Hello.
Thank you for your patience with this update. Each chapter can take me up to 20 hour to complete. Writing, redrafting, editing, editing it again... editing it again. It all takes a very long time, and I was beginning to think that there wasn't much interest in this story, so I had put it a little bit on the back burner. Although I do love writing it, that's a lot of time to spend on something that was just for myself. But it seems there are a few people who are really enjoying it, so I shall be continuing until the end.
A big thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, and given me their opinion. Knowing that there are people who I am entertaining, makes the whole process worth while.
Shout-outs to the people who are encouraging me to put in the hours: smoleren, inuyashamunkey, ONDER, HeartSNS, DeadThingsStayDead, Save Me From Candy, clio1111, and to all the guests who have posted reviews.
Unfortunately, on a little bit of a bitter note, there was one reviewer, who I can only assume is quite young: KamiKageRyuuketsu. And who I can only assume didn't read the fic and goes to many profile writing very graphic posts about how the author should kill themselves. If you do ever read this, or if anyone who does this or something similar ever reads this, I just want to say. I am an adult, so no, your 'lovely' words did not bother me, it is hard to feel attacked or insulted by a child, but, there are many children and young teenagers who frequent this site. You should not be saying these things to other people. I know you probably feel invincible behind your computer screen, but please do not forget that you are attempting to bully real people and probably a large chunk of these people are children. It is a sad world we live in. It did make me double-take when it referenced me cutting off and choking on my own d***, when I am, in fact, a girl.
Anyway, onto the disclaimers: I do not own anything but the AU and the writing.
(Chapter: 8,000 words)
Songs mainly listened to when writing: One ok Rock - The beginning / One ok Rock - Clock Strikes
I Don't Enjoy to Watch you Crumble
Present Day
My knees and elbows slide silently across metal as I army crawl through the maze of ventilation pipes. Droplets of sweat dribble across my forehead. They appear and sink into the black clothing across my body, sticking them uncomfortably to every inch of my skin, but I don't focus on the distracting heat. Instead I concentrate on moving forward, following the directions being spoken in a low voice inside my head.
Beeps resonate through the ear-piece, indicating my whereabouts on the screen in front of Gaara. I press a finger against the communication equipment when I reach a crossroad in the system of pipes and wipe my sleeve against my face. The material is already soaked through, so the sweat just slides farther across my skin. "Left or right?" I ask, knowing Gaara is already scanning for the safest route. I hear his breath and little chewing noises as he bites his gums. Even under the current circumstances, I smile. This familiar sound reminds me of past missions - Naruto by my side as we both roll our eyes at the sucking and chewing noises of Gaara concentrating. He's always been a fidget when his mind works overtime. I suppose I'm just glad nothing has changed.
"Go left. Right is quicker, but there's twice the amount of bodies."
"That doesn't bother me."
"It will if you run into thirty trained Suna agents."
He can't see me, but I nod. "Left it is, then." I haven't been in Japan for a year to mess things up now. I'm so close.
"Besides," his raspy voice echoes through my brain. "I still haven't disconnected their feed. These firewalls are like nothing I've ever seen." I can hear his fingers tapping against keys and buttons. "If I want to get through undetected, I'm going to need a little more time. Worst case scenario I can cut it instantly, but they will know."
"Fine."
"Don't worry, we're making good time. No one knows you're there, and that's the most important factor right now. If they find out Konoha are infiltrating them, it could cause a full out war, or worse, Sarutobi clicks onto what's happening and we all die for real."
Gaara's right. I want this finished, but all in good time. With his help from the inside and Juugo's intel, we've managed to collect enough information to know where their main systems are hidden. Gaara is the best of the best, but even he has limits. He has their camera feeds and live blueprints, but he can't steal their files unless I'm inside to upload his virus.
I squeeze my eyes together as salty liquid enters them. The dim light shinning across the metal gives me a headache, and I pray to be able to exit soon. Crawling around in this heat for an hour would take its toll on anyone. But I carry on moving until I hear a door slam through the ear-piece. I wince at the impact of sound against my brain. "What was that?"
"Fuck," Gaara whispers.
I want to ask what's happening, but I sit still and wait, listening.
In the distance something hits the laminated flooring of Gaara's apartment and footsteps echo through.
"What're you doing here?" Gaara asks.
"Why're you sitting in the dark like a creature of the night?" The heat in the ventilation system disappears, draining completely until a bitter cold reaches my veins. It's him. I can't believe it's him. But I suppose he did always have impeccable timing. I lean against the metal walls, unable to say or do anything as Gaara proceeds to converse with Naruto. I don't realise I'm holding my breath until I gasp for air.
"I still have your spare key. Sorry, is this a… bad time?"
"Yes. No. Why're you here?"
"I've quit."
"You quit teaching?"
"No, Gaara, I've… I've quit the organisation."
"What? Wait, why?"
"Yeah, it was considerably easier than I thought it was going to be. They just let me go."
"No, Naruto, I can't discuss this right now. I'm really busy. Please, you need to-"
More footsteps pad against the floor, becoming louder. "What're you doing?" His voice, his familiarly soft voice vibrates through me. I close my eyes and press my head against the metal. I would give anything right this second to see him, to touch him. And for a moment, I completely forget where I am, and it feels… wonderful. "Are you eyes-n-earsing for someone?" I smile at the familiar Naruto-ism. "Why're you doing this here and not at the Towers?"
"Naruto, please, I am extremely busy right now."
"I would've called, but, you know, they take everything from you when you leave the organisation."
"For God's sake, just get out, for an hour or so. Just… just come back later."
"Fine, jeeeeez. I'll go grab some take-out and a few beers, do you want anything?"
"Sure, anything, just take your time."
Naruto mumbles something that I can't make out through the ear-piece, but the tone tells me he's sulking. "It's good to see you, too." Is all I hear.
Gaara sighs into my ear. "It's good to have you back. See you later."
It's been over a year since I've heard his voice. Over a year since I've seen him. Over a year since he found out I was dead. My hair scrapes across metal ridges as I attempt to banish these familiar thoughts and feelings. Because they hurt. And right this second, I can't focus on him.
"Sasuke?"
"I'm still here," I mumble, voice quieter than I mean it to be.
"Sorry."
"Not your fault." I clear my throat as quietly as possible. "Which way?"
"Keep moving forward. At the end you want to make a right. That will lead you above the room we need. But there seems to be… five people inside. I can't really tell, their body heat is being masked by the computers, so be careful."
Thousands of tiny taps reverberate as his fingers fly across his keyboard, and I push forward, banishing the memories that are threatening to enter the forefront of my mind. I have to forget Naruto, at least for now. The distraction from the heat is welcome. "I'm into their feed. I can freeze it, but once you enter that room, you have no longer than twenty minutes before it'll be back up and running. It seems to have a re-booter every half an hour or so... That's actually really clever, why don't we do that?"
I shake my head. "Gaara, you can compliment them later. Not to sound selfish or anything, but I really need you focused on me right now, not their system management."
"More than understandable. Okay, stop. You're directly above them. There should be a shaft you can knock through. Do you see it?"
"Yes," I whisper as I crawl up to a section of grills. I peer down and squint at the new light that invades my senses. Five people, just as Gaara has said – all sitting at computers, typing silently.
"You ready?"
I pull the gun from the back hem of my trousers and lift it ready to crash against the grills. I know I can't fire, it'll create too much noise, but it's a lot heavier than my fist. "Ready."
"The feed is freezing in three… two… one… go!"
My hand slams against the vent's floor, hard enough to drop it to the ground and I'm through the hole before anyone can even jump from their seat. The agent closest to me, cladded-out completely in Suna uniform, kicks his chair in my direction, but I catch and flip it with the toe of my shoe. He falls unconscious when I bring the gun against his skull. Before my arm lifts, I'm ducking away from an onslaught of kicks. I roll, swinging my legs out fast enough to bring two more agents down. I flick my wrist, sending the gun flying toward the agent attempting to run from the room. His body crumbles, and almost instantly a weight falls on my chest.
A middle-aged wrinkled face appears, and my head slams sideways at the force of his fist against my jaw. The room flickers black for a mili-second, but I blink away the stars. His fingers wind against my wrist, pinning it, and he punches me again. I wrap my legs around his waist and squeeze hard enough to crush his lungs. He wheezes, before frantically hitting out and letting go. I take the opportunity to flip him below me and lift my fist to crash into his nose. Blood splatters across his face, and his eyes roll back.
"Room's cleared," I say, flicking my hand to get rid of the pain that sinks in from the punches.
"Nicely done. Any computer is fine. Just plug in the stick."
I pull a memory stick from my vest pocket and slip it into the USB port. The screen springs to life. Thousands of long stringent code blink across black boxes in different corners of the monitor. I follow some of the code, but it's too quick. As soon as it appears, it's gone, being replaced by the next string of unreadable letters and numbers and signs.
"Did you make this from scratch?" I ask, leaning closer and letting the light flash across my face.
"I did, indeed," Gaara replies, but he's pre-occupied. I hear him chewing and typing, and imagine how focused he always looked at the academy while in tech class. He told me once, which I can only assume he has never told anyone else, that his mother had been a computer genius before dying during childbirth with him. After that, it was obvious why he always worked so hard. I never said anything, and neither did he, but we both knew it was to make her proud.
And proud, she definitely would be.
"Is your face covered?"
"Not currently," I say, moving away from the computer.
"We're at seventy percent and there are people heading in your direction. We don't have long before the feed reboots, and you're not going to be able to make a quick get away through the vents. There are too many people in the only areas you can exit."
He mumbles, almost as if his focus is separating in ten directions. Which it is, but I know he'll give me enough of his brain to get me out safely. I've been beside him when he's, as Naruto puts it, 'eyes-n-earsing' for someone, so I know his head is currently flying from one monitor to the next, fingers moving so fast no one can keep up. "So, once this has uploaded, you're going to have to make a run for it."
"What?" Is he insane? He wants me to just 'run' out of Suna.
"It's currently your highest chance for survival. I can navigate you, but you'll have to trust me."
I smirk. "Always."
"Cover your face, the feed is going to pick you up before you can exit the building."
So much for entering and leaving undetected. Gaara can see the live feed, and he won't have time to explain. So if he says that's my best chance, then it's my best chance.
"Ninety percent. Get ready." I pull the balaclava from my pocket that I'd taken off to not pass out from heat stroke in the vents, and fold it over my face, adjusting it just enough so I can see through the holes. The material heats up with my breath, dampening it around my mouth and nose.
"Ninety-eight… Sasuke, no hesitating, when I tell you to do something, do it. Got it?"
"Why do I feel this isn't going to be easy?"
"When is it ever?"
"Good point."
"Ninety-nine… One-hundred. Exit room. Turn left."
I swipe the memory stick and grab my gun as I run out the door. The corridor flies past as I sprint.
"Stop. Right door. Three people."
The door swings open, crashing against the wall as I enter. No need for silence any more. If they don't catch me, there's no suspicion on Konoha. There are plenty of organisations wanting to take down Suna, some more than us. I point my weapon at three skulls, and pass them before their bodies hit the floor. Some may consider it unnecessary death, I consider it getting out alive. If I'm caught, that's the whole mission down the drain. Not only is my life hanging in the balance, so is Kakashi's and now Gaara's, and leaving Naruto would've been pointless.
"Left at the bottom of this corridor. One person."
I skid left, almost banging into the wall and duck to swing my fist into the Suna agent's gut. He grunts, crumbling to the floor as I pass.
"You have to move faster. There's twenty bodies heading in your direction. The feed is back live, I don't have time to freeze it."
I duck as something whistles passed my ear, but I don't slow down. Another few shots go off in my direction and I zigzag. Pointing the gun over my shoulder, I shoot in the direction of the bullets, but wince and stumble when hot metal zips past my arm, fraying the material and burning my flesh.
"Left door."
I slam it open. What the fuck. Dead end. I pause, taking in the long room with large windows from floor to ceiling. He can not seriously be considering… I jolt forward when another bullet hits the wall. Men's shouts filter into the room.
"Through the third window. Trust me. Move. They're right behind you."
Fuck. I grit my teeth and pick up speed, throwing my arms in front of my face before pelting my body through the window, shattering it into a thousand pieces. For a moment, everything seems to pause. Then air whizzes past. I must've been at least twenty stories high.
"Ledge. Ledge. Ledge, Sasuke. Grab the ledge."
I throw my limbs, twisting my body in mid-air and swing my hand out to grab one of the ledges poking out from a floor below, but the speed of the impact does nothing to improve my aim. I yell when my hand smashes against the protruding concrete, missing it completely and somersaulting a few more floors. I right myself and attempt again with my other hand, this time latching onto it in time to stop my body falling any farther. But I don't have time to let out a breath of relief.
Gun fire litters from the broken window, missing me and landing on the ground below. I'm low enough to jump and roll without breaking any bones, but it's still going to hurt. I suck in a lungful of air and let myself fall the last two stories, landing centred enough to tuck and roll back into a standing position. I stumble forward before catching my balance, and run in the direction I've parked the unlicensed Alpha Romeo I'd hot-wired and hidden behind a derelict factory half a mile down the road.
Unlike Konoha Towers, that stood in the middle of a thriving city, disguised as a business premises, Suna keeps their main building just outside Nagasaki, in an abandoned area that was never rebuilt after a nuclear bomb during WWII.
The black car comes into view just as the sound of motorbikes rev behind me. Bullets zoom past, but this time in hundreds of loud bursts. The machine guns throw dirt and gravel into the air, but they miss. I fling open the car door, jump inside and twist the key that I'd left in the ignition. It sparks to life and I sling it into gear before lifting the clutch and pressing the accelerator peddle straight to the floor. The engine chokes and I shift it into fifth. Old, worn buildings flash past as I pick up speed. Sixty MPH. Seventy MPH. Eighty MPH. Ninety MPH.
The rear window smashes and the rest behind my head explodes. Just a little farther and I'll be too close to the city for the Suna agents to follow. They're already falling back. And as glassed buildings and people come into sight, the motorbikes disappear.
I let out a sigh and lift my foot, and as I enter main Nagasaki, I slow to the national speed limit. I can't help the soft chuckle that escapes my lips. I'd appeared and left Suna so quickly, they had no time to even fathom what was happening. It was the perfect escape.
I shift the car into third gear as street signs and pedestrians filter around me. Hat off to Gaara, he got me out alive. Just one complaint… "You could've told me the plan was to catch the ledge before I'd jumped through the window." I twist the wheel and turn the car down a side road to park. I can't take it any farther, there may be a way Suna can track it, so I hop out and throw the keys inside. I peel off the balaclava and emerge back onto the street, where thousands of people go about their own business.
"I could have done. But then you might've realised how high you were and not jump."
I stop at a street corner and wait for the light to turn green for pedestrians, before crossing and entering a car-park where I'd parked the actual car I'd driven to Nagasaki in. "I'm beginning to remember why missions were more dangerous whenever you were involved."
"More dangerous or fun?" Gaara laughs. It's the first time I hear it since my 'death', and even before then, it wasn't very often I had the pleasure.
I arrive at the silver Mercedes and lay down to grab the keys I'd thrown underneath. I hadn't wanted to drop them while busy at Suna. I unlock the car and slide into the driver's seat. Now in the calm ambiance, It feels surreal that half an hour beforehand I was running for my life.
"Easy for you to say when you're sitting behind a computer screen." Everything is so silent; mine and Gaara's voices now the only sound, and for this moment, everything feels like it's back to the way it was. I press the key into the new ignition but don't feed the engine, I still want this peace for a little longer. "If this is ever the other way around, I'm going to have you scaling buildings with your bare hands when there's a ladder on the other side."
He laughs again, but it's cut short when the door to his apartment opens. My whole body loses its enthusiastic buzz as the adrenaline melts away to nothing. I know exactly who it is, and the peace suddenly feels very lonely.
"What're you laughing at?" Naruto asks in the background.
"Nothing," Gaara answers. I hear his swivel chair squeak as it twists.
"Are you finished?"
"Pretty much."
I play with the leather around the steering wheel, and for a moment, I wonder when the next time I'll hear either of their voices will be.
"Awesome. Get dressed, we're going out."
"But you've just got back."
"Yeah." I imagine Naruto fanning his hand in that way he always did when explaining himself. "But I met these girls when I was grabbing pizza and we, my friend, have been invited to go clubbing."
"Clu- No, Naruto, I'm busy. You've just quit the organisation; you need to slow down... And how did you leave for pizza and come back with an invitation out?"
The sound of a can's cap cracks. I can only assume the beer he'd left to purchase earlier. I place both hands firmly on the wheel and rest my head against my fingers. I suddenly feel very exhausted.
"Oh, come on. We need to celebrate, I'm now young, free, single and unemployed. That definitely deserves one night of stupidity." I hear him gulping at the beer through the ear-piece, and I close my eyes. Young, free… single…
Another can cracks. "Besides, those two girls were fit." My blood spikes hotter than when I was in the ventilation system. "When was the last time you got laid?"
"What?" Gaara's voice goes quiet. He's taken off the communication equipment and a sharp clang indicates it being dropped against his computer table. But I can still make out their words in the silence of the car. "One, that has absolutely nothing to do with you. And two, are you having some form of mental breakdown? What the hell is wrong with you? You've just made a huge decision, and now you want to go out, get drunk and laid?"
There's a long pause in the apartment, before Naruto speaks again. "No… not me… I'm not ready for… for that. I just meant, they seem fun. And that's really what I need right now. We're young, we're only going to live once. I just… I just want to have fun."
There's another pause, and I can imagine Gaara running a hand through his hair. "If you're going to stay here, you're not drinking every day like before."
"You're the boss." Naruto chuckles, and I hear the earpiece rustle as Gaara puts it back in his ear. His voice is as loud as before.
"I still can't go out tonight. I have work to do."
I sigh against my hands, head still against the wheel. "The files can wait one night," I mumble. "Go with him… make sure he doesn't do anything too stupid."
There's another pause. "Okay," Gaara breathes out, and I know that answer is for me. "I'll come out with you, but no longer than two hours, do you understand?"
"You won't regret this."
"Oh, I'm sure I will."
The line goes dead, and I'm left alone in the silence of the car, with nothing but images and memories of Naruto flowing through my mind.
FOUR YEARS EARLIER
We tried to avoid each other after that evening in Naruto's room. But it was impossible once he restarted classes. It began with full out blanking as we entered classrooms. Why? I'm still not completely sure. Especially since I was indebted to him. But his presence made me uncomfortable, overheated, irritated, and so I did my best to avoid him. I assumed he felt the same.
The avoiding soon converted to glares across the room, then to comments and remarks when passing in the corridor, until one or two weeks later, he flopped beside me in Computer Tech. He didn't say anything, just reached behind the computer to switch it on. Gaara peered up for a moment, then turned back to his own monitor, but before his head had turned away, I'd noticed the small smile and roll of his eyes.
I let out an audible huff so the blond boy knew I wasn't pleased about his intrusion, but I didn't tell him to get lost. And soon, we were back to normal and I'd forgotten why we'd stopped talking in the first place. I can only chalk it up to stupid teenage hormones and not understanding them.
He was now healed. No blemishes or broken skin remained across his body, and he was back to his usual self. Laughing and attempting to cause mischief until either Gaara or myself reminded him not to do anything stupid to get himself punished. He now understood, and unlike the Naruto who had no qualms at sneaking out of the facility, he thought about his actions and considered the consequences.
My pen scratched across the workbook, stopping every now and then while I glanced across the many guides and scrolls containing the information I needed to finish my paper on biological reactions to poisons. All generations filled the library – teenagers busying themselves with completing coursework that would be due in any time between now and the end of the academy year in two months. I'd never received anything but top marks on all assignments, and I wasn't letting that slip now we were near the end of our training.
We were the first year to graduate the program, and I was doing my best to complete our training as first candidate. I wanted to be Konoha Towers' new recruit. Only the best worked officially for the organisation. Others would be offered positions in sub-divisions, and I would not accept anything less than the best.
Silence enveloped the room, only being disturbed by the odd cough, turning page or younger generation whispering. So when a book clattered against the floor a couple tables over, everyone's head snapped up to glare at the offender. Attention was soon lost, and one by one students went back to their own studies. I watched as pale fingers curled tightly into long, brown threads of hair. His face was hidden behind shaking hands, but Neji was very distinguishable by his lack of haircuts over the years, even though the academy offered them for free.
He sat at his table, alone, as usual. Over the five years, I must've spoken as many words to him. We had no classes together, but I knew he wasn't one for wasting breath, and I respected him for that. He was the strong, silent type – made good grades and was a combat genius – but as I sat staring in his direction, something seemed off. A mild tremor resonated through his body, only really noticeable by the twitching fingers against his forehead and the shifting underneath his grey uniform. He suddenly stood, leaving his books and papers behind, before swiftly heading for the exit. I followed him with my eyes until-
"What do you think you're doing?" I knocked the pencil that had just stabbed my cheek out Naruto's grasp.
"You were staring."
"That doesn't give you an excuse to poke me with a pencil, what are you, five?"
Naruto grinned. "You tell me?" He pulled at blond locks. "How's my hair looking?" His grin widened when I narrowed my eyes. "Besides, shouldn't you be trained to notice your surroundings; I was holding that beside your face for at least twenty seconds."
"Do you mind keeping it down, I've read this same sentence five times now." Gaara's head remained lowered as his nose moved closer to his computer-virus guide. He flicked a page, red highlighter in hand to run across certain lines.
I lifted my pen to continue writing, but Naruto clearly had other ideas. His arms folded against the table as his head relaxed atop them. I attempted to scrawl out another few words, but I couldn't concentrate with those blue eyes following my every move. I took a breath to will away the irritating flipping sensation in my gut. "Now who's staring," I whispered, not looking in his direction. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how distracting he was being. His mouth opened to reply, but he was cut short by a new intrusion at the table.
Naruto's head raised as Kiba slipped into the unoccupied seat beside Gaara. The redhead slammed his course-book shut. "Now what?" he grunted. One thing I learned very quickly in our first year – do not disturb Gaara when he was focused. If his mouth was twisting around as he chewed his gums, you left him alone. I knew first hand that coding was extremely intricate work, and I wasn't even close to his level. Naruto would tease him by saying we could all see the smoke escaping through his ears as he concentrated. I doubted Naruto even knew what concentration was.
"Just a quick pit-stop." Kiba raised his hands in defence against Gaara's glare. "Thought I should let everyone know, Baki's released the timetable and partner list for the final test. I've just seen it posted on his office door."
Gaara and I had been expecting it, wondering if Baki would partner us again for the second half. My turn to withhold intel. We locked eyes, and I nodded. I was ready, after what I did to him, I deserved anything he could throw at me. And if it was at his hands, I knew I could handle it. Saliva slid my throat as I said a silent goodbye to, at the very least, a few of my teeth. But I understood, I'd do the same.
"I'm beginning to regret battering you so badly in combat training this year," Kiba said, focusing on Gaara. "We've been partnered."
"I'm with you?" Gaara asked.
"Yeah, he hasn't used the same partnering this time. I guess he doesn't want any revenge attacks. You're lucky, Uchiha, I heard what you did to him." He flicked his thumb in the direction of Gaara's mouth. "But don't be taking that out on me. If you want the canines, go for it, they might replace them with bigger ones, but no more."
"It's against the rules to discuss this." Gaara reopened his guide.
"Yeah. Yeah. Right, I'm gonna go tell the others, they might not know either."
"Wait," Naruto piped up. "What about me? I haven't even taken the first half of this test yet."
Kiba stood, and stepped sideways to push the piece of furniture back underneath the table. He shrugged. "I can only assume they're taking your performance in The Chamber into consideration? You're on the list as interrogator."
"Who am I partnered with?" As if he even had to ask.
"You're sitting next to him." Kiba's head tipped in my direction. "You put on a pretty big display the other month." He shrugged again as if it didn't matter. "Of course they were going to put you two together. Anyway, I'll catch you lot later. Oh, wait. Have you seen Neji? I was supposed to give him some coursesheets back, but he disappeared after we saw the list on Baki's door."
"He left about ten minutes ago," I said.
Kiba nodded, before moving across the room to invade Lee and Sai's study space.
Naruto's attention moved back to my face.
"He's right." I picked my pen back up, steadying my hand against the tremor that was threatening to show. "Of course they've put us together." I put the tip against the paper to make sure it didn't shake. We knew this was coming, but just like Resolve training, that didn't make it any easier. All we could do was pretend we didn't care, build up that barrier just a little bit higher, because really, how else did we expect to get through it? It was one last time. Just one. Last. Time.
His features scrunched. I wasn't peering in his direction, but I could see it from the corner of my eye. "What do you mean 'of course they've put us together'? Why're you so calm about this?" His hand covered my wrist, but I ripped my limb away from the contact. Gaara stared for a moment, before digging his attention back into his book.
I still didn't look at him, just focused on a scroll, pretending to read.
"Sasuke?"
I tutted. "They've put us together because you showed..." How to put this? "….That you weren't indifferent toward me. They need to know you will follow orders no matter the circumstances. It's why they put me and Gaara together the first time. They knew we had some form of friendship, they needed to know it wouldn't be put above the organisation."
"So they want us to blindly follow any order like mindless soldiers?"
"Yes."
"That's fucking ridiculous."
"Keep your voice down."
"No, this place is fucking ridiculous."
"You enrolled into the program. What did you think happened here?"
His hands collided with the wooden surface. "I'm not doing that! I-"
"You two, get out. Now." My head snapped in Mr. Kabuto's direction. The librarian was stood, pointing toward the exit, eyes glaring through his glasses. I'd never heard him speak before, but then again, no students had ever started arguing in the middle of the library. My teeth ground together. I had never risen my voice in the presence of anyone else but this idiot, and now he was pushing me to create a scene.
Dozens of pairs of eyes focused on me. Some shocked, others curious. Gaara just rolled his and buried his head farther into his book, not wanting to direct any attention his way and get kicked out himself. He was probably glad to finally have some peace. I threw my pen down and grabbed the paper I'd been in the middle of writing, before turning tail and storming out the library.
It didn't take long for the bumbling moron to follow. Halfway down the corridor, he jogged beside me and slowed to my pace. "Go. Away," I bit, focusing on the corridor ahead, doing my best not to scrunch the pieces of paper between my fingers. I did not want to have to rewrite them just because Naruto had pissed me off. Again.
"Wait. We need to talk about this."
"No we don't. It's against the rules. We can not discuss the test." I sped up, wanting to reach the dorms so I could lock him out. Did I want this to happen? No. But I knew there was no choice. We were all in too deep, I was not failing this final test after five years of being in this God forsaken place just because he couldn't man the hell up.
"Sasuke, wait." He tried to touch my forearm, but I batted him away.
"I'm not having this argument." I didn't slow down. "Especially not in the middle of a corridor. I've made a big enough spectacle of myself lately because of you to last a lifetime."
"Fine." For a moment, I believed he'd given up. But that was definitely wishful thinking. As if that stubborn bastard would let something like this go that easily.
I stumbled over my feet when Naruto pushed me. I hadn't expected it, so when he forced open the toilet door and pushed me inside, I fell beside the sinks. "What?" I shouted. "What the hell do you want me to say?" I stood. "There is nothing we can do, so what's the point in discussing it?"
"They can't physically make us do this."
"We'll fail the test."
He shook his head, arm flying through the air to hang by his side. "Who the fuck cares, Sasuke?" His fingers splayed open. "It is a test. It is a stupid fucking test in a stupid fucking school. There's a much bigger world outside these walls." His voice lowered. "I understand. Really, I do. You don't know anything apart for this place, but there is a very big world out there, big enough to make this program meaningless. This academy is not life or death. What will happen, really, if they fail us? You are so fucking conditioned, and you can't even see it."
My forehead wrinkled together, and for a mili-second, I almost believed he made sense, but that was quickly squashed. What did he know? He hadn't been here, he hadn't lived my life. My goal. I was graduating. I was passing this program. I had to, because I had nothing else, and I refused to believe that everything I'd worked so hard for, what I'd lost my family for, was all meaningless.
"Just shut the fuck-"
"Wait." Naruto's hand paused in the air as he looked around. "What was that?"
"What was what?" I bit.
His nose scrunched as he peered around the room. Soft thuds echoed off the tiles. Every couple of seconds, a dull knock would filter into the air. It came from one of the cubicle doors. I stepped forward, slowly, before reaching to push it open.
My hand flew to my face to stop the low moan that was threatening to escape my lips. Blood pulsed through my body, but I didn't move. I was rooted to the ground. One hand still over my mouth as the other hung in the air where I'd pushed the cubicle open. I hadn't even noticed Naruto until he was pulling me away; away from the boy's body swaying side to side, shoes knocking against the confined walls, long brown hair hanging over his face and down his body.
My mouth watered and I pushed Naruto away just in time to turn and throw my stomach contents into the sink. I heaved, sweat pooling from my brow, and gripped the porcelain. Sweaty fingers slipping over it as I caught my breath. I lifted my head to the mirror and saw Naruto staring into the self-made grave. My shoulders rose and fell as I breathed, and I watched through the reflection as he stepped forward to check for a pulse.
"We have to get a teacher," he said, voice no higher than a murmur. "There's nothing we can do for him now."
I stared passed Naruto, watching Neji's motionless body as the rope around his neck ticked him side to side. My sight blurred, and my grip on the sink loosened. I hated myself for bailing, but my body moved at its own accord. Somewhere in the distance, I heard Naruto call my name, but I couldn't respond. One foot moved in front of the other, until I found myself at my dorm. I closed the door softly, but the click sounded like a hammer hitting metal. And that's where I stayed, back pressed against the thick wood, grey material wet against my skin. The frustratingly claustrophobic feeling that haunted me throughout first year came flooding back. The feeling of uselessness invaded my senses. The old childish distress that I had locked away threatened to rear its ugly head.
I bit into my lip, because there was nothing else I could do to banish those thoughts and feelings. The pain calmed me.
I was not weak. I did not let my emotions take over. I was Sasuke Uchiha. It was all I had left, my cold exterior, my hard faced demeanour. I had created this persona to survive, just like the rest of my generation. We built walls, we blocked out our human reactions. But as I sat there, attempting to hold onto this version of myself, the walls crack. Naruto's words, Neji's lifeless body. All the pain and suffering and deaths that had occurred throughout my life up until that point, I couldn't get rid of them as they circled my head. Because I wasn't always like this, before this place trapped me, I was… My mother's face flew through my mind, childhood games, laughing, running after my brother, meeting the long haired blond… And then suddenly I was thrust into this world. I changed myself, and I was doing just fine before Naruto entered.
I slammed my head against the door. This was his fault. These stupid, irrational emotions, they all began when he appeared, and I wanted them gone. I wanted him gone.
I can't say how long I'd sat on the floor, because honestly, I didn't know. It could've been an hour, it could've been two, all I know is that I didn't move until the wood vibrated against my skin, fixing me firmly into reality.
Another knock. "Sasuke, are you in there?"
I jumped to my feet, swinging the door open so fast I would've knocked myself out if it had made contact. "Get. Lost. Naruto." I didn't want him anywhere near me. Deep down I knew I was projecting my own disgust toward him, but at that moment I didn't care. Even being near him was making my skin crawl. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? This is what happened when you got close to someone, you became weak. That was why I spent so many years keeping everyone else behind my wall. Nothing good came of attachments.
I shoved the door to slam it, but his shoe tucked between the frame. If the impact had hurt, he didn't let it show. He pushed enough to slip inside and closed it behind him before I had the chance to physically remove him from my presence.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I didn't know my voice could reach such heights. "Leave me alone! Over and over and over and over, why won't you just let me be alone?"
His eyes widened and mouth hung open, but he didn't speak. The only sound between us was that of my breathing. I tried to calm it, but my heart was racing much too fast to catch my breath.
"Sasuke?" he whispered eventually.
"No, Naruto." Although my voice wasn't at the level it had been, I still yelled so loud my throat throbbed. "You come here and you pretend to know what's happening. You have absolutely no idea."
"Sasuke, please, I know you must be in shock, but-"
"Shock? I'm finally seeing everything clearly. You make out that I'm the selfish one, but you're the one who decided to come here and destroy everything."
"Destroy everything?"
"Everything was just fine. How could you understand? You've been here five minutes and you act like you know everything, but you don't. You don't understand a fucking thing. So just leave me alone! I don't want you around me. I don't want you here."
If I hadn't known the impossibility of it, I would've sworn his usually blue eyes flashed red. He shoved my shoulder until I stumbled backward. "I don't understand anything? You are so fucking naive. How can you not see how brainwashed you are? How brainwashed you all are. You think you know what it's like to suffer? For fuck's sake, Sasuke, you just freaked out over a dead body."
He stepped forward. "You have been trained inside a school, a safe environment, so you have no idea what it's like out on the field, where every situation really is life or death. You act like you're the only person in this world who has ever suffered." He gestured toward the scars on his face. The scars that had not existed when we first met as children. "This place, no, this organisation is not the real world, but you are so conditioned you don't know anything else. You need to open your eyes."
I scoffed. Blood boiling so intensely, I could practically hear the steam rising, but shouting wasn't getting me anywhere, so I attempted a different approach. I smirked and folded my arms as if he was no threat. It was the biggest insult I could give. "Are you finished? Because you really are just giving me a headache." I was hiding the anger so acutely, my voice trembled as I spoke.
His mouth gaped, but he just sniffed out a patronising laugh. That face, that stupid fucking patronising face, it's what tipped me completely over the edge. My fist flew toward it, but he grab my sleeved arm. His other hand jammed into my uniform and I grunted when he swung me against the door.
Air left my lungs, and I opened my eyes just in time to see a fist hurtling toward my face. But the pain never came, instead he collided with the wood beside my head. Dark blue eyes glared at me through slits. His chest rose and fell rapidly, and for a moment, we just stared. Stared at each other, daring the other to speak, but the words never came.
Instead, the now bloodied hand lifted to touch my face. I can only remember swallowing hard before his lips were touching mine. I froze. A fight I could handle, but this… my whole body stiffened, palms flattening against the wood behind me. Eyes still wide. Breath caught in my lungs. And almost as soon as it began, it was over. He'd pulled away, but he didn't look at me, his eyes roamed the floor and he released my grey shirt. He stepped back, but I still couldn't move. All anger had faded, leaving nothing but an empty hole in my chest.
"I'm sorry," was all he said before grabbing the door handle and pulling, dragging me forward as it opened. I didn't turn to watch him leave, but I heard the door click shut as he disappeared.
Thank you very much for reading. If you can take the time out of your busy day to leave me your opinion in a review, that'd be very much appreciated.
Ugawa
x
