I had a dream…I owned FFVIII and all the characters and stuff! …it was a dream…(sad face)
I don't own FFVIII or anything having to do with it…Square Enix does…and probably will forever
Square Enix + ownership Final Fantasy VIII
A/N: Not much to say…I already covered what I want with last chapters A/N's at the beginnings and end of the chapters…the latter being like ten minutes ago considering I am in a writing frenzy right now.
More drama in this chapter than an episode of Dawson's Creek…lol…I used to watch that show occasionally…I still remember when that girl dumped Dawson's friend on that one season finale that she cheated on Dawson with to go back out with Dawson and the camera close up with him had those HUMONGOUS crocodile tears….okay ….focus….time to write….thanks ….review please (happy face)
Chicken or the Egg
Chapter 3
The Visit
The group wasn't sure how to react to the events that had just unfolded before them. Should they tell Squall what they thought had happened…or not. However, the choice to tell Squall was made for them as Selphie began to explain everything to a surprised Squall. He had opened the door expecting an emergency, not a story of how Selphie's morning had unfolded. Selphie found the courage to willingly do what she had dreaded someone else doing for her only moments before due to the fact that Rinoa was completely safe, with him in his dorm room. Holy shit…She thought to herself as she realized that Rinoa was completely safe with him…in his dorm room.
When Selphie was almost finished with her story to Squall, explaining that her life flashed before her eyes on her way to his room, Irvine interjected.
"It doesn't matter Squall…you were keeping her…"safe" …all this time." Irvine's voice started with happiness apparent but ended with humor, as he raised his eyebrows and his lips formed into a smirk. This statement caught Rinoa off guard, making her entire face glow shades of red and pink. For a moment Rinoa wanted to engulf Irvine's cowboy hat with a Firaga. She couldn't tell if it was more for the statement he made with obvious hidden depths …or for interrupting the obvious hidden depths that he hinted at in his smart-ass comment.
A smile crossed Irvine's face as he began to open his mouth slightly. Then, he caught sight of Selphie and Quistis. Their faces held the usual, "You're a pervert…I am going to slap you now" look that he had seen countless times before. He immediately understood that they were already reprimanding him for a statement or joke that he was going to make momentarily. It was not really a shock to Irvine, as he closed his mouth tightly, using his hand to motion as if he was using a fake key to lock it and then threw it away, satisfying both Quistis and Selphie. He realized that their group… although not truthfully together for an outstanding amount of time, had an outstanding feel for each other and at times knew how a situation was going to play out among them… even before it did. I guess that's what happens when you fight for your life alongside the same people…no, friends… everyday and trust them with yours. Every single person in the group knew that over a hundred dirty jokes or witty statements about Squall and Rinoa had crossed Irvine's mind since they got there… and he was about to express his personal favorite with them…that was of course, before he was shut down by Selphie and Quistis.
Next in this little situation, known to all, was Squall attempting to play off Irvine's statement…possibly blushing slightly…and probably responding by getting slightly angry. They were trained by his actions to expect this, Squall thought to himself, as a few flashes of anger did pass through his body.
I have been keeping her safe asshole! …Well at least recently…I guess I was kind of the asshole before…huh, Rin? There was obviously hidden meaning behind that statement…but was this also part of that hidden message? I'm sorry I know I was an asshole to you Rin…I won't be again…I don't care I am not afraid to get hurt again…it…you are worth the risk …I love you…
They all felt this awkward silence. They expected Squall to probably be embarrassed and slightly angry. These were emotions that Squall felt often…and of course, when Squall felt emotion he usually drifted off into that part of his head only he resided. However, Irvine and the whole group noticed, he had just kind of stood there for around 10 seconds obviously in deep thought that was spurred by Irvine's statement. Damn, Irvine thought to himself, he must be really pissed at me right now.
This scared Rinoa. It had been quite a while since he was…gone…for this long…especially in the presence of all of them. She dreaded the thought that this statement…although meaningless compared to what he had experienced over the last few months of his life…could possibly make Squall revert to his lone wolf persona again. She wrapped her fingers around his sleeved arms trying to comfort him, trying to make Squall know that she was there and was not going to go anywhere. Hoping that he was going to snap out of this moment…soon…Rinoa tightened her grip on his arm.
Irvine felt the guilt of his actions, as he tried to change the subject for Squall and bring him back from his thoughts. "So lets go get breakfast? That's what we are here for right guys?" Irvine looked around and met eyes with the group…almost pleading them for forgiveness
Although Irvine had made this statement, the entire group focus remained on Squall, whom after a moment snapped back into reality due to Irvine's statement. The entire group held their breath and hoped that this transition was going to be at least relatively smooth.
"Sorry… kind of drifted off there, huh?" Squall rose his eyes to address the entire group. He glanced back at Rinoa, smiling slightly, before continuing, "Ya, lets get some food…I have been working up a major appetite in there." He managed a smirk to rival Irvine's as he tilted his head back in a gesture to show that in there meant his dorm room…with Rinoa.
The group was shocked as their leader's statement, especially Rinoa, who blushed feverishly and playfully slapped the arm she had a hold of with her other hand. "Squall!" Her playful attempt at trying to sound offended failed miserably.
An immense wave of relief poured over the entire group, even Squall, at how calmly he had handled the situation. He had even cracked a joke…he was changing so much. It was as if he had taken the first few steps and it was becoming easier with each passing one, as if he was running downhill.
"HAHAHAHAHA…" Zell was laughing so hard that his eyes were starting to water. "Squall…ha…haha…made…ha…a …ha…joke!"
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Something did not feel right. As Squall walked into Cid's office his fears were confirmed as he easily read the look of fear and anxiousness in Cid's eyes. Only moments ago, a few minutes after sitting down in the cafeteria for breakfast with his friends, the loudspeaker could be heard over everything else.
This is Headmaster Cid…would Commander Squall please report immediately…I repeat…if you are hearing this Squall please report immediately.
Thoughts quickly shoot through his mind after locking eyes with the Headmaster about what could be so important? As he prepared for the worst he decided to go directly to the source and safe himself some time.
"Sir, you wanted me?"
"Yes, Squall, I do…" the Headmaster proceeded in a monotone voice.
Has he been practicing what he is about to tell me?
"I would like to talk about Rinoa." Cid finished his statement, before pausing momentarily.
…? We already had this conversation old man last night at the party…she will be staying here with us…it is the least Garden can do by offering her a place to life after help defending the world…What else could it be…you wouldn't dare probe and poke around in our…personal life would you…Personal…that world had struck a cord as soon as it what Squall had thought to himself truly sunk in. No way…there is no way in hell…could he know…?!
"Sir , with all due respect we already had this conversation last night at the ceremony and I do not wish to discuss our private life. If you have heard the rumors, they are indeed true…Rinoa and I are now in a relationship but beyond that I truly see no point in-"Cid cut off Squall who was trying to avoid any further discussion by acting overly formal…to a man in Cid that was always to informal even when the situation called for the contrary.
"Of course Squall…then let's talk about Ultimecia…"
No…there's no way…how the hell does he know? No …chill…he may just want to wish for details…
"I don't see the point in that either, sir" Squall managed through clenched teeth, desperately hoping not to hear what he was about to.
"…Well as we both know Squall…they are the same person."
Mass amounts of thoughts shoot into his brain like an injection from a needle and he couldn't find the source …although he knew what it was. Before he drifted off into thought a mixture of anger, fear, and especially curiousity……he HAD to know…if Cid knew maybe he could help him understand……had him replying merely by what his heart told him to as he felt himself losing all ability to control himself.
"Sir, of course I know" Squall had his teeth clenched still, now in anger." …how ..the …hell …wouldn't I ?!"
"I know Squall…your confused you wanted answers…we decided that now would be the best times to give you our knowledge on this whole situation….your role…the cycle…everyt-"
He spoke out so fast his thoughts…we? …we?! …my role? …the cycle?! … what the hell is going on? …had not even completely ran through his head yet.
"We? What the fuck do you mean we?!" Squall spat out hatefully. Then immediately it hit him, as he remembered thoughts that seemed to have such little importance …until now.
How Cid had made him leader for the Timber mission…even though Squall had expressed his unhappiness. All the conversations Edea and him had around Rinoa as him as if they knew information they did not…and of course they did. How Cid told Squall secretly that he believed in Timber Owl's cause and that's why he made up the difference with his own money so Seed could help the Owls…so he could help Rinoa. Their cause was fighting his wife when Ultimecia possessed her…when Rinoa possessed her…that Cid even later accidentally slipped and told Rinoa, before the final showdown with his wife and Rinoa herself, that he was against the Owl's cause completely. She used powers that Edea had …powers she had received from the sorceress would control her later or earlier in time…it was all so confusing ….well later but earlier… What the fuck is going on!!! Thoughts continued to pour into Squall as the floodgates opened in his mind. Anger overwhelmed Squall, as all lines started to blur in his head as all the memories started to overlap and intertwine in a way that merely hurt him, confused him, and made him feel like the little boy once again alone by himself.
In anger, Squall took out his gunblade aiming it the man's chest across from him.
"Edea and you! You two knew this whole fucking time?! You have been sitting on the fucking sidelines watching this unfold you son of a bitch!!!"
Squall closed the gap on Cid, less than a foot now separated Squall's gunblade from entering his chest. Using what little self-control he had left, he returned his gunblade to its sheath. Upon doing this, he immediately stared into Cid's eyes with enough passion to burn holes through his soul. He managed to control the rage tensing up his body and mind enough to speak, although the anger was the extremely decipherable in his voice.
" Explain Cid! Now!!!"
Cid ended the moment of silence that was clearly against Squall's wishes immediately. He did not want to anger the immensely powerful man before him, as he started to speak…almost in the form of a plea.
"I will explain…completely to you know Squall," Cid managed to get the words to come out…they were coming out easier now…" but first there are two things. First, you must understand Edea and I discussed this thoroughly and often a long time ago…"
A long time ago…?!?! They knew a long time ago……fucking time compression! She has existed in the past, present, and future all along!
"… And we thought it was best to wait until after …you killed her…for us to have this talk. …Second, …you must let me explain fully and please do not interrupt…it will be much easier and less frustrating on us both this way!"
Frustrating!?!?! How dare you…you don't know the meaning you son of a bitch!
Regardless, he had to know the truth he had to know everything. The enraged young knight only managed to merely nod his head slight, anger still evident all over his face. The elderly former knight took this as Squall's way of agreeing. He sighed, as he finally started to explain.
"Squall there is no clear cut beginning…so I will start our my beginning with this whole thing. …That fateful day at the orphanage Rinoa passed on her powers to Edea…you both were both there…but you didn't realize that in her dying moments Rinoa tried to explain everything to Edea. Squall, you see…at some point in the future…Rinoa lost control of herself to the sorceress within…Ultimecia. When this happened…through time compression Rinoa began to unwillingly influence the past and present…her past and present…your past and present. " Cid paused for a moment trying to think of how to explain to Squall.
"This cycle that I spoke of is the events that have unfolded and happened to both you and Rinoa…and everyone around you in the last few months. Actually, mostly your last few months but truthfully your entire life." Cid could no longer look at Squall, as he stood diligently at his desktop, as if having this conversation with it.
"With the little strength and will power Rinoa had left over she managed to warn Edea to send Ellone away to save her from both of them. Only people that are close to you, including Edea and I, realize that this event ultimately shaped your personality and outlook on life for your life from that point forward until recently. By doing this, Rinoa made you realize your potential as you trained full heartedly and put everything into your SeeD training. Thanks to her, you became the strongest SeeD ever …fitting to be her knight and save her from herself…and eventually have the strength to actually be able to kill her. See, Squall one of your big motivation is that until you saw that day when Ultimecia came and turned Edea into a sorceress for yourself in time compression after you defeating her, you had it repressed deeply in your memory. However, it was still there …in your unconsciousness…a deep hate for the sorceress and a need to become ever stronger to one day re enact your revenge…on the sorceress…on Ultimecia…on Rinoa…who took your sister away from you." This whole thing was becoming dizzying to both of them, as Cid now placed one hand on his desk to stabilize himself more emotionally than physically.
"Rinoa…or the sorceress within rather…had taken control of Edea a few years ago…years before you two met and fell in love. Thanks to Ultimecia controlling Edea…and Edea controlling Galbadia… behind the scenes…including all the officials of Galbadia…such as Rinoa's father, General Caraway. Due to Ultimecia's effect on this world …this time…Rinoa left her father to begin fighting him and Galbadia as a member of the Timber Owls Resistance Force. Thanks to Rinoa, even though it was unaware to her, you two met and fell in love later. Later on, when Edea influenced Ultimecia within her to take control of Rinoa and pass on Edea's powers. The powers Ultimecia…the powers Rinoa… ultimately gave her in her future and Edea's past. Edea did this because it was one of the requests and pieces ofadvice that the Rinoa that remained in the dying Ultimecia gave her in the past …on that fateful day. Ultimecia did this willingly though because she didn't know she recommended it herself. The Ultimecia that you fought through Edea and ultimately as herself in time compression…"
I don't fucking understand Cid…I don't fucking want to understand!!!
" …gave her powers to herself by giving them to Rinoa. This was when she was still alive in the future fighting her past. She didn't know about the last few moments of her life when Rinoa used her internal strength to take control over her. She still had life left…she still had to make herself release Adel in the past and fight you in her future and have you kill her. She was unaware of how she was complying to Rinoa's wishes by giving her the power that was rightfully hers. This is because Rinoa's wishes were carried out by Edea that she gave in the past …but it was in Ultimecia's future because she was still alive and yet to lose her life to her knight…you…while protecting her from herself" Cid stopped to ponder what he was saying and regain his focus and breath. However, Squall refused to any longer sit by and listen to Cid.
"Nothing you are fucking saying makes any sense! It's all wrong it's all patchwork. Every moment is affected because of something that happened in the future past or present of the future or past. This makes no FUCKING SENSE CID…not one word you have stated makes full sens-" This time Cid cut off Squall.
"Don't you fucking get it Squall!?!? None this makes sense it never will! Everything that happened, is happening right now, or hasn't happened yet affects everything that has happened, that is happening right now, or has not happened yet!"
"Just fucking quit just explain it to me simpler. I don't fucking need a story of our past, present and future…please Cid just explain" Squall's voice gave way to remorse and sadness toward the end of his statement, as he pleaded with Cid to make him understand.
"This whole time…the past, the present, and the future…it's a constant war through time through others waged on Rinoa by Ultimecia and Ultimecia by Rinoa. Simply put, its an cycle…without Rinoa there is no Ultimecia, without Ultimecia there is no Rinoa…they coexist Squall they don't realize this themselves but they cannot survive without each other. Without Rinoa's future, she has no past. Without her past, she has no future. It's the unknown question…it's like which came first…the chicken or the egg…there is no clear-cut answer…there may not be not answer at all. No egg, no chicken. No chicken, no egg. No Rinoa, no Ultimecia. No Ultimecia, no Rinoa."
"That's fucking bullshit Cid! Rinoa was born Rinoa…her name is Rinoa…she wasn't born Ultimecia…she was born Rinoa…she is Rinoa!"
Cid, compelled by this moment that they were sharing, noticing that Squall was more vulnerable now than ever before, rose from his desk. As he walked up to Squall, he put his hand on Squall's shoulder. As the young man rose his face, level with his, they met eyes.
"You are out of the cycle now…this is the future past the future…however you still are fighting the past, present, and future…you are both fighting your past."
"I won't let her fall Cid. I promised myself that after discovering the truth when we killed her Cid. She…she …had my ring…I saw it…it was there…hanging from her lifeless body. I killed her Cid…I killed the woman I love…" Squall had no idea why he was saying this…and to all people Cid.
"That's the beauty of this whole thing Squall, she was your past…and you still have her…not Ultimecia…but Rinoa. You have her right now…in your present, in your future."
Oddly enough to Squall, both men, both knights of sorceresses at one time or point in their past, present, or future, were now crying. He knew what he had to ask what had been plaguing his thoughts since he knew the truth…but now more than ever.
Hyne…please…don't be this cruel…
"Cid…" Squall struggled to continue and find the words, but he knew he had to. He had to for himself and for Rinoa. " I know Rinoa's past and present…but is her future already set. Is she going to be Ultimecia…and start this whole thing over?"
"Maybe or maybe not…you will know in the future…but you will never know in your past." Cid lowered his hand from Squall's shoulder, but with new found resolve continued to stare the man in the eyes.
"Cid!" Squall didn't mean for it to come out that mean, and he quickly adjusted his tone. "Cid…please …what do those words mean?"
"If she becomes Ultimecia…she will use Odine's machine and start this all over again. If she doesn't …if she remains Rinoa …you will never know in your past …only your future…with her. This is because she will never use the machine to travel to the past…to fight her past…you two will be together…in the future."
"I thought you said that they cannot exist with each other…that they need each other…to be each other…" Squall asked with concern in his voice.
"That's true…but she always will exist…in your past…it's up to you if she exist in your future or not…and always in an alternate universe…in another one of your future's she will always be Ultimecia."
" It's up to me then?"
"Squall it always had been…regardless of how much destiny has to do with our lives…everything is ultimately based on the choices we make."
I will not lose you again Rinoa…I love you
"Squall…" Cid started," I will always be your past, your present, and your future…no matter what"
Squall staggered back from Cid, suddenly feeling weak. Cid was caught by surprise and tried to offer the young knight a hand. He pushed it away with unexpected force…almost sending the older man back into his desk.
"What…what…what did you say?!" Squall spat out, demanding the man to answer, as pain crept from his toes up throughout his entire body.
" I never got a chance to," Cid started cautiously, obviously taken back by the actions of the young man before him.
What is this …who's there…?
Squall fell to one knee, as the pain overtook his body…the familiar pain. Suddenly, his legs gave out as his body gave weigh under his weight sending the two oval chairs across from Cid's desk into the side wall from the impact of his body.
Rin…is that you?
Remember Squall…you promised…
I'll never forget…If you go there you will find me…
Always quite the romantic… The voice let out a soft laugh in his head. Baby, don't be scared…
For the first time in my life I'm not…Rin…?
Yes?
Cid rushed to his body, convulsing on the floor. As he screamed down the hall for his aid to get help, the body in front of him went motionless. He stood knelt there beside Squall's body as help rushed into his office. It took the Headmaster everything in him to hold back the smile across his face. He always did listen to you, you know he's really stubborn…reminds me of myself in my youth…The Headmaster cut his thoughts short as he helped the SeeD's help their unconscious Commander down to the Infirmary.
Rin…I love you…
Squall…I always have loved you
A/N: Review please! Thanks
