I forgive you, I'll forgive you

For blue, blue skies

-.-.-.-

The bride looks beautiful.

Her long brown hair cascades in waves down her back, and the slip dress she's wearing makes her look like the definition of elegance. The ceremony is simple; a small gathering of close friends and family in the church she grew up attending, and the reception is held in the backyard of one of their closest friends, which had been redecorated to fit the special occasion.

The groom looks nervous and ecstatic as the priest moves the ceremony along. He has this unrelenting feeling in the pit of his stomach that the girl in front of him is about to realize the mistake she's likely making and run out on him. They've both done that enough in the past.

His brown eyes are wide and he keeps fidgeting with the edge of his tuxedo's jacket until his bride's reassuring smile meets his gaze, and in that same instant all his worries are vanished.

Because he has loved this girl for as long as he can remember. The moment she walked into his life, he knew that they were meant to be. Sure, it might have taken them a few years and a lot of ups and downs and being separate and with other people, but they were here now, and that was all that mattered.

"I now pronounce you Man and Wife; you may kiss the bride."

-.-.-.-

"And this one is named Kendra."

Beck watched with unwavering attention as the little girl in front of him went on to describe in full detail every single one of the dolls she had in her frilly, lilac-colored bag. They were all spread out on display on the empty space the bench beside him had, their apparent purpose being to 'keep him company'.

If anyone had told Beck Oliver five years ago that he would be spending a wedding reception hanging out with a little girl and listening to her explain the vast and complex history of each and every one of her dolls to him, he would have laughed in their face and ordered another shot of whisky.

And yet, here he was.

"Why did you name her that?" he asks, smiling when she lifted one of her small hands to her face and pressed a finger against her chin, her ocean blue eyes glistening with absolute concentration.

"I had a friend named Kendra when I was a baby," she replies with all the regal poise and disregard that only a child could muster.

"When you were a baby?" Beck questions her, widening his eyes and allowing his mouth to gap open in mock surprise at her answer. "So if you're not a baby anymore, what are you now?"

The grin that forms on her lips steals his heart, and she proceeds to exclaim "Daddy's Girl!" with an open pride and adoration that makes it skip a beat (or three).

The wind is blowing through her shiny, chestnut brown curls and the pink and white flowers in her hair, along with the knee-length carnation-pink dress, make her look like a prettier version of any princess he had ever seen or read about. Beck thinks it's kind of fitting how her name meant "Queen of the Fairies," given the little girl's tendency to look and act like one. Her eyes never failed to twinkle with curiosity and the edge of her lips always lifted in an innocent smile that was full of mischief.

She was a free spirit; just like her mother.

"Hmm, and I thought I'd at least get a little credit."

Beck turns around to meet the voice that'd interrupted his conversation, not being the least offended when the girl in question dropped all pretenses of being interested in their small talk and ran to her godmother's opened arms.

"Noni!" she squealed, stretching out her arms for Tori to pick her up. She does so, cradling the girl to her chest and laughing when her thin arms wrapped around her neck in a bear hug.

"Chipmunk!" Tori answers back, returning the embrace. "Did you have fun earlier? I know weddings can be kind of boring, even for big girls like you."

"It was okay," she shrugs off, but then remembers something and her big blue eyes widen and she exclaims excitedly, "Noni, you looked so pretty! Like a princess!"

"Thank you, Avery," she answers, lowering the girl back on her feet and tucking a loose curl behind her ear. "I think we all know you were the prettiest girl there, though."

"Mr. Beck said I look like a fairy," she giggles, making a show of spreading her arms out and twirling around before a bout of dizziness takes over her little body and she stumbles on her feet.

"You do look like a fairy," Tori agrees, laughing when Avery falls on her behind and grins at the new challenge. She leans down and mock whispers in her ear: "You know, I heard that Aunt Cat has a whole bag filled with gifts for you, and your brother is already inside with her."

The girl squeals, and she seems to have some sort of internal dilemma as she's torn between picking up her dolls and running off to find the alleged gifts. Finally, she returns her attention to Beck and speeds towards him until she's standing at his side. Grabbing onto his hand, she steps on her tippy-toes so she can be at almost eye-level with the sitting man.

"Can you take care of my dolls?" she asks him, turning on her smothering eyes until a grin breaks out on Beck's face. "I promise I'll come back to get them really soon!"

Beck laughs, before nodding his acceptance. "No problem, kiddo."

And then she's off.

"Beck," she hears Tori call beside him, a small smile gracing her pretty lips. "I wasn't sure you'd show up when I missed you in church."

He shrugs, offering her a place on the bench beside him. "I figured I'd avoid making a possible scene. I know I'm not exactly a lot of people's favorite person."

And they both knew that was true.

It'd taken him months to work up the courage to apologize to Tori for his rude behavior. He'd known since the moment he'd uttered the insults all those years ago that they were false and cruel, but his hurt pride and ego had spat them out in one of his less than dignified moments. He still hadn't really forgiven himself for the hurt he knew he'd caused her, but she seemed to be more than happy to mend fences.

He was pretty sure he didn't deserve her friendship back, but he was grateful for it nonetheless.

"I know, but Andre and I are really happy you came."

"Well, I wasn't about to miss your guy's wedding," he answers, grinning when a radiant smile breaks out on her face. "Jade always swore you two would end up together."

Her smile falters and her nose scrunches up, highlighting her trademark cheekbones. "Are you," she murmurs out. "Are you okay with being here with them? I can't imagine meeting Avery could have been easy for you."

"It's fine," he dismisses her, trying almost in vain to ease the tension he can see forming on her shoulders. "I knew what I was getting myself in to. This is their home, after all."

"I know, but that doesn't mean some things don't still hurt," she retorts, her voice soft and comforting. "I know how much she meant to you."

"Stop it," he answers instead, because it's bad enough that he's here already; he does not feel like going down Memory Lane at the moment. "This is your wedding and we should be talking about that instead of bringing up the past. It's been years since the last time I saw her, anyways."

"You sure?" she asks, still unconvinced. "It may be my wedding, but you're my friend and that matters more to me than a party."

"I'm fine," he promises. "Really."

It's okay that neither one believes it.

-.-.-.-

It takes the little fairy more than an hour to come back, and when she finally does, she's not alone.

"Mommy, he's over here."

Beck hears her little voice travel over, and he lifts his gaze to see her pulling at her mother's hand and leading her and a little boy who couldn't be more than five years old towards him. He doesn't have to strain himself to figure out it's Jade's son; the black hair and blue eyes gave away his parentage in a heartbeat. "Matthew said I lost my dolls but he's lying; Mr. Beck has them."

He watches the exact moment in which Jade freezes her movements, demanding her children stop and pay attention to her. "Who's Mr. Beck?"

"He's one of my Noni's friends," she explains, and Beck can hear the exasperation in her voice. "He was sitting by the roses and I showed him my dolls."

"Avery, what have I told you about running off where I can't see you?" she reprimands her daughter, short and stoic, arching an elegant eyebrow and patiently waiting for her rules to be repeated verbatim.

"Not to do it," answers the small voice, and Beck can swear that the vulnerability in it is not sincere, but rather the girl's ingenious way of getting out of trouble.

"And what did I say about speaking with people you don't know very well, even if they're in our home?"

"But mommy," the little girl whined, pouting her lower lip and widening her eyes before she began to explain the innocent reasoning behind her actions. "Mr. Beck looked really lonely and it made me sad."

Jade turns her attention to him then, offering the man in question a small smile in greeting and softening her gaze at her daughter's words. "I know you only wanted to make him feel better, but next time remember to tell me before you run off like crazy. You had me worried."

Avery nods fervently, lifting her hands to cup Jade's cheeks before pressing her tiny forehead against her mother's. "Promise," she states, and a smile breaks across her face before she drops a kiss on the tip of Jade's nose. "I love you, mommy."

Jade laughs, knowing she was getting suckered out of a stern talk with her daughter but not particularly caring. She turns sideways and runs her fingers through her son's hair, ruffling the strands in the process. He scowls, but Beck can see the grin that breaks across his face before he hugs onto Jade's legs. "Mom!," he complains, but then he looks up and catches Beck's gaze.

"Who is he?" Matthew questions, lifting his hand to point a finger at Beck.

"He's an old friend of mine," Jade explains. "We went to school together."

"He has my dolls," Avery states, and she's standing in front of him in a flash. Beck smiles when she carefully packs them all back into her bag, before turning back to him and wrapping her little arms around his neck. "Thank you."

He returns the embrace, and then she's gone.

But he can see the way Jade seems to have stopped breathing, and it doesn't matter that he hasn't seen her in over five years or that she has a new family because he can still read her like an open book, and he knows that on some bizarre level, she feels guilty.

"Avery, Matthew," she calls out to both her children, who instantly perk up to listen for directions. "The first one to catch Uncle Robbie doing something weird gets first dibs at the cake."

Beck can't stop the smile that forms on his face when he watches both kids set off in a run, laughing the whole way, and he's reminded of the mischievous streak that used to take over Jade whenever she felt a challenge rising. It's funny, he thinks, how even though both her children ultimately looked like Ryder, they had a tendency to act like their mother.

"Beck."

Oh, yes. Said mother hadn't left yet.

"Jade."

"I see you met my kids," she states, before grinning with undisguised pride. "Of course the little rascals couldn't stay out of trouble."

He nods, because to be honest he doesn't know what else to do. Sure, he knows the polite thing to do, the expected thing to do, would be to act along and tell her that her kids are great and that he's great and that he's glad she's great and that everything is just fucking great and that seeing her again is great, but he somehow knows she wouldn't buy that.

"They're great," he replies, and he tries hard to bite down the vile that burns his throat because what the fuck.

She fidgets in front of him, grabbing one of her arms and radiating discomfort with every move she takes. Finally, he watches intently as she takes a few steps and sits down beside him, the bench suddenly feeling much smaller than it used to.

Jade takes a deep breath, but her gaze isn't on him. Instead, it's fixed on one of her rose bushes and on the firefly that's currently circling it. Quietly, almost as if to not disturb him, she asks "Are you okay?"

They've known each other too long, been through too much, to play around the edges. She respects him enough not to pretend like he's just some old friend she hasn't seen in a while, or like a jilted crush she broke up with on good terms, and he likes to think he's grown up enough to do the same.

He knows she's not asking if he's okay right now or if he needs a drink of water because he's thirsty. She's asking if he's okay.

Okay since she left him. Okay since she went on to have more children. Okay since she avoided him like the plague. Okay with her moving back to Los Angeles and across the country from him. Okay with her loving another man.

Okay without her.

Beck stops to think about his answer.

Was he okay with this?

At the most basic level, he knows this path of absolutely silence and absence is the only one they have left.

They've never really been friends. The moment he saw her, back when he was fourteen, he knew that there was no way he could ever be her friend. She was bright and intimating and captivating and all he knew was that he wanted to kiss her, and you don't kiss your friends. Sure, they eventually grew up to be each other's everything, and he loved her more than anyone else in the world.

She was his girl, his lover, and if he believed in those kinds of things, he would say she was his soul mate.

But she was never his friend, and she never would be.

Just as she would never be his lover again.

She's staring at him now, but he can't bring himself to answer her honestly. Instead, he replies with his own question. "Are you happy?"

"Yes," she answers immediately, and he knows deep in his heart that she's telling the truth. "Matthey and Avery and Ryder; they make me happier than I ever knew I could be."

"I'm happy for you," he confides, and that, at least, is true.

"You're better, too," she notes. "Tori told me you just booked two big films; I know how much you've always wanted to do just movies and let go of television. I'm sure you'll do amazing."

"Thanks," he answers, and then they both stay quiet.

"Don't you miss it?" he finally breaks the silence. "Acting and singing?"

She seems taken aback with the question, and Beck thinks she's about to tell him it's none of his business and walk away but then she surprises him. "Sometimes," she admits.

"Why'd you stop?"

"Because I grew up," she answers. "I grew up and suddenly singing and acting for other people didn't feel as important as singing my kids to sleep at night or constantly acting like a fool just to make them laugh. Sure, I could have kept on singing and acting and gotten babysitters and made sure they were properly looked after, but I didn't want to; I just wanted to be with them."

"But it was everything you wanted," he retorts, confused and trying to decipher her thought process. "You always said you wanted to be famous; to make your mark."

"Things change; people change, and I have made my mark," she contradicts him. "Two of them, actually."

"Matthew and Avery."

"Exactly."

She looks away and runs a hand through her loose hair. It's short again, barely grazing her bare shoulders and emphasizing the sweetheart cut of her lilac dress. The black tresses remind him of a time when she used to love singing and acting for him, but he decides it's not the time to let those feelings surface.

"Why didn't you come back?"

The question hits him out of nowhere, and Beck swears he can hear his heart pounding against his ribcage. "What?" he stutters out.

"Why didn't you come back?" she repeats, and she's looking straight at him now and he wants to get up and run away as fast as he can. "After you got famous, you could have come back."

"I didn't think you'd take me back," he answers, but even to him it sounds like a lie.

"I waited for you," she confesses. "I waited for almost two years. Even after you got famous and after you dated half of Manhattan; I was always waiting for you. It was pathetic, and I didn't care."

"But I thought you and Ryder," he starts, but she cuts him off.

"Ryder and I didn't start a relationship until after I turned twenty two. He came back since before that, way before that, but I didn't actually give him a chance until then. Still, you haven't answered the question," she reminds him.

Why didn't he come back?

He could say he doesn't know. He could tell her he thought she wouldn't take him back or that he wasn't allowed to. He could give her a long sob story about how he wanted to go back for her, but there were obstacles in his way that simply worked against their relationship.

"I was afraid," he goes with the truth instead. It's not like he has much more to lose, anyways. "I hated who I was becoming. Everybody was always telling me how they loved me and how they were my friends but I didn't buy it. Those people didn't even know who I really was. I just, I needed to know that there was somebody who still remembered me, someone who loved me for who I really was. If even you hated me, what hope could I possibly have?"

"I will always love you. I think it's physically impossible for me not to."

"Yeah," he retorts, knowing exactly what she was referring to and making no allusions to anything greater. "But you're not in love with me anymore. Not in the way you used to be when you were a teenager and definitely not nearly enough to ever give us another try. Not that you should ever even want to, and not in the way that you love him and your family. I see that now, and honestly, I understand."

"They mean everything to me."

"As they should," he replies, placing his hand over hers on the bench to give her a reassuring squeeze. "Go on, it's getting late and I'm pretty sure your kids are giving Robbie hell right now."

"Thank you," she replies before standing up and walking away, looking over her shoulder to send him a farewell smile.

She smiles at him, and he can see the shadow of guilt is gone. She seems relieved and he feels something inside of him that had previously been numb swell at the realization that for the first time in a long time, he's responsible for a little part of her happiness.

-.-.-.-

She's standing on a make-shift stage, singing a love song while the bride and groom complete their first official dance as Mr. and Mrs. Harris.

Her children are sitting down cross-legged in front of her, staring in awe at their gorgeous mother while the rest of the guest ohh and ahh over Tori and Andre.

On any other occasion, Beck would have been watching the happy couple as well, but he just couldn't bring himself to tear his attention away from Jade. It was the first time he'd heard her sing live in more than eight years, and if there was one thing he'd always been a sucker for, it was her voice.

"She's still amazing, isn't she?"

He doesn't have to turn around to know who's speaking to him. "She is. You're a lucky guy."

"I know," Ryder replies, but he doesn't sound smug about it. He sounds thankful and as if he himself was still not quite sure how he'd ended up with so much. For the first time, Beck thinks he can see what everyone else was always going on about when they claimed that Ryder had changed.

He likes to think that he can, too.

"You have everything I ever wanted," Beck admits, the truthful observation surprising him as it spills out of his throat and hangs in the air.

"I think," begins Ryder, and his voice lowers so that only Beck can hear him. He's not trying to hide or mask his words, but is instead offering him a small sign of respect and acceptance. "That the only difference between you and I is that you wanted a lot of things, and all I ever really wanted was her."

He thinks that truer words were never spoken.

"You make her happy," Beck declares, taking a sip out of his whiskey.

"I like to think so," Ryder nods, smiling as he watches Avery lean her head on her brother's shoulder. "God knows she and my kids make my life."

"That's all anyone can really ask for."

The music stops, and Beck hears as the applause spreads throughout the room, signaling the end of the couple's dance. Quietly, he slips out of the room and doesn't stop to look back. A new emotion washes over his body, and for once, he feels like he can breathe again.

He knows he's going to be okay, because she's happy.

And somehow, that's enough to give him peace.

-.-.-.-

FIN.

Thanks to everyone who followed this story! Also, don't hate me for the ending, you can all direct your anger towards Bria (boughthedream) for forcing me to rethink the bade ending.

Kendra gets a doll named after her because I was supposed to update this for her days ago and she did a twitter thing, too. Cause, ya know, she's a G like that.

Also, shameless amounts of bade promised in my new fic, Paper Doll. Check it out if you haven't!

Lauren, Michelle, Brittany and Mad: you guys are awesome.

-Lori