I don't update as fast, buuuut my chapters are getting to be longer and longer… I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing XD;
Thanks for reviewing, it's a nice kick in the ass for me to continue writing ;D Also, since I've had nice reactions with Lily and others, I'll add some development with her :D
(and I have some candy by the end of this chapter, I really hope you enjoy 8D)
Miku was late for school, again. She had ended up cooking not only for Luka, but for Miki and the three blond siblings too. That evening flew by and before they knew it the clock hit midnight. Everyone excused themselves and when Miku finally could go to bed, she barely had 5 hours of sleep left. Miki, on the other hand, hardly needed any sleep and had left early since she had to train with the track club. End result was Miku running around the apartment to be ready on time. Fortunately, she had her own personal chauffeur. To whom she wanted to ask a million questions.
A short moment of silence and she couldn't hold it in. "Luka told me you two…" Miku started, watching the other woman.
Lily grinned. "Oh really? I didn't expect she'd ever talk about that. Well. Does that change who she is to you?" She glanced back at her.
She shook her head briskly. "No, of course not, she said you were kids… "
"Ouch." Lily grimaced jokingly. She had loved Luka… to her, it hadn't been a teenage trip. "So then does it change who I am to you?"
"…no, I just… why didn't you tell me?" Miku asked a bit more quietly. She wanted to know everything about Luka, and she was glad Lily had pulled out of old souvenir boxes all the pictures she had shown her of young Luka… but she wondered why she had completely omitted that part. She had probably also left out incriminating pictures and episodes of their lives.
Lily sighed. "…'cause I knew Luka doesn't want anyone to know she ever had this thing with me. I'm very surprised she told you."
"…I guess it would be bad for her reputation." The teal haired young woman mumbled.
"See?" The blond had made her point.
There was another moment of silence. Both of them understood the sad reality of the world they lived in, and neither knew what else to say. Miku knew very well, even if she didn't understand what the big deal was, that too much people condemned homosexual behavior. Even if it was just a phase, even if it was just once, it could be enough to destroy a reputation. Miku hoped the song she would write with Luka would be received well, and she hoped even more dearly that it would be an eye-opener to some.
Her eyes went to Lily, who had started mouthing inaudibly words to the song the radio played. There were too many things she wanted to know, and she didn't know when the opportunity to discuss such a delicate subject would again present itself.
"So… do you like women?"
"Yep." She didn't even bat an eyelash.
Miku was a bit surprised about her candor. "…What about men?"
Lily scrunched her nose, seemingly thinking. "I have… sometimes. But the more I do it, the less I like it. And really, I'd never want an actual relationship with a man."
"…" Miku realized she knew very little about her friend because this, she understood, probably meant that the other woman slept around. She somehow didn't find it too surprising… but it also meant… "….So… you prefer women."
"Yep." Lily nodded.
"…are you… hum….a…." Miku felt uncomfortable saying these words. She had heard them way too much in a pejorative tone, and even as insults.
"A lesbian? I don't know, I guess?" She glanced again at her as she reached to turn down the radio to almost mute. The younger woman seemed uncomfortable and self-conscious. "Too much info?"
"…I didn't say that." She answered almost immediately in a defensive manner.
Lily knit her brow, now a little more concerned. "So, does that change who I am to you?"
"…It doesn't bother me, if that's what you're asking." Miku answered honestly. "It's just that I… never got to talk about something like that."
She nodded, her frown having turned back into a smile. The blond knew there were very little people to talk to when it came to anything else than a 'normal' heterosexual relationship. "Good. So why are you bringing this up?"
Busted. Miku had been exceedingly worried when Lily had dragged the pink haired woman in the bathroom. She had busied herself cooking, but in her mind all sorts of scenario played themselves in her head. Granted it was probably because Luka had justtold her about her past with Lily, but it still had left her with some… well, some fear. She really didn't like the idea that something could happen again between them. "D-do you still… uh…. I mean…. Are you still… into her?"
Lily expected this.
"I wasn't, but damn, what a hoooooooot body she has now. Makes me doubt." She laughed, looking only to get a reaction out of her passenger. And a reaction she did get, she saw Miku's expression morph completely from nervous and expectant to troubled and cheated. She was somewhat happy to see it, it meant Luka's feelings might not be in vain. Before Miku closed herself though, she decided to set the record straight. "I'm joking, relax. I have someone already."
Her eyes widened, Lily's rotten joke forgotten. "What!" She racked her brain, trying to remember if she saw a woman visit Lily often these last few weeks. "How come we didn't know?"
"Because I don't talk about it." The blond stated the obvious. "People usually don't want to know about gay relationships. It's like a dirty little secret, so I don't bother to talk about it. I didn't know how you or Miki'd react …plus…I don't think Rin's ready to hear I eat pussy."
Miku grimaced. "That's crude, don't say it like that…"
"It's the truth." Lily chuckled. She looked over at her. "Go on then. What else did you want to know?"
Miku sighed, nervous once again. She was getting closer and closer to why she really had started this conversation, and she feared slightly Lily knew where all this was going. "…Is-is… she… I mean… would she… do you think… she's still… into you?"
"Absolutely not."
"…." She didn't know how Lily could say this so confidently.
The blond shook her head. "Oh believe me, she's not. She dumped me years ago. She says it was 'cause she had to study abroad, but she never was in love with me." She sighed. Of course it had been convenient that she had to travel, but Lily had seen very well that the pink haired woman wasn't as attached to her as she was at that time. Their relationship had started because Lily had opened a door of whole new possibilities for Luka… Lily knew very well the other woman hadn't wanted her in particular, she had wanted another girl. Lily just happened to be nice enough and attractive enough, and she had approached her. Toeto would never in a million years have had the guts to ask another girl out.
"...I see." Miku mouthed, feeling slightly more at ease.
There was a short silence. Lily broke it quite promptly. "That's still not what you really want to know, is it? So out with it, ask."
Now Miku understood she had indeed guessed what was behind all these questions. She tried to gather her guts and ask. "…I… uh… I just… wondered if…. …. You know. If… she was….. ….if Luka was… … if she… still… you know?" She fiddled with her fingers anxiously.
"No, tell me." She played dumb.
"…. Is she…. Done? With… you know?" Miku was irritated, yet too curious not to try again.
"No I don't know." Lily had this big cheese, she obviously understood the question.
She lowered her eyes. "…..Please, you're… really making it hard on me…"
The older woman sighed. "That's the point. If you can't even say it, I wonder how anything can happen between you two."
"…." Miku felt her whole body grow so hot yet so cold at the same time. She felt a bit violated, hearing such a suggestion. She hadn't been ready to face her own desires, and having someone else push it in her face was a bit much for her to bear.
Lily noticed how mortified the teal haired young woman looked and suddenly felt sympathetic. It seems she had forgotten how hard it was at first to accept feels that were considered outside of the norm. "You want to know if she'd go for a woman once again or if it was just a phase, right?" She worded the question for her, her voice more gentle.
"…." Miku lowered her head. She did want to know, no matter how humiliated she felt.
"…I can't tell, love. You should ask her." The blond quietly answered.
Miku wasn't sure if the other woman couldn't tell her because she didn't know or if she couldn't tell her because it wasn't hers to reveal. Either way, Miku was surprised she wasn't feeling cheated or angry. She didn't get the answer she really had wanted, but she had learned much more about Lily, Luka and felt much more comfortable with this subject. She also found she could face her own self more honestly.
"You're attracted to Luka?" Lily finally asked.
She almost denied it, but she knew it was no use. If she were to open up to someone about this subject, Lily was probably the best person. "….I-I don't know." She really didn't. She understood something about Luka was different, but her daydreams consisted about being able so snuggle with her. That was hardly attraction…was it?
"I'd understand if you are." She offered.
Miku sighed. "….She… she makes me…" How could she explain this?
"All hot and bothered?" The blond suggested, smiling.
She looked out her window, away from her. "….you could say that." She knew Lily used the expression implying sexual undertones, but these words described very well how she felt when she had these embarrassing moments with Luka.
"Tell her you wanna give it a try then." She shot immediately, a bit too happy about it.
Miku's eyes widened considerably, turning back to her promptly. "I can't say that!"
"Yeah you can." She was smiling like an idiot.
"…" And Miku couldn't believe that woman. That she could just go to another woman and tell her she wants… 'this' didn't mean Miku had it in her to do it too.
Lily groaned. "You can. I know her, I know you can. If she wants to, you'll get what you want. If she doesn't she'll decline, but see, that's why you can ask her. She'll do so in a way nothing'll change between you two. She won't be offended, and she won't let things go downhill. So what you gotta lose?"
Well, if that was what she had meant, Miku decided it might not be such a bad idea. "…alright, I'll… keep that in mind."
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
That afternoon, Gumi pulled Miku apart from the rest of the group before they headed home. She looked slightly worried, and Miku didn't need to guess why. She also had seen the magazines, had also heard what people had to say. Never mind the looks she had gotten when Romeo to Cinderella was released, it was now a whole new game. She had heard all sorts of names whispered at her back… for teaming with the 'enemy', for 'cheating' on Kaito, for being, if she had heard right, a sick pervert.
"Miku, I'll… assume you saw the gossip headlines." The short haired girl sighed deeply.
"…I have, I heard some pretty nasty stuff too." Miku leaned on the wall. She knew Gumi was worried for her well-being. She knew she was being her friend on this, but she really didn't want to hear anything else concerning Luka.
"…Then I'll get straight to the point." Gumi looked a bit uncomfortable. "Stop it, you'll only hurt yourselves."
"I got that." She answered, her eyes on her friend's. "But it's too late to go back, we need to go through with that song."
She scratched her short green hair, looking a bit anxious. "Well don't make it so personal. Why don't you just do the publicity stunts and leave it at that?"
Miku started fiddling with her fingers. "Because I really wanted to work with her… for so long. I want it to be special." She knew it wouldn't be much of an excuse to anyone else. But that was the truth… mostly. She knew it would be a bad idea to just confess she was starting to look forward a bit too much to every meeting she had with Luka, and that it had nothing to do with work.
"Miku, I saw posts on blogs, twitter, I heard vicious things being said about you… you know what about." Gumi looked genuinely worried, and Miku understood, but she couldn't help feeling attacked.
She straightened herself, standing back up and away from the wall. "Seriously? Don't give me that… Luka and I are just getting to know each other! Gumi, you know I'm not cheating on Kaito! I'm not even with him to begin with! Everyone knows sooner or later he'll notice Meiko's the one-"
"That's not the point." Gumi cut in. "You're risking your whole reputation, it's not worth it!"
"Well then, what about people who really are in a… a homosexual relationship?" Miku was glad she had this conversation with Lily before Gumi hit her with this. She felt slightly more comfortable discussing it and standing up for it. "They need to see it's not a bad thing! They need to see public characters or idols like Luka and I too could be like this, and that's it's not strange, don't they?"
"It's still not your fight to fight, they don't need someone faking it." She crossed her arms, her expression rather firm.
Miku was slightly at loss, and couldn't help her next answer. "…What if I'm really attracted to her?"
Gumi's resolved air turned into a much worried one. "….. … are you?"
"…I said what if." Miku suddenly regretted having stepped too far.
"Don't evade the question." Gumi closed in, extremely concerned.
She looked down at her feet. She really didn't know herself. "Well I might, ok?"
"…Then all the more reason to step back." Her voice was quiet, and her expression unbelieving.
"But…why?" Miku hoped dearly she wouldn't hear any homophobic answer. She really didn't want to lose friends over something she thought so stupid. What did anyone care who she loved or who she wanted to be with? Why did the rest of the world care what she did in her bedroom or who she did it with?
Gumi brought a hand to her forehead seemingly thinking. She looked upset. "Miku do you like men or women?"
"….Men. Usually." Miku then understood Gumi's point before she said anything else.
"There. Don't put yourself through such stigma when you don't need to." She shook her head. "You should… back down before you're too… into her."
"…..I'll think about it." She very quietly answered. Gumi might be right. What if she acted on a crush, destroyed her reputation, and then regretted it? She understood she was somewhat attracted to her, that thinking of anyone else with her made her a bit jealous… but she still didn't know how seriously she felt about Luka. That her friend wasn't necessarily being closed-minded about girl-girl relationship, that she was just being concerned about Miku in the long run. As they returned to the rest of the group, waiting for them to get home, Miku felt compelled to ask. "..For the record, what if… what if I ended up… in love with her?"
Gumi didn't answer right away. She glanced at her. "I don't know. It's… I mean….. …..look, just… let's not think of what ifs."
Miku was hurt.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Saturday afternoon, Miku looked over at the gorgeous woman sitting about a foot from her. She had invited Luka over so they'd be able to peacefully get some work done. They had agreed that they should start being serious and get cracking. So they now were in Miku's room, both sitting on zabuton cushions. Tea and light butter cookies were laid out on the low wooden table. But writing about something one hadn't experienced was challenging, to say the least, and the young woman tapped her pen softly on her cheek. "Do you know what you want to do?"
"With lyrics I still don't know, but I do have some basis for the melody… did you think up anything?" Luka returned the question, shifting closer as she saw the younger girl pull out some papers.
"Nothing worth showing as of yet." Miku took a deep breath before exposing what she had. "But here, I have…" She started as she held out a paper sheet to the other woman, "…some… ideas, themes I think would be good to incorporate, to set the tone." She started, watching as Luka read through the notes.
"Love as tenderness, complicity, warmth …. " Luka read some of it aloud and raised her eyes met Miku's. "and… you want to make a reference to our butterflies….? Now you are a romantic." A smile danced on her lips.
"N-not really." Miku couldn't hold her gaze. "This is just… what I…. …. ..think it would be like if I were to be in a relationship with… another woman." She admitted, sparing Luka some part of the truth. Miku hadn't vaguely been thinking of what a two women relationship would be like, she had specifically imagined how it would be with Luka. Her daydreams had gotten slightly worse after she had talked to Lily. It had seemed to unlock something in her head. "That's what I think making love would…" She tried to elaborate but trailed off, embarrassment preventing her to finish her sentence.
"…." Luka felt her body, especially her face, grow warmer. So this seemingly innocent young woman had been picturing herself this sort of things? Two women? "Making love…?" She repeated, leaning closer. "You want us to bring the lyrics to imply something of that sort? I know Watanabe-san talked about a desperate love, but I really thought you'd go for a more innocent and… chaste type of love." She was surprised, but not displeased… far from it.
"..If …if chaste is what you want to do, Luka, we'll go with that…" Miku observed the other woman's features. "I just thought… it wouldn't be realistic to talk about love, real love, and it being devoid of… physical attraction. I mean…. it can't be love if there's no… need…?"
"… ...You're right." Luka smiled. "I don't mind us including this, but have you ever…?" The question seemed natural to ask, since experience was directly related to the ability to write lyrics that would feel real and true to the listener. Truth was, Luka deeply wanted to know to satisfy her own personal curiosity.
"…I… er.. no, I haven't…. I-I never had a boyfriend so…" Miku trailed off, her eyes on Luka's. She could feel a slight pang of jealousy as her thought shifted to the other woman's experience. "You have, haven't you?" She never knew how deep her relationship with Lily had been, but Luka had said they had been kids, so surely they hadn't… done anything. Nevertheless, she couldn't imagine a beautiful woman like Luka wouldn't have already attracted some man worthy enough to be her lover.
"I.. have." Luka admitted, watching Miku's expression seem pained for a very short second. She decided not to wonder why. "But I… I'd really rather not relate to this." She simply stated.
Seeing the questions in the younger woman's eyes however, she knew she had no other option but to explain. "I studied in England for two years, I made friends over there… most of them were couples, but there was this guy. I wasn't in love, but he was nice, and everyone seemed to expect us to wind up together… so I only did what seemed normal." She started, seeing gradual understanding instill itself on Miku's features. "At some point, he… became too persistent. I understand that being his girlfriend meant I should… have sex with him. But he only ever thought of what he wanted, and moreover…since I…. I didn't love him, I felt… defiled." Her voice had grown quiet and her body cold. She knew it wasn't only because she didn't love him that she had felt that way. It was mostly because he was a he. "A-anyways, it was quite unpleasant. Nothing good will come out my experiences for our project…" She finished.
Feeling Miku's hand on hers, she looked up at her. The younger girl had a supportive air about her, her expression very concerned; Luka's heart warmed in an instant. "Don't worry about me…" She reassured her as she gently tug her hand and pulled her in her arms, finally allowing herself more than a simple fleeting touch. As their bodies felt as they were melting together, she sighed contently. She was overwhelmed with Miku's sent, warmth and as Miku returned her embrace, nothing else seemed to exist anymore. "You're so sweet, so adorable." Luka murmured.
Miku felt dizzy, and if the contact at first took her aback, her body responded without her mind needing to allow it. Not that it could have, it had slowed to a stop when she felt the other woman's soft body against her, her slim arms cautiously holding her. This was what she had wanted.
She breathed against her neck, taking Luka in.
Miku felt like she was drunk, her body was heavy but her head felt light, her eyelids weighted a ton and she couldn't help closing her eyes. She felt incredibly warm but she was shivering, she couldn't think but all her senses seemed to suddenly wake. And her senses knew very well what she wanted next. She remembered the blond telling her if she wanted something from her, she should just ask. To hell with what Gumi said.
"Luka… would you…" But she just couldn't phrase it for what it was. Miku almost choked her words, her breath caught in her throat. "… would you…. …. pretend… with me…?" She was unable to ask for it another way.
"Pretend..?" Luka repeated slowly. That's how they had been talking about them as an item for the last three weeks. Was Miku asking her to pretend to be in love with her, to pretend to want her… when they were both alone? To act on it? To pretend not for everyone else to gossip, but for Miku to fool herself into believing…. Believing what? Why was she asking for something so… unusual? Of course, Luka was more than willing to give her this experience, she actually did want her, and she actually…. loved her, with every fiber of her being. But she couldn't fathom the small, shivering body in her arms was asking her for something taboo as this.
"…I…I have to know what it's like…" She tried to justify her request. The fear of destroying everything they had built with what she was about to say almost paralyzed her and Miku didn't understand where she found it in her to talk, but another plead escaped her lips. "I …need more of you…"
She didn't know how much more she wanted, she wasn't sure she wanted to think through how far she wanted this to be taken or why she was craving this… she just couldn't keep herself from asking for more as she drowned into the other woman.
"…More…? …. Of me…?" Luka repeated again, in no more than a breath. She knew exactly what she wanted to do, but would Miku really allow her this? Was Miku attempting to open herself and try something just because that's what work expected of her? Or was it because her crush made her curious? Did she really get it? Would she pull back and abhor her if Luka really did go through with what Miku was asking?
But as she heard Miku whimper uncomfortably, Luka felt she was being unfair, it had probably already taken a lot out of the younger woman to simply ask. She decided to save her anymore embarrassment and comply. If Miku was being unreasonable, if she didn't truly want… this, Luka would give still give her the option to stop her before she'd regret it. She'd start slowly; see how much Miku would consent to. She pulled her in closer and shifted so her lips brushed against Miku's neck, trailing kisses ever so softly.
Miku's body stopped shivering as soon as she felt lips on her neck; it instead seemed to burst into flames. She hung onto the older woman as if her life depended on it. Luka was bewildered with such a strong reaction, but she enjoyed feeling such need from her. "….more..?" She questioned, her lips slightly brushing against Miku's ear.
"….more…" Miku confirmed, desperately clutching her. She didn't know what else she could do to quench this new thirst she felt, she felt like she would go mad if Luka were to pull even an inch away.
Luka started kissing her neck again, one hand running in the teal hair, the other massaging gently her back, encouraging her to melt closer. She felt Miku's body react to her touch, her breath got heavier… but most exhilarating was how fast Miku's heart beat. Pushed together as they were, Luka could feel it pound against her own chest. She also felt it when her lips traveled up from her neck to her cheek. She stopped, still wondering if she was wrong in complying with the younger woman's immediate demands. Was she selfishly taking advantage of the situation? Miku clearly wasn't being herself after all. "….Miku…" She pulled back enough to look into her eyes and meeting them, Luka froze. She was met with what looked like a hungry wolf's eyes; Miku's pupils were dilated into black swirls, desire and lust very clear in them.
Miku exhaled heavily. "….More…"
She couldn't say it properly, she couldn't claim it herself, but her whole being cried for Luka's lips on hers. "…please…. I beg you…" She was feeling whatever was left of her naïve, childish self fade.
It didn't take another moment for Miku's pleads to be answered; Luka could simply not resist anymore. As their lips met, Luka wished for the world to end, stop, anything for this moment to never end. She didn't want to have to move away, she didn't want to have to face a clear-headed Miku afterwards. But the world didn't end, or stop; and Miku moved her lips slowly against hers. Luka kissed her tenderly, relinquishing in how gentle and soft the younger woman was.
Their slow movements became more heated, and the chaste kiss turned into burning craving. Luka very cautiously laid her on the fitted carpet of her room, careful not to break contact between their bodies as she did so. Luka was notably taller, and her body was much curvier; somewhere at the back of her conscious mind, Miku expected to feel a noticeable weight push her down. Through the haze, she was still awake enough to be astonished at how light the other woman felt on top of her. Her senses picked up the pink hair falling around them, enveloping her in Luka's scent. Her warmth was overpowering and Miku felt even more like she was drowning in her.
Eventually, they mutually broke the kiss and gazed at each other for a minute, their minds too foggy to feel embarrassed. Miku had felt her thirst quenched when they had pulled away but now, as quickly as she had felt satisfied, she felt incredibly deprived. She wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them again.
Luka broke eye contact but didn't move away. "Sorry. I didn't mean to take it so far." She murmured. She felt so comfortable; it didn't occur to her that as she said something like that, she should have gotten off her.
Miku really didn't mind. "I wasn't exactly unresponsive. And I… sort of asked for it…" She countered, lowering her gaze. She had done so in embarrassment, but her eyes met the other woman's cleavage as she did. Her breasts were pressed against Miku's chest as she lay on top, and her shirt sagged open, exposing way too much. Miku realized her mouth had watered and as disturbing as the thought was, she couldn't keep her eyes from roaming on the exposed skin. Every inch of her seemed… delicious.
"…" Luka was incredulous, she expected anything but this. She watched Miku's eyes run on her body hungrily, reminding her of dreams she had had. She gulped inaudibly and decided to selfishly push her luck. She was still scared Miku would regret their actions later, but her own body craved her so much it ached all over. Plus, she would keep in control enough to stop things if she ever felt they got out of hand, she thought.
Luka kissed Miku's forehead and slowly lowered herself, approaching her lips again. Their heavy breaths mixed together, and she searched Miku's eyes. "…Should I… give you… even more..?"
Her question, no more than a breath, was to Miku a permission to latch at her once again. Her answer was crashing her lips against hers, and Luka responded hungrily. Miku's head spin from the new sensations. She wanted to get lost in her, she wanted time to stop, she wanted to forget the world, forget herself, and most of all forget that Luka being another woman supposedly made that she shouldn't even be doing this. Things felt everything but wrong, and Miku was going mad, wanting more and more with each passing second. She arched her back, pushing her body against the older woman's, finally driving herself over the edge. The curves and heat against her own frail body was waking something she never knew she could feel. Her instincts took over and she parted her legs enough to have Luka's thigh slip between them. She wasn't even aware of what she was doing as she moved her hips rhythmically, quiet moans stifled by Luka's lips on hers.
Feeling an intense spot of warmth on her thigh was a wake-up call for Luka. She couldn't take any further, she would feel like she was taking advantage of Miku. "S-stop…" She broke the kiss and stopped Miku's movements by resting a hand on her hip. She didn't pull away. "This is… too much." She started, her eyes desperately searching the young woman's. "I can't…"
"…." The sudden rupture had shaken Miku back to reality enough for her to understand what she had been doing. Realizing just how much she had let her body take over made her want to disappear; she couldn't believe things degenerated this way. What their work required to do sure as hell didn't involve this, and Luka only was kind enough to give her something she greedily asked for. Luka had not given her this small opening, allowing her a kiss, for her to take such advantage of it.
Miku instantly let go of her, eyes watering. "I-I… I'm sorry!" Her mind reeled; of course Luka wouldn't be weirdenough to let things get so much out of hand. Luka had been with a man, and not with Lily. Bottom line was… it wasn't natural for two women to do this. Luka wasn't like that, and Luka surely was disgusted with what she'd just done. "I'm so s-sorry! I"
"Wait!" Luka saw the negative emotions progress one after the other in a flash in Miku's eyes and when Miku released her, she quickly understood her train of thought. "Wait…" She kissed her cheek, successfully calming the other girl. Luka rested her forehead against Miku's. The poor girl seemed terrorized, but at least, she was listening to her.
Luka knew she had no choice but to bear her own lust, and her cheeks went red at the thought of what she was to explain. "…Honestly, I think… I think my body's in the exactsame shape as yours…" She forced herself to admit the truth to the younger woman, for her sake. "… And…. and if I were to follow my instincts, by god, I would…." Luka trailed off, unable to tell her she would make love to her, but also unable to degrade her feelings enough to qualify this as crude sex.
Miku's watery eyes cleared, and terror turned into embarrassment, her cheeks growing a very dark shade of red at the confession. The knowledge that Luka was also turned on seemed to overrule everything else. She waited for the other woman to continue.
Luka brought her hand to her cheek, softly stroking it with her thumb. "…I… I just can't let your first time be like this…" She confessed. "…not with another woman… not when we're just… ... …pretending."
That last word took everything out of her to utter. She had definitely, positively, absolutely not been pretending. These feelings and desires were very real and very true. Her throat was dry, and a cold wave had overwhelmed her as she spoke. Luka sincerely thought there was nothing wrong with two women together, it in fact felt more right to her than a man-woman relationship did. Moreover, what she felt for Miku was unlike anything she even dreamed she would be able to experience in her lifetime. It was something straight out of a romance novel.
But she knew to the world, two women weren't right, and she also knew Miku wouldn't have asked for this experience with her if she had known there were real emotional implications on her part. Miku definitely wouldn't have wanted Luka to even touch her if she'd known she was in love with her. "You should wait for love and a relationship…." She managed to finish, running her hand tenderly in Miku's hair.
"…." Miku was moved. Not only Luka was understanding enough not to be repulsed by her behavior, she also truly cared about her. Tears welled up again in her eyes, but not for the same reason as earlier. She pulled Luka into a tight hug; unable to say what she truly wanted to answer. "You..you're right… thank you. " She said, instead of 'I don't have to wait for some boy! I want you!'
Luka gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before completely releasing her, getting up and off. "I.. think I should go. We both need to breath." She smiled and picked up her things. "Next time, you should come at my place; I have a piano… I'll let you hear what sort of melody I came up with."
"Mm.." Miku nodded, still buzzed by hormones and her sudden insight into her feelings. "…I'll… work on some real lyrics then…" She brought her hand to her chest, her heart was still erratic. "…Since now I… sort of understand what it's like…"
Self-conscious and cheeks burning, Luka still nodded. "I'm… looking forward to it." She simply answered.
- Continued in ch.5 Sometime next week, probably :D
