Chapter 3: Trail of Discarded Clothing
"What do you want to do tonight?" This was the question of the week. Everyday that we played house with Quil's store we did something together after. Port Angeles, First Beach, the cliffs, the library. And sometimes we would just crash at his house because Ethan and David were still at my place bitching of growing pains. Becoming a wolf was like the world's worst growing pains.
Tai-chi actually seemed to be doing the trick for me, my flairs of hormones were manageable. Taylor taught me the basics of Buddhism and eastern philosophy, something he and Ethan used to share, before his life became wolf-centered. And every night he gave me something to read, sometimes we would discuss it, sometimes we didn't need to.
He didn't treat me differently after the confession; in fact he actually treated me better. Not in the 'hey you're going to die of a terminal illness so I have to be nice to you' way, but like I had earned his respect. And I respected him, he was so… impressive. That's the best way to describe it. Every day he impressed me—yeah, impressive and remarkable best described Taylor. Remarkable in the sense that he deserved being remarked upon, though it seemed no one around seemed to notice him, not the way I did. Girls looked at him yes, but no one saw him.
He was a family man first and foremost. He didn't feel weird or stupid or lame expressing his love for them, especially his sisters, Amber and Annabelle. Every night after work he would steal the baby Annabelle away from Kim or Jared and on occasion a less than willing Brady, her imprint and trained puppy dog.
Taylor would sing to her, read to her, and most adorably rock her to sleep. And to my delight, surprise and sometimes discomfort he didn't shy away from physical contact with me either. He hugged his family, which now included me, whenever he felt like it. Or he'd touch my arm to get my attention (not that my attention strayed from him often), or my favorite just rest his hand on my shoulder when we talked.
I always thought he wasn't much of a talker, but actually he just despised small talk. He could talk for hours about Native rights or environmental protection, things he and Ethan both felt very strongly about. And it was like this that Taylor and I become so fully and irrevocably connected in just weeks.
"Tonight's the wolf party at my place," I said rolling my eyes. "Let's go to yours."
"Oh yeah. I forgot. They should be giving us a party for keeping our shape," he said winking.
"I guess I'll be there be food though. Food should be good." Taylor was a world class eater. He ate more than most men double his size, including wolves.
We headed back to his house after locking up, finding Ethan and David there playing video games. They grudgingly let us join and Taylor sat next to me, his clean, fresh smell filling me with the exciting feeling of coming summer.
I bet he doesn't even notice how when he smiles one of his eyes—the right—closes into an adorable slit, or how he has one very slight dimple on the same side. He sees himself even less than those around him. He knows he's smart, but he has no idea how beautiful he is.
When he beats me he laughs— at me, at my terrible videogaming skills, which have been severely hindered by his presence, although they were never brag-worthy to begin with.
I hate video games, I play them because he wants me to, because I'll pretty much do anything if it means I'm with him. It doesn't bother me when I fail, when I die so often that he laughs, because I love his laugh. When he laughs his ear length, wavy black hair bounces, his bare shoulders rising and falling in a dance.
Oh the things I would do to touch his shoulders, just graze them with my fingertips without repercussions. To kiss the hollow of his collarbone or his defined neck, to have him want me the way I do him. This wasn't crushing, no, it was much worse. I was in love. Stupidly, desperately and painfully in love with Taylor.
"Trisha's coming tonight," David said watching Ethan for a reaction. The revelation that I was in love with my best friend was not a pleasant one, so Trisha and Ethan's Romeo and Juliet like romance was just the ticket to pull me out of my mind. I watched Ethan too. His face went instantly from pained and grumpy to delightedly blank. He really loved her. I wondered if that was how I looked when I thought about Taylor, stupid and mindless, but happy.
"I gotta find something to wear," he said dashing out the door with a huge grin on his face.
"Get back fast. Don't spend too long primping, Pansy!" David called after him, rolling his eyes affectionately. He meant Pansy in the best way possible, I'm sure. Taylor patted my back inconspicuously and went to the kitchen. I followed him, I couldn't help it.
"Want something to drink?" I asked opening his refrigerator.
"How do you deal with that? I just wanted to punch him in the fucking face, talking to you like that," he said huffing. God he was so cute!
"He's not talking to me. He's—he doesn't know about me," I confessed. When I told him, I didn't really go into much detail.
"You didn't tell David?" He asked in shock.
"Would you?" He smiled so sweetly, as if I had just given him a huge compliment and then in true Taylor style he pulled me into a hug.
There are three kinds of hugs you can receive; I have analyzed them a million times since being around Taylor.
There's the relationship neutral: one hand around the shoulder one around the waist, usually given to me by my brother, father or male friends.
The typically girly type: arms wrapped around your neck, given to me by my mom, girl friends, "girlfriends" and Trisha.
And there was a new one, I hadn't received many in my life, but they were Taylor's method: he wrapped his arms around my torso, leaving me free to hug his head to me. I liked them best.
"You ladies done cuddling and sharing secrets? What is this? A sleepover?" David said coming into the room and ruining my moment.
"It's not an official sleep over until we've cried over heartfelt confessions and practiced kissing," Taylor said not missing a beat. Did he just say he wanted to kiss me? Oh god, visuals. Visuals!
"Oh. Kissing? Would this kissing be the American variety or the much more difficult French method," I couldn't help joining in his fun.
"Oh definitely the superior French technique," Taylor said nodding seriously. David stared at us baffled, for a second too long, then just gave up, grabbing a soda and leaving us alone again.
"I actually do have a heartfelt-confession. Um when you phase, I mean if you... You're going to be mad at me, but um—"
"Tay-Tay!" Amber ran in the room, grabbing onto his legs and squealing. He picked her up and swirled her as Kim joined us.
"Where's Ethan?" She asked looking around again.
"He's still making himself pretty for Trisha," Taylor chuckled.
"Ethan hurry up or there'll be no food left for you! We'll meet you there!" She screamed up the backstairs and turned back to us with a bright smile.
"How was the office?" she asked. She called the store our office, I was the President, Taylor was CEO, Ethan was the mail boy and David was the copyboy. I liked that. Mostly because Taylor did.
David and I followed as the Camerons led the way to my place on foot. Taylor babbled about the store with Amber in his arms.
The house was packed. From the windows I could see every corner filled with wolves, wives and kids. Trisha stood by the living room window in a pastel dress, no doubt waiting for her boyfriend.
"Let's wait for Ethan before we elbow our way inside," Taylor suggested as arm hopped out of his arms and followed his mom inside.
Taylor and I plopped on lawn chairs my father has set up haphazardly on the lawn, as David made to elbow his way to the buffet.
There was a series of gasps behind me and my eyes searched for my brother. He stood halfway up the 5 steps to our porch, completely frozen, his eyes locked on Trisha who now stood in the doorway. Then a lot of things happened at once.
Kim whispered, "shit, he imprinted."
Jared and Paul shared the sentiment, both muttering "shit," from different corners of the porch.
Taylor pulled out his cell phone and dashed back the road we just came from.
And Trisha fell to the ground, taking long ragged breaths, clutching her chest. I watched in horror. It was like some terrible, train wreck—I couldn't look away. I wanted to see what Taylor was doing, but I couldn't tear my eyes away as she regained her footing and ran at top human speed away from it all.
My father clapped my brother on the back with pride as Jared walked out followed by Kim who was holding a confused looking Amber. I ran past them at top speed to catch up to Taylor. I found him in the middle of texting at his back door. I didn't ask questions, I just slumped on the stoop and waited for him to respond.
"Shit," he sighed, sitting next to me.
"What?"
"Your brother David, just imprinted on Ethan's reason for existing and he's not here and he's not answering his cell."
"Okay well let's let's cut him off before he get to my place," I turned motioning to follow.
"This is fucked up! David's such a douche," he said crossing his arms over his chest. I love Taylor, I do, soo sooo much. But no one and I mean no one other than me says anything bad about my brother.
"It's not his fault. David and Trisha are soulmates, it's not like he chose it either."
"Soulmates? Come on. Trisha is the best genetic match for him to make little mutant wolf-freaks with. They don't even like each other. She calls him "the cave-man" and now they'll be stuck with each other forever. It's fucked up! You have to agree that's one of the worst parts about being a wolf. Look at Brady, that poor fuck has to follow around my baby sister for two decades before he even has a chance to have sex again. Come on Mark," he reasoned, but the reason wasn't hitting me.
"So what, you think our parents don't love each other?"
"No. They love each other, but they don't have a choice. They have to, right? My dad didn't even know my mom existed and your dad would have been married to Leah by now if it weren't for imprinting," he said as if he were explaining something very simple to someone very stupid. I wasn't going to imprint, it wasn't in the cards for me. One I'm gay and two, I'm never going to be a wolf—but I was a product of that connection and I saw it every day.
"It's—it's," I didn't even know what to say, again Taylor made me speechless.
"This is going to kill him, you know?" He said sadly, and I sighed.
I understood his anger. Taylor loved his family, especially his brother and this was a huge blow! His best friend stealing his girlfriend.
"How can David do this?"
"Again? Look, I know this is going to suck for him, losing his best friend and his girlfriend, but it's not David's fault or Trisha's. It's no one's fault," I said with a note of finality, but Taylor didn't let anyone have the last word.
"Why should he lose his girlfriend?" Taylor asked defensively.
"Because she belongs to David now and they're just going to have to deal with it," and the second I said it I realized how wrong it was.
"I can't believe you of all people would say something so sexist," he rushed past me and I went to grab him but he shrugged me away and stalked off. Fuck! Fucking shit! Fucking, stupid fucking shit!
I was so angry, so angry with myself. How could I have said those things to him. Like that. The anger was so strong, but none of it was directed at him. It didn't matter though, I could feel the heat boiling through my body, like waves, starting at my stomach and rippling out to my limbs down to the tips of my fingers and toes. I was going to phase, I tried to breathe, breathe like Taylor had taught me, but it wasn't working.
I stumbled out into the forest that edged the Cameron house, ripping off my shirt; it was my favorite. The clearing behind his house was uncharted. There were no paths, so I stumbled awkwardly. My hands were already shaking, I kicked off my shoes and took a few more steps, the trembling was making my teeth chatter. I unbuttoned my pants, letting them drop and leaving a trail of clothes behind me as I made my way farther and farther into the forest. It was darker inside, the light from the moon not being able to penetrate the thick trees.
I tripped, and tried to regain my balance falling into a small clearing between our houses and collapsing. This was the last thing I wanted. I wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to share my thoughts, my love, my life with a pack full of men— none of them would react like Taylor had. Taylor was one of a kind. Taylor. Taylor. Taylor.
"Mark?!" The smell of fresh laundry and soap reached me before I could see his face.
"Stay back," I warned. My father might have been able to live with scarring my mother, but I wouldn't be as strong.
"What's wrong?" Taylor asked, rushing to me despite my warning. I couldn't hurt him, I could kill him, and I couldn't live with removing someone so amazing from the earth. I tried to calm myself, but the thoughts, the nagging painful knowledge that Taylor would never feel for me what I did for him were clouding me. It hurt. Everything: my body, my mind, my guilt. I was so wrong, so out of line, feeling so strongly for him.
"I'm going to phase, you need to get away," I said, my voice was gruff, it didn't sound like me.
"No you're not. Mark, no!" He got even closer, kneeling next to me and forcing me into a sitting position. He was so much smarter than this. Why was he being so stupid?
"Taylor, I can't help it. Better me than you. Now get the fuck away from me so I can do this," I demanded.
"No! If I'm the only thing keeping you human then I'm staying here. Breathe, just like I taught you. Come on. Relax your torso. Lay back if it helps. You don't have to be this! I'm sorry about earlier, if I made you mad and you phased, Mark I won't forgive myself," he said looking me in the eyes. It was the mesmerizing red flecks in his chocolate brown eyes that calmed me.
He was inches from my face, and a different kind of burning took me over. I wanted him so bad. I thought for a second I could take it. I could throw him down, I could kiss him, touch him, rub him, feel him under me. His heartbeat was fast, he was staring at me, terrified, and I turned away. It had passed, the boiling anger, the lust, everything. I dropped back to the ground and exhaled loudly.
"Thanks. I think I'm okay," I said breathing deeply again for good measure.
"Good, I thought I really was going have to kiss you," he said smiling. I sat up, looked at him. His expression was very serious and I had to laugh.
"I don't think kissing me would have been the solution. It would have been nice and all but—"
"Hey! No sarcasm! I'm sure kissing me would be better than some dude you didn't even know at summer camp!" Was he seriously saying this? He was offended I didn't want to kiss him?
"I wasn't being sarcastic," I said honestly.
"Okay. Good… I think. Um… I think that conversation should be stricken from the record," he said after a long moments deliberation.
"Done and done," I said wiping an imaginary board.
"So um. I came back to make a truce," he said pulling me to my feet. "Look I know you're down with this imprinting stuff and you have David's back, I understand," he said, as if he understood but it still made him sad.
"Taylor—"
"No, let me finish. You're my best friend. I know family comes first, fine, but you're my best friend and I don't want to lose you over stupid wolf drama," he said placing his hand on my shoulder.
"You know I have to take his side," I sighed, it was true. I had no control over that, it was my own form of imprinting. David was my other half and I couldn't let him down.
"Same here, but we can't let it affect us. So what? You're a republican, I'm a democrat. We can still be friends at the end of the day," he smirked.
"Why do I have to be the republican?"
"It's just an analogy," he chuckled. "You left a trail bread crumbs leading back to the Uley residence huh," he said picking up my shorts and tossing them to me. I put them on and followed him to the back of my house.
"We're going to be okay?" He asked as I made my way to the door.
"Perfect," I said, taking the lead and hugging him first.
"Love ya man," Taylor said squeezing me before letting go.
"I love you too."
