AN: This chapter isn't much brighter than the last; we see more of the "DuBerry (That's my ship name for them! I'd like to think Rachel would appreciate the Broadway reference…you know…if she weren't a fictional character…*sigh*I have issues.) Dynamic" shining through and how the events of the day have affected them both.
Also as always I in no way, shape or form claim any ownership to Glee or its characters they all belong to RIB or to Spring Awakening and Cinderella. Sophie's will be underlined and Rachel's will be italicized, together will obviously be combined.
Rachel's POV
Sophie shot out of my lap like she'd been electrocuted immediately turning her back to Brittany and me, which did not however prevent me from seeing her quickly wipe her eyes and start throwing her walls back up that I hadn't even noticed until now.
"Hello Brittany how are?"
"I'm great thanks. I just wanted to see if you and your new friend were ok."
"Of course we are Brittany, why wouldn't we be?"
'Wow she's a really good actress' Finally facing us Sophie flashes Britt a charming grin, you'd never know that she just had an emotional breakdown if you hadn't witnessed it yourself, which we did so who does she think she's fooling? Brittany shoots me a 'Is she for real?' look before playfully rolling her eyes and sending Sophie a smile of her own.
"Oh, ok then. You were super great Sophie! I'm actually really super happy I found you because Coach said, 'If Thumbelina thinks she can flutter into my flower patch and not become a butterflyer then she's in more of a fantasy land than where Afro-Schue found the little color-blind elfin people who clamber out of his hair each night to sew his never-ending supply of horrendous vests.' Or something like that, I have always had like, a really super duper hard time following Coach…" Brittany trails off with a confused and pensive look on her face for a moment but shakes her head smile a bright smile. "Anyways, like, I'm pretty sure that was her way of saying she wants you on her Cheerios."
Sophie tilts her head and furrows her eyebrows at me, bearing a striking resemblance to an adorably befuddled puppy, clearly in need of some clarification. "It appears as though Coach Sylvester would like you to try out for her cheerleading squad, the Cheerios." After witnessing the obvious relief wash across her face which could only come from being assured that a strange woman doesn't want to put her on her morning breakfast cereal, anxiety and apprehension settle back in.
"Oh um…Brittany please advise Ms. Sylvester that I will have to respectfully decline. I have no experience in that particular sport and to try out would most certainly only be a waste of her valuable time."
"While I appreciate the concern Tinker Bell, I'd hardly call being the captain of your previous schools dance and gymnastics team as having no experience; especially considering the more than satisfactory number of years you have of martial arts training under your black-belt which, as it just so happens, is a skill I studiously look for in girls attempting to join my squad." Coach Sylvester seemingly appeared out of thin air giving all of us a nasty shock. I do not know how she does that, especially because I knew I smelt ozone and noticed a fog rolling into the room. I swear the only thing missing is a lightning strike every time her name is spoken.
"How could you possibly have known about my self-defense training?" Surprisingly Sophie isn't as freaked out as most people would be upon finding out that the eccentric Cheer Coach knows private details about their personal history, she only seems to be genuinely surprised and faintly amused however that may just be a byproduct of her emotional walls being rebuilt.
I feel like I'm at a tennis match as I watch the two go metaphorically toe-to-toe in the choir room.
Sue looks almost impressed by the lack or reaction she got from Sophie before quickly schooling her features to her 'I'm about to get what I want' smirk. "Well Chenoweth I perform an in depth background check on all new species of cretin that slither their way into the primordial ooze that this institution so I am better able to determine whether or not they are fit enough to earn the right of evolutionary advancement up the high school food chain by joining my squad."
I was expecting to share a disbelieving eye roll with my new friend but when I turned to her I was met with something I have only seen on one other person, a completely blank faced indifference coupled with one of the coldest glare I have ever witnessed. That sweet, vibrant, and emotionally fragile girl I have come to adore has been replaced with someone that if I didn't know better I would swear was the HBIC herself, Quinn Fabray. Suppressing a shudder I can only thank everything holy that I am not the object of her scorn and pray that I never will be, after witnessing her surprising (and oddly titillating) display of strength in the hall earlier witnessing this little display leaves me slightly wary of the girl in front me, however before I make a snap judgment I look to the human litmus test in the room; and what I find there makes me glad I did. Brittany is sending cross looks to her coach and shooting sympathetic gazes to Sophie, if she isn't afraid there's no reason for me to be so I decided to watch the power play in front of me play out.
Tense long moments of uncomfortable silence play out before a loser concedes defeat, shockingly enough its Sylvester that cracks first by looking away with a sigh, and hissing out, "Dubton, I really think you should give my generous offer a more serious consideration before throwing it back in my face like this. I'll let you have till the end of the day to allow the fairy dust you've contracted from this room to wear off, thereby restoring you higher brain functions and enabling you to make the smart decision. Refusing me and the uniform will only make things harder for you here, don't be a fool."
Sophie blinks once before responding icily, "I assure you Coach I am thinking perfectly clearly and do not need any more time to make my decision. In fact if you do as thorough of a background check as you have alluded to then I'm sure it must come as no surprise that I am stalwartly turning you down; as I'm sure you can imagine I doubt I would find those uniforms to be very comfortable. So once again, and this is the last time I wish to discuss this matter, I must say no thank you to your generous offer Coach Sylvester."
Brittany and I both visibly brace ourselves for the fallout of that act of willful defiance but it never comes, instead Sue is simply giving the girl the softest, saddest, most remorseful look I have ever witnessed cross her visage and that's when I know for certain that there is something that isn't being said outright; it is something Sophie is livid about the eccentric woman having knowledge of (much less hinting at) and something Sue clearly regrets trying to use as leverage against her. After a few more beats Sue swallows thickly and hesitantly clears her throat before addressing the positively lethal looking girl again. "Understood, and your loss Little Voice." The cheer coach begins to make her way out of the room only to pause at the door. "If you ever happen to come to your senses, come and find me, I'll make sure you'll be well taken care of."
"Have a good day Coach Sylvester."
With another resigned sigh, the woman calls for Brittany to follow her out as she leaves the room, sending me a sad she reluctantly does but not before giving the stone faced girl a rub to her arm and a quick hug to me before flouncing out after her coach. I am now alone to watch in awe as Sophie visibly and physically draw all that vibrating rage back inside, and begins taking deep breaths to enable her into returning to a state of calm. A single tear falls from her eyes before it is quickly brushed away as if to erase the evidence of its existence. "I am deeply sorry you had to bear witness to that uncomfortable scene Rachel and I will gladly elucidate everything that just transpired in due time, but for right now I need to be alone as I am more than positive that I would be very unpleasant company at the moment. I shall meet you after lunch." With that Sophie sweeps out of the room leaving me to collapse onto the piano bench as everything that happened in the last hour flashes through my mind. The only concrete thing I can take away is that had Brittany not come in when she did I would have just cheated on my boyfriend, which leaves me feeling confused and guilty over the fact that I am more upset about the fact that the kiss didn't happen then over the fact that it almost did.
It doesn't happen very often, she isn't like most people who have lived through what she did; her world isn't always dark and stained with the pain and terror that gripped her…back then. She really truly is a rather cheerful and optimistic person, she rarely if ever thinks about that life, that time; she knows she is one of the lucky ones, knows it could have been worse, so much worse, and so she actually feels blessed to have escaped with what she feels is minimal damage, her brother and many doctors have disagreed with that assessment but they weren't there, they don't know, not even her Gene, not fully…not really. At least she has Gene, the fact is that one of the few people she loves and who loves her in return knows where she is, but nobody knows about…him…and as such she feels lucky, blessed even and when she allows herself to remember, slightly undeserving of the love, safety, and relative peace she finds herself with on most days; why her and not the others, not…him? Survivors' Guilt, the doctors call it; compassion, empathy and grief; Gene understands that is what it really is.
As previously stated, normally she is pretty upbeat and put together, but there are times, moments where seemingly innocuous events can shift her carefully rebuilt world off its axis and cause her to tumble into that dark time before as if she were Alice falling down the rabbit hole. To be fair, occasionally what is innocuous to her, and what constitutes a fairly benign event to others, can be substantially different things. Sometimes it appears that she overreacts, more often than not it appears to the outside observer that she significantly under reacts; that those moments should mean more, affect her more, the adults in her life have worried that she is detached from reality, burying the pain, but Gene gets it, the best that he can; when you were raised in hell only to be then sacrificed to the devil himself as payment for sins that were not your own, mostbad things…well they don't even register.
Horror films are dull and boring, on occasion the story line and plot devices are creative and she can appreciate the real thought and effort put behind the work, and she can tell if the writer is trying too hard or is actually working through real pain, real fear, she knows from fear, she knows how horrific reality can be and to be perfectly honest? Rarely if ever can fiction even compare. Daily insults, sexual harassment? Doesn't even faze her, and as for threats against her person, her life? Actually make a legitimate attempt to follow through on them and then maybe she'll blink, until then it's all words, empty meaningless words to her and words can never hurt you, not fully…not really.
Sadly not everything fails to make an impact, and on occasion she finds herself being pulled down, drowning in the nightmarish toxic pool of her memories, her reality from all those years before. It was bad from the beginning, this she knows from Gene, at least for her and…him, her light, her shadow, her…twin…but it wasn't always that way for Gene. He was loved; she was capable of it before, but then her heart died, and so did her ability to love her baby boy, or anyone else. She had sacrificed so much to keep him, and to stay with her heart, her love, her Grant; it wasn't fair to lose so much so young, Sophie can empathize with her there, but after…everything? Sophie will not forgive, and not because of what happened to her, she never knew love outside of Gene and her echo, but for Gene, he didn't deserve to go from unconditional love to venomous scorn at the fragile age five years old, he just lost his father, his superman, he shouldn't have lost his mother too and have to suffer her being replaced with a vindictive harpy; and Sophie will never forgive her for what happened to…all these years and she still can't even think his name, she doesn't know if he's alive or dead, and if that woman followed through with her plans for him…well, then Sophie sincerely hopes it's the later and that it happened before that particular cruelty could occur. Maybe he got lucky and she just beat him to death, or threw from her speeding getaway car on the interstate; anything would have been better then what happened to her, because he was such a sweet and fragile boy, older by a few minutes and yet she still saw him as her baby brother; he was just so small, smaller than her even and that's saying something because how they grew up? Malnutrition and injuries severely stunted her growth, first from neglect, then after…everything…from no longer being unable to keep anything down.
After her rescue Sophie was "hospitalized" (read :institutionalized) for a year with a tube going into her stomach; she refused to open her mouth during that time, every texture was nauseating and made her feel dirty, and shamed. She didn't speak for two years, and then it was only ever to Gene because almost two years of his begging her heart couldn't bare anymore, soon she would speak to only the smallest most vulnerable of the children in their home, then her doctors but only if they were women, eventually all women but men and any boys other than Gene still terrified her to a state of near catatonia.
One day, three years after being pulled from Hades, Sophie caught sight of herself cowering in the reflection of a window, staring at herself she started to weigh and measure the girl she saw there, and found that girl to be wanting, pathetic, selfish, and ungrateful of her safety; it sickened her. She was at least able to cower unwanted in a children's home, others weren't so lucky, he might not be so lucky and so she resolved to be stronger, to make peace with what happened the way her caretakers and doctors suggested and gave it all up to God. All of it with the exception of whatever happened to him, she couldn't and still can't let go of the unknown and she will never forgive the woman that begrudgingly gave her life. Whatever happened to him Sophie only hopes it was quick, and that he didn't suffer too much; she won't allow herself to hope for more than that, she knows Gene does, he hopes their brother is out there somewhere, loved and cared for, and that he was spared before what happened to Sophie could happen to him. But Gene doesn't understand what she lived through, not fully…not really; and so for her to hope for more tastes like a lie on her tongue, that kind of hope is a fairy tale and she has long stopped believing in impossible things.
At least until she met her…Rachel Berry, no one has ever gotten that far under her armor before and it Sophie finds it worrisome that she isn't more concerned about that. She knows that since that track-suited devil woman called her out and seemed to not so subtly threaten her that she would need to explain the full truth to her new friend, which of course means that she will more than likely lose her new friend. After all how would someone that perfect ever put in the effort to trudge through the murky quagmire of her mind just to be her friend much less anything else. Chest swelling with rage, bitterness, and anguished heartache Sophie beats a quick retreat to the only place she can think of to find a cool dark seclusion as the lunch bell rings. Finding shelter behind a forest of thick dark fabric Sophie crashes to the floor in exhaustion and seeks sweet relief in the only world that always makes sense and never fails to soothe her.
Rachel's POV
After spending what felt like hours in front of the piano in the choir room I realized that I desperately needed to work through my feeling in regards to Sophie, so I headed to the one place in this God forsaken school that afforded me peace.
Standing under the soft beam of a single spot light I let my mind go blank to allow my inner thoughts and desires to flow through me uninhibited.
Just too unreal all this
Watching the words fall from my lips
Baiting some girl with hypotheses
Haven't you heard the word of your body?
Startled I look towards the back of the stage where Sophie's voice is softly calling to me, blending oh so perfectly with mine that I can't help but continue if only to ensure that it is not a dream.
Don't feel a thing you wish
Grasping at pearls with my fingertips
Holding her hand like some little tease
Haven't you heard a word of my wanting?
Following the her voice I make my way to the back wall and peak behind the curtain find the girl to be waiting for me, only to be confused when I don't see her until I step behind the curtain fully. Only then do I see the girl lying prone on the stage with her eyes closed and with large headphones on. I hold off on continuing because I desperately need to know if she is aware of our duet.
Oh, I'm gonna be wounded
Oh, I'm gonna be your wound
Oh, I'm gonna bruise you
Oh, you're gonna be my bruise
My heart thuds in my chest at the realization the she isn't even fazed by register the solo, she truly doesn't know I'm here or that we were singing a song of pained desire and love with each other. I know feel compelled to continue even as I start backing away from the beautiful girl before me. The lyrics are all too painful and poignant now.
Just too unreal all this
Watching her world slip through my fist
Playing with her in your fantasies
Haven't you heard a word?
How I want you
Oh, I'm gonna be wounded
Oh, I'm gonna be your wound
Oh, I'm gonna bruise you
Oh, you're gonna be my bruise
At last I quietly slip away through the stage door and flee as quickly as I can, all the while trying to restrain my heart from ripping out of my chest so that it can present itself to that sweet and almost beautifully damaged girl as I wage a war in my own subconscious
'The same song…we picked the same song and at random! Surely you can agree that must be some kind of a sign.'
'That is irrelevant; we know nothing about her Rachel, not really anyway, and we cannot keep falling for every pretty voice we come across, need I remind you how well that turned out with Jesse last year. Besides that we already have a leading man; you know Finn…our BOYFRIEND? We should not be singing songs like that with or about anyone else, much less go about almost kissing them Rachel! We are not a cheater and Finn deserves better than that!'
'Does he really? He's never stood up for us even once against the bullying or made an attempt to prevent a slushie attack, he avoids us in between classes if his non-Glee teammates are with him, he lets people walk all over us in Glee, not to mention the sole reason we panicked so badly about Sunshine was that our boyfriend stated that people only tolerated us because of our voice and made it seem like she threatened our standing in the club.'
'Well be that as it may, in spite of Finn's admittedly numerous short comings as a significant other, when you enter into a committed romantic relationship with someone there is an explicit promise of fidelity and we Rachel Barbra, are never one to break our promises!'
'I know and I agree with you there, but is there not also an implicit promise of love and support, shouldn't the one your with be proud to have you on their arm, aren't they supposed to attempt to keep you from harm or at the very least be sympathetic about it and try to comfort you. Shouldn't you be more important to the person your with than their social standing, aren't you supposed to be one of the first priorities in their life? Especially if they are constantly complaining that you don't put them first often enough?'
'That is something we are both guilty of, sure he does devote what seems to us to be an inordinate amount of time playing video games, but he feels the same way about our many after school lessons.'
'That is in no way the same thing and you know it. Video games are a past time for Finn; our lessons are building blocks to help us attain the one dream we have had since we saw our first musical. They are necessary and our fathers have invested a lot of money in them, we cannot just skip. Not mention the volunteer work and tutoring benefit both the community but also our college applications. As such our boyfriend should understand that they are important and not something we can just blow off because he randomly feels like he can tolerate taking us out to a restaurant where all we can have is limp dry salad as he stuffs his face with things he knows we find morally repugnant.'
'If that is how you really feel than why don't we just break-up with him?'
'…You know what? You are absolutely right, we should just break-up with him, he does not respect us nor does he appreciate us. Sure we may not be able to do better in this school but that does not imply that we will be alone forever, why not hold out for someone who is our equal and acts as a balance to our crazy? Someone who actually deserves all our love and support, instead of just using us up and dropping us whenever the mood strikes, someone who will look at us the way we look at them, like they are our whole world but will still allow us our autonomy. Someone brave, witty, and kind; someone who we click with on every level, someone special, someone beautiful inside and out, someone like…'
'Someone like Sophie?'
'Yes, from what we know of her someone exactly like Sophie. Now that does not however imply that if we end our relationship with Finn that it would be purely be to pursue a relationship with her. We has no real proof that she even leans that way on the Kinsey scale and even if she did that does not mean, almost kiss aside, that she would be romantically interested in us. If we end things with Finn it must be for the right reasons, it would not be fair to anyone if we broke up with him for any other reasons than the relationship is not a healthy one and neither of us are really happy in it.'
'I think that is a good plan, and I further propose that even after we do end things with Finn, that we not immediately begin a relationship with Sophie, even if she should express interest. Not only because of how disrespectful and insensitive that would be to his feelings but because, as I have said, we barely know the girl and we do not want to leave one toxic relationship just to enter into another.'
'I completely agree, if we wish to enter into a relationship with Sophie after an appropriate amount of time has passed once we have ended things with Finn, she must prove herself to us first and more most with full disclosure of her past, as we will be extending the same courtesy to her.'
'You don't mean…'
'Yes, we will tell Sophie everything about our history and real home life, and in return she must be completely honest with us.'
'Okay, if that is what you think is best but first we need to apologize for our horrendous behavior in Glee today, starting with Mr. Schuester as our childish antics did disrupt his class time and we undoubtedly have consequences we must suffer as the result of assaulting another student.'
'You are right, might as well face the music.'
"Mr. Schuester? There's something I need to discuss with you."
TBC
AN: Impossible things are happening everyday…Up next is Rachel's meeting with Mr. Schue and pasts will be revealed. Never fear the breakup of Finchel is inevitable but will not happen immediately, there will be one very painful hurdle to pass before Rachel is finally able to let go of her comfort zone. I have made a decision regarding the end game of this piece and it wasn't easy to come by. On one hand the connection the Rachel and Quinn have is pretty undeniable, hence why they exist as a couple in fandom so readily, but at the same time I'd hope that Rachel would have a bit more self-respect then to enter into a relationship with someone who for lack of a better term, abused and victimized her for so many years. Many of the things Quinn has done to Rachel far and above cross the lines of typical bullying and I don't like that the show never had Quinn and Rachel really come to terms with that, a very serious apology is needed there as all that started way before Finn became an issue for them. Saying that Rachel should be sterilized? That's not only appallingly cruel that is also so racially offensive that I felt physically sickened by it, btw way to be so cavalier about one of the many atrocities of the holocaust RIB, there is actually a lot of religious/racial slamming that goes on in Glee that gets brushed off far more easily than the homophobia. Just sayin', anywho until next time and I hope you all are liking where the story is going so far.
