AN: Alright well this is getting interesting and hopefully adds some humor. Well it starts with Draco and ends with Paige's fear. Yeah, it neither starts nor ends well, but the fight between Snape and Lockhart is entertaining. And Paige getting the better of Malfoy. Well you'll see. So sit back, relax, and enjoy!

Disclaimer: I only own Paige and my twisted mind.

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Paige sighed as she heard Draco and his goon squad entering the Slytherin commons. Paige tried not to spend too much time in the room, but she needed to get homework done and Pansy had turned the girls' dorms into her gossip center. That was how Paige found herself listening to Malfoy instead of doing her potions homework.

"Poor little Potter, was moaning in his sleep again. Tell me, Paige, what troubles you Potters?" Paige clenched her jaw as she turned back to her textbook. "Aw, you don't want to tell me? Well then I will guess. Let's see, do the little Potters dream of their parents' murder?" Paige clutched her quill tightly. "Or perhaps you think about what might happen if you lose your guardians. Perhaps you remember your muggle family. Or perhaps," his lips moved so they were right next to her ear, "you dream of a certain teacher or two."

"Mr. Malfoy," Snape's voice said sharply. Paige calmly gathered her books and left the Slytherin house, not even saying anything to Snape. She walked the outside of the castle until she found a quiet spot where she could stay out of sight. Or so she thought.

"What are you doing out here?" Neville asked as he sat next to her. Paige shrugged, looking out over the land.

"Malfoy" she muttered. Neville nodded.

"Malfoy's a bloody git. Ignore him" Neville said. Paige smirked at him.

"Really?" Neville blushed and nodded.

"I may be scared around him, but that's all he is. I just hate being picked on" Neville said. Paige laid her head on his shoulder, surprising him. They stayed silent as they looked over the land, her head staying on his shoulder.

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"Wotcher, Paige" Tonks said in greeting. Paige grinned at Tonks, looking around for the others. "Those bloody gits are trying to find Snape to try and convince him to help us, to help you." Paige nodded and threaded her arm through Tonks', laughing as her aunt's hair changed a dark green with silver stripes in is. "I was always most spirited in school."

"Can't imagine why, Metamorphmagus" Paige laughed. Tonks stuck her tongue out as they made their way towards the infirmary. "So, Dobby was talking to Harry earlier and he's being a bad house-elf. Much worse than Kreacher." Paige nodded as they walked into the infirmary, pausing at seeing McGonagall and Dumbledore muttering while Madam Pomfrey worked on the boy who had taken Harry's picture earlier.

"Wotcher, Tonks, Paige" Dumbledore said, smiling.

"Wotcher, Professor Dumbledore. What's going on?" McGonagall shot Dumbledore a look, wondering what he was going to tell them. He reached over and pulled Harry's curtain back, knowing he was listening in.

"It was as we have feared. The Chamber of Secrets is open again."

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Tonks cleared her throat as Remus, Sirius, and Snape stared at each other.

"Right, well, you blokes seem to be having a private conversation, so I'm just going to take Paige to say hi to Myrtle" Tonks said. None of the men moved. Tonks sighed. "Then we'll just pop on over to the Ministry and do a Patronus charm in front of them. Maybe we'll bring in a muggle and hope they kill us or something." Paige laughed as the men continued to stare at each other. "Fine, come on Paige. I don't think you've been introduced to Myrtle yet, have you?" Tonks pulled Paige away and down the hall into a girls' lavatory, one that Pansy told her not to use. "Oh Myrtle!" Paige jumped as she heard a giggle.

"Why if it isn't Tonks! You came to see me again!" A young girl with glasses and pig tails floated down from the ceiling. Paige grinned. Aunt Dora knew all the coolest people and places.

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Paige stood next to Harry as she watched Lockhart stand on a golden stage. "Gather round! Gather round! Can everyone see me? Can you all hear me? Excellent. In light of the dark events of recent weeks, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start this little Dueling Club, to train you all up in case you ever need to defend yourselves as I myself have done on countless occasions - for full details, see my published works." Paige curled her lip at Lockhart as he smiled at her.

"Pompous git" she muttered. Harry laughed softly. That was at least the twentieth time he had heard Paige call Lockhart that, at least.

"Let me introduce my assistant Professor Snape. He has sportingly agreed to help me with a short demonstration. Now I don't want any of you youngsters to worry. You'll still have your Potions Master when I'm through with him, never fear!" Lockhart winked at Paige, which Snape noticed. Paige wanted to laugh. Oh this would be good. The two teachers faced each other, bowing, before they turned walked forward ten steps and turned back to face each other, their wands at the ready. "As you can see, we are holding our wands in the accepted combative position. On the count of three, we will cast our first spells. Neither of us will be aiming to kill, of course."

"I don't know. Snape might be" Harry muttered to Paige and Ron.

"Good" Paige said. Hermione almost choked on her laughter.

"One… two… three…" Lockhart called out.

"Expelliarmus!" Snape said, his wand shooting a red light forward and blasting Lockhart into the wall behind him. He stood up slowly, shaking his head. Paige grinned at Snape.

"Well, there you have it. That was a Disarming Charm. As you see, I've lost my wand. Ms. Potter, if you'd please" Lockhart said. Paige grimaced as she realized his wand landed by her feet. She picked it up and handed it to her, his eyes glued to her backside as she walked back to her spot. Neither Snape nor Harry were happy. "Ah, thank you, Ms. Potter. Yes, an excellent idea to show them that, Professor Snape, but if you don't mind my saying so, it was very obvious what you were about to do. If I had wanted to stop you it would have been only too easy..."

"Perhaps," Snape said, interrupting Lockhart before he started self promoting, again, "you should teach the students to block unfriendly spells, Professor." Snape sneered the word like he didn't think Lockhart was worthy of the title.

"An excellent suggestion Professor Snape. Let's have a volunteer pair. Ms. Potter, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape froze when Malfoy stepped forward.

"Perhaps, Professor, we choose someone from the other house" Snape said. Lockhart shook his head.

"This should be an interesting matchup. Come on up, Ms. Potter" Lockhart said. Paige sighed as she moved forward and stood on the stage with Snape's help. She looked back and saw Remus, Tonks, and Sirius standing in the back. Oh joy, an audience.

"Scared?" Malfoy sneered. Paige grinned.

"Yeah, I really don't want to break a nail taking you out" she said. Harry laughed while Sirius pumped his fist in the back. Paige held back her laughter as she and Malfoy bowed before walking ten paces. They turned back around and held their wands at the ready.

"When I count to three, cast your charms to disarm your opponent - only to disarm. We don't want any accidents. One, two…" Malfoy didn't wait. A red light, similar to Snape's shot out and hit Paige, sending her flying back into the wall. Remus started forward, only to see her stand back up, her wand poised at the ready.

"Rictusempra!" A silver light shot out, hitting Draco in the stomach. Lockhart panicked.

"I said disarm only!" Draco recovered quickly.

"Serpensortia!" Draco's wand exploded and a large black snake slithered towards her. Remus rushed forward, his wand at the ready. Before he could flick it, Lockhart had already used his wand, sending the snake flying. He hissed at Lockhart, slithering towards him.

"Leave him" Paige said in Parseltongue. The snake paused to look at her, before he started after Lockhart once again. "LEAVE HIM!" Again in Parseltongue. Snape took the snake's next pause as a chance to get rid of it. He waved his hand and the snake disappeared in black smoke. Remus grabbed Paige's arm and pulled her away from Lockhart.

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Remus was pacing in front of Paige and Tonks as the latter looked over her goddaughter's back.

"A Parseltongue…" Remus murmured. "My daughter can talk to snakes. How brilliant! How terrible. Oh this is not good." Paige looked at Tonks nervously.

"Why is this bad? Am I going to die?" she asked. Tonks smiled and shook her head.

"No, Remus is just over reacting. Parseltongue is a special talent that is rare in many witches and wizards. He's just nervous, well because there is a reason the Slytherin house's symbol is a serpent. Slytherin could speak Parseltongue too, so it is assumed that his heir is also…"

"Parselmouthed" Paige finished. She looked up at Remus, fear evident in her eyes. He kneeled before her, his hands framing her face.

"We will figure this out, little one. Don't worry" he said with a smile. Paige smiled, which quickly fell as two students walked past the open door.

"…think Potter is the heir?" the first student asked.

"Hannah, she's a Parselmouth. Everyone knows that's the mark of a dark wizard. Have you ever heard of a decent one who could talk to snakes?" Paige pulled away from Remus, tears bombarding her eyes.

"Sirius was right" she said. She got up and walked down the corridor, stopping as she spotted something on the ground. Remus came running up behind her, staring at what she was. "Is that…?"

"Paige, go back to the room with Dora" Remus said.

"Caught in the act. I'll have someone punished this time, Potter" Filch snarled as he came up behind the two, Snape and McGonagall behind him. Snape set his hand on her shoulder and squeezed gently.

"Paige, perhaps it best you go back with Mrs. Lupin" McGonagall said softly. She nodded, not really hearing anything, tripping over her robes as Snape turned her away and pushed her back towards the room. She was numb. Poor Justin.

"Paige?" Tonks asked. Paige looked up, her eyes void of emotions for a few moments before they filled with tears that slid down her cheeks.

"I think I'm a Dark witch" she whispered.

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AN: See now wasn't the fight entertaining? Poor Paige though, I'm a bad mother! Seriously… *sighs* Well I guess I should work on fixing this until the next story. *winces* That's triple horrid of what I'm doing in this one. So thanks for reading now please review!