A/N; The dress in this chain is the one Julianna wore at the golden globes-2013, because i just had to add it in. Thanks for the feedback guys!


She made her way into the large mansion, with the intention that tonight, she was going to let go, enjoy the atmosphere, be as sociable as possible even under the circumstances, and ignore the many gazes that she was sure to meet as soon as she entered that gala.

Her gown was magnificent, and she was well aware of it. It was Grace's choice, a very revealing one in fact. It's detail was lace designed and black antique patterns spiked around it. The entire design was see-through, and so underneath, was a layer of sandstone colour, matching the tone of her porcelain skin and hiding what lay underneath. She felt as though she were attending an award show, it was too much, it was exposing, and it was the unusual for her, but she couldn't deny that when the taxi driver complimented her on it, she caught his eyes glaze over her a few times through the rear view mirror.

It concealed her entire front half, but the back was completely –if not obvious- exposed in a way which made her feel on air. It was completely displayed bear, her spine and bone structure stood out from her shoulders continuing down and ending just above her bottom. The ends of the gown were cut on both sides into a thin line that caught up to her knees, displaying her toned legs and high stilettos. Her hair was tied into a sleek ponytail, slightly unusual to her typical routine and her make up reflected her skin colour.

She was stunning, and she was aware that her gown would attract a lot of unwanted attention, which made her feel queasy, made her feel nervous.

She could vaguely see from a far Diane and Will sitting in one of the tables near the stage, fortunately, her and Cary's table was situated across the room, but that did not stop the eyes that focused on her as she glided in between tables and brushed up against peoples shoulders, allowing her perfume to radiate among her presence.

The heat of Will's eyes, among the rest of Lockhart Gardner's associates brought her anxiety within breathing, knowing that Will's eyes were focused on her, knowing that he knew she was in the room, knowing that his thoughts were most likely resurfacing back to their short conversation just the day before, caused her inner nerves to build.

She smiled as Cary approached her, with one –noticeably- striking man beside him. "Alicia. This is Mark Jonas, he's in charge of the top marketing software's throughout Chicago and New York."

She smiled, "Right. The man I believe is looking for outside counsel for his legitimate business?" She grinned.

He nodded his head as a response, when she gestured her hand out to shake his, he moved his class of wine into his other hand and used his right to grasp her fingers and bring them up to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you Alicia. You're even more stunning in person."

She stared down at him amazed, before shifting her gaze to Cary, raising a brow questionably, he just shrugged as a response. She cleared her throat, "Well, thank you Mr Jonas, I appreciate it."

"Please. Call me Mark. Can I get you a drink?" he grinned, his dark blue eyes were captivating to her.

She smiled, "Well, it depends, have you decided to ship your business in with my firm yet?" she laughed.

He smiled cunningly, "You must give a man some time Alicia. I have to test the waters first."

She rolled her eyes half-heartedly, "Fine. Red wine will be fine thanks.'

Men seemed to fawn over her all night, it was the type of attention she tried to avoid, it made her feel uncomfortable, it made her feel as though she were an outsider, trapped in another woman's body. She hardly paid attention to what half the men were saying to her, she had to give Mark credit for his effort in trying to claim her as one of the woman that he was probably used to having on his arm as a prop, but she wasn't interested in any of that, she told him from the beginning as well. That was a woman she only ever was when she held the wedding band on her left finger, she no longer wore that ring and no longer held that responsibility.

Throughout the night, she found herself either talking to a range of different men, or holding her chin in her hand as she toyed with the food on her plate. Her gaze followed to her empty glass of wine, the candle that was burning radiated it, from a distance, she could see herself through it, it's mirror exposing her porcelain doll face. Picking the glass up, she gazed, strangely at the woman that was mirroring her reflection, before she even knew what she was doing, before she could allow her mind and body to clash, before she could comprehend her actions, she smashed the glass against the vase of flowers that sat before her.

She felt as though her mind had lost all senses, she really was going crazy, and as she looked up, she couldn't deny the few faces of people she knew, staring strangely at her from a far, all including Will's. She sat still, allowed her gaze to return back to her food, and her mind suddenly zoned out. As if she were a foreigner to her body, as if her mind no longer functioned, she suddenly considered the possibility of depression. She wasn't herself nowadays, she wasn't the woman who enjoyed the law, she wasn't the same woman who relished a court battle, she wasn't the same woman who felt as though the world was at her feet and she could do whatever she liked.

"Care to dance?" She looked up to see Peter standing before her, he wore an expression of concern as well, but also amusement, she nodded as a response and allowed him to move her out to the dance floor, away from the crowd.

"Was Grace okay tonight?" She asked as they began to sway in slow circles, their daughter had decided to stay at her fathers that night, away from the crowd of reporters outside the apartment.

He nodded, "Yes, she's fine. She invited Shannon over for the night and ordered pizza. Mom is staying the night as well."

"Our daughter is doing okay for a teenage girl whose name has been subjected to scrutiny in the last month right?" she grinned.

"Yes." He paused, gazing down at her, he smiled. "You did a good job you know."

A wave of confusion reached her, pulling her brows together questionably, he continued. "With our kids. I never could have asked for a better woman to raise them." She felt tears brim in her eyes at his words, she smiled faintly.

"Thank you Peter. That means a lot to me." She paused, allowed her gaze to rest behind his shoulder and sighed. "They're all I have." She whispered.

"That's not true. I've heard from the vine that you recently signed the top movie production company in America as one of your clients?" he grinned, throwing in some humour.

She shrugged, "It's just another client, it doesn't matter to me."

He gazed down at her in complete puzzlement. "But this is what you've wanted ever since law school? You're one of the most successful woman in Chicago Alicia."

She knew he was probably exaggerating that statement, she knew he was most likely comparing it against bias, but it still warmed her to know that he thought she was doing a good job. She sighed, "I don't even know what I'm doing with my life anymore." She shrugged, "Right now. Zach and Grace are the only faces that drive me to get out of bed in the morning. Once Grace leaves for college next year, I don't know what I'm gonna do." Her face sagged into misery, and her eyes welled up with tears.

"What did he do to you Alicia?"

She shook her head, "He didn't do anything. It was just a turning point. I needed something to drive me into the direction of reality and that's what he gave me, a dose of reality." She didn't need to explain who she was talking about, she knew perfectly well that he was aware of it, and she tried to ignore the way his body tensed. They may not be together, nor married anymore, but they still spent twenty years of their life in sync, they still had children of which regardless, would always generate a connection, he was still the same man she spent years living with. Regardless of their strong differences towards each other, he had a right to care about her.

He inhaled deeply, before sighing. "Well. I'm sure he's gotten what he deserved. If listening to that voicemail struck me, I can't even begin to imagine what he's feeling."

Even under the circumstance, she smiled faintly at his arrogancy and honesty, his pride and egotism was hefty she guessed, but the meaning behind his words still resonated through her.

"Peter. Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"And do me the honor of telling me the truth. Please."

"Alicia. What's this about?"

"Did you marry me only because I was pregnant?" The wave of confusion that struck suggested he wasnt expecting it.

"I married you because I wanted to, because I was in love with you and I knew that I'd be an idiot if I didn't." she couldn't deny the anger that resonated through his features. "What's this all about Alicia?"

She shrugged. She wasn't sure herself on what caused the question, maybe it was her lack of insecurity to it all, maybe it had to do with the fact that she felt as though twenty years of her life had been wasted, or maybe it was her own sensitivities; maybe it was under the desire to learn why men were attracted to her, why men that she assumed she could trust, always seemed to crush her. Or maybe it was a result of the comment her mother made a few days ago. You weren't ready to get married, you were still too young.

She sighed, "I'm tired. I should probably head out soon. I'll pick up Grace tomorrow afternoon before we leave for my mothers place."

"ok, Do you need anything?"

"No thanks. I'll see you." She pressed her lips against his cheek, before descending back to her table, she watched as Cary moved to face her. "Leaving already?"

"Yea, I have a bit of a migraine. I'll see you Monday."

She heard him call out her name and paused before turning to face him, she watched as her closest friend stood up from his seat and moved towards her. "Are you okay?" he whispered softly. "We saw you drop that glass earlier on."

She raised a brow, "We?"

He nodded, "Yes, I was sitting at Will and Diane's table."

Recognition surfaced through her features as she widened her eyes, "What were you doing sitting with them?"

He seemed momentarily stunned at her words, before shrugging. "I was with Kalinda."

"Kalinda?" she stated surprised, "I didn't know you two were still friends?"

His face went from surprise to shock in a matter of seconds. "Alicia. We've been dating for three weeks. You were the first person I told?"

She gaped in shock, "I was?"

"Yes."

He stared at her as if she really had lost it, shaking her head, she sighed. "God. I'm sorry Cary. I must have forgotten, things have been…. chaotic."

"We're worried about you Alicia." He whispered,

"Here we go with the 'we' thing again." She smiled, "Are you referring to everyone at work or Kalinda?"

"I'm referring to the people who care about you!" She guessed by the way he sighed that it wasn't his intention to sound harsh, or punitive, but she knew that his concerns ran deep, and he was only trying to help.

He continued, "Will..Diane.. Everyone, we're worried about you. You don't seem yourself nowadays."

She laughed, but it wasn't narcissistic or mocking, it was gentle, and full of surprise. "The last time I checked Cary, Will and Diane weren't exactly our - friends."

He sighed, glancing down, he ran a hand through his hair. "Yes, that's true. But a lot has changed. You've been away from the office and lately, we've been working together on a lot of cases."

"Look Cary, I don't want to waste time talking about them. They play much a part in my life than what the cat does down the road. I know you're concerned about me, but I'm fine. I just have a lot on my plate right now and I just need a weekend out at my mother's to clear my head. I will be good as new come Monday morning." She smiled reassuringly, though she already knew it was hopeless.

Sighing, he nodded as a response and squeezed her forearm in support. "Call me if you need anything."

She smiled in gratitude, before leading herself out of the large room, surveyed by everyone as they watched her descend. She passed Mark on her way to the exit, he sat against the bar, whiskey glass in his hand as he played on his phone. She felt guilty for overlooking him all night, he had gone out of his way to make her feel comfortable and she had fell bored in the first 45 minutes whilst men constantly surrounded her.

She paused at a halt on her way out the door and sighed, turning around, she feigned her best smile. "Mr Jonas." She stated enthusiastically. "Excuse my ignorance, but I couldn't help but notice your lack of enthusiasm towards this event lately."

He turned to the sound of her voice and laughed, "Your ignorance has been excused Ms Cavanaugh."

Grinning, she tilted her head to the side, "I was just heading across the road towards the bar for a quiet drink, would you like to join me?"

He smiled, and nodded, "That's a great idea, I'd love to."

An hour later, she found herself completely intoxicated as they sat in the corner of the bar, hidden away from the lights and laughing at the oddest things. She brushed up against his shoulders, and when he made eye contact with her, before leaning in and approaching his lips to hers, she placed a finger above his mouth and laughed. "First base huh?" she laughed.

He laughed, sipping his drink, he turned back to face her and stared at her in wonder, the alcohol in his system was sure to be playing a part in in his current demeanour. "I find you intriguing Alicia." He smiled.

Raising a brow, she giggled, "Really?"

He nodded, "Uh huh. I'm sure the rest of Cook County does as well. I like how you've shielded your children since the scandal."

She grinned and stared up at him through her lashes. "Tell me Mark, why do you find me attractive?"

He bursted into laughter, taking her by surprise. "What makes you think I find you attractive?"

She tilted her head to the side in that knowing smirk, she gestured with her fingers. "One; you've been eyeing my gown all night. And two; you just tried to kiss me."

He was a deer caught in the headlights. "You have a good point there."

"Well?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Because." She shrugged, "I want to know what people see."

Smiling, he leant over and whispered, "Just look in the mirror sweetheart."

Pulling back, she laughed before gulping down the rest of her drink. As Mark murmured his departure to the men's room, she nodded and ran her hands along her aching head, the alcohol most likely taking its toll to her senses.

She heard a voice coming from the front door but ignored it, until she heard it again. "Alicia."

Turning to face the noise, she saw Will walking towards her, shaking her head, she sighed. "Will. Go away." She mumbled.

"We're talking. I've given you time, I've accepted your need for space but we need to talk about this because…."

She figured by his faint pause and the way his eyes roamed over her appearance, that he had been taken off guard. He could smell the alcohol on her lips from a mile away. "Are you drunk?" he gaped in shock.

"What's it matter to you?"

"I'm taking you home." She pushed him away as he grasped her forearm.

"I'm not going anywhere with you! I'm with someone.." she stuttered on her words, and almost knocked Mark's class off the counter.

"Will?" she heard the familiar voice speak, as she followed Will's gaze, it met Mark's clearly surprised features as he walked towards them.

"hey man," Will replied, extending a hand out to him.

Alicia felt her jaw drop, "Wait…. You two know each other?"

Mark nodded, "Yeah, we worked together several years ago."

"I was just telling Alicia that I'm taking her home, I think she's had enough to drink."

Mark laughed, "I think I would tend to agree with you on that one."

This time, her jaw went rigid and she threw both him and Will a glare that could easily have sent flames across the moon. "I am perfectly capable of looking after myself thank you very much Will!"

"Hmm." He hummed unconvinced, she watched as both men stared at each other as if questioning what to do with her, which one was going to strap her by the arms and carry her out, and that's when she felt her insides turn and her stomach suddenly beginning to leap out of her throat. Bolting straight for the lady's room, she rushed into the toilet and sunk to her knees as she vomited the remains of the previous shots of tequila and whiskey.

She sighed once done, wiped her hand along her mouth and settled herself against the cold tiled floor, her lashes fluttered tiredly and she began to drift off. The next motion she felt was the familiar warmth of Will's arms, he held her as if she were a doll, she knew she should probably stop him before anything else were to happen, she was aware that she should tell him off and walk the short distance towards her apartment building, but she was just too tired, so instead, she nestled her face into the curve of his shoulder and allowed him to carry her home.

She felt him gently settle her onto the bed, followed by his warm hands sliding over her ankles and removing her heels. He moved towards the closet to grasp a blanket before covering her with it, and disappeared off into the kitchen. Even though her eyes were closed, she could sense his presence return followed by his body sitting against the edge of the bed.

"Alicia" he whispered softly, she mumbled some coherent word as a response and fluttered her eyes open to see him holding a bottle of water and two pills of aspirin. "Take these." He helped her sit up as she consumed at least half the bottle and swallowed the small dose of a cure to her aching head. Settling back down, she laid on her stomach and dug her face into her pillow.

If she had allowed herself to stay awake, she would have noticed the way the moonlight shone on Will's face as he gazed down at her, she would have known that he sat there for a good hour watching her as she slept, she would have felt his finger trace her arm before moving to her bear back and admiring the length of her dress, admiring the way her chest puffed up and down, admiring everything about her. If she had allowed her mind to stay active, then she would have been privy to the knowledge that Will's intention was to move to the living room, sleep on the sofa for a few hours and wait for her to wake.

But instead, she wasn't aware of any of that, and so as she woke the next morning to the sun's rays shining through the window, she groaned loudly in pain and glanced down at her attire, her dress was creased, and her bones were aching in pain. She stood up, barely stable and slipped out of her gown, discarding it on the floor somewhere, she tied herself into one of her bathrobes and made her way towards the bathroom. She splashed her face with water until she appeared fresh followed by tying her hair into a messy bun that settled above her head, bits of hair framing her face.

Taking the bottle of water from the nightstand, she descended outside of her bedroom, when she saw a figure sitting in the dark of her kitchen she gasped loudly, grasped onto the wall for support and allowed the bottle of water to fall to the ground.

She exhaled with a loud sigh as the figure turned to face her and she realised it was Will. Placing a hand over her heart, she tried to regain her breathing, "Jesus Will! You nearly gave me a heart attack, what are you doing here?"

"Sorry. I - I stayed here last night after I carried you home."

It all began to resurface like a ton of bricks mixed with a large tornado, the memory of Mark, the lady's room in the bar and the smell of Will's cologne as she dug her face into his shoulder when he held her tightly in his arms.

Sighing, she covered her face with the palm of her hand and shook her head in embarrassment. She didn't know how to respond, 'thank you' would probably be a moderate merit of gratitude. Or maybe she could just chose to run back to her bedroom, lock the door and bury herself under the covers of humiliation for the rest of her life.

"Thanks." She said awkwardly, making her way towards the counter, she began to pour herself a glass of water.

"We need to talk."

It was inevitable that he would go there, most likely the reason why he had stayed in the first place. Closing her eyes, she savoured the taste of fresh liquid plunging down her throat.

Allowing her eyes to open fully, she nearly got a fright at the sight of Will, standing right across from her with his hands propped against the counter. She sighed, there was no avoiding it any more than she had previously done, there was no denying it, there was no need to dwell on it, it was happening whether she agreed on it or not.

She sighed, "Okay."

She allowed him to speak, every word, every sentence wasn't enough to surprise her, wasn't enough to bolt into his arms and forget everything, but she knew that he was sincere, she knew that he was aware of the damage that he had caused and he was willing to do anything in order to fix things. She still didn't understand how he could justify his decision though, she still did not understand how he could possibly explain his decision of sleeping with her to steal back one of his clients, she still could not comprehend how he could make love to her for an advantage and then take off to New York for a month without any sort of explanation.

That was what hurt the most.

About halfway through his speech, he must have noticed that none of it fazed her. Deciding that actions speak louder than words, he moved around the island in order to touch her, and as she noticed his intention, she backed away and moved herself across from him once again, he stared at her in shock. He must have known that her hate towards him ran deep, but learning that she couldn't even allow him to touch her, struck him in more ways than one.

He sighed, and changed his focus, she wasn't expecting It, but as he started to open up to her, she realized that he was going all in, he was taking it seriously.

"All those years ago, when I said that I enjoyed being around you, I meant it. I didn't know what I was doing with my life before you Alicia, I knew that what we wanted from each other was different, you had kids, you were married, but that didn't limit my feelings for you…"

"Will" she sighed, "What does this have to do with anything?"

"You changed me. When you came to Lockhart Gardner, It was…. Things changed for me. I wanted to be a better man, and when you left, I was…. Hurt, and I know that doesn't justify what I did. But I was mad at you Alicia, and, when you walked into that bar that night, things turned. I don't know what was running through my mind at the time, and when I saw the papers in your briefcase I bolted. If - If I could take it back, I would. You know I would."

So it wasn't intentional, his need to take the papers wasn't a part of some grand plan. That had to be a step in the right direction right?

"You didn't even talk to me…" she began, avoiding his eyes. "Afterwards, you just… you took off, and you didn't even tell me where you were going."

He sighed, "I needed to get away. I thought by leaving that it would give you enough time to get used to things. That you wouldn't have to see my face anymore. I left for New York because the guilt was eating me up, and knowing that I had… done what I did. I couldn't live with myself. You have to understand, I wanted to just bury myself and never come out."

"Why did you come back?" she whispered, her sudden turn took him by surprise.

"What?"

"You were only gone for a month. Why didn't you stay?"

The silence that surfaced was daunting, she carefully observed his face from a distance. Every line, every wrinkle, every scar from when he was a child right up to his adulthood. His clearly messy bed head and tired eyes. He was beautiful and she could not deny it.

He sighed. "I heard about Grace."

The astonishment in her features was enough to bring the sun right up, the revelation had taken her completely off guard. No, he had never met her children – not formally anyway- and even under the six years that he had been in her life, introducing Zach and Grace to her… well, lover –at the time- was not something that she was ready to live up to. She had an idea that it was something he wanted, but it wasn't going to happen, not unless there was a reason behind it, and they were never in a real relationship so introducing Will into that part of her life was short lived.

"I saw you on TV, you were holding your daughters hand and shielding her from the press. I wanted to see how you were doing, I needed to. And then when I did see you, I couldn't find the courage to speak, so I told myself that I was going to stay in Chicago whether you liked it or not."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better. I didn't want you to come back. I hated you. I still hate you."

"No. it doesn't make me feel any better, in fact, it makes me feel even worse." He said it almost mockingly.

She sighed, "Why are you here Will?"

He looked up at her, moving around, he took no charge in pressuring her, so she remained huddled in the corner of the counter, and when he gently approached her, she stilled, folded her arms and glanced down to the ground, avoiding his intense gaze. He was hesitant at first, but he pushed a messy strand of hair away from her face before moving closer so that he stood right before her.

"I'm here because I want a second chance. I'm here because…. In order to sleep at night, or listen to that voicemail with a bit more ease, I need to know that you forgive me."

"And what if I can't?"

"You can."

"That voicemail.." she began, "It wasn't meant to – The press – I didn't want you to listen to that, I - It wasn't something that was supposed to get out."

"I know." he whispered, "When you said that you were in pain, and you felt like the world was caving in on you, was that because of me.. or the media?" he asked hesitantly.

"It was a range of things…. That voicemail was.. it was a build-up, and it was therapeutic, but it was only ever meant for my mother's ears."

She felt his finger rest on her chin, raising it up, she met his eyes that were full of sorrow, longing, and guilt. "Do love me?" he whispered.

She frowned at his question, and pulled her brows together almost as if she were questioning his mentality. They had never shared such strong words of intimacy to each other, nor had they ever stood this close to one another. She was reluctant to answer his question, she didn't want him to know, and she did not want him to see her so vulnerable.

"Does it matter?" Almost on impulse, he nodded his head certain.

"Yes, it matters."

As she gazed into his chocolate brown eyes there wasn't a moment where she hadn't doubted her own care towards him, she did love him, but that didn't mean she was ready to run off into the sunset with him, it was far from it in fact.

"Yes." She swallowed tensely. She watched with curiosity as he breathed a sigh of relief, color seemed to rise through his features, and he looked as though he was able to breathe again.

"But that doesn't mean what you think it means."

"And what is that?"

"I need time Will.." she said hesitantly. "I can't just accept this, and ride off into the sunset with you, it doesn't work that way. I need time to clear my head, and work things out, I have Grace, and she's going through a really tough time at the moment, she needs me more than anything, if I could forgive you in a matter of seconds, I would but life doesn't work that way."

"I understand." He nodded, he seemed hesitant, uncertain and shifted on his feet, but he managed to continue. "I can't wait forever though Alicia."

"I know, you won't have to."