Thank you to everyone who leaves a review, I love to hear your thoughts!
Also a warning about this chapter – it will go into more psychological torment towards the end, might be too much for some readers.
Shepard cleaned up the excess lube when the guards left. She hated the wet feeling it left even long after fucking. She hated most things lately: the coolness of her cell, the food, pain in her hands, and the new pills that didn't help near as well as the old ones. But those were also the few things that reminded her that she was still alive. She was afraid that the moment she'd let her anger subside she'd also lose the hope and wish to live.
She tossed the towel aside and turned around to find the turian with blue markings standing with his back turned to the cell. Garrus, she reminded herself, the only reason there was hope and he had a name. It was so easy to hate turians as a species, to see them all as monsters, but she needed to remind herself often that there was one exception. She needed him and if she did something to scare him off or make him think that she's not worth saving, it would be her end. The realization of how dependent she was had sunk in slowly and made her feel anxious.
"Garrus?" she said, walking to the bars. He turned around and gave her the tunic that was taken off in the mess hall. She accepted and put it on. She had learned the right way to do it quickly although her movements were still clumsy. Part of her doubted she'd ever learn to do anything properly with four-fingered hands.
"Can you change my bandages, please?" she asked as nicely as she could, but the words came out sounding a lot more awkward than she had hoped they would.
He nodded and removed the old ones when she stretched her hands between the bars. She could have done it herself, but he was much better at it.
"Are you alright? From the night two days ago?" she asked, carefully watching his face. Even if it wasn't made mostly of natural armor, she doubted she could decipher his alien expressions correctly. Her only lead was his eyes and body language. His look shot up from her hands and his fingers fumbled with her bandages, but he got it under control quickly.
"I'm fine," he answered, looking down again. "You don't need to worry about me."
"You're looking after me," she explained. "If something happens to you, I'm alone."
"I killed one of them and was punished," he admitted. "I'll be more careful next time."
Shepard felt relieved, though she wasn't sure if it was because there was one less bastard in the base or because he had explained what happened. She didn't ask about it in any more details. It was enough with what she remembered– his tensed body, gasping breath, his blood trickling down on her back…
"Was that night the reason you offered to end it for us both instead of convincing me to fight?" she spoke again only when he was done with her hands. This time he held her gaze.
"Not really. I had already done so much against your will, I wanted to at least give you power over your own life. As much as could at least," he answered.
She took a step forward, her body almost pressing against the bars, and touched his hand lightly.
"Thank you," she said.
He didn't pull away, but watched her intently trying to figure out the sudden change in her attitude. But she wasn't entirely sure she acted like this only to affect him. Shepard wanted to make sure he'd continue to help her, but she also felt truly grateful. He didn't have to help her at all. Humans and turians had been at war for a long time and he probably had lost someone close. He shouldn't have cared what happened to her, not to the extent of getting his own life ruined, but he did. If it was because of a good heart or some strange ideas about honor and justice, she couldn't tell. It was hard enough to believe someone like this existed after all she had seen.
"You should hate me, not thank me," he said.
"Do you hate me?" she asked.
"No."
"But you should," Shepard told him, closing her eyes. "I'm the reason you got hurt. And when they forced you on me it was a rape for you as much as me. If I didn't exist, you wouldn't go through this." Garrus wanted to interrupt her, but she didn't let him. "I guess I should hate you for agreeing to do it, I did, but right now you're the only light in this darkness for me. It's probably not normal to think of you this way, but then again who can tell what is the right thing to feel in this fucked up situation?"
"I don't even know what I feel anymore," he confessed, resting the side of his head against the bars.
"I know what it's like," she said, watching him. "We just need to find something to hold on to."
"You have me," he said sincerely. "I'll do anything to make it right."
"Don't let guilt overcome your senses," Shepard told him and sighed heavily. She just had him where she wanted, but something kept her from turning him into her slave. Great time to grow a conscience. But his emotions had already chained him to her more than any sweet words could. "Just get me free and we're even."
"No please this time?" he asked. The damned turian had seen right through her.
"Only if you really need it," she almost smiled.
"I won't leave you," he said. "I've gone too far to give up. You don't have to act like someone you're not."
"When did you get to know me?"
"It's more like a feeling. Intuition," he answered and stepped away from the bars. "You should rest. Do you want me to bring you something tomorrow?"
"Water. I'd like to wash again," she answered, going to her bed.
She didn't fall asleep right away, the new pills didn't cloud her mind like the old ones and she knew that this night would be much more restless than the previous. It could be hell - the silence, the light from the corridor that never got turned off, and all thoughts and memories. She needed to be stronger and endure whatever they'd make Garrus do to her, but it was hard. She felt tired, yet she couldn't show it to anyone, especially him. Shepard knew he needed her as much as she needed him. But how could she support him if she wasn't sure she'd have enough strength for herself?
When sleep finally came it didn't last long. It was filled with nightmares and left her more tired than she was before going to bed. One time she woke up because she thought she heard something, but quickly told herself that it had been only a dream. She drew the blanket closer to her body and closed her eyes again. But her hearing had always been good and she knew something was off. Breathing. She could hear breathing. Shepard looked up to the corridor and saw a turian standing there. At first she thought it was Garrus, but soon recognized one of the guards that took her to the hall. She couldn't have slept for a whole day. But he didn't move, didn't enter her cell, just stood outside and watched her.
"What do you want?" she asked despite the uneasiness she felt. The turian didn't answer, but his mandibles moved to reveal his teeth. Shepard frowned. She had a bad feeling about him.
Before she could say more she heard footsteps approach her cell. She let out a sigh of relief when Garrus showed up with the basin of water and towels. He froze when saw the other turian. The guard walked past him, his eyes traveling from Shepard to him. When they were sure he was gone, Garrus placed the basin next to the bars and Shepard got out of the bed.
"Why was he here?" he asked, giving her the soft piece of fabric.
"I don't know. I woke up and he was just standing there watching me," she answered.
"I really don't like the way he was looking at you," Garrus said. "I should probably stay longer and more often."
"I thought no one except you is allowed to come near me," she said, starting to wash.
"Would you trust a criminal to follow his orders?"
Shepard didn't need to answer.
Three days later nothing had changed. Shepard woke up not knowing what time it was and finding Garrus sitting at her cell. He spent more time here with every day. She'd get up and eat the awful rations, then they'd talk or take care of her wounds. Usually Garrus left to scout the base returning regularly to check on her. Sometimes he sat there for hours waiting for the evening. Those hadn't changed much either – they both got taken to the mess hall for others to watch him fuck her. She no longer paid any attention to the position or how many actually watched, just let it happen. To them it probably seemed like she had given up.
Since she and Garrus started talking and spending time together it was getting easier in some strange way. It shouldn't have, considering what was happening, but she hardly found him repulsive anymore. How could she when he was the only one there for her?
Shepard turned in her bed to look at him, her eyes the only thing not covered by the blanket. He was sitting in his usual spot, his side resting against the bars, looking at his hands. She never considered herself a sympathetic person, but she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. The burden he had taken by helping her – she was sure she wouldn't have done that in his stead for a turian. Maybe for a human either. It was ironic that she found someone like him in a place like this. She wanted to help him, make it easier, but there was nothing for her to do. She was locked up and wounded, completely dependent on him and the base commander's wishes. There was nothing she could offer.
Shepard slowly rose from her bed and went to Garrus still wrapped in the blanket and sat down next to him. He looked surprised, but didn't say anything.
"How are you?" she asked quietly.
"Fine, as always," he answered, looking away.
"That's rather bad, isn't it?" she asked. "You don't have to lie to me. You've seen my bad side, I don't mind you venting."
"It's really no worse than usual," he said. "I just wish it would be over sooner, one way or other."
"There is only one way," Shepard reminded. "Have you found anything to help us get out?"
"No," he said and sighed heavily. "There are two exits from the base, both guarded by at least three men constantly. There are patrols in the corridors and surveillance at some places. If we had guns it wouldn't be such a problem, but if I go anywhere near the door, they'll raise the alarm. There might be additional security that I don't know about. Another problem is getting you out of the cell. I need an omnitool to override the lock, but the only way for me to get it would be confiscating it from a corpse."
"If you find an alternative way out, getting some guns and an omnitool shortly before the escape shouldn't be the hardest thing," she said.
"You were right when you said that it's a matter of luck," he took her hand to tend her wounds. "Now I just need to find something like a secret passage so that we don't have to fight our way out through thirty experienced turian soldiers."
"You don't want to take revenge?" she asked, surprised.
"Believe me, nothing would make me happier than to slowly kill everyone in here, but it's not about what I want to do," Garrus explained. "It's about what needs to be done. Getting you out alive and in one piece. You said it yourself– we can't let emotions get in the way."
"I think your protectiveness is an emotion that gets in the way of your survival instinct," she pointed out, shaking her head. "Weneed to get out alive and in one piece. I need an ally not a knight in shining armor."
"I don't know what that is," he said, but before she could explain, added: "but I think I understand what you meant."
Understand and agree were two different things. His lack of healthy selfishness annoyed her, made her feel worse. She truly wanted him to leave with her and have a chance at normal life he deserved. She knew she had no right to decide his future for him and should respect his wishes, but unfortunately for him she still had some semblance of an ego left.
"Garrus," she said taking his face in her free hand and turning it so that he had to look at her. "Do not get any stupid ideas about sacrifices and punishment. I don't want to live the rest of my life knowing that the only truly good man I've known died saving a street rat like me."
"Then it's all about what you want?" he asked, but she heard no reproach in his voice. His look seemed somewhat gentle as he took her hand off his jaw and held it in his.
"You started it," she said with a small smile.
Garrus stayed with her for another hour, then left to search the base. They still had plenty of time until the evening and he'd return before the guards would show up to take them to the mess hall. The past few days he checked her frequently to make sure the guard hadn't returned. She knew Garrus came by even during the nights, probably more often than in day. Sometimes she wanted to tell him that she could take care of herself and for him to get some sleep, but they both would know she'd be lying. Before, she could fight an average turian soldier and hope to win. Now she could barely hold a water bottle.
The inactivity grated on her nerves. When Garrus was there she could watch him or talk to him, ask about his past and the turian species. Anything that would help her to forget the situation they were in. But when she was alone unwelcome thoughts and memories haunted her mind. She didn't want to admit it even to herself how much all this actually affected her. It was just a physical thing, she reminded herself, like getting hit. She didn't feel fear or shame. Those were emotions for weak people, but she was strong. She had to be to survive. And Shepard needed to remind herself again and again, because sometimes her own mind almost became her worst enemy.
She sat down to eat some of the awful food Garrus brought. Feeling like she'd throw up any moment had a nice side effect of purging all thoughts of her head. It was getting worse every day. It wasn't like she had proper meals back on Earth, but alien food was meant for aliens. At least she had plenty of water to wash down the taste.
A sound in the corridor made her forget the meal. Footsteps. She hoped it would be Garrus, but she knew he shouldn't be back this soon. Shepard dropped the package and retreated to the farthest wall in her cell. It was as she feared – that turian had returned.
"You look scared, human," he said, resting his hands against the bars. "I won't hurt you. Much."
Shepard silently glared at him with all the hate she felt toward him, this place and everyone else. She knew it wouldn't affect him, but she wouldn't show any weakness. Then she heard someone else approach. Another guard was rushing to them.
"What do you think you're doing?" he asked to the first turian.
"Having some fun."
"Do you have any idea what Avitus will do to you if you touch her without his permission?" the newcomer asked, incredulous.
"He won't know," the first one answered, his look threatening. "No one will believe a human. And you'll stay quiet."
The turian shook his head. "You're crazy. Have you forgotten about Tallus? You can't disobey the commander. I'll have no part in this."
He grabbed him by his throat. "You'll do as I say or I'll make you wish Avitus was the one dealing with you." He shoved the turian to the ground and turned back to Shepard. "Go watch the door, it shouldn't take long."
The second guard silently retreated, giving Shepard one last scared glance. She took a deep breath and shifted to take a defensive position.
"Don't think you'll take me without a fight," she warned, watching him open the door.
"I've seen how you relax when that boy touches you, I bet you've come to love turian cock," he said, stepping in the cell. "Let me have one quick fuck and you won't even have a scratch on your soft skin. I can make it feel good for you as well."
Shepard laughed. "I can offer you one quick death. I bet the galaxy would thank me."
"If you liked it rough, you could've just said so," the turian said, slowly approaching her.
Shepard tensed, getting ready to attack. In the mess hall she believed that there was no point in resisting, there was too large an audience, but one on one she could at least try. When he was one meter from her she stepped forward and tried to kick him in the stomach. He expected that, but she had more up her sleeve. Shepard used the moment when he caught her foot to draw herself closer to him punch him under his jaw. She almost groaned from the pain, but it was worth it - the turian stumbled back releasing her. She used the distraction to try to kick him again and succeeded, except he was wearing light armor and it didn't have nearly as much effect as she hoped.
He was crouching on the floor as she tried to get past him and out the door, but the turian lunged forward faster than any human could and in seconds had her pinned under him. Shepard felt ashamed of how easily he had turned the tables. He snatched her right arm, but before he could grab the left one, she clutched one of his mandibles and pulled with all her strength. The turian let out a scream and she felt the sinews give. She had almost torn it off when he finally grabbed her hand, blue blood trickling down his jaw. His talons dug in her flesh leaving small punctures and he head-butted her, the impact loosening her grip.
The turian was yanked off her before he could do anything more. She lay there for some time, waiting for the room to stop spinning and pain to subside a little. When Shepard opened her eyes and looked up, she saw the other guard holding him on his knees and another one standing before him. Commander Avitus.
"I should have known you'd give me trouble. But I'll show you your place," he said calmly.
"Fucking asshole, you'll be sorry you betrayed me," her attacker shouted at the turian holding him. He was trying to break free, his mandible hanging awkwardly on a small string of flesh.
Avitus grabbed his jaw, turning his head to look at his face. "Those who are loyal to me will be rewarded, but try to Rebel against me and I'll make you wish you were dead. You know the rules," his talon dug in the fresh wound on his face and the turian groaned in pain. "The human is my property and I allowed only Vakarian to use her. Didn't I make that clear?"
His grip tightened. "You did," the turian almost shouted.
Avitus let him go and stepped back. "Good to know you understand what you did wrong. Take him away."
"Fuck you, I'm not afraid. You let anyone who wanted to take the previous human, but suddenly this one is off limits. And now you put a human higher than a fellow turian. Fucking freak," he cursed as he was dragged away.
"It's not about her, the turians or humans, but my enjoyment. And the expression Vakarian wears every night is quite worth the restraint," the commander said. "I'll come by to have some fun with you later," he chuckled.
Avitus turned to Shepard and yanked her upright. For a moment she thought she'd fall back again, the sudden movement making her dizzy. When her mind cleared she noticed something warm trickling down her face – the turian guard had broken her skin.
"You're not very obedient either," he said studying her face. "I can't let you think you can harm my men like that and get away with it."
"Don't think I'll just lie down and let anyone rape me without resisting," Shepard spat breaking free from his grasp.
"Is that a challenge? I'd love to prove you wrong," he flashed his teeth coming closer, making her step back. "You're an interesting human. Refreshing. Most broke during the first few days. Tell me, is that a characteristic of yours, or is it that you really expect Vakarian will be able to save you?
Honestly, she wasn't sure of the answer and even if she was, she wouldn't tell him. Shepard stayed quiet and retreated until her back touched the wall. She was thankful for the stability, but the turian had followed her every step. She knew attempting anything against him would be pointless, but she still clutched her fingers into a fist.
"I'll have to find out myself," Avitus said, leaning close, his hot breath on her face. "Enjoy your time with him. The deal will end sooner or later."
He licked her cheek slowly, then turned around and left, locking the door. Shepard didn't move. Her heart was beating fast, but instead of spite and anger she felt fear. It had finally gotten this far. Shepard could endure many things, yet the way Avitus had regarded her made her shiver. He wanted her, more than the turian she had just maimed, she could see it in his eyes. The thought of him touching her made her clench her teeth. Garrus she had accepted and held no grudge, but to get passed around to everyone willing to fuck her…how could she feel like a human after that?
Or they might make Garrus suffer. He said that the commander would hurt her if he did something wrong. The same could apply to her as well if Avitus had realized that she cared for him. Somehow the thought of them abusing him was almost as excruciating. When had she gotten this attached to him? Why did she care if he got harmed instead of her? She should hope that would happen instead of dreading it. She cared for a turian that raped her every night, how fucked up had this gotten?
But at the same time he protected and helped her, she could only try to return it. She wanted to save him. They had less time than she thought before Avitus thought of some twisted way to separate them. Shepard tried to focus. The commander wanted her to feel fear; to resist she had to be in control. It was much easier said than done. Shepard felt completely powerless in her cell.
Garrus came running to her soon after Avitus had left. He stopped next to her, slightly out of breath and looked her over.
"What happened?" he asked. "I saw one of your guards getting dragged away. What did he do to you?"
"Nothing, just this," she pointed to her forehead, "though you can guess what he wanted."
"When I find that barefaced bastard…" he was ready to storm off, but Shepard caught him by his wrist.
"Forget about it, Avitus will deal with him," she said.
Garrus looked alarmed. "Why was he here?"
"The other guard warned him about what that turian was about to do, so he came to stop him. I hope whatever he does to him it will be painful," she took a deep breath before continuing. "But before that I pretty much tore off his mandible."
Garrus winced, but then he realized what it meant. "What did he say?"
"That I'll be punished," she answered, tightening her grip without thinking.
"Fuck," he cursed. "Of course something had to happen."
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence as he regained composure and gathered his thoughts.
"We'll think of something," he said calmly. Strange how their roles changed when she needed support. It was reassuring that he still had some strength to give her. Garrus bent down and picked up a towel. He freed himself from her grip to clean the blood. "Let's get through this night and then think of the next problem."
"I hate it when I don't know what he will do next," she said, trying not to wince as he wiped the blood from her skin.
"Don't think about," he said. "Avitus wants you to be scared and anxious." Garrus stepped back and looked around. "I'll be back in few minutes, I promise," he said and left before she could say anything.
When he returned he gave her a clean tunic and put a new blanket and some of his personal items next to hers.
"I'm not leaving you again, not for long," he explained.
"Thank you," she said, looking in his eyes.
That evening different guards came for her and they went to the mess together. When they arrived her handcuffs were removed and she pulled off her clothes. She expected to be led to the table and tied to it, but the turians had stepped back in the crowd.
"You'll have to hold her down yourself this time, Vakarian," commander's voice came from behind her. "Take her to the table."
Garrus came to her and gently led her towards the center of the room. She lay down on it herself, unsure if it was better to act like she had given up or to resist.
"Now spread her legs and lick her."
His head snapped towards Avitus. Shepard had no idea if turians did that, but from Garrus' reaction it seemed he hadn't. "I'm sure we have some volunteers if you're unwilling," the commander offered.
She saw the glare he paid him before obeying. Garrus pulled her thighs open like every night and dropped on his knees. Shepard closed her eyes when she felt his breath on her and hoped it wouldn't last long.
The first touch was feather light, he just barely grazed her. With the second lick he parted her folds with his tongue and Shepard shivered. It was warm and a bit rough, but his movements were so light it wasn't uncomfortable. He continued to explore her sex slowly and carefully, clearly unsure of what he should do. His hands were on her inner thighs, keeping her spread, his thumbs stroking her slightly. He was trying to comfort her, but it really didn't help.
She could feel her body getting aroused like it had been disconnected from her brain. If it had been anyone else or if he had done this forcefully, she wouldn't have reacted like this. But the way he moved his tongue, how he grazed her clit unintentionally made her grit her teeth to keep herself from showing any signs. She didn't want to get turned on and no matter what she tried to think about nothing could overwhelm the feeling of his tongue against her opening, then traveling up to her bud.
She wished to tell him to stop, but it would only make things worse for him. Garrus had told her how the pleas of the previous human haunted him and she wouldn't add her voice to hers. But the embarrassment of the wetness she felt at her opening… There she was, on the table, getting aroused in front of all these turians as one licked her most sensitive places. And then she understood. The humiliation she felt from this situation was her punishment. Avitus was a sick bastard, but he knew how to get in his victim's head.
Soon he ordered Garrus to stop. No matter how much this degraded her, it wasn't very entertaining for the rest of them. She knew it wasn't over, but hoped that the commander didn't have any new ideas.
"Now turn her over and fuck her the way you were," Avitus said.
Garrus grip on her tightened, but he released her before it became painful. She opened her eyes to look at him. He was angry, more than she had ever seen before. He was barely holding back from attacking him.
"She's tighter in her other hole, you'll enjoy that so much you won't be able to hold back any longer," commander Avitus said with grin.
Garrus' body was shaking. His refusal was clear without him saying anything and that was probably what Avitus was expecting. Shepard understood why he hesitated, but damn it, it could get so much worse. They might just take and kill him. No matter how awful this will be, she needed Garrus to obey. She didn't even want to think what it would be like if Avitus ordered someone else to take his place.
Shepard knew what she had to do, but God, it was hard. The words she needed to say refused to leave her lips. She really hoped they'd get out and their lives would be worth giving up what was left of her pride. She gathered all of her willpower and rolled on her stomach.
"Do it," she said. "Punish me."
