It was the evening before Rick, Michonne and several others were to go out and dispatch the Saviors.
As of late, Carl had been spending a lot outside the house with anyone who would take him lest he would hear them have sex or run the chance of being in the same room as either of them at the moment. He borderline hated them both. Just the total oblivion to his emotions is what did him in.
This particular night he had been with Enid and a couple other kids their age when he remembered he had left the Ferris Bueller DVD, he promised to share with them in his room.
Enid went with him.
"Do they know you are coming?" Enid asked.
"You don't have to call to come home," he said.
"They are a new couple. They are probably fucking. I wouldn't go in there right now. We can watch the movie tomorrow. Let's go back."
With all the disdain in the world, he grunted, "They are always fucking and they usually do it in his room. They think they are quiet but they are really, really not."
"Wow. You don't resent them at all."
"I don't."
"You should be glad for them," Enid had been watching him much more closely than he realized. What she could not suss out was whether he was jealous because he was lonely or because he had a crush or both.
"I-I am," he almost choked on those words.
"Try saying that without wincing," she teased.
"What you are getting at?"
"I am right here," she said.
Not getting it, he asked,"Huh?"
"Damn, boys are stupid," she put her arms around his neck and got on her tiptoes and kissed him.
He had enough sense to kiss back.
One minute passed.
"This is what you need. Me," she kissed him again.
"I suddenly do not care about that tape anymore."
"Thought so. Let go make out in the pantry. This time of night no one's in there."
She had no argument from him.
He woke up the next day to something close to a good mood. Even catching Rick and Michonne making out could not ruin it. Okay. Maybe it did a little.
"I live here, too, you know," he said shielding his eye.
"You did not see nothing. Now, if you had came in here, ten minutes earlier then that would have been another story," Rick joked.
Michonne giggled. Giggled, "You are so bad. Pay your dad no mind."
"Eww. Both of you, just eww," he said getting himself and his sister something to eat.
Michonne grabbed his wrist. It made him goosebump. She noticed.
"I already fed her," she said still holding on to him.
"Did you now?" He asked looking her dead in the eyes.
They were totally having a moment.
Rick saw this and struck him as odd but what isn't as of late?
Feeling weirded out ever so slightly by it, he began to talk, "Speaking of eww, what is this I heard about you and Enid making out in the pantry contaminating the food with your passionate manhandling?" His father laughed.
His mouth flew open. Carol caught them and just in time, too. Hands were very nearly down in pants.
"She said she would not say anything," he complained.
Michonne scoffed and Rick asked wryly, "You believed her? Of course she told us. We do not want you doing anything stupid."
"Like grandbaby stupid," Michonne added.
Thoroughly insulted by her commenting, he replied, "Not that it is any of your business, it did not even approach going that far. Even if it did. So. I am good with little kids. I take care of Judy more than not. I would be a good dad one day that is not soon. I know what I am capable of."
They both looked at him. They could not argue his point per se. But, Rick could say this, "You say that about Judith because you can give her back and go on about your business. When they are yours there is no such luxury. Keep that in mind next you want to whip it out. And not in the pantry. That is just nasty. We have to eat that food. I don't want to eat a bowl of oatmeal wondering if you jizzed on it or not."
He just frowned at his father and walked away. His good mood had just been murdered.
He decided to go for a walk. He went to the far side of Alexandria. There is where basically all the dregs, losers and loners lived.
Despite this, this he had hung out there a couple times and one of them, Timothy was not that bad or so he thought.
"Sup, dude?" He said seeing Carl.
"Nothing. Just had to get out that house."
"I hear you. So, what's this I hear about you and Enid?"
"I know this is a small community but damn. Really?"
"Joe saw you and her playing tonsil hockey," Timothy flipped greasy blond hair out his eyes.
"Well, I do like her and I assume she likes me."
"Dude, you got to be careful."
"Don't sound like my dad," Carl sighed.
"I am serious. He is not."
"Okay. What does that mean?"
"Isn't Enid a kike?"
"If you mean Jewish, yeah. So? Dude, you sound not good. What are you getting at?"
"The way the world is now. I think it is because people have lost their way, man."
"How so? Other than murder, cannibalism, rapists, dictators? What? The walkers are the least of our concern. And they are a pretty huge concern."
"The race mixing, the faggots. If it all stopped, I bet the walkers would stop."
Carl laughed mirthlessly, "You are joking, right?"
"No, man. Think about it. Why do you think all of a sudden you cannot stand being at home. You know deep down your dad fucking that nigger bitch is wrong. That is why you escape."
"You got me completely fucked up. I do not see Michonne as a race nor do I see Enid as a religion. I see two very beautiful, capable women. I thought you were cool."
"Carl, come on, man. Think about it. You know this shit is wrong," Timothy said.
Carl stood up and laughed.
He retrieved the gun from his back and began to pistol whip Timothy.
"If you ever refer to Michonne to anything other than her name or Enid the same, I will murder you. You understand?" He asked.
"You're fucking crazy," he coughed.
"Don't ever forget it," he said.
Two hours passed.
"We ought to be gone no more than four days tops. It going to take us about three days to get there," his father told him. So, Carl decided he was going to take advantage of that time.
He took a whore bath. Put on his best shirt and pants and by best one means the only set that were clean.
Combed his hair which turned into a moot point when he put on his hat.
He fed his sister lunch before dropping her off with Denise.
He went to Maggie and Glenn's place where he knew Enid would be outside on the porch playing solitaire.
"Hi," she said without looking up.
He sat beside her extra close.
"Dude, bubble," she said.
"You wasn't concerned about your bubble last night," he said touching the small of her back. She jumped. She was not used to being like that.
"I have to ask you a question," he was more nervous than he thought he would be.
"Okay," she said still playing cards pretending she could not care less. The key word was pretend.
He took her hand. Her heart skipped a beat but she did not let on.
"I need you to look at me," he said.
She looked him right in the eye. Her face was expressionless even though she had a feeling what he was about to ask. She had been waiting for him to man up and do it since they were inside the tree.
"Well?" She asked.
"I know from self experience that because you make out with somebody a couple times doesn't necessarily mean anything other than the fact you both a little horny."
"Whoa, dude. You are so deep. Point. Get to it. Now."
"Uh, wanna be my girlfriend?" He asked with a goofy grin.
"Finally. Yes, I will be your girlfriend," she almost smiled. She returned to her cards even though she was doing the hammer dance on the inside.
"Uh, that is it?" He had not expected it to be that easy.
"Yes. I mean what? You wanted me to say no? I mean why drag it out? Either one of us could be dead in the next ten minutes. So, I said yes. No games."
"Okay."
"What do you want to do?" She asked.
"Whatever you want to do," he had not quit smiling yet. It was incredibly nice not being rejected.
"Uh. Want to go walking?"
"Sure."
She went and got her backpack from inside.
"Let me," he said holding his hand out. She made an impressed grunt and handed it to him.
Thirty minutes passed. They held hands but did not say much.
"Do you want to know what I thought the first time I saw you?" Enid asked.
"You said I scared you," he said.
"That was not the first time I saw you. Besides, I am not ready to tell you why I said that. I thought you looked like a male Snow White."
He gave her a quizzical expression.
So, she explained, "You have light blue eyes, almost black hair and surprisingly pale skin and a really pretty face even with the bandage. Snow White," she said clutching his hand.
Carl had never blushed so hard in his life.
"I think, no, I know you are beautiful. So. There's that."
She blushed too.
"Funny you should say that. During Halloween in the second grade, me and my best friend, Jag crossdressed. I was Snow White and she was Prince Charming. I was in full make up and everything. She had a mustache."
Enid grinned.
"I wish there was a photograph of that some where. I would have loved to have seen that. I bet you were too cute."
"Dad thought it was funny, mom hated it. She asked me a bunch of questions. I was like mom, I like girls. Hell, I liked Jag."
"Did she like you or was she stupid?"
"Yes. As a matter of fact, we were kinda girlfriend/boyfriend but her dad said she was not allowed so we did not tell anyone. Well, our moms knew. And Jag's asshole older brother. He caught us holding hands so he blackmailed me. I had to give him fifty cents everyday."
"What was Jag short for?"
"Jagadamba."
"What the hell type of name is that?"
"Indian. Dot, not feathers. She was Punjabi and black. Last name was Anthony."
"She must have been pretty. Most biracial people are. Ooh, what if Michonne and your dad had a kid? It would be super cute."
His reaction was a strong one.
"I hope not. I mean I just do not see that happening."
"It wouldn't be the worse thing. Maggie's having a kid."
"Well, that is different."
Knowing when to change the subject, she said, "When was the last time you saw her?"
"The day we had to run. We were neighbors so we ran together. Her mom and dad were doctors and they were doing that Doctors without Borders thing. They had been gone like a month. Her much older half sister came from England to watch them. They were in Sri Lanka or some shit. She was freaking out about her folks, I was freaking about my dad. We were basically pitiful together.
It was actually her sister who knew about the camp. Jag wanted to go with me, my mom and Shane but her sister would not let her. So, they were in front of us. Something happened and some cars got between us. We could not see them. I begged for them to look around. They did. They were nowhere to be found. So, we looked for them at the camp. Nothing," the sadness on his face was fresh like it just happened.
"I am sorry," she put her head on his shoulder.
"I like to think, they are alive somewhere. I like to think she is alive somewhere. But, even if she is. I am not ever going to see her again. So," he hunched.
"Wow. I am so jealous of that girl right now. I can't even tell you. So, she was your first love."
He had not really thought about it like that. But, she was right.
"Damn. I guess so. But, who cares? I have you now. You are here in front of me," they had stopped walking. They were looking right at each other. They kissed.
She giggled.
"This is the first time I have ever heard you laugh," Carl said.
"I usually do not have a reason to."
"Hell, me neither. This is nice," he said.
"I know, right?"
"You hungry?" He asked.
"I can't cook for shit so that leaves you. I literally burn water much to Maggie's chagrin," she smiled.
"It is no problem. Let's go to my house," he said.
He stopped by Denise's and got his sister.
"Hi," she waved at Judith. The little one made a stink face at her.
"She doesn't like me," Enid pouted.
"Sure she does. She is just not used to you yet."
"I see her every day. She likes Denise."
"She likes you," he assured.
An hour or so later, they just finished some tuna and noodles.
"That was good," she said concealing a burp.
"I try," he said.
They stared at each before leaning in to kiss. As they bussed, Judith climbed between them.
She slapped Enid's face and said, "No. He is my budder."
"She thinks I am trying to steal you. I told you she did not like me. Damn, she hits hard," she left a red mark on her face.
"Judith, be nice. Say you are sorry."
" No," she said.
"Judith, say it or I will spank you," he said.
"Beat her. That'll make her like me. Give her here," she took Judith walked around with her.
After about an hour of playing with her, the little girl quit being mean to her. He watched them play. His mind went to a place it rarely went to. Having a family of his own one day. He imagined what it would feel like to get someone pregnant and watch the baby grow and be born. To hold it for the first time. What it would feel like to love something so much that actually came from his body. He imagined Enid like this and it made him smile. The brain being a bitch, replaced Enid with Michonne. He smiled even harder.
"Carl, Carl," Enid called out.
"Huh?" He asked.
"Where were you just now?"
"Oh, I was thinking. It's getting late. Let's get her a bath and down for the night."
"Then you will walk me home," she said.
In the deepest register of his voice, he said, "I was thinking maybe you could stay the night."
"Ooh, Mister Grimes, what would the neighbors think?"
"I personally could not give less than a shit."
"Shit," Judith exclaimed.
"Her and her swear words," he laughed.
They bathed Judith and became sloppy wet in the process.
"You think Michonne would mine if I borrowed her clothes?"
"Or you could sleep naked," he said.
"I bet," she giggled.
She went in the bathroom. She grabbed t-shirt and shorts from Michonne's stuff. She looked at herself in mirror. She grinned. She was so happy. She made up her mind about something too. Before returning, she grabbed something out her bag.
He was rocking his sister asleep. Half talking, half singing. He had decent voice. Enid's womb quivered.
Soon, Judith was asleep. He put in her crib.
"Wanna make out?" He asked.
"I want to do a little more than that," she kissed him and put her arms around his neck.
"You mean the sex?" His eye was big as a saucer.
"Why go through the motions? People only couple for two reasons," she said rather defiantly.
"Such as?" He inquired.
"One, not be alone. And to, for lack of a better term, fuck. So, I figure we should do that," she was so matter of fact, she was terrifying.
"What you are suggesting is probably the best idea I have ever heard," he said smiling and turning red.
"Want to put Judith out into the hall. It would be kind of weird to do it in front of a baby."
"We could just throw a blanket over it. So, she will not see. I don't want to leave her alone. She will not know what she is hearing."
"Plan on being loud, do you?" She ribbed.
"I don't know. I have never done this before," he said rubbing the back of his neck.
"No one's tried to hit that? I find that hard to believe."
"I got a little experience. You are not a virgin?"
"After my folks died, it was not an option. I had to do some things to survive," she sat down and got real quiet.
"I am sorry," he said sitting beside her and taking her hand.
"Doesn't matter now. We are here."
"Yes, we are," he put his hands in her hair, put his nose against hers and kissed her like he did Michonne.
When they pulled away, she swooned.
"Whoa. Dude, you don't kiss like a virgin. I will get a blanket."
"Linen closet at the end of the hall," he said.
"Okay. She kissed him again and almost skipped out the room.
Oh, my God, he thought, I am about to get laid.
She came back quickly.
"Okay. Ta-da," she said.
She sat down and straddled him.
"Lie back," she said.
She laid down on top of him. They kissed rather deeply.
Moments later, she began to speak.
"When you say experience, what exactly do you mean?"
"Kissing obviously. I am good with my hands. Some head. Mostly giving."
"Really? No one's ever done that to me before."
"We have to see what we can to do to change that," he said.
He rolled her on her back. They resumed kissing for a while until he asked could he undress her.
She sat up so he could pull the t-shirt over her head. She had on a purple bra with the strap attached with safety pins.
"Front or back clasp?" He asked.
"Front," she said.
He undid it with ease. Her breasts poured out like sumptuous dough from a can. Her tiny pink nipples raised in excitement about was to transpire next.
He had his mouth on one and then the other easing his hand down her flat but soft stomach and just at her pudendum.
"These are awesome," he said lightly kissing them.
Feeling a little embarrassed, she said, "Let's turn out the lights."
"I want to look at you," he said in a low growl.
She found this to be hot but still she insisted.
So, he obeyed.
In the dim darkness of pale, curtained moonlight, he could only make out shapes of her body. And very nice shapes they were.
He slid down her body taking her shorts and panties with him. The sweet, musty smell of her womanhood wafted up his nose. It intoxicated him. She became nervous when she felt his hot breath close to her nethers.
He kissed right above her slit. She squealed.
"Wait. Let's just do it. I don't wanna do anything fancy just yet," she pushed his head away. Like a lot of girls, she had the troublesome idea that sex was about the boy's pleasure and not her own.
"Are you sure? I mean I am good at it. At least that is what I have been told."
"What? Do you go around eating out chicks at random?" She laughed.
"No. It is only been three chicks."
"Still, let's just do it. Pass me my shorts and turn on the light," she said.
He obeyed.
She got under the covers before he could turn around and see all her nakedness.
Holy shit, there is a naked girl in my bed, he thought. He had the biggest smile on his face. So did she. He gave her the shorts. She reached into the pocket and took out the three condoms.
"I am optimistic."
"I should probably get undressed," he said a little timidly.
"Come over here. I will do you like you did me."
He walked over to her and sat on the edge of his bed.
"You are too far away. My vagina's over here."
He was having second and third thoughts. What if he sucked and she never wanted to speak to him again. Or what if he hurt her.
"You are over thinking," she came up from behind him. She put her cool hands under his shirt and began to work it off him. It made him goosebump.
She began to kiss his neck and shoulders.
"Turn around and get under the covers," she said.
"Want me to take my pants off first?"
She shook her head no.
He got under the covers.
She mounted him and pressed her bare chest against his. They were crotch to crotch. They could feel the heat radiating off each other. It drove them both mad.
They began to work on his pants as they kissed as if they were being held at gunpoint.
They got his pants off easy.
Enid looked down at him and her eyes became large and she smiled lasciviously.
"I always knew you had balls but that thing is why you are kinda short. You cut four inches of this off you and attach it to your height, you would be six feet. I am calling you eggplant from now on," she reached for one of the condoms and opened it.
"Oh, don't joke about that. I have lost enough body parts to last me a lifetime. But seriously though. You thinks it's big," he twerked his eyebrow.
"Don't play coy. You know you are hung," she said.
He hunched nonchalantly as if to say I know.
Next, she grabbed ahold of his penis at the base with one hand and slid the rubber on with the other, careful to leave a reservoir at the tip. He leaned up to kiss her as his hands enjoyed her perky tits.
"I want you on top," she purred laying on her back spreading her legs apart. He rolled over on top of her.
"You ready?" He asked.
She nodded yes as she turned out the light.
Carl protested, "Turn it back on."
"Why?"
"I like looking at you."
"Aww," she still turned out the light.
He chuckled.
"All right. Here goes," he held himself and attempted to remain as calm as possible as he pressed his mushroom tip into her entrance. He realized she was not that wet. He did not want to hurt her.
"Can I do something?" He asked.
"Such as?" Truth be told, Enid was not even that particular about sex. It was an ends to a means. Sometimes she used it for shelter or food or water or to hook a boy she really wanted. She is not even sure if she has even had an orgasm or not.
"You are a little dry. I don't want to make you bleed. Like you said I am hung. So," he took his hand and put it between her legs.
After about ten minutes, that was not an issue anymore.
"You could have kept doing that. That felt good," she sighed.
"Well, hopefully, this ought to be better," he said sweetly.
"Most dudes do not care one way or another. This is nice so far. You are nice so far," she almost wanted to cry.
"This is nice so far. Thank you," he said. He needed something good to happen to him.
"Let's start," she said.
As he began to push into her slowly. The head was in when they both heard a rattling sound which preceded a squeaking and creaking noise.
"Oh, no. Not now," he said.
"I got to peepee," Judith implored.
"She usually sleeps through the night or at least a good four hours. It hasn't even been an hour yet," he was annoyed not mad.
"Well, go get her," Enid said.
"I am not going anywhere near my sister with an erection. I will go take care of this and you go get her."
"So, you get to go whack it and I get to child rear. Yay," she deadpanned.
He pulled out. He grabbed his clothes and went down the hall to the other bathroom.
Enid threw her clothes back on and retrieved Judith.
"Aren't you the words cutest little cockblocker?"
"I peepeed. Uh-oh."
"It is okay, sweetie," she kissed her cheek and changed her pull up.
Twenty minutes passed before he returned. During this time, it was the first time in a while, the sole star of his masturbatory fantasies was not Michonne. Though she did make a cameo for some girl on girl towards the end.
When he came back, his sister was on her chest. She was almost asleep when sensed her brother and reached for him.
He took his sister from Enid.
They made fleetingly awkward eye contact and chuckled.
They stole a quick kiss.
"Wanna help me sing her to sleep?" He asked.
"Yes. What?"
"You pick. I trust you. But, happy songs kind of make her cry. She likes emo. It is like she can already sense life is pain," he joked.
"Do you know Only Happy When it Rains by Garbage?"
"I am familiar. But, I am a quick steady. I will follow you."
"I heard you earlier. What were you singing to her. What was it? Love Me Alone by Jason Downs? Awesome song. Mom was a producer and songwriter. She wrote that ditty."
"Really?" He asked rather amazed by her.
"Just shut the eff up and sing," she laid her head on his shoulder. His sister was on his chest.
As he sang the line, She'll always and never be mine, he thought of Michonne. Moreover, he thought about what she said about God liking him more than most. And in that moment, he felt like she may have been right.
