AUTHOR'S NOTE
After speaking with a good friend of mine, Sarah, I've decided what this next chapter would be about. It's time to focus on the other pawns a bit more now, though I am hesitant to go too far with Merry, since she is not mine - I even had to cut her name in half! xD; There's actually four more letters in her name. Anyway, this chapter is going to focus a bit more on Merry, and a bit of her past. I hope you enjoy reading it!
It's never really covered in the game if pawns sleep or eat - only that they don't die or age. In my little world, they sleep and eat xD!
I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! Soon I will be changing my Pen Name! I just wanted to let the few readers I have know... if you can't find LawlietNoOtaku, that's because I've changed my Pen Name!
ありがとうございます〜!
Arisen lay in her bed, face mashed into her pillow contently. Her hair was strewn across her pillow and her face messily, having grown longer after the last couple of months. As her sleep reached its peak, she was jolted from her slumber by a loud, long, blood curdling shriek. Arisen's eyes widened - that sounded like a woman… like Merry! She peeled the hair off of her face, stumbling out of bed and slamming into her table in the process. Not even bothering to pick up the table, she grabbed her daggers off of the floor and wrapped their holders around her waist. She ran next door to the inn, which was luckily attached to her house - likely the reason she heard the scream so well.
Stumbling through the side entrance, she found herself in Pablos' room. Looking to him, rather shaken, she asked quickly, "pray, forgive me for the intrusion, cos… but did you hear a scream just now?"
"Cousin," Pablos said, sitting up in bed and rubbing his eyes vigorously, "I think half of Cassardis heard that… but no one else is here tonight but your pawns."
Arisen nodded quickly and bolted behind the counter and up the stairs, her fears being validated. She drew out her daggers as she approached the doorway, expecting to find some kind of combat… but as she got closer she heard not battle, but loud sniffling. Standing in the doorway, Arisen sheathed her weapons and stared at the scene before her. The lamp in the room was freshly lit, and Merry sat on the bed facing the doorway, face in her hands and shaking violently, Mez sitting next to her on her bed with an arm wrapped around her securely. Sybille sat up, almost in the fetal position in the bed on the opposite wall, wrapping the covers tightly around herself. She looked frightened, and very, very confused - looking on at the scene like a child afraid to ask what was going on.
Arisen's brow furrowed, "what… what is going on in here? Is everyone alright? I… I heard a scream…"
Merry's head shot up in surprise, staring up at the Arisen with wide, puffy eyes, wiping her turquoise hair from her sticky face. Her hair was not in its usual ponytail, Merry having let it down to sleep. "A-Arisen!" she said, shocked, straightening out her clothing and trying to look presentable. The last thing Merry wanted was to look like a mess in front of the Arisen - having a great respect for the girl. "I… I am fine Arisen, you should go back to sleep - we have much to d-do tomorrow." No matter how hard she tried to mask it, her voice was wavering.
Arisen's brow furrowed and she looked to Merry with disbelief, before looking over to the red headed pawn sitting next to her with a questioning stare.
"Merry…" Mez started, "this has gone on long enough, you must say something - it's obviously out in the open now anyway." Merry shot him a glare as if he had just betrayed her for not taking her side in front of the Arisen. He sighed, saying gently, but firmly, "this has been going on for months, only this time it was much worse." He half explained to Merry, and half to the Arisen, feeling like this was getting out of hand. Sybille looked to Arisen with a frightened expression, not really understanding what had been going on the past few months.
Arisen's face softened, entering the room and taking a seat next to the rather shaken up pawn. "Merry," she said gently, placing a hand on the girl's arm. Merry turned her face from the Arisen, not wanting to make eye contact as she could already feel her face becoming hot and the lump in her throat rising yet again. Merry was not like most pawns - she knew she could cry. She'd known that for a very, very long time - though it was not a weakness she wished to show in front of her master. Mez sighed as Merry refused to look at the Arisen, wishing that she wasn't so stubborn. Sybille stayed curled up against the wall, sitting on her bed and watching quietly. Being the youngest of the pawns, she was very new to many things, grief being one of them. Arisen sighed as her pawn stubbornly turned away from her, "Merry, pray, tell me what has been going on?" She had no idea that her pawn had been so distressed for the past couple months, though she was beginning to understand that both Mez and Sybille had been aware of it for a while.
Merry's eyes brimmed with tears, images flashing through her mind at warp speeds. Arisen bit her lip and placed her hand on Merry's chin, trying to coax her to turn to face her, hand almost slipping from how sweaty her skin was. A tear instantly slipped down her cheek at the Arisen's touch, landing on the hand on her chin. Arisen frowned, trying to get Merry to look even harder, without being forceful. The pawn desperately looked to Mez, as if expecting some kind of advice or explanation, and Mez simply nodded, trying to encourage her to depend on the Arisen for once. With that, she finally allowed Arisen to guide her face, causing their eyes to meet - Merry immediately breaking out into tears.
Arisen's jaw almost gaped open, seeing her most stubborn and emotionally rough pawn burst into tears - but she kept her mouth shut, not wanting to make Merry feel weak for deciding to confide in her. She wrapped both arms around the broken pawn, holding her tightly while she continued to sob, "pray, tell me what has been going on these past few nights?" Mez let go of the other pawn, allowing the Arisen to take his place in consoling her.
Merry buried her face into the Arisen's night shirt, hiding her face as she explained, "I… I've been having n-nightmares, Master."
Arisen rose an eyebrow, "…nightmares? Merry, that must be the worst nightmare in existence, for it to have you so shaken…" She was blown away that something as simple as a nightmare is what had her strongest pawn in tears.
"I…" Merry grimaced at the memory, eyes brimming with tears once again as she almost yelled, "t'was not just a dream… t'was… i-it really h-happened!" She finally pulled her face out of Arisen's shirt, looking at her with completely heartbroken, amber eyes, "i-it really… happened… long a-ago, Master."
The Arisen's face softened, realizing that perhaps her most stoic pawn had been hiding a rather personal tragedy. She made eye contact with the girl, who immediately diverted her eyes to the ground, asking, "pray, tell me what happened…?"
Merry shook her head emphatically, looking around the room frantically - she was never good at expressing herself, and not only had she never told the Arisen this story, but she hadn't told Mez or Sybille what the nightmares were about either. Her eyes welled over with tears as she looked to the Arisen with a panicked gaze. She didn't want to tell this story - they would never trust her again! They couldn't, could they?
Mez noticed the panic in her eyes, realizing she was deathly afraid of telling them what was ailing her. Was it something she did? "Merry," he said gently, "we have traveled together for quite a while now. We have fought together, ate together, done EVERYTHING together… we have had each other's backs in battle - you must now trust that we shall have it outside of battle as well. If… you cannot tell us, then who can you tell?" Arisen nodded quietly, grateful that Mez was able to get out the words that she couldn't.
Merry's face twisted as she listened to Mez speak before spitting out, "I d-do not know if I can tell anyone!" She looked back to the Arisen, voice wavering, "y-you would not want me anymore! I… I…" she looked down to the floor, "I want to fight alongside you, A-Arisen." She didn't know what she would do if the Arisen tossed her back to the Rift - especially for this. She didn't think she could handle it.
"Merry," Arisen said gently, "you truly are a fool if you think anything you say could cause me to banish you." She kept one arm around Merry supportively, taking her other hand and cupping the pawn's face, "you said yourself, it was long ago. Whatever it was, 'tis over now - t'would be wrong of me to judge you."
By now, Sybille had slowly made her way across the room to sit next to Mez on the bed, blanket still wrapped around her small body and over her head. She looked to Mez for some kind of explanation, but he had none. Merry shut her eyes tightly as the Arisen cupped her face in her hand, he entire body trembling with fear. Shaking her head gently, she tried to pull away from the Arisen's embrace - but Brynn didn't plan on allowing that. She sighed, pulling the pawn into a tighter hug, "Merry, 'tis obvious that whatever is ailing you has been doing so for quite some time… and 'tis even more obvious that it is no simple gaffe that you shall simply GET OVER. I do not know if you realize this, but it is not just going to go away on it's own, Merry - 'tis only going to get worse." She put her hands on the pawn's shoulders, holding her at arm's length and looking her in the eyes, "if I have to, Merry, I shall put our traveling on hold until we get this straightened out." Mez almost laughed, not surprised that the Arisen had thrown that threat out there… as she had used it many times with him as well. He decided that perhaps it wasn't the best idea to laugh right now.
Merry almost began crying again as the Arisen not only threatened to put their traveling on hold, but used the word 'we' when describing that things had to be straightened out. Arisen wanted to help - she wasn't expecting Merry to fix it on her own. Merry diverted her eyes downward, "…..you… you shall not trade me in for another, Arisen?"
"I promise you, I will not," Arisen insisted. It struck her as odd that the pawn actually ever worried about such things. The way Merry was acting, she was beginning to wonder if other Arisens had found out her 'secret' and immediately traded her in for a different pawn. Could what she had to say truly be that bad?
Merry rose her head and looked to the other two pawns. What about them, though? Would they shun her? They had slowly become her closest friends - could she handle having them turn against her?
Mez smiled at her gently, a look of acceptance sewn across his face - a look that had always seemed to be permanently plastered there. The man had never been one to judge and was quite possibly the most compassionate out of the three of them - she knew that. Knowing that did not make things much easier, however. Sybille scooted closer to Mez, looking up at Merry with wide eyes. She was so confused - the oldest of the pawns looked so frightened, and that scared her - did she really think they would hate her? Sybille didn't even know if she was CAPABLE of hate, and she didn't plan on starting now. She looked up to the eldest pawn, and was convinced that there was nothing she could say to make her feel otherwise.
The warrior couldn't help but smile slightly as the youngest of them peeked up at her past Mez's shoulder. After carefully studying the other pawns in the room, Merry turned her attention back to the Arisen. Her face was stricken with many things - guilt, fear, worry, shame. Arisen smiled softly, doing her best to reassure the shaken pawn.
As Merry realized that the Arisen wasn't going to back down, she shook her head slowly, taking a deep breath and letting it out harshly, "t'was… t'was a little over two centuries past, Arisen," she began to explain.
Arisen nodded slowly, listening intently. Two centuries…? Over two hundred years? That's how long she had been living with this? She wanted to say something already, but kept quiet to listen to the warrior's story.
Merry drew in a shaky breath, "my master's name was Mira. She… she was a young girl, not very experienced. She couldn't have been older than sixteen." Her voice wavered a bit as she reminisced about the one that brought her into being, doing her best to keep composure. "She was always very energetic, and acted rather young for her age. She had quite the interest for things out of the ordinary, which is likely the reason for my… hair," she explained quietly, running her fingers through her turquoise-colored strands. They were an ever constant reminder of her Master, and she wasn't honestly sure if she loved it or hated it, but she didn't dare change it.
Arisen nodded quietly, not interrupting the pawn and listening to her speak. As she began toying with her hair, she wanted to reach out and hug Merry, knowing that seeing that turquoise hair in the corner of her eyes all the time must be painful She kept her hands to herself, though, and listened intently. Mez and Sybille could see the pain on her face already, as she explained the simplest of things about her master - though, both of them understood.
"We… we had only been traveling for a few months, just a few months less than us, now, Arisen," she explained, "but… she was not nearly as experienced as you. We traveled with two other pawns - Cayden and Axel." Her face became even more pained at the mention of the other two pawns, but she continued, "one day, we were in the forest gathering some things to better our weapons, it… it all went wrong." Merry's voice wavered yet again, "a Drake snuck up on u-us - we never even heard it coming until it was too late. I knew my Master was not ready to fight it, and so I told her that we needed to flee, but she d-did not listen - she wanted to fight it. The three of us… we had no choice but to follow her orders, no matter how dangerous, and so we… we fought. Cayden, he… mostly had defensive spells, not offensive… and Axel and I were both fairly young at the time and were not very skilled just yet."
She took a deep breath before continuing, "I ran at it, with my longsword, but I couldn't even touch it before it swiped me up in its hand." Merry began wringing her hands nervously, looking down at them now so she wouldn't have to look at the others, "it began muttering something, a-and everything went red. I could feel my body relaxing and I knew that… that it was taking me over." Mez shut his eyes tightly, beginning to have an idea of where this was going. Her voice began wavering, tears welling up in her eyes yet again, "I told her! I TOLD Mira that I couldn't control my actions and that she needed to r-run. I… I told her!" She looked to the Arisen with pleading eyes, needing her to understand that she did try to warn her master. Arisen frowned, nodding her head in understanding, as to reassure her pawn that she understood what she was saying. Merry looked back to her hands, "she w-would not listen! She still tried to save me, even though I kept telling her over and over that I couldn't die, she insisted that she would not leave me b-behind! She did not get far… it threw her back just by flapping its wings… and then it… it set me down, and everything was so foggy. My… body was not my own, anymore." She drew in a sharp intake of breath, recalling the painful memory, "I drew my longsword and looked down at Mira - she was sprawled out on the ground like some… broken doll, and she looked so scared." Merry held back a choked sob, determined to finish her story now that she began it, "a-and…"
Arisen waited a few seconds for Merry to continue, but she stayed quiet. Trying to coax the warrior to finish, Arisen asked gently, "and…?"
Merry bit her lip hard, causing it to bleed just slightly, before bursting out into uncontrollable sobs, "a-and then I F-FINISHED IT." Her shoulders raked with grief, burying her face into her hands in shame. Her whole body was tingling and hot, not accustomed to so much crying. She could taste the mixture of blood and tears as she tried to finish her last sentence, "I K-KILLED her." Merry slumped forward to the point of practically falling off the bed, sliding forward and downward on to the floor and releasing a deep, guttural cry - a noise someone only in very real grief could make.
Arisen cringed at the noises coming from Merry's mouth, before looking up at her other pawns. Sybille was in complete shock, still wrapped in her blanket and watching the older pawn break down on the floor. Mez didn't have the same look of shock - he was able to guess that Merry had been controlled by a Drake before, considering one of their previous conversations. He hadn't assumed she had killed her master, but he knew it had something to do with a damn Drake. Having gone through the same thing himself, he found himself incapable of being even remotely upset with the girl. He looked to the Arisen before getting to his feet and leaning down, hooking an arm under Merry's underarm. Arisen joined him, grabbing underneath her other arm and helping the Ranger lift her back up and on to the bed.
She couldn't fight them, she couldn't even control her own body at this point anymore, she was crying so hard. Mez helped Arisen hold Merry upright for a moment so she could get a firm grip on her, so she wouldn't fall again. Arisen wrapped her arms around the broken pawn, supporting her body weight - Mez finally let go. Merry wanted to hang on to the Arisen in return, but she felt so weak at this point that she could hardly lift her arms, entire body shaking violently from the memory of plunging her longsword into her Master's body. All she could do was lay against the Arisen, body trembling - she tried to look up at her, but just couldn't do it. "I am s-sorry…" was all she could croak out amongst her grief.
Arisen shook her head, holding her closer, "'tis not something you need apologize for." She almost couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was not angry or upset with the pawn, but was having a difficult time swallowing the information she was given. As she looked at the woman before her, all she could see was pure hurt, grief, and raw shame. How horrible…
"I have d-done the…" Merry took a deep breath before sputtering out through the tears, "the u-unthinkable!"
"Merry," Arisen said gently, stroking her hair, "t'was not your fault in any way. The Drake had control of your-"
"Mez was a-able to get enough control back t-to arch his arrow so it only hit your a-arm!" Merry shouted, convinced that she just wasn't a good enough pawn.
Mez's brow furrowed, placing one of his hands on her back, "Merry, I am ninety-eight years old!" He did his best to keep his voice lowered and calm, "I am much older now than you were then. You were inexperienced, and that was not your fault…"
"He is right," Arisen said gently, trying to brush the hair from her eyes, having to pick some of it off because of how wet her face was.
Merry's lip trembled as they exonerated her, slowly looking up and at Arisen with scared, puffy eyes. "You…" she began shakily, "y-you do not wish to… be r-rid of me?"
Brynn's face softened, taking one hand and cupping her drenched face, "of course not. You are an important part of my life - I am not sending you anywhere."
The warrior began to tremble again, tears welling up in her eyes and then looking in the direction of Mez and Sybille. What about them? She needed the Arisen's approval the most, but she needed their's as well. Mez smiled gently, showing yet again a face of acceptance. She began to wonder if his face really was permanently stuck like that! Could nothing phase this man? As she looked to Sybille, her heart sunk a bit - the youngest looked so afraid. "Do… do I frighten you," Merry asked gently, trying to hold the tears back.
Sybille shook her head, slipping off of the bed and standing in front of Merry, blanket still wrapped around her body, "I am worried for you."
Merry held her breath for a moment, before letting it out a choked sob, this time from relief instead of grief. She laid her head on the Arisen's shoulder, trying to catch her breath from the exhausting ordeal. Sybille sat down on the floor in front of them, before asking slowly but curiously, "what happened to Cayden and Axel…?" Merry's face instantly returned to that of grief, and Sybille already began to regret asking, "you, you do not have to speak on it if you do not-"
"When I came to," Merry interrupted, "Cayden was already gone. To this day, I do not know where he went - he took… t-took Mira back to her home town and disappeared. I awoke to Axel hovering over me - he had… he had stayed to make sure I was alright." She drew in a shaky breath before letting it out slowly, "I did not see him again after that. He did not tell me he had any ill feelings for me, but I could see the fear in his eyes." Merry sat up, able to hold herself up without assistance now. She didn't know what else to say, and looked down at her hands.
Arisen took her own hand and put it on Merry's, "we are not going anywhere, t'was not your fault." The other two nodded in agreement, not even having to think twice.
"'Tis not really about fault, Arisen," Merry said quietly, and slowly, trying to not sound defiant. "What I did… for a pawn, to… t-to…" she couldn't finish her sentence, simply skipping to the end to save herself from breaking into tears again, "'tis the ultimate taboo… the ultimate treason… the-"
Sybille jumped to her feet, standing in front of the oldest pawn. Even standing, the mage was only slightly taller than the warrior sitting in front of her. She shook her head sadly, before placing her hands on her hips, "what part of 'we are not going anywhere' do you not understand…?"
Merry couldn't help but smile just slightly at the pawn before her. It seemed she was always sporting with some kind of sass. This one said what was on her mind - something that had been etched into her since she popped out of The Rift and to the Arisen for the very first time in the Encampment. As Sybille saw a smile grace Merry's face, she smiled back, proudly, believing she was the one to calm Merry down; the others had to stifle their giggles, so not to hurt her pride.
"She is right," Mez said gently, "t'was not your fault." Merry opened her mouth to argue, but he put up his hand to stop her, "t'was not. Your fault." She silenced, knowing she had no leg to stand on among the three of them when it came to this argument. Mez knew better than anyone here, what is was like to be in a Drake's power.
After a moment of silence, Merry looked to the Arisen - she looked exhausted, "you… should go back to sleep, Master, we have much to do tomorrow."
Arisen frowned, worriedly looking her pawn over, "what of you, though?"
Merry tried to smile, before climbing back into bed and under the covers, "I shall be fine, now."
Arisen looked very unsure - she wasn't certain she wanted to leave Merry be tonight. Sybille saw the look on Arisen's face - not able to help but feel the same way. She knew how badly her Master needed sleep, though, and decided to be the solution. Blanket still wrapped around her, she climbed into bed next to Merry and laid there, looking up at Arisen, "she shall be fine, now."
Brynn couldn't help but smile a little at how ridiculous Sybille looked, cocooned in her blanket. She looked over to Mez, who gave her a gentle nod, as if saying 'we've got this, don't worry.' With that she nodded slowly, before saying firmly, "you are to wake me if anything happens, aye?"
Mez nodded gently, "aye, Master. I shall wake you if anything happens, I promise."
She relaxed a little before taking one last look at Merry, and then to the others before getting to her feet and heading to the door. Nervously, she said, "I shall be right next door…"
Mez smiled softly, trying not to laugh at her obvious statement, "yes, Arisen." She took that as the validation she needed, leaving the room and heading back down the stairs and to her house. Arisen picked up the table that she had knocked over earlier, setting it up right. She climbed back into bed and stared up at the ceiling, having a rather difficult time falling asleep. Arisen turned to face the wall attached to the inn, before closing her eyes, body on high alert, listening for any sounds.
Sybille turned to face the other pawn, but Merry was facing the wall. Sybille shrugged, leaning closely to the warrior so she knew she was there. Mez made his way back to his own bed, seeing that Sybille had things covered. As he lay in bed he couldn't help but contemplate just how Sybille had as much personality as she did. Most pawns her age had not been around enough Arisens to learn just who they were just yet… yet here Sybille was, quite sure of herself. It was very strange. Either way, Merry was taken care of, and that was what mattered.
Merry was still awake when Sybille leaned closer, smiling slightly and closing her puffy, sore eyes. It was the Drake battle with Mez that had brought on these nightmares. Part of them came from fear that her comrades would learn of her deceit to Mira, and that they would leave her. She no longer had to worry about that. Her shoulders shook just a little at the thought of the young Strider, before she finally allowed herself to be consumed by sleep - a beautiful, dreamless sleep.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It took me a while to finish, but that was because I went to England for two weeks to see my husband's friends and family! It was gorgeous there - I stayed with my in-laws in the West Midlands, and also got to visit my grandmother-in-law in Wales. It was a lot of fun, and I'm glad we got to make the trip!
I'll be introducing a new character to the story in the next chapter - I hope you'll like him! Thanks for reading, everyone!
ありがとうございます〜!
-Johnna
-ジャナ
