saw the woman he remembered, and he could not bear her pain.
She stared up at him, still breathing rapidly, tense and fearful.
He spread his hand against her cheek, still uncertain. "You feel real to me Shepard," he said thoughtfully.
"Trust yourself, Kaidan," she whispered.
He took a deep breath and made his decision.
"So, we're really going after the Collectors?"
Confusion flickered across her face, as she nodded against his hand, still cupped to her cheek.
"Suicide mission? Going in with a renegade group to save the galaxy with little chance of survival?"
She nodded again, smiling slightly now.
"And we're going to save the galaxy and all those innocent lives along the way, of course. Just like old times." His gaze warmed. "Just like that night before Ilos. I assume you remember that? I have..for two years..."
Slowly, giving her ample chance to turn away if she wanted, he bent his head and pressed his lips to hers for a single moment. He spoke against her lips. "I choose to trust in us Shepard. I told you that I loved you, and I did. I do. Don't you dare die on me again, because I couldn't stand losing you twice."
A/N: This is kind of AU, but it's what I thought should have happened right before the Omega 4. Now, I have to decide, should I give them their happy ending soon, or throw a big ol snarl in their paths? Decisions, decisions...
All characters property of BioWare
This is also kind of in tribute to the wonderful Sharon Shinn, whose character Senneth from Twelve Houses is how I imagine my Shep when I play and write.
