Renesmee
Chapter 4
Dangerous Emotions
Grandpa Carlisle put his arm around my shoulders as we walked out in to the moonlight towards the river.
"I would like to hear your side of the story about what happened." He said, "And before you start I want you to know that I am not mad at you, I just want to be able to show you the things to look for so that you can be able to control your actions. I wanted to tell you that I know that because you are half-human you do have stronger emotions than we do."
"It's ok to have emotions, they are naturally just a part of everyday life, but as you saw tonight, a vampiric reaction to human emotions can turn deadly in an instant. I am proud of you for stopping where most others more than likely would have continued until she was dead."
I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes again.
"I didn't want to stop, I wanted to rip her apart. Just seeing her there talking to him with that look in her eyes, wanting him, I saw it, and it made me angry seeing his reactions to her, he hugged her."
I stopped, shuddering at the sight in my mind of him wrapping his arms around her.
"Will you do one thing for me please," Grandpa Carlisle said turning to face me, "show me everything that happened, I can sense and understand your feelings better that way."
I put my hands to his face and showed him everything that happened earlier that night. He saw how I felt when Jake held my hand, when he put his arm around my shoulders, then he felt the hurt I felt that instantly turned to a murderous fury when I saw Jake smiling and talking to the other girl, seeing the look on her face as she flipped her hair back and blushed while Jake was talking to her. The rage I felt when she jumped into his arms. He felt how it took everything I had not to tear her head off as I walked up and shoved her through the door. The remorse I felt immediately when I saw how hurt she was, and seeing the expression in Jake's face as he ran to her. No, not trying to comfort me but ran to her. I felt the tears running down my face again.
"I see," Grandpa Carlisle nodded, "that's pretty much what I thought happened but I wanted to make sure before I talked to you anymore about your feelings."
He wiped the tears from my face, "What you felt was perfectly natural, I am very proud of you for controlling your anger to a point, most wouldn't have, they would have acted on their first instinct and gone in for the kill.
For example, your grandmother once a very long time ago while she was still a young vampire, ripped the throat out of a young woman who was trying to flirt with me in a jealous rage. She felt awful, couldn't believe that she was capable of that, to be able to end a life in an instant. It is something that we all have to deal with.
Emotions for a vampire can have deadly consequences. I'm sorry that I hadn't taken the time to sit down with you and explain this yet. I had been planning to, I just didn't realize that it was already time for you to understand how volatile your emotions could be. Especially since your human-half is even more susceptible to emotions than your vampire-half."
"I'm a monster," I cried, "I almost killed that girl for talking to Jake."
"No, Renesmee, you are not a monster. A monster would have killed her first and thought about it later. You are special, a special gift to this family. You have so many advantages that we will never have. You are capable of blending in more with everyone else than we are. You can go out into the sun, have a heartbeat, normal skin color, and are warm to the touch."
"Why can't I just be normal? Please, just change me into a full vampire like everyone else. I hate being the one that's different. I want to be able to be like you and mom and dad. Will you please do that when I turn 21? Please? I'm begging you. I want to be just like everyone else in the family. Please Grandpa Carlisle will you do that one thing for me." I begged him.
"You will have to take that up with your parents. I cannot do that without their consent since that would be something that would change you for the rest of your life."
"But, ya'll changed my mom into a vampire." I pleaded.
"Only because that was the only way to save her after giving birth to you, honey."
"See I told you I am a monster, I killed my own mother just by being born."
Grandpa Carlisle laughed, "That was the only way for you to be born and that was your mother's choice so that she could have you. You are her precious little angel, not a monster."
"If I am not a monster then why did Jake look at that normal human girl the way he did. Why did he laugh and talk to her like it was nothing. I want him to look at me that way, but he doesn't because I am a monster," I sobbed.
"No honey, it's not like that. You have to remember that he has watched over you protecting you as you have grown up. He loves you more than you know, and feels the same way about you as you do him. It's just that you have to remember that you have grown so fast, his feelings for you hasn't had enough time to catch up to yours yet, they are just as strong as yours they are just not as fast as yours are. There is more that you won't be able to understand right now so I'm not going to get into that right now. Just know and have faith in this, you are the one that he has imprinted on. Nothing will ever change that."
"Are you sure?" I asked, "It's just that it doesn't seem like it."
"It might not right now," Grandpa Carlisle reassured me, "but they are there and they will always be there."
I still wasn't quite sure what he meant by that but it gave me a little hope for the future. "I just can't stand not being with him, I miss him right now as we speak" I said.
"It's ok to feel like that honey, that's some more of your human emotions coming out. Everything is going to work out you just have to be patient and wait for them to happen. These emotions are not ones that can be forced or rushed, they have to evolve on their own," he kissed my head. We started walking back toward the house and I stopped. Grandpa Carlisle turned to see why I stopped.
"Does he really love me the way I love him?" I asked.
"Yes honey he does, and with time he will be able to show you," he reassured me again.
I grabbed him up in a huge hug and said, "Thank you grandpa, I really needed this little talk."
"No problem honey," he replied.
I felt a huge relief like a burden had been taken off my shoulders.
"Just one thing please," Grandpa Carlisle asked, "don't do anything like that again, if any of our hearts had still been beating they would have stopped when we found out you two were at the police station, so try to keep a better grip on things ok. None of us could imagine what would happen if anything were to happen to you."
"I know," I said as we walked arm in arm back to the house.
Wow, I wish Aunt Alice had not noticed what Grandpa Charlie had decided. Everyone was waiting on us to get back with worried looks and hugs and 'don't ever scare us again like that'. I have never been more embarrassed in my life. Even Aunt Rose, who is known for her outbursts of anger, grabbed me in her arms and told me to be careful.
"So, was the door metal or wood?" Uncle Emmet jokingly asked as he got slapped in the back of the head by 4 hands at once, one of them being Aunt Rose's.
"I can't even believe you would try to joke right now," Grandma Esme said. "This could have truly been a disaster."
"Geez, I was just trying to lighten things up a little," he said frustrated.
I ran up to him and hugged him saying, "Thank you Uncle Emm, and it was a steel door."
"Ouch," he said, "I guess I won't have to teach you any self defense moves then, huh?"
I just laughed and shook my head.
"Quit corrupting my daughter," mom said rolling her eyes, "come on we need to get you home so you can rest. This has been a long day for you."
"Alright mom, night everybody" I replied as I skipped out the back door and down the path to our house. It was such a relief to get out of there. I couldn't take anymore stares or comments right now. I only had one thing on my mind, what Grandpa Carlisle had told me about Jake imprinting on me. I wish I knew exactly what he meant by that. Maybe I should ask mom about that later.
The only thing I could think about right now was how perfect his body looked especially when he was just running around in his shorts with no shirt on. The perfect muscle tone, that deep dark tan that he has….. ouch! I laugh to myself after I had run into that tree because my mind was not paying attention to what was in front of me, it was only focused on Jake.
My precious Jake, and if what Grandpa Carlisle said was right I was just as precious to him. Pictures of his face kept running through my mind as mom tucked me into bed. I slowly drifted off to sleep hearing Grandpa Carlisle's words over and over that Jake had imprinted on me.
I was dreaming of Jake running with me over the snowy mountainside when I was awoken by arguing. I lay there silently as I tried to focus on the words being said.
"She could have just as easily turned and killed Jacob," Aunt Rose said. "One thought away from an action that she would never forget."
"We know that," dad sounded so serious. "We are lucky that she stopped before she killed the girl."
"I'm just saying that her being around him right now may not be the smartest thing for anyone right now," Aunt Rose said.
"Give us a chance to think about this," mom said, "and thank you for letting us know a little more about why you are so apprehensive at times."
What? Not be around Jake. My one heart's desire and they were thinking about not letting me see him. They wanted to rip the very thing that I love the most out of my life. In a flash I got dressed and climbed out the window running off into the darkness to find Jake, my Jake, the one that I loved the most.
