Chapter Three: In Your Words

            Severus flipped on the light as he walked into Hermione's room and flopped on the bed.  Crookshanks curled up next to him, glad to be back in his own bed.

            Putting one hand under a pillow, Severus pulled out a small notebook.  He opened it to find pages covered in feminine handwriting.  It was her diary!

            He couldn't read it; that would be wrong!  But maybe, if Hermione was alive, the diary might hold a clue as to her whereabouts.

            At two in the morning it was the best excuse he was going to come up with.  He made himself comfortable, and began to read.

Dear Diary,

           

            I can't believe this is happening to me! I got a letter delivered by an owl today that said I'm a witch, and have been accepted to Hogwarts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! I can't wait to read all about it in the new books my parents bought me…

            "Yes, how exciting you're a witch!" Severus said, sarcastically.

            He skipped a few entries, and started reading again.

            I met Harry Potter today on the train!

            "I'm not even going to dignify that one with a comment." Severus told Crookshanks, who looked perturbed at being kept awake.

            "Aha! Here she talks about me!"

            Professor Snape is the one teacher that I just can't figure out how to please. I've tried everything! I've practically got the whole potions' text memorized, but he's just unimpressed! Diary, I've come to the conclusion that that man has problems, and I should just give up! Well, maybe if I started memorizing next year's text. I bet Fred or George would loan me theirs…

           

           

            "A girl after my own heart." Severus admitted to the cat with a smile.

            "If only she had been in Slytherin… No, that would have ruined her. Oh, well."

            Severus shrugged and skipped ahead further.

Viktor Krum is so different than what I had imagined. He is quite intelligent, and very charming. I told him that I would go to the Yule Ball with him; I really hope that Ron and Harry don't get angry. No, scratch that! I don't care if they get angry or not! They shouldn't have waited this long to ask me!

            Severus felt a twinge of jealousy as he remembered the night of the ball.  Hermione had looked so beautiful on the arm of that big lug.

            Crookshanks hissed at him and walked to the foot of the bed, turning his back on Severus.

            "Well, I am a man after all… And I'm defending myself to a cat!"

            He shook his head and skipped ahead to the week before he disappeared.

                        Dear Diary,

The strangest thing happened to me today. I'm so confused; I've never felt like this before. I went to Professor Snape's class today and he sneered at Neville and praised Draco like normal. But while everyone was busy making their clarity potions, I saw him glance at Harry. It only lasted a second, but that one look was so full of concern, fear, pride, hope, and maybe even something else… It just suddenly occurred to me that Professor Snape was on our side. Probably the only one who is actually out there fighting this battle that everyone is denying exists! I also notice that he looked tired. I wish I could do something to help him. But I can't do or say anything that might give him away.

So I didn't try to defend myself when he blamed me for helping Neville. I didn't say a word as he deducted twenty points from Gryffindor. He could've taken four hundred points, and I still would have been okay with it. Today I have realized that there are more important things than house points, and an unfair teacher. There is a bigger battle being fought, and it's time I grew up and started contributing to the causes that really do matter.

After potions class was over, I stayed behind to talk to Snape. I had to do something to encourage him, let him know that he wasn't alone in this. I don't know if it worked. He said something about there being an odd side effect from the clarity potions, but I think I got through to him.

I gave Harry and Ron each a hug and kiss on the cheek before bed tonight. They both blushed and hurried off to bed, but I know they care about me as much as I do them. I think they were both pleased by my actions.

            Severus wiped at the tears trailing down his cheeks. He remembered that day as if it had been yesterday….

            "Professor?"

            Severus looked up from the pile of papers on the desk in annoyance. He'd thought all the students had left.

            "What is it, Granger?" he growled.

            Hermione walked over to his desk and gave him a look that seemed to penetrate to his very soul.

            "I just wanted to say thank you." She said, simply.

            "Whatever for?" Snape asked suspiciously.

            "For doing what you're doing. I wish more than anything that I could do something to help you out. But all I can do is tell you, that you are appreciated. I can't even begin to imagine the things you must be dealing with. I just want to say thank you. For dealing with them."

            Severus set his quill down and looked at her.

            "Miss Granger, I…"

            Hermione suddenly through her arms around him and kissed his temple.

            Severus just stared at her in complete shock as she stepped away and began collecting her things to leave.

            "The clarity potion! This is some strange new side effect. You drank some, didn't you!" he demanded.

            "Think what you have to, Severus."

            And then she left.

            If only she had known just how much that small show of affection had helped him!  During the next nine years, when Azkaban was becoming too much, when he felt himself slipping away, he'd focus on being in her warm embrace.

            The dementors couldn't take away that memory because it didn't make him happy. On the contrary, it terrified him, because it had awoken a part of him that he believed was dead. A part of him that he could not have survived the coming years without.

            Professor Snape has been caught! I was so worried something like this would happen. The Headmaster told us this morning that Severus wouldn't be returning for the rest of the term. It was all I could do to walk back to Gryffindor tower.

            Harry, Ron, and Ginny followed me, unable to understand what had upset me so.

            Once the portrait closed behind us, the sobs came. I cried for two hours while Ginny held me, and Ron and Harry hovered protectively over us.

            Ron asked me why I was so upset, it was just Snape, after all. Ginny had answered him for me. She said something about this meaning that the war really had begun. Snape was first, but who would be next.

            I think it was the first time I had ever seen Ron truly speechless.

            Later this evening, as Ginny and I went to bed I thanked her for saying what she did and apologized for losing control. She said she understood. Then she said something that absolutely floored me! It's truth cutting to my heart. She said, "Love makes us do very unusual things."

            I've spent the last two hours telling myself that she was wrong, mentally listing all the things that I did not love about Professor Snape. And then I realized that I would give anything to have him back here, safe and sound. It's true. I'm in love with Severus Snape. I only hope we both live long enough for me to tell him.